Success Story: She Started Setting Boundaries He Started Coming Back

I had the pleasure of interviewing “So.” A member of our community who has just gotten her ex back,

In the interview we talk about things like,

• The breakup that led up to the reconciliation. 0:01
• Meet the woman who got back together with her ex.
• The dark times.
• The first Christmas apart from her boyfriend.
• The first serious boyfriend.
• The grieving period before moving forward. 3:32
• Being kicked out of the house.
• The grieving period after the divorce.
• Crying, ice cream and watching movies.
• How long it took him to give it his all.
• How did you find out about the other woman? 7:22
• He got back in contact in January this year.
• He wants to change relationship dynamics.
• Being kicked to the curb again.
• How to cope with the no contact situation.
• What were you doing during the no contact? 11:35
• No contact, meetup groups, gym, therapy and therapy.
• End date for no contact.
• Breaking the no-contact rule three or four times.
• Building up a relationship.
• How to deal with the fear of rejection. 16:00
• Mentally and emotionally affected by the cycle.
• Holding boundaries for yourself.
• Cold turkey, no contact, no explanation.
• Fearful avoidance, anxious and avoidant responses.
• What happened with the other woman? 19:27
• What happened with the other woman.
• How his ex is handling his grief.
• Holding boundaries and not ignoring calls and texts.
• No contact for 45 days.
• Setting the boundary on no contact. 23:22
• Breaking up with her boyfriend.
• No contact, no contact and no contact.
• Coming out of his shell and asking for her back.
• Being upfront and honest.
• Holding boundaries and setting boundaries. 28:54
• Hedging his bets with probing questions.
• Lying on the hook for a bit.
• The fear of loss aspect worked on him.
• The difference between this and the previous go-around.
• Advice on how to get help. 32:16
• Getting professional help to make the relationship stronger.
• Taking responsibility for the relationship.
• The most important tactics that got her to success.
• The no contact rule.

Interview Transcript:

Chris Seiter 00:01
This meeting is being recorded. All right, today, we have a very amazing success story we have. So who has been kind enough to come on here and basically give us the rundown of her entire situation on how her and her ex have gotten back together. So thank you so much for coming in doing this. Yeah, cause so is this is this pretty recent? Like I noticed, like a day ago, you posted in the community? Like, yeah, I got back. He wants to like go seek professional help to kind of work through things. So is this like, are you still riding high? A little bit on on it?

So 00:44
Yeah, no, but yeah, it was. Honestly, very unexpected. And you’re literally right, a day ago, pretty well. So. Yeah.

Chris Seiter 00:55
Okay. So I mean, why don’t we go back to the dark times? Can you can you kind of take us through the play by play of the breakup and how that went down? And everything that kind of led up to this point?

So 01:11
Yeah, so it was Oh, my God, like, honestly, reality TV drama, almost the Ricoh it was, it was a border poll, a lot of things. A lot of it was just arguments, not even getting a relationship. It got to a point where my partner was unemployed for a couple of weeks. And obviously, finances not a great topic for you know, potentially relationships that are breaking down, you got into that topic. And it was just explosive, and just kind of walked away from that. And that was back October 2022. So that was quite a while ago. That was all going on. So yeah, that did mean that like for majority, I think of like Christmas time and everything. It was just first Christmas without him, which was very weird. But

Chris Seiter 02:04
How long had you been together before that point?

So 02:06
Three and a half years.

Chris Seiter 02:10
Okay, so And how old? Are you?

So 02:14
So I’m 2222.

Chris Seiter 02:15
So, like, was he like your first serious boyfriend? Yes, yes. So so that first Christmas apart must have been really, really difficult.

So 02:29
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I just yeah, it was not a great point. I mean, luckily, obviously, you have family around me. So that was pretty nice. But yeah, it just felt so weird. Cuz another factor was our family’s live, like five minutes away, driving time. So it was just kind of knowing the fact that he was so close five, but obviously, you know, we’re not in contact. And that’s the breakups happen. So it’s this kind of single family thing.

Chris Seiter 02:59
Yeah. So he initiates the breakup. What does he actually say during that conversation? How does he do it?

So 03:08
Um, yeah, so that was very spur of the moment. It was very much we got into an argument about finances and how it’s not marrying up. And it got to a point where he literally talked me out of the house, because we were living together and he was just like, pack of things and go, and I was like, Oh,

Chris Seiter 03:28
right. Oh, man.

So 03:31
I mean, obviously a lot more upset. I was, yeah, it’s kind of tearing up. I was like, Okay, I got my sister’s picked me up and just

Chris Seiter 03:38
Batman. So alright, so you guys have this argument about finances, which obviously, is such a huge stress for not just, you know, like a young couple, but even like married couples, and you know, that, that, that almost always seems to be a huge, huge point of contention. So anyways, you’re kicked out of the house, your sister picks you up? What happens next? Do you immediately start thinking like I want to back or is it more of just a grieving period before you get there?

So 04:10
Um, so for that, yeah, for me, it was a grieving period because it was so another thing, it was my first kind of proper relationship as well. So it was kind of understanding where my headspace was that and kind of experiencing actually kind of always being single for like, the first time in quite quite a while. But yeah, my headspace was definitely just kind of like just keep away focus on yourself. Focus on friends and family and just Yeah, hold your head above the water as best you can.

Chris Seiter 04:44
I imagine that must have been really difficult, though. To do that. Did you have any like big setbacks?

So 04:51
Um, yeah. So I mean, I wasn’t. I think the setback for me was that the house you were in was actually over. by his dad. So it meant I had to be back with my parents, like, time. That was kind of a setback conspicious obviously, not particularly one thing that I think it’s also just, for me, it was just kind of privacy in the sense of like, I want to grieve. But obviously, you know, parents as much as I love them, they kind of want to pry. So your cadence is like I am, but I just need this time to grieve myself and just get out of my system. Yeah, there was a lot of days of like crying and like Ben and Jerry’s ice cream watching movies.

Chris Seiter 05:36
All right, we did the whole Netflix thing. So what point do you I’m assuming? So you mentioned to me off off air that you you listen to the podcast? Is that was that like, your entrance into our community in our space? Or was it mostly just like a Google search that that led you?

So 06:03
It was a bit of both. It was a bit like I was listening to the podcast, and also some days by you do I do the whole like, Oh, I really wouldn’t back and kind of Google search it. But I think in both those times, I was trying to be as hard as it was, I was trying to be kind of logical and say like, just take a step back, see how you’re feeling. And if you want to do this, do this, but do it for yourself. Not for like anything else, do it? Because you’re nervous, right? And that’s something you really want. And I listen to the podcast really helped with that kind of understanding my mindset and kind of initially being like, Yeah, I do want this. And I think it’s something that we could work through. Kind of

Chris Seiter 06:51
so so basically, you’re listening to the podcast every once in a while you’re kind of doing the Google search thing. Do you have any idea of like how long that went on? Before you were like, Okay, I actually want to give this my all.

So 07:06
So there, I was kind of initially searching, I probably should preface this by saying this was a very long process. So in terms of Christmas time, December, when all of that was happening. It was back in January this year that he got back in contact, and was like, Hey, let’s have a relationship again. And I was like, at this point, I think I’d signed up to the course I looked through kind of a few of the classes by hopefully, like gone right into it. So I was, at that point, I probably I probably should have been like, let’s just, like, slow it. But I was just like, Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s go on in. And

Chris Seiter 07:53
oh, my God, this is like, wow, this was easy. I didn’t have to do anything. He comes back. And I’m assuming it does not end well.

So 08:00
No, no, no. So it was quite a weird one. It was He wants you to change the relationship dynamics. We know from relationship. The person that he was kind of in this other relationship with didn’t want to know for relationship. I made that very clear. And that is some awkward times where essentially, he definitely for her.

Chris Seiter 08:27