Pondoff's Anonymous

Chris Pondoff, Zoë Mendenall
  • 4.8 (76)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Pondoff’s Anonymous is the unfiltered recovery podcast that says the quiet part out loud. Hosted by Chris Pondoff and Zoë Mendenall, it’s real talk about addiction, recovery, and everything between. Each episode dives into relapse, trauma, shame, and the hard f*cking work of getting better. Honest, raw, and laced with gallows humor, because sometimes the only way through pain is to laugh at it.

  1. Turning Pain Into Purpose with Kira Andersen

    5h ago

    Turning Pain Into Purpose with Kira Andersen

    On this episode of Pondoff's Anonymous, Kira Andersen joins the crew for a conversation that is heartbreaking, inspiring, and deeply human all at the same time.Kira opens up about growing up with a mother who struggled with alcoholism, the complicated grief that followed her mother's death, and the loneliness that can come with loving someone through addiction. From there, the conversation explores how she coped through achievement, marathon running, entrepreneurship, and constantly staying busy rather than slowing down long enough to feel the weight of her losses.The episode also dives into Kira's love story with her late husband Kyle, from long-distance eHarmony messages and airport meetups to the life they built together. Along the way, the group discusses therapy, people-pleasing, resilience, recovery, relationships, and why some of life's biggest setbacks can ultimately become the foundation for your purpose.As always, there are plenty of laughs, side quests, and unexpected detours, but underneath it all is a powerful reminder that even after unimaginable loss, joy, connection, and meaning are still possible.

    2h 46m
  2. Competing Against Bipolar with Michael Wellington

    May 25

    Competing Against Bipolar with Michael Wellington

    On this episode of Pondoff’s Anonymous, Chris, Zoë, and KG sit down with returning guest Michael Wellington—author of "Birdies, Bogeys, and Bipolar Disorder"—for an open, honest, and insightful conversation on bipolar disorder and mental health. Michael shares his journey from professional golf and devastating manic episodes to long-term stability, recovery, and helping others navigate bipolar disorder.The conversation explores the realities of living with bipolar disorder, the dangers of self-medicating with alcohol, the challenge of finding the right medication, and how routine, accountability, exercise, and gratitude became life-changing tools in Michael’s recovery. Along the way, Zoë offers a deeply personal perspective on her own bipolar diagnosis, leading to a fascinating discussion about overstimulation, “mood seizures,” and what mental illness can actually feel like from the inside.Michael also shares some incredible stories from his darkest years—including psychiatric hospital stays, losing touch with reality during manic episodes, and the intervention from close friends that ultimately helped save his life. The parallels between addiction recovery and mental health recovery become a recurring theme as the group discusses boundaries, support systems, and the importance of taking ownership of your healing.This episode is filled with practical advice, unforgettable stories, and a reminder that recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about building habits that give you a chance to thrive.

    2h 4m
  3. 41 Surgeries Later - Rebuilding "Buff" Bagwell

    May 11

    41 Surgeries Later - Rebuilding "Buff" Bagwell

    This episode of Pondoff's Anonymous is a wild ride in every possible way. Marcus “Buff” Bagwell joins the show and immediately drops the room into stunned silence with the story of the devastating car wreck that shattered his leg, the 41 surgeries that followed, and the emotional decision to ultimately amputate it. What starts as wrestling nostalgia quickly turns into something much deeper — addiction, pain, survival, ego, faith, and the brutal realities behind fame. Buff opens up about growing up as a gifted athlete battling severe undiagnosed sleep apnea, using cocaine before high school football games, becoming obsessed with body image, and falling into decades of steroid and painkiller abuse while living the larger-than-life WCW lifestyle. He talks candidly about the culture of wrestling in the ‘90s, the normalization of pills and alcohol backstage, and how addiction could hide in plain sight when the money, fame, and physique all looked “perfect” from the outside. The conversation also dives into the rise and collapse of WCW, the Monday Night Wars, Ted Turner’s belief in wrestling, and the surreal experience of getting released by WWE just days after debuting during the invasion storyline. Along the way, there are hilarious detours about cigars, wrestling handshakes, losing a leg, and whether amputated body parts should legally belong to the hospital or the patient. It’s equal parts inspiring and heartbreaking.

    3h 22m

  4. May 4

    Building the Plan on Day One with Blake Wellen

    This week on Pondoff’s Anonymous, Chris and Zoë sit down with Blake Wellen, case manager at Illinois Recovery Center, for a conversation about treatment, recovery, compassion fatigue, and what it looks like to care for people when they’re walking through one of the hardest seasons of their lives.Blake doesn’t identify as an alcoholic or addict, but he grew up around addiction and found himself pulled into the recovery world through his family, his work at IRC, and a genuine love for helping people. He talks about starting at IRC as a night tech, working his way through different roles, and eventually becoming a case manager helping clients build a real plan for life after inpatient treatment.They get into why discharge planning starts on day one, why 30 days is rarely enough, how sober living and outpatient care can change the outcome, and why people leaving treatment need more than good intentions. They need support, structure, and people who believe they can make it.Also in this episode: small-town Illinois stories, Highland chaos, wedding fights, compassion fatigue, therapy, the “jar of f*cks,” and why sometimes the real work starts after treatment ends.TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Sponsors02:17 - Meet Blake Wellen03:16 - Blake’s perspective on addiction and treatment08:44 - The early days of Illinois Recovery Center15:59 - Compassion fatigue and learning how to recharge18:02 - Blake’s role as a case manager25:16 - Discharge planning starts on day one27:54 - Sober living, funding barriers, and resources29:54 - Why 30 days usually isn’t enough31:17 - The real work starts after treatment35:25 - Helping clients feel like they’re not alone37:15 - The jar of f*cks38:12 - Slowing down and letting go of control40:52 - Finding a calling in recovery work41:55 - Blake’s fiancée and wedding planning48:04 - The Coyote Ugly wedding brawl57:20 - Falling in love with the work at IRC1:06:22 - Trying to build a life in this economy1:12:02 - Four-wheelers, concussions, and trauma1:16:46 - Why outpatient care matters1:19:04 - Therapy doesn’t give you all the answers1:24:03 - What families should know about treatmentSPONSORS:Thank you to our sponsors, McKelvey Insurance Group and LightSource.McKelvey Insurance Grouphttp://mckelveyins.comLightSourcehttp://findyourlightsource.comDISCLAIMER:This podcast shares personal stories and conversations about recovery, mental health, addiction, and life. It is not a substitute for professional help. If you need support, visit pondoffsanonymous.com and contact us.

    1h 31m
  5. S3 E14 Jakob comes home, at least for one episode!

    Apr 27

    S3 E14 Jakob comes home, at least for one episode!

    Jakob Miller Is Back: Treatment, Harm Reduction, and the Hard Truth About Getting Clean Jakob Miller is back in the studio for a classic Pondoff’s Anonymous drive-by episode...which means the conversation starts somewhere ridiculous and somehow ends up getting very real. Chris, Zoë, Jeff, and Jakob talk through what’s new in Jakob’s life, the work happening at Illinois Recovery Center, and some of the bigger conversations happening in recovery right now: ibogaine, ketamine treatment, Suboxone, methadone, Vivitrol, naltrexone, harm reduction, detox, fentanyl, Adderall abuse, and what it actually takes to help someone get clean. Jakob shares his perspective from both lived experience and working in treatment, especially around the idea that harm reduction can save lives, but it shouldn’t become the final destination. The group also talks about ACEs, trauma, recovery structure, medication-assisted treatment, and why real recovery usually requires more than just one tool. It’s honest, funny, uncomfortable, scattered in the best way, and full of the kind of recovery talk that makes this show what it is. Topics include: - Jakob’s return to the studio - Marriage, family, and life after stepping back from the show - The protest at a sensory-friendly Easter service - Ibogaine, ketamine, and psychedelic-assisted treatment - Suboxone, methadone, Vivitrol, and naltrexone - Fentanyl detox and precipitated withdrawal - Harm reduction before and after treatment - Adderall abuse and stimulant addiction - ACEs, trauma, and childhood adversity - Why recovery requires structure, support, and honesty This episode is brought to you by McKelvey Insurance Group. If you’ve ever felt confused or overwhelmed by insurance, McKelvey Insurance Group keeps it simple. They’re an independent agency, which means they compare options from multiple providers to find coverage that actually fits you and your needs...not just one company’s policy. Call Evan McKelvey at McKelvey Insurance Group at 618-623-0080 or visit: https://mckelveyins.com This episode is also brought to you by LightSource Psychotherapy. What do we need when we’re in the dark? Sometimes it’s simply just a light source. Find out more at: http://findyourlightsource.com And don’t forget Light in the Dark, the Pondoff’s Anonymous dark roast created with our friends at Long Story Coffee. Every bag helps support the conversations and community behind the show. Order online at: https://pondoffsanonymous.com/coffee Pondoff’s Anonymous is hosted by Chris Pondoff with Zoë Mendenall and Jeff Allen. Produced, engineered, mixed, and filmed by Jeff Allen. Recorded at Illinois Recovery Center in the Pondoff’s Anonymous Studio. Music by McCall. The track is “Anti-Hero.” This podcast shares stories and conversations. It is not a substitute for professional help. If you need support, visit: https://pondoffsanonymous.com

    1h 36m
  6. Grace After Chaos with Alyssa Jarvis

    Apr 20

    Grace After Chaos with Alyssa Jarvis

    Content note: This episode contains discussion of addiction, overdose, assault, suicidal ideation, homelessness, and other traumatic experiences. Please take care while listening. Alyssa Jarvis joins us to talk about faith, rejection, trauma, addiction, recovery, forgiveness, and the long road to building a new life. This is a heavy one, but it’s also full of honesty, resilience, and hope. Special thanks to our sponsors: McKelvey Insurance Group https://mckelveyins.com Light Source Psychotherapy http://findyourlightsource.com Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 01:33 Personal Stories and Connections 02:59 Faith and Spiritual Journeys 06:06 Navigating Identity and Acceptance 11:56 Challenges of Homelessness and Addiction 20:00 Support Systems and Resilience 21:17 Navigating Adolescence and School Challenges 22:14 The Role of Xanax in Coping with Trauma 25:00 Understanding Addiction and Recovery 27:06 The Impact of Loss on Substance Use 33:15 The Journey of Forgiveness and Healing 46:29 The Drugging Incident 49:21 The Aftermath of Assault 50:46 Realizations and Consequences 51:05 First Treatment Experience 53:39 Escalation of Addiction 54:30 Overdoses and Near-Death Experiences 56:18 Friendship and Betrayal 01:01:10 Rock Bottom and Awakening 01:11:25 The Call for Help 01:14:02 Journey to Treatment 01:17:00 Entering Recovery 01:20:30 Finding Purpose in Pain 01:24:29 Navigating Relationships in Recovery 01:30:05 The Challenges of Motherhood 01:34:38 The Birth Experience 01:35:23 The Birth of Harley and Early Challenges 01:38:01 Navigating Single Parenthood 01:39:29 Finding Stability and Employment 01:41:41 The Journey to Recovery and New Beginnings 01:45:03 Building Community and Support 01:49:01 Spiritual Growth and Connection 01:57:06 Empowering Others Through Experience

    2h 2m
  7. S3 E12 Addiction, Sobriety, and Community with John Nettles

    Apr 13

    S3 E12 Addiction, Sobriety, and Community with John Nettles

    John Nettles joins Pondoff’s Anonymous for a real conversation about addiction, relapse, treatment, and what it actually takes to build a life that lasts. Originally from the St. Louis area and now living in California, John talks about growing up in Chesterfield, getting pulled into sports, nightlife, and the EDM scene, and how alcohol and drugs slowly took over everything. This episode gets into the messy reality of addiction...the false starts, the treatment attempts that didn’t stick, the consequences, and the slow shift from just surviving to actually changing. John also opens up about the recovery community that helped him, the grief and relationships he’s had to navigate sober, and what it means to find purpose after years of chaos. John is the Director of Alumni Relations at Refine Recovery in Sherman Oaks, California, where he helped build the alumni program to keep people connected and supported after treatment. He also hosts his own podcast, Recovery Refined, where he talks with guests about recovery, identity, adversity, and growth. If you’re in California and need help, check out Refine Recovery: https://refinerecovery.com/contact/ Check out John’s podcast, Recovery Refined: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-refined/id1867828182 Sponsors: A big thank you to our sponsors. We couldn’t do this without them. McKelvey Insurance Group https://www.mckelveyins.com/ Light Source https://findyourlightsource.com/ Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 04:57 California's Treatment Landscape 11:06 Community Support and Recovery Initiatives 20:00 Growing Up in Chesterfield and Sports Background 25:19 Sports Culture and Personal Anecdotes 29:43 The Journey into Addiction 30:51 Treatment Programs and Their Impact 34:15 Navigating Recovery and Relapse 39:09 Building a Supportive Recovery Community 44:37 Comedy Night and Personal Reflections 46:11 Navigating Family Dynamics and Addiction 47:47 The Struggles of Early Adulthood and Substance Use 49:31 The Intersection of Substance Use and Nightlife 51:27 Geographic Changes and Their Impact on Addiction 54:43 The Escalation of Addiction and Its Consequences 57:27 The Turning Point: Realizations and Relationships 01:00:00 The Journey to Sobriety and Its Challenges 01:02:51 Facing the Consequences of Addiction 01:05:18 The Cycle of Sobriety and Relapse 01:10:03 Societal Views on Alcohol and Addiction 01:13:20 Moments of Willingness and Seeking Help 01:19:06 The Impact of Family and Relationships on Recovery 01:22:43 Reconnecting and Building Relationships 01:25:11 The Role of Pets in Recovery 01:30:02 The Journey to Treatment 01:31:03 Listening and Learning in Recovery 01:35:24 Detox and the Importance of Time 01:39:02 Finding Purpose in Recovery 01:45:39 Working in Treatment and Helping Others 01:46:37 Building Trust in Recovery 01:47:01 Creating a Supportive Alumni Network 01:48:50 The Importance of Community in Recovery 01:51:26 Navigating Grief and Loss 01:56:00 Finding Purpose in Service 02:00:05 Understanding Addiction and Recovery 02:02:12 Connecting Through Shared Experiences

    2h 8m
  8. S3 E11 Never Lose Hope with Tennille Heitkamp

    Apr 6

    S3 E11 Never Lose Hope with Tennille Heitkamp

    Never Lose Hope with Tennille Heitkamp Tennille Heitkamp joins Pondoff’s Anonymous to share the long, painful, and hopeful story of walking through addiction with her son, Jacob. What starts as a conversation about Underground and finding the right support community turns into a brutally honest look at what addiction does to an entire family. Tennille talks about Jacob’s childhood, ADHD, early struggles to fit in, his exposure to pills and fentanyl, emergency room visits, detox, sober living, relapse, and the emotional chaos that came with trying to keep him alive. She also opens up about the toll it took on her, her marriage, her other son, and her own mental health as she tried to hold everything together. But this episode is not just about the darkness. It is also about not giving up. Tennille shares how Jacob eventually found real help, how Florida became a turning point, how he is now six months sober, and how hope slowly started to return. The conversation also highlights Tennille’s work with Addiction is Real, where she now helps other families recognize warning signs, find resources, and feel less alone. This episode is for parents, loved ones, and anyone who has ever felt exhausted by addiction and wondered if things can still get better. Sponsored by: McKelvey Insurance Group — https://www.mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapy — https://findyourlightsource.com 00:00 Sponsor message: McKelvey Insurance Group + LightSource 00:56 Theme song 01:30 Welcome and meeting Tennille 06:48 How Tennille found Underground 09:16 Trying different support spaces until something fits 12:12 Creating a safe place for scared newcomers 15:27 Underground becomes bigger than anyone expected 17:42 Why Chris wanted Tennille to tell this story 18:43 Jacob, Jayden, and the beginning of the family story 24:02 Jacob’s childhood, diagnoses, surgeries, and early struggles 30:38 High school football, wanting to fit in, and pills 32:16 First exposure to fentanyl 33:34 Moving out, chasing belonging, and things unraveling 40:12 The first major fentanyl scare and ER trip 42:09 Detox, sober living, and the insurance nightmare 58:30 Family disease, shame, and trying to fix everything 1:01:33 Learning boundaries and finding family support 1:21:08 Another sober living setback 1:25:39 Airport chaos and getting Jacob back to treatment 1:30:54 New Jersey, sober living, and another return home 1:33:21 A good stretch, then relapse again 1:37:05 Hospital scare and the move to Florida 1:38:05 Florida treatment and meeting Emily 1:40:21 Six months sober and a different future 1:42:48 Tennille’s work with Addiction is Real 1:50:39 How Jacob is doing now 1:53:55 Credits 1:54:26 Light in the Dark coffee outro

    1h 55m
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4.8
out of 5
76 Ratings

About

Pondoff’s Anonymous is the unfiltered recovery podcast that says the quiet part out loud. Hosted by Chris Pondoff and Zoë Mendenall, it’s real talk about addiction, recovery, and everything between. Each episode dives into relapse, trauma, shame, and the hard f*cking work of getting better. Honest, raw, and laced with gallows humor, because sometimes the only way through pain is to laugh at it.

Information

  • Creator
    Chris Pondoff, Zoë Mendenall
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    79
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Chris Pondoff, Zoë Mendenall
  • Show Website
    Pondoff's Anonymous

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