Swordboys - Cut x Cut Swordboys

The Swordboys return to the Abbey one more time (just as the Table of Five are wont to do) to take a nap on its many tables and benches! Is Hawk secretly the Zodiac Killer and how come his sword fighting is mostly slow and unimpressive? Why does Voltan carry a long receipt, what is his love language, and what exactly is his motivation? How does a blizzard, a bamboo reed full of neon green silly string and dozens of ping pong balls help our heroes? Does Amazon deliver packages way out in this boggy forest? Whose body is left in a viewing bubble and is potentially eaten? When is the sequel going to finally be made? And does this movie get our swords? These questions and more are discussed in our final cut of Hawk the Slayer! Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo!


Runtime - 01:14:45 - 01:33:27

CLOMPY WILL RETURN IN RED SONJA

Hawk and his team must fight Drogo son of Voltan! And it goes pretty well for them, not for Drogo. Our favorite horse actor is back as well.

The Swordboys have returned to the Abbey where Sister Monicaaaaaa frustrates Ranulf, Crow broods in the doorway, Tej talks Roman out of his greasy chicken (he honrgy) and Hawk reminisces on the time he was tied to a tree while Elaine dropped some sick burns on Voltan. But eventually, the Table of Five reserve a spot at Jabba’s palace, and Gort gets to play a game. Is it the hokey pokey? God’s teeth!
Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo! Runtime - 00:45:35 - 01:01:05

The Swordboys are back to join the Table with no tables. Did you know that the ride to the witch’s cave was spooky? It might also be on Krypton. But it’s time to get the party together! We get a giant played by a tall guy who’s not Shaq, an elf played by a machine covered in tomato soup, and a stinky fish-eating dwarf played by a short guy. And hey, if you’re not a giant, an elf or a dwarf - don’t worry. You are Ranulf. Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo! Runtime - 00:30:35 - 00:45:35

The Swordboys return for another slow “Casio-nic” gallop through the humid forest. What’s duller? John Terry’s acting or the Mindsword? Yes it’s true. This sword has no edge. Is there a secret Highlander in this film? Is Voltan more Darth Vader or Mr. Spock? Take care, listeners. Watch for us in the night…
Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo! Runtime - 00:14:55 - 00:30:35

The Swordboys are back with another classic 80s sword and sorcery movie: Hawk the Slayer! In our first cut, we discuss the King of Dubbers, the return of our old friend Clompy, the Mindsword, the varied acting of Christian Shephard and W. Morgan Sheppard, Dark Wizards, Skullfaces, glowing crystals, sandwich threats, amazing matte paintings and Jack Palance impressions so terrible that they may pass your understanding! Oo-wee-oo-wee-oo!

Runtime - 00:00:00 - 00:14:55