Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

Leslie Mathews
  • 5.0 (7)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Pulling Threads is a podcast for women navigating life, career, past and current trauma, breakups and divorce, motherhood, reinvention, and the brave work of becoming who they’re meant to be. Hosted by therapist, coach, and founder of The LooM Life, Leslie Mathews, JD, MSW, this show blends trauma-informed guidance, nervous system education, and meaningful conversations about the patterns that shape our relationships, identity, and purpose. Each episode explores the complicated places where life asks us to grow — healing from emotional abuse, rebuilding after divorce, midlife identity shifts, attachment wounds, dating again, motherhood, and rediscovering your voice. Many guests share their own stories of reinvention, entrepreneurship, career pivots, and stepping into authenticity, offering inspiration and practical wisdom for women building new chapters. Through expert interviews, personal storytelling, and mindfulness-based tools, Pulling Threads supports women who are healing, expanding, and creating aligned lives and businesses. It’s a space for those navigating toxic dynamics, strengthening emotional regulation, or following the pull toward something more authentic and more fulfilling. If you’re ready to untangle old patterns, trust your intuition, and weave a life — and identity — that feels grounded, empowered, and true, this podcast is where your next chapter begins.

  1. Aug 6

    Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Why Your Brain Bonds to Pain

    Trauma bonding is not weakness. It is neurobiology. In this teaching session, therapist and coach Leslie Mathews explains exactly what happens in your brain and body inside an emotionally abusive relationship -- and why leaving is so much harder than anyone outside it understands. Ready for structured, guided support through your divorce? THROUGH is my 8-week divorce coaching program for women: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram ABOUT THIS EPISODE If you have ever asked yourself why you cannot just walk away -- or why you keep going back to someone who hurts you -- this episode is the answer, and it has nothing to do with your character. Leslie walks through the four-stage cycle that keeps people bonded: idealization and love bombing, devaluing and gaslighting, the discard and silent treatment, and hoovering, when the charm comes back and pulls you in again. She explains intermittent reinforcement -- why unpredictable warmth builds a far stronger attachment than steady, reliable love -- and then breaks down the specific brain chemistry underneath it: dopamine driving the seeking and the craving, oxytocin physically reattaching you to the person hurting you, and cortisol and adrenaline holding you in fight-or-flight, hypervigilance, and walking on eggshells. She also explains why the prefrontal cortex -- your rational, decision-making brain -- goes offline under chronic stress while the amygdala takes over, which is why it becomes so difficult to think your way out of a relationship that is harming you, and why distance from the person makes clarity possible. The session closes with cognitive dissonance: the experience of holding two contradictory truths at once -- this person is harming me, and this person is my person -- and how the mind minimizes harm to survive that contradiction. Plus the practical ties that keep people in place: money, children, a shared home, a future already built. Staying is not a character flaw. It is a neurobiological one, and it can be understood and undone. This episode opens with a short grounding meditation. If you would like to skip straight to the teaching, use the chapters below. This is Part 1 of a series. Upcoming episodes cover how to leave, and how to protect yourself if you are choosing to stay. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT YOU WILL LEARN - The four phases of the narcissistic and emotional abuse cycle, and how each one hooks you - Why intermittent reinforcement creates a stronger bond than consistent love - What the craving to reach out actually is -- and why naming it as chemical changes everything - The role of dopamine, oxytocin, cortisol, and adrenaline in keeping you attached - Why your thinking brain goes offline and your survival brain takes over - What a trauma bond is, and why you cannot fight what you believe is only love - How cognitive dissonance minimizes harm, and how to recognize it in yourself - Why letting go of the shame is the first real step in recovery CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome -- who this session is for 02:20 Grounding meditation 05:40 Why the neuroscience removes the shame 07:00 A personal note from Leslie 10:15 The abuse cycle: idealization and love bombing 11:40 Devaluing, coldness, and gaslighting 13:10 The discard phase and hoovering 13:45 The covert devaluing most people miss 14:45 Why the relief is what hooks us 15:45 Intermittent reinforcement explained 16:45 Dopamine and the chemical craving 19:15 Oxytocin and physical reattachment 20:45 Cortisol, adrenaline, and the offline thinking brain 22:20 What a trauma bond actually is 24:15 Cognitive dissonance: holding two truths at once 26:00 Eroded self-worth and the ties that keep us 27:45 Staying is not a character flaw 28:30 What is coming next in this series SUPPORT RESOURCES If you are in immediate danger, call 911. National Domestic Violence Hotline (US) -- call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. Free, confidential, and available 24/7. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US) -- call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Outside the US, please search for your local domestic violence or crisis line. - WORK WITH LESLIE The Loom Life -- coaching, programs, and resources: https://theloomlife.com Loom Life Therapy -- therapy for clients in Florida: https://loomlifetherapy.com CONNECT Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@parandpeace --------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this episode helped you, the most useful thing you can do is subscribe and leave a comment -- it helps someone else searching for this at 2am actually find it. Please note: this episode is educational and is not therapy, diagnosis, or a substitute for individual mental health care or safety planning.

  2. Aug 4

    Burnout Recovery for Working Moms: Why Hustle Fails

    Burnout recovery is not a personal willpower problem — and if you are a working parent trying to hold a demanding job and a full life at the same time, this conversation will name something you have been carrying quietly. Leslie sits down with Jessica Lattif, founder of Not Working in Tech, a platform and community challenging toxic workplace culture and the myth that burnout is just the price of success. Jessica spent more than a decade in the tech industry, rising to senior engineering manager, before a string of illnesses, a chaotic team, and a performance plan led her to take medical leave — and never go back. Together they get into what actually drives burnout: the unspoken cultural rules that punish anyone who is neurodiverse or simply unconventional, the impossible math of caregiving alongside a job that expects round-the-clock availability, and the way hustle culture asks individuals to solve problems that were never individual to begin with. Jessica also shares why she now tells clients to take the leave they have already earned, and what it looked like to rebuild a working life on her own terms. If this one lands, the invitation at the end is simple: you do not have to figure out the next chapter alone. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ WORK WITH LESLIE ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Book a 1:1 coaching discovery call → https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call Coaching + programs → https://theloomlife.com Therapy (Florida clients) → https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie Ellen Mathews → https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram → @the.loom.life TikTok → @leslieellenmathews ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ CONNECT WITH JESSICA LATTIF ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Not Working in Tech → https://www.notworkingintech.com Instagram → @notworkingintech TikTok → @notworkingintech LinkedIn → https://www.linkedin.com/company/not-working-in-tech ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ CHAPTERS ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 00:00 Welcome & meet Jessica Latif 01:18 Growing up between cultures and feeling like an outsider 07:30 From nutrition policy to sustainable seafood 13:15 An unexpected path into tech 15:15 Career pivots, imposter syndrome & starting over 17:25 "Family friendly" doesn't always mean parent friendly 18:10 What working in tech was really like 21:00 Burnout, motherhood & becoming the first parent on leave 23:15 The job that pushed her to the breaking point 27:30 How burnout quietly builds over time 30:00 Can employers access your mental health data? 33:20 Why taking leave can change everything 36:10 Entrepreneurship, hustle culture & the social safety net 40:35 How Jessica helps people recover from burnout 42:40 Why burnout isn't something to solve alone 45:00 Hidden resources most people never hear about 47:10 Building Not Working in Tech 49:45 Why teachers, healthcare workers & parents are burning out 53:00 Why young people are rethinking work and family 54:10 Envisioning a healthier future for work 55:10 Final thoughts and Closing ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ SUPPORT RESOURCES ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ This episode discusses burnout, workplace discrimination, and mental health. If you are struggling, support is available. US — call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) Outside the US — find a helpline at https://findahelpline.com This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or legal advice. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ KEYWORDS ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ burnout recovery, working mom burnout, tech industry burnout, toxic workplace culture, taking medical leave for burnout, neurodivergent at work, hustle culture, life coach for women in transition, mental health podcast for women, career burnout support #BurnoutRecovery #WorkingMomBurnout #ToxicWorkplace #PullingThreads #TheLoomLife

  3. Jul 28

    Rebuilding Confidence After Leaving: Taking Up Space Again

    Rebuilding confidence after starting over doesn’t happen all at once. It happens one small, brave choice at a time. In this episode of Pulling Threads, Cammy De shares what it really looks like to reclaim your voice and take up space again while you’re still in the middle of healing. Cammy didn’t expect to be starting over at forty. A mother of three, farmer, speaker, and stand-up comedian, she’s rebuilding her life after leaving an abusive marriage and business partnership, walking away not just from a relationship, but from a successful career, a way of life, and the communities that came with it. Instead of waiting until she has it all figured out, she talks openly about healing in real time: the uncertainty, the grief, the small wins, the laughter, and the surprising ways we find our way back to ourselves. She and Leslie get honest about the fog that only lifts once you get distance, why confidence built on achievement can vanish overnight, and what it means to rebuild, a career, a voice, and a sense of self, without an existing platform. They also talk about the tools that actually help: humor, stand-up comedy, listening to your body, and letting healing move in seasons. In this conversation: • Living a “double life,” confident in public, silenced in private • How clarity comes only after you create distance • Rebuilding confidence from who you are, not what you’ve done • Finding the joke in what was meant to hurt you • Reclaiming your voice (and the surprisingly hard “mirror practice”) • The role AI, algorithms, and podcasts played in her healing • How to know when to rest versus when to push forward If you’ve spent years taking care of everyone else and lost touch with your own voice, this one is for you. 👉 Follow Cammy: @Cammy.De.Speaks on Instagram and Facebook. 💬 If this resonated, leave a comment with the one small brave thing you did today, and subscribe for more honest conversations about rebuilding, reclaiming your voice, and taking up space. ⏰Chapters: 00:00 Welcome & meet Cammy De 00:40 Starting over after divorce at 40 01:45 Building a successful farm while being silenced 05:10 Why clarity only came after leaving 09:25 "The clarity came when I walked out the door" 11:20 Gaslighting, finding support, and rebuilding confidence 17:25 Leaving everything behind to reclaim herself 22:45 Finding her voice after abuse 24:40 Rebuilding confidence from within 28:30 Starting over one small step at a time 32:00 Using comedy to reclaim power 33:05 Reclaiming your voice after being silenced 42:40 Why hearing other women's stories matters 43:35 Learning to rest instead of constantly pushing 49:45 Healing through life's seasons 54:00 Recreating the life you thought you lost 56:35 Celebrating small wins while healing 1:02:00 The relief that comes after divorce 1:05:30 "You are worth it" 1:06:40 Where to find Cammy De Keywords: rebuilding confidence, starting over at 40, reclaiming your voice, healing after abuse, taking up space, healing in real time, midlife reinvention, rebuilding your life, women rebuilding, finding your voice again #RebuildingConfidence #ReclaimYourVoice #StartingOver #TakingUpSpace #PullingThreads

  4. Jul 21

    The Neuroscience of Heartbreak: Why You Feel Stuck & How to Heal

    The neuroscience of why heartbreak physically hurts — and how to rewire a brain stuck in survival mode. In this episode of Pulling Threads, Leslie Mathews welcomes her first-ever male guest, mental health creator and coach Collin Patrick, for an honest conversation about overthinking, emotional regulation, and rebuilding a life after everything falls apart. After a near-fatal motorcycle accident left him bedridden for months — during the same stretch his marriage ended — Collin turned a season of grief and recovery into a deep dive into neuroscience. Together, he and Leslie unpack why your brain keeps steering you back toward familiar pain, why feeling stuck is a pattern problem (not a motivation problem), and what real emotional regulation actually looks like day to day. They also get candid about men and anger, the pressure of “be the man of the house,” and the difference between leading and simply managing the people you love. WHAT WE COVER • How overthinking becomes a learned habit that quietly shapes your identity • Why heartbreak registers in the brain like a physical injury — and what that means for healing • The pull of “familiar pain over unknown peace” and why we repeat relationship patterns • Clarity over solutions: what most self-help gets wrong • What anger is often masking for men — and the emotions underneath it • How small, daily wins compound into real, lasting change CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome — meeting Collin Patrick 01:15 The motorcycle accident that changed everything 05:00 Hitting rock bottom and facing himself 08:00 How healing led him to neuroscience 10:30 Your brain is doing exactly what it was programmed to do 13:00 Why self-awareness matters more than quick fixes 16:30 Trauma bonds and the chemistry of attachment 20:00 The neuroscience of heartbreak and emotional pain 24:30 Why survival mode disconnects you from yourself 27:00 Familiar pain vs. unknown peace 31:00 Small daily choices that rewire the brain 38:00 Why lasting change comes from tiny wins 43:00 Reacting vs. responding with intention 47:00 Healing your identity instead of chasing motivation 53:00 Confidence is built through evidence, not affirmations 59:00 Reprogramming your brain for happiness 1:03:00 How Collin helps people transform their lives 1:06:00 Where to find Collin and his resources CONNECT WITH LESLIE — THE LOOM LIFE Coaching & podcast: https://theloomlife.com Therapy (Florida clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram: @the.loom.life · TikTok: @leslieellenmathews CONNECT WITH COLLIN PATRICK Instagram / TikTok / Threads: @Collin.Patrick.Health Still Moving Journal: https://collinpatrickhealth.gumroad.com/l/stillmovingjournal 1:1 coaching: booking link in Collin’s Instagram bio WORK WITH LESLIE If this conversation resonated and you’re ready to understand your own patterns and rebuild from a steadier place, Leslie offers 1:1 coaching. Book a free discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call A NOTE ON SUPPORT This episode touches on grief, trauma, addiction, and the aftermath of hard relationships. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to navigate it alone. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. Outside the U.S., findahelpline.com lists free, confidential support in your country. Keywords: neuroscience of heartbreak, why heartbreak hurts, survival mode nervous system, overthinking, emotional regulation, healing after a toxic relationship, trauma bonds, men’s mental health, nervous system regulation, how men heal after a breakup #MentalHealthPodcast #Neuroscience #HealingJourney #MensMentalHealth #PullingThreads

  5. Jul 14

    She Left a 6-Figure Career to Heal Her Marriage

    What happens when a high-achieving wife and mom walks away from a 15-year, six-figure career to heal her body, her marriage, and her family? In this conversation, Kayla Licari shares how leaving her physician assistant career unraveled the deeper truth she had been carrying, chronic back pain, chest pain, anxiety, and a marriage held together by white-knuckling and self-abandonment. Kayla and Leslie unpack what it really looks like when two people heal alongside each other through complex PTSD (CPTSD), nervous system dysregulation, and the cycles of rupture and repair that most couples never get language for. This is honest, embodied conversation about the science of the nervous system, the wisdom of the body, and the slow daily work of rebuilding intimacy, including the parts most podcasts skip over: low libido as data, self-abandonment as the hidden cost of high achievement, and how to broach the hardest conversations with your partner without it blowing up in your face. Whether you're in the messy middle of your own healing, considering whether your marriage can come back to life, or simply trying to understand why your body keeps speaking up when your mind says everything is fine, this episode is full of practical, compassionate insight. TIMESTAMP 00:00 Introduction to Kayla Licari 02:00 Leaving a 15-year PA career 05:00 Burnout, stress, and choosing family first 08:10 Financial security vs. self-abandonment 12:00 Why high-achieving women struggle to ask for help 14:00 Understanding complex PTSD 18:20 How childhood experiences shape relationships 22:20 Healing together instead of growing apart 30:00 Navigating conflict through nervous system awareness 37:15 How unhealthy relationship dynamics affect your health 42:00 When growth together can save a relationship 46:20 Stress, libido, and emotional connection 52:10 Staying connected through marriage and parenting 58:00 Receiving love, pleasure, and intimacy 01:04:45 Why every challenge can strengthen your relationship 01:08:15 How to talk about intimacy without blame 01:12:15 What to do when you've lost desire 01:16:00 When staying isn't the right choice 01:19:10 Healing together changes every relationship ✦ WORK WITH LESLIE ✦ → THROUGH, 8-Week Divorce Coaching Program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram → 1:1 Coaching, Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com → Loom Life Therapy (EMDR & IFS): https://loomlifetherapy.com ✦ CONNECT WITH KAYLA LICARI ✦ → Instagram: @kayla.licari → Instagram: @happywivesandhusbands ✦ FOLLOW LESLIE ✦ → Website: https://theloomlife.com → Personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com → Instagram: @the.loom.life → TikTok: @leslieellenmathews ✦ IN THIS EPISODE WE TALK ABOUT ✦ • Leaving a six-figure career to prioritize family, marriage, and health • Body symptoms as nervous system messages, back pain, chest pain, anxiety • What complex PTSD (CPTSD) actually is and why it isn't in the DSM • Healing alongside a partner with complex trauma • Individual work vs. shared work in a marriage • Rupture, repair, and abandonment wounds • Low libido as data, what your body is telling you about your marriage • Lifestyle drivers of sex drive (sleep, sunlight, alone time, connection) • How to broach hard conversations without defensiveness • Setting boundaries with partners, kids, and family • Authenticity and the full-body yes ✦ MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ✦ → When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté → Internal Family Systems (IFS) → EMDR therapy → Esther Perel → Human Design Subscribe so you don't miss new episodes of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity. If this episode resonated, the kindest thing you can do is leave a rating and review. It helps other women find this conversation. Keywords: complex PTSD healing, CPTSD in marriage, nervous system regulation couples, healing marriage trauma, rupture and repair, low libido marriage, somatic healing women, leaving high-achieving career, burnout recovery women, IFS parts work, self-abandonment, holistic marriage healing #PullingThreadsPodcast #TheLoomLife #MarriagePodcast #NervousSystemHealing #CPTSD #WomensHealing #BurnoutRecovery

  6. Jul 7

    Reclaiming Intimacy: Healing Self-Abandonment in Women

    If years of over-functioning have left you feeling checked out, numb, or disconnected from your own life, this episode is for you. Sex therapist and intimacy coach Dr. Tabitha Taylor joins Leslie to talk about what it really means to reclaim intimacy from the inside out — and why it starts with you, not your partner. 🌿 Ready to feel like yourself again after divorce or a breakup? → THROUGH — Leslie's 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram 🌿 Grab Tabitha's free Gentle Reconnection Guide: → https://drtabithataylor.com ABOUT THIS EPISODE Over-functioning women often don't realize how far they've drifted from themselves until exhaustion, numbness, low libido, or a quiet sense of "I'm not really here" forces the question. In this conversation, Leslie and Dr. Tabitha Taylor unpack the quiet cost of self-abandonment — and how reconnection can be a gentle, micro-moment process rather than another performance to perfect. Together they explore why intimacy is so much more than physical, what "reclaiming intimacy from the inside out" actually means, and how trust and safety within yourself are the real foundation for trust and safety with a partner. Leslie shares her own embodiment story — including the EMDR moment at 47 when she realized she was feeling sensation in her body for the first time — and the post-divorce period of self-discovery that changed everything about how she experiences intimacy now. Whether you're in a relationship that's drifted into autopilot, walking through a divorce or breakup, or in the in-between period of rediscovering who you are, this episode is an invitation to come home to yourself. IN THIS EPISODE What "living checked out" looks like — and the early signs of disconnection Why self-abandonment is invisible to the person doing it How over-functioning trains your nervous system into numbness What reclaiming intimacy from the inside out really means Why trust and safety within yourself comes before trust with a partner The difference between performing intimacy and being present in it How to start with micro-moments instead of another self-improvement checklist Self-pleasure, anatomy education, and reclaiming pleasure post-divorce Why becoming connected can change — or end — relationships, and why that's okay WORK WITH LESLIE 🌿 THROUGH — 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram 🌿 1:1 coaching & discovery calls: https://theloomlife.com 🌿 Therapy services: https://loomlifetherapy.com 🌿 Leslie's website: https://leslieellenmathews.com CONNECT WITH LESLIE 🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life 🌿 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews ABOUT TABITHA TAYLOR Dr. Tabitha Taylor is a Licensed Professional Counselor, certified sex therapist, and intimacy coach. She helps over-functioning women heal from disconnection, self-abandonment, and living checked out — reclaiming intimacy from the inside out through nervous system healing, reconnection, and self-led intimacy. She also hosts the podcast Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside Out. CONNECT WITH TABITHA 🌿 Website: https://drtabithataylor.com 🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/drtabtaylor 🌿 Facebook: Tab Taylor Coaching 🌿 Coaching group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/drtabcoaching 🌿 Email: drtab@drtabcoaching.com 🌿 Free Gentle Reconnection Guide: available at https://drtabithataylor.com 🌿 Tabitha's podcast: Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside Out RESOURCES MENTIONED 🌿 OMGYes.com — anatomy and pleasure education referenced in the conversation 🌿 Sex With Emily — podcast referenced by Leslie 🌿 Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) — Leslie's mindfulness training SUBSCRIBE TO PULLING THREADS, WEAVING AUTHENTICITY If this conversation resonated, please subscribe, rate, and share. New episodes weekly. TIMESTAMP 00:00 Introduction 01:34 Intimacy Is More Than Sex 04:52 What Intimacy Really Means 06:13 Signs of Self-Disconnection 09:20 Self-Abandonment 12:10 Reconnecting with Yourself 15:08 Choosing Yourself Without Guilt 17:10 Reclaiming Intimacy 20:18 The Divorce Glow Up 22:12 Staying Connected Daily 24:02 Why We Disconnect 26:41 When You Change, Relationships Change 30:31 Body Awareness & Intimacy 35:35 Mindfulness & Embodiment 40:46 Simple Reconnection Practices 42:10 Knowing Your Body 44:15 Trust & Vulnerability 47:27 Presence Over Performance 50:12 Why Pleasure Feels Difficult 53:00 Rebuilding Confidence After Divorce 56:28 Rediscovering Yourself 59:00 Tabitha's Work 01:03:34 Final Thoughts and Closing KEYWORDS reclaiming intimacy, self-abandonment, over-functioning women, disconnection, living checked out, self-connection, intimacy after divorce, women's pleasure, nervous system healing, somatic healing, divorce recovery, self-pleasure, embodiment, women's mental health #ReclaimingIntimacy #SelfAbandonment #OverFunctioningWomen #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreadsPodcast

  7. Jul 6

    Dating After Divorce: Boyfriend vs Husband

    Dating after divorce as a man can feel like you’ve become a whole different person — steadier, easier to be with. Here’s the honest why. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ WORK WITH LESLIE 1:1 → Book a private, no-pressure discovery call: [1:1 COACHING DISCOVERY CALL — confirm booking URL] The Loom Life (coaching): https://theloomlife.com Therapy (FL clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ In this For the Boys episode, Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach — unpacks why the same man can be “the disappointment” in one relationship and a “safe harbor” in the next. It isn’t your character that changed; it’s the container. We get honest about the real differences between being a boyfriend, a husband, and a husband with kids in the mix — plus the question most men skip right past: do you actually want to be a stepfather? Drawing on research from the Gottman Institute, Esther Perel, and leading stepfamily experts, this is a grounded, shame-free look at choosing your next relationship with your eyes wide open. WHAT WE GET INTO: • Why a new relationship feels “lighter” — what’s real vs. honeymoon • The pursue–withdraw pattern and how good people get stuck in it • Dating a woman with kids, by the age of her children • Why blended families take years (not months) — and why that’s normal • Permission to choose the role you actually want CHAPTERS (timestamps are estimates — verify against final edit) 00:00 Intro — boyfriend, husband, stepdad: what this episode is 02:00 The paradox: the disappointment in one story, the safe harbor in another 04:00 What actually changed — the container, not your character 08:00 The pursue–withdraw pattern (Gottman Institute) 11:00 Boyfriend vs. husband: the weight the words carry (Esther Perel) 12:00 Remarriage as an “incomplete institution” (Andrew Cherlin) 14:00 Is it real, or the honeymoon phase? What the research says 17:00 Dating a woman with kids — by the age of her children 20:00 The blended-family fantasy vs. reality (Papernow & Bray) 22:00 Do you actually want to be a stepfather? Removing the shame 28:00 Other shapes a committed relationship can take 31:00 Choosing your next container with your eyes wide open 34:00 Honesty, and the one early conversation — plus how to work with Leslie MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: • Gottman Institute — the pursue–withdraw pattern • Esther Perel — desire and the need for space • Andrew Cherlin — remarriage as an “incomplete institution” • Dr. Patricia Papernow & James Bray — stepfamily research RELATED EPISODE: • Keeping the “honeymoon” feeling alive long-term: [COMPANION EPISODE — confirm URL] A NOTE OF SUPPORT: Divorce and rebuilding can be heavy. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to carry it alone — in the U.S. you can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), any time, day or night. KEYWORDS: dating after divorce for men, life coach for men after divorce, boyfriend vs husband, should I be a stepdad, blended family advice, men’s personal growth after divorce, relationship coaching for men, healing after divorce, stepfamily research, how men heal after breakup #ForTheBoys #DatingAfterDivorce #MensMentalHealth #BlendedFamily #RelationshipCoaching

  8. Jul 3

    Why the Honeymoon Phase Fades — And How to Keep It

    KEEP THE SPARK: STAYING SECURE AND DESIROUS The honeymoon phase fades for almost everyone — but the spark doesn’t have to. In this solo episode, Leslie Mathews unpacks what early passion is really made of and how to stay both secure AND desirous for the long haul. ➤ Work with Leslie 1:1 (individuals & couples): [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK] ➤ The Loom Life: https://theloomlife.com ➤ Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com | Personal: https://leslieellenmathews.com ➤ Instagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews ────────── IN THIS EPISODE We usually treat the honeymoon phase like a single fuel that burns out. Leslie makes the case that early intensity is actually two strands braided together — real love, and a quieter, more anxious wish to secure someone who doesn’t yet feel like yours. Understanding that difference changes what it means when the fireworks quiet down. Drawing on her own three-year relationship, the neuroscience of new love (dopamine, norepinephrine, the serotonin dip), gender differences in bonding, and the work of Esther Perel and the Gottmans, Leslie explains why calm is not the end of desire — and is often the sign that something is finally right. She also takes an honest, careful look at how the honeymoon phase shows up in coercive and abusive relationships: love bombing, intermittent reinforcement, and trauma bonds — and how to tell a bond that’s maturing from a cycle that’s repeating. Then the question she cares about most: can you keep the good of the honeymoon phase alive on purpose? Her answer is yes — through your own regulation and healing work, protecting the space that keeps each person whole, and “chosen reaching” instead of fear-driven reaching. ⏱ CHAPTERS (timestamps approximate — confirm against final edit) 00:00 The feeling that never left 02:00 What the honeymoon phase is really made of 07:30 Two strands: real love + the wish to secure 08:00 Why men and women fall on different timelines 16:30 The brain on new love — and why it fades 18:00 From the chemistry of pursuit to the chemistry of attachment 21:00 When the spark quiets: love leaving, or fear? 22:30 “The threat felt like desire” — Esther Perel 23:30 The honeymoon phase in coercive & abusive relationships 27:00 Trauma bonds & intermittent reinforcement 30:00 Love wants closeness, desire wants distance 32:00 Why security and mystery need each other 34:30 Keeping the spark alive on purpose: the three pieces 37:00 Chosen reaching & the unglamorous work of staying 39:00 You don’t have to trade the spark for safety SUPPORT This episode discusses coercive relationships and trauma bonds. If you’re experiencing abuse, you’re not alone — the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Additional trauma-bond resources are on theloomlife.com. Keywords: honeymoon phase, keeping the spark alive, secure attachment, anxious attachment, attachment styles and relationships, chemistry vs compatibility, keeping desire in a long-term relationship, Esther Perel desire, love bombing, trauma bonds, relationship coaching, mental health podcast for women #RelationshipPodcast #KeepTheSpark #SecureAttachment #HoneymoonPhase #TheLoomLife

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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
7 Ratings

About

Pulling Threads is a podcast for women navigating life, career, past and current trauma, breakups and divorce, motherhood, reinvention, and the brave work of becoming who they’re meant to be. Hosted by therapist, coach, and founder of The LooM Life, Leslie Mathews, JD, MSW, this show blends trauma-informed guidance, nervous system education, and meaningful conversations about the patterns that shape our relationships, identity, and purpose. Each episode explores the complicated places where life asks us to grow — healing from emotional abuse, rebuilding after divorce, midlife identity shifts, attachment wounds, dating again, motherhood, and rediscovering your voice. Many guests share their own stories of reinvention, entrepreneurship, career pivots, and stepping into authenticity, offering inspiration and practical wisdom for women building new chapters. Through expert interviews, personal storytelling, and mindfulness-based tools, Pulling Threads supports women who are healing, expanding, and creating aligned lives and businesses. It’s a space for those navigating toxic dynamics, strengthening emotional regulation, or following the pull toward something more authentic and more fulfilling. If you’re ready to untangle old patterns, trust your intuition, and weave a life — and identity — that feels grounded, empowered, and true, this podcast is where your next chapter begins.

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