Show Notes Episode details * Season: 1 * Episode number: 4 * Release date: 2026-05-07 * Hosts: * Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026) * Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist, ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse * Audio Engineer and Composer: Noah Smith * Director: Linda Highfield * Duration: 00:31:11 * Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study * Summary: In this episode of Following the Threads, Natasha Stavros and therapist Sarah Liebman explore how “tuning in” to internal and external sensory signals is essential when preparing for an adult autism assessment. Natasha reflects on a moment of sudden overwhelm that revealed how she had spent years ignoring her body’s warning signs to fit social expectations. The conversation expands beyond the five traditional senses to include interoception, proprioception, neuroception, and more—highlighting how neurodivergent individuals may experience these signals as heightened or muted. The hosts also introduce the concept of “attacks on linking,” where people disconnect patterns in their behavior to avoid shame or self-judgment. A key theme is shifting from judgment to curiosity. By observing patterns without labeling them as “bad,” individuals can build self-compassion and better understand their experiences. This shift helps reveal long-standing behavioral and relational patterns that may have been compartmentalized. Ultimately, the episode emphasizes that self-awareness—grounded in curiosity rather than shame—enables more accurate assessments, healthier boundaries, and a stronger sense of identity in the process of late diagnosis. Key takeaways to prepare for an adult autism assessment: * Tuning in to your senses is critical for accurate self-understanding. Preparing for an adult autism assessment requires noticing—not suppressing—your internal signals (e.g., overwhelm, discomfort, body cues). Many neurodivergent adults have learned to ignore these signals, which can obscure patterns needed for diagnosis. * Unrecognized patterns are often hidden by “attacks on linking”. People may unconsciously disconnect patterns in behavior (e.g., social challenges, sensory issues) to avoid shame. This prevents them from seeing meaningful connections that could explain their experiences and support diagnosis. * Curiosity, not judgment, enables self-compassion and clarity. Shifting from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what’s happening and why?” helps reduce shame, build self-compassion, and reveal consistent patterns. This mindset improves both the assessment process and long-term self-understanding Resources and references For more information on this topic, check out this fantastic article about the senses you can tune into: Learn more about sensory processing disorder, a condition disproportionately affecting people with Autism and ADHD, and differences in children, teens, and adults. Don’t Miss Out on Early Access Join our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources. Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen. Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Expert on When You Tune In, Not Out When I got the adult autism assessment it was because I couldn’t seem to hold down a job. I hadn’t really thought about how it could change relationships. While obvious in retrospect, I had somehow compartmentalized the problematic patterns of my life so that I couldn’t see them. Sure, I had friendship break ups before. So many that it caused tension with my husband, Noah, when we first got married. He was afraid that one day, it would happen to us. I didn’t understand how my lack of ability to hold friendships had anything to do with him. Now, I see it is all related. Every single relationship – my family, my friends, my lovers, my colleagues, my community…. the patterns of interaction hold. We get along until one day, we don’t. I cannot cope. I melt down and eventually shut down. I tune out and dissociate. Over the years, I have wondered how I connect with such diverse people from all walks of life, and to be frank - why others struggle to do the same. From the abusive boyfriends to drug dealers, the unhoused, the trustfund kid, the famous people, the strangers from other countries and everything in between, the one thing that every single person I’ve ever connected with on a deeper level had in common, was a need for friendship. Sometimes, that is literally the only thing we have in common, and I never questioned whether it was enough to warrant my trust, security, or acceptance. I would dive head first into a relationship. On my 39th birthday, I had a lovely morning with two friends getting pedicures at an upscale spa, which I have never done before in my life. I’ve always viewed “upscale” as very little value added to the functional service for which I am paying. After the pedicure, I was supposed to see a different friend for lunch. I hadn’t seen her in months and was excited to share about how much had changed. Within fifteen minutes, we arrived at the restaurant. I hadn’t even looked at the menu, and she began accusing me of having audacity and arrogance. My heart pounded. My chest tightened. I interrupted that that was not my reality, and then I stood and left. I walked in the slushy snow nearly a mile to meet up with a friend who could drive me home. When Noah got home, we talked. That friend at the restaurant had called and texted him concerned about my erratic behavior. He read to me his response. What struck me was his observation that he knows this can happen, and that for the first time, we have the understanding that I am autistic. That I don’t see the “red flags” that others do, and that he has seen with this friend for quite some time. When I finally notice how unhealthy the relationships are, I get overwhelmed with a deep need to protect myself, and in that panic – I yell, I get big, I swear…. a lot; and then – I cut ties. As I looked at him reading his text back to me, for the first time while being blamed as the cause of yet another fraught relationship, I felt seen, supported, and safe. By centering my experience, the physiological response to fear – rooted in real traumas of all the times my inability to respond appropriately ended in catastrophic, life altering events – I was able to shift from shame and blame to… empathy. My therapist asked me what results when that shift happens. I reflected this wasn’t too different from many of the other social conflicts I had experienced. I felt afraid that this person was feeding me an unbearable truth about me that was not my truth. So often I have felt misunderstood and absorbed others’ projected image of me as my own. By tuning in, acknowledging the autistic meltdown, I was able to remove myself from an unhealthy situation without judgement. I felt empowered to protect my truth: I am not an arrogant, abrasive, malevolent, or audacious person. I am imperfectly human; I am direct; and I am autistic, which means that I do not understand social dynamics the way others do. I am also prone to autistic meltdowns that are exhausting, involuntary reactions with a temporary loss of behavioral control when exposed to sensory, emotional, or cognitive stress. I need friends who are willing to accept this about me, and to work with me as an ally, rather than perpetuate disdain and judgment. This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription via substack at natashastavros.substack.com. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe
