Resilience Through Loss and Rebuild [00:00:00] Hey friends. Welcome back to the Root of Resilience podcast. I'm really glad you're here today. I'm your host, Wendy Golden, and if you're new here, welcome. I'm so excited. Um, but please go back and listen to the previous podcast as well 'cause I share a lot and you get to know me a little bit better. I wanna start out today with honesty because. How else am I gonna start a podcast if I'm not doing it? Being honest, you know, that's the kinda space this podcast has always been. I missed last week. I'm very well aware that I missed last week. And honestly, it's not because I didn't care. It's not 'cause I didn't wanna show up. I, I actually tried to show up multiple times, but something, you know, or, or somebody maybe got in the way of it and. And then truth is I've been in the trenches rebuilding willow and oak from what feels like the ground up. [00:01:00] And honestly it kind of is. Some things have stayed in place and other things have evolved and changed, and new chapter is here for Willow and Oak resilient wellness and, and we just could not be more excited. So y'all go check out the new website. Our medical practitioner is there and her services as well as, uh, mine and Rhonda's. And then also really, really exciting is that I have the podcast Plus that is now available and I'm actually recording the very first episode tonight after this one. So the Podcast Plus is a members only private. Podcast where I'm gonna go a little bit deeper on the topics that I discuss here. I'm also gonna be able to connect with you. Um. A lot, a lot more as members, and I'm gonna share additional content. We may even do a little bit of challenges, [00:02:00] and I'm gonna do a lot more teaching and grounding work, uh, in the mindset space. So if that's something that interests you, then by all means please go and check that out as well. The link to that is in the. It is on the website, but it's also in that Link tree link too, if you follow me on any of the social medias, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. But with all that I've had going on in the middle of all that, I realize something really important, and that's what we're gonna talk about tonight. We are in survival mode. Okay. Connection is often the very first thing to go when we are in survival mode. Not because it doesn't matter to us, but because our nervous system shifts into, okay, I just gotta get through it. And that's the mode we go into. And when you're trying to just get through, you don't have much capacity [00:03:00] left. To slow down, be present, or truly connect. So if you felt distant lately from your kids, your partner, your friends, your coworkers, or even yourself, I want you to hear this very clearly right now. That doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means you're human in a world that is oftentimes asking way too much of our bodies and our minds, and therefore we only have enough give. And then we run out and we have to refuel, you know, kind of fill our cup back up, so to speak. But I think too, if I'm being really honest, I, I think connection feels hard for people right now. For one simple reason, we are living in a virtual world. A fast world, a scroll and react world, a world [00:04:00] built on efficiency, speed, and constant output. We're interacting constantly, but we're rarely being seen or heard. Most of our conversations are quick. Most of our communication is transactional. Transactional or can't talk, and most of our relationships are happening through screen. And while technology can be so helpful, it has quietly stripped away something very essential, and that is intentional presence. The truth really hit me recently in a small but meaningful way. I had a small company. She's one person called in every season, reach out to me. Tell me how much this podcast had, had, uh, resonated with her, how much she enjoyed the fact, or Well, loved the fact that I included, um, my faith [00:05:00] in with, you know, mental health basically, you know, how and how I talk and how I get through things. Because for me, the two go hand in hand and you're about to see a lot more of that through Willow and Oak. So I'm really excited about that. And. She sent me a personalized letter, and if you follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok, you saw the video that I posted about the letter. I went through it and that kind of thing, and it, you know, it was nothing flashy, nothing expensive, but it was very intentional. That's the key, was very intentional and I remember stopping what I was doing and thinking, wow, this made me feel seen. And that pause mattered. And she even talked about pausing in the letter, but that's what real connection does. It slows your body down, it tells your nervous system you matter, and someone thought about you. [00:06:00] So I'm really, really encouraging you to go to that video and, um, look her up in every season and subscribe to her mailing list. But we are starving for that kind of connection. Not so much likes, comments, quick dms that disappear, but moments of intentional presence that reminds us that we are not invisible. Think about how rare it is now to receive something truly personal, a handwritten note. Someone remembering a detail about your life, someone checking in without needing anything in return, and someone sitting with you and listening to you instead of trying to fix you. Those moments just don't feel nice. They regulate us. They ground us. They tell our [00:07:00] nervous system. We're safe enough to exhale. And this isn't just something I see online or in families. I see this in my professional spaces too. Even in my corporate job, I watch grown adults struggle to talk to one another with basic respect. I've had moments where people speak to me in ways that are rude, reactive, and completely unhinged and unregulated, and I have to stop the conversation and say, hold on. We're not doing this, not because I don't understand stress. Not because I don't understand pressure, but because dysregulation does not give anyone a free pass to be disrespectful and listen, I need my job like anybody else in today's time, but I am not the one.[00:08:00] I am not the one. And what that tells me is that this isn't an age issue. It is not a maturity issue. It's not a professionalism issue. It's a regulation issue. We have lost the ability to pause, regulate, and communicate when we feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. And when adults can't do that, golly, kids don't stand a chance. That is why. Disconnection doesn't always look like loneliness. Sometimes it looks like irritability, burnout, people pleasing, emotional shutdown, kids melting down, parents snapping, coworkers reacting instead of responding. That's not a lack of effort. It's a lack of safety. And trust me, in my corporate job, I've got everybody trying to tell me how to do my job. [00:09:00] And I have a choice on how I can react to that because some people are within their lane and some people are way out of their lane. They're, they're in and they're in another lane. They need to get back in their ears. But I stop and I pause, and then I decide how am I gonna respond to this? And, and sometimes I just let it go. I have been through so much in the last year. I have learned so much. What matters the most to me is clearer than it has ever been. And so a lot of times I just let it go because I don't even have time for that and I'm gonna sleep fine at night, while other times I do. You know, respond and say, Hey, listen, I don't think the way you're talking to me has anything to do with me, but whatever you got going on, you need to [00:10:00] really sit back, kind of work it out, but don't talk to me like that. You know, we're not gonna, we're not gonna communicate that way. Um, I don't do passive aggressive and there's a lot of that that goes on and it is just annoying, but. I don't think you know that it's a lack of effort. I don't think, I think it's more that it's a lack of safety. So let me get back where I was. Um, we don't have a communication problem. I think we have a nervous system problem, so you cannot talk your way into connection when your body feels, you know, under threat. You can't try harder. Your way into presence. When you're already depleted, you can't think your way into safety. That's why so many people say, I know better, but I still reacted. Your body just hasn't caught up yet. That's not really failure. It's. [00:11:00] Dysregulation. You need to, you know, learn how to regulate. And this is why at Willow and Oak we don't rush healing. We don't start with fixing behavior. We don't start with control. We start with regulation, safety, and then connection. Do you see the order It went in? Regulation, safety, then connection. Because connection cannot be automated and neither can healing. Whether I'm working with parents, adults, or kids. The work always comes back to the same thing. Creating safety, so that connection. Can then grow because when people feel safe, they soften. And when they soften they connect. And when they connect, real change happens. So here's a simple shift that you can try this week. Not perfectly, but just [00:12:00] intentionally. Instead of asking, how do I fix this? Ask, how do I create safety here? With your kids, with your partner, with your coworkers, and most importantly with yourself. Connection doesn't require perfection, it requires presence. And that brings me to one last thing. This is exactly why I have built something new and I'm so excited about it. Podcast Plus. Is a deeper space, slower conversations, more access and real connection beyond the public feed. Here, it's not about more content, it's about more care. It's for people who don't just want information, but they want to feel supported, understood, and less alone. I'm gonna share more about it, but for now, if this [00:13:00] episode resonated with, you know, this. Connection is sti
