What happens when your desire starts telling you a completely different story than the life you've built? Sarah Rutledge Fischer came out as a lesbian at 44 after nearly 20 years in a straight-appearing marriage. But her realization didn't happen overnight. For years, Sarah had quietly questioned her sexuality, pushed those thoughts aside, and continued doing what so many women are taught to do: take care of everyone else, follow the expected path, and ignore what her own body was trying to tell her. In this episode of SIP with Summers, Sarah joins Jennifer to talk about coming out later in life, compulsory heterosexuality, divorce, sexual desire, body connection, and what happens when women finally give themselves permission to ask, What do I actually want? Sarah shares how isolation during the pandemic gave her enough quiet to begin noticing the difference between recognizing that a man was attractive and actually feeling attraction in her body. We talk about why so many women reach their 30s, 40s, and beyond before questioning their sexuality, and how being raised to be a "good girl," people-pleasing, religious conditioning, and compulsory heterosexuality can disconnect women from their own desires. And yes, we talk about sex. Sarah describes experiencing a "second adolescence" after coming out, discovering a completely different relationship with pleasure, and realizing that sex doesn't have to follow the heteronormative script of penetration → orgasm → done. We also get into her now-famous toe-curling moment when she discovered that butterflies, desire, and yes, literally curling your toes over someone you're attracted to are very real. We also tackle one of the hardest questions for women questioning their marriage: What if he's a good man... but this still isn't the life you want? Sarah shares why loving someone doesn't necessarily mean you're meant to remain married to them, how her own divorce led her to become a mediator and divorce coach, and why leaving a marriage doesn't automatically mean destroying a family. In this episode, we talk about: • Coming out as a lesbian later in life• Questioning your sexuality in your 30s, 40s, and beyond• "Am I a lesbian?" and why that question can feel so terrifying• Compulsory heterosexuality and the pressure women feel to be chosen by men• Learning to recognize desire in your body• People-pleasing and losing connection with your own wants• Leaving a marriage when your husband is a "good man"• Divorce, identity shifts, and starting over in midlife• Sarah's experience of a second adolescence after coming out• Lesbian sex and stepping outside traditional sexual scripts• Taking orgasm off the pedestal and focusing on pleasure• Why your best sex may still be ahead of you after 40 Whether you're questioning your sexuality, questioning your marriage, rediscovering your body, or simply realizing that the life you've built doesn't completely fit anymore, this conversation is an invitation to get curious about the quiet voice inside you instead of immediately shutting it down. Because pleasure is information. Desire is information. And your body may be telling you something worth listening to. Connect with Sarah:Thresholds Mediation https://thresholdsmediation.com/listenersFind her on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @ThresholdsMediation Sarah also has a special coaching offer for podcast listeners at thresholdsmediation.com/podcast. Want to explore your own relationship with pleasure, desire, intimacy, or sexuality in midlife? Jennifer Marie Summers is a Board-Certified Sexologist, Certified Sex Coach, and Menopause Health Coach helping women reconnect with their bodies, their pleasure, and themselves. Visit SummersofLove.com to learn more about coaching, events, products, and everything happening in the Summers of Love universe. And if this episode made you think of someone, send it to her.
