The 365 Commitment

Guy Reams

The 365 Commitment Podcast focuses on helping people make and keep life changing commitments.

  1. -1 дн.

    Relaxing is Changing State

    How do you feel relaxed? This question has been with me for most of my life. I am not good at relaxing; I am one of those people who are always busy, always looking for the next thing I could be doing. A combination of being too uptight and overly ambitious, perhaps. So when my brain gets frazzled and I start slowing down mentally, I have come to recognize that I need to relax. However, what has always tripped me up has been: what actually is relaxing? Clearly, it is not browsing social media on your phone. Neither is it streaming some overly dramatic series on Netflix. It is not playing a video game that has disguised a dopamine drip as a series of tasks I have to achieve. It is absolutely not using some drug or alcohol to force myself into a relaxed state. So what is it? Relaxing the mind is less about “trying harder to relax” and more about changing the state your brain is operating in. When you've been thinking hard for a long time, three things often accumulate: attentional fatigue, unresolved mental loops, and physiological stress. A good reset interrupts all three. The first thing to learn is that you have to stop consuming information. No more emails. No more text messages. No more podcasts. Audiobooks. Educational content. Your brain needs a break from new things arriving, not more of it to process. The next big concept is to recognize that relaxing the mind is the opposite of your inclination. You think the brain will be better served by plopping down on the couch and vegging out. Reality is that the best path to getting your brain to turn down is physical activity, usually outside. You do not need a complicated workout either; you just need to move and do so with a rhythm. Like a walk or a light jog. While you are on that walk, consider this. Your brain is getting bombarded with finite detail that is up close and highly specific. Like words on a screen. When you are outside, direct your attention to things that are relatively effortless to absorb. Trees, mountain ranges, the big sky, the ocean or a lake. You are moving from narrow to broad, far-away focus areas. Try not to take things with you on your outdoor exploration. Instead, write all the things down that are bugging you before you leave. Do that with your hand. Physically write it down. The act of doing this will transfer those worries to a physical place, and that produces a transference in your mind, which allows you to create a signal that it is ok to clear the working memory in your mind. The important note is this. Sometimes the weekend does not help you relax because you are cognitively saturated. You've been making decisions, solving problems, switching contexts, and holding too many unresolved things in your head for weeks. In that case, you may need a day or two where you deliberately refuse to be productive. The paradox is that the mind often becomes productive again after you stop demanding productivity from it.

    Relaxing is Changing State
  2. -1 дн.

    Day 344 - Truth as Instrument

    I have no idea how to work with or deal with people who view truth as merely an instrument to benefit them. Truth becomes a weapon in their arsenal, something that they can manipulate, change, and revise to fit whatever narrative best fits their current position. In political dialogue, this is called relativism, but that label is inaccurate and offers the sophist a dangerous escape route. Arguing that truth depends on perspective, culture, framework, or context is a far cry from using truth as a tool for achieving an objective. These two get mixed up all the time when a relativist uses sophistry to win an argument rather than discover what is true. Before you get high on the horse, please realize that both sides of the political spectrum are guilty of this tendency. On a social level, this matters less to me than it does on a personal level. I naturally work well with people that carry some notion of a fixed truth that binds our community together. You might call this truth morality, but there are certain beliefs that we all tend to hold irregardless of our cultural backgrounds. Simple things like, telling lies is bad. What is difficult to grapple with is encountering people who don't even consider that. The concept of lying only works for those who believe that there is a truth to grasp onto. If you encounter someone who doesn't believe in any truth whatsoever, they will lie all the time and claim emphatically that something is true, only because it serves their present need. When I phrase it this way, it sounds like a psychopathic behavior, but do not dismiss this so quickly. This tendency is universal and happens everywhere. Although I generally believe people are born "good," we do have inclinations that are often self-serving, and one of those is a willingness to bend the truth to benefit ourselves. If you have raised children, you know exactly what I mean. That shocking moment when you realize that your seven-year-old has blatantly lied to you for the first time. You have to lecture them, punish them, teach them, and help them understand that there is a moral and ethical responsibility to hold to some universal truth. That being said, lying is wrong. Not everyone got this lecture from Mom. Not everyone had a firm, resolute father that held enough credibility to teach their teenager to live as they have, honestly. Many people will use truth as an instrument and not even consider it lying. If they can change the truth, then they are not lying anymore. Problem solved. They can still participate in a society that believes lying is wrong, because they changed the truth. Oh, wait. They did not change the truth; they changed the narrative. Now I am not about to pretend I haven't lied to benefit myself. I am guilty of that sin, probably more often than I would want to admit to myself. However, if I were pushed on it, pressed on the topic, and I realized that my little white lie was hurting another soul, then I would fall on the sword of truth. I would admit to the lie without question. I didn't want to carry the knowledge that a lie I told had harmed someone. I could not live with myself. The older I have gotten, the more I have realized that gossip is a close cousin to this concept, which is why I have reduced my participation in passing gossip where I can. It is too easy to spread a lie about someone through gossip and not realize that you are lying at all. I have taught the game of chess to young people many times over my lifetime. I remember in the early days of my chess club that I started, there was a young boy who would absolutely lie to defend his ego. He did not want to lose or to be looked down upon in any way. He would cheat, deceive, and deny at any opportunity to show that he should have won or that something was unfair. I caught him multiple times fabricating game results. He would defend what happened as if it were a truth written in granite, when everyone in the room knew he had made it all up. The disconnect with him was hard to fathom. As the boy grew up in the program and his fear of losing decreased, he became less worried about defending a reality that made him look invincible. He would shrug off a loss and easily say that his opponent beat him good. He started becoming the enforcer of game purity, demanding everyone follow the rules. In stark contrast, this new truth became important to him. Following the rules of chess was not optional; they must be followed, and attempts to bend those rules were criminal acts of injustice in his mind. This transformation over 10 years has always stuck with me. The young man who would warp truth to his convenience morphed into one who followed strict adherence to the USCF Rules of Chess. To him, the ultimate truth was the purity of the game, and no longer something that could be reframed to fit his desired outcome. He was now hard to deal with for an entirely different set of reasons! Now the other children would complain that it was overbearing in its insistence that they do everything right. So how do you deal with people who will use the truth as an instrument to win, no matter what the cost? I am not sure; I still struggle with this. I have learned that it is important to identify what is going on as early as possible in the relationship. To look for telltale signs, repeating behavior, and a willingness to bend the truth as a matter of convenience. These types of people are usually very charming and, in the early stages, will be painting a story for you to earn your loyalty and trust. Watch how they treat others; however, if you start to see shifting narratives based on a person's usefulness, then you know what you are dealing with. A person who views truth as instrument.

    Day 344 - Truth as Instrument
  3. -3 дн.

    Day 343 - Selling Shovels in a Gold Rush

    Things in California have not changed much over the last few hundred years. Just like in the 1800s, Californios are still selling shovels in a gold rush. The first reported millionaire in California accumulated his fortune doing exactly that. When gold was discovered at Sutter's Mill in 1848, Samuel Brannan decided it would be a good idea to publish this discovery with great enthusiasm while simultaneously stocking his store with mining supplies at inflated prices. Funny how this has not changed much, except the gold is now AI, and we have thousands of people following Mr. Brannan's playbook. I do not think there is anything wrong with getting rich selling shovels during a gold rush. The charlatan, however, gets rich selling shovels and then claims he made his fortune digging gold. A great example of this is Henry Vizetelly and his 1849 book Four Months Among the Gold-Finders in Alta California. This man was from London and a decent publisher and journalist. During the height of the gold rush that Samuel Brannan was encouraging, this prospector's diary was published. Vizetelly published this journal about a character named J. Tyrwhitt Brooks, M.D., who went to California, prospected for gold, made a fortune, and described what life was like in the mining camps. This was the gold rush equivalent of a YouTube channel. Brooks didn't exist. And Vizetelly had never been to California. Vizetelly wrote the whole thing in London, combining published reports with his imagination. And it worked. History now describes the book as a commercial and critical success on both sides of the Atlantic, and, importantly, readers widely accepted it as an authentic Gold Rush diary. Vizetelly eventually admitted in his 1893 autobiography that the whole thing had been an elaborate hoax. This was not an isolated occurrence. There is an even more literal example involving Joseph Ware. In 1849, Ware published The Emigrants' Guide to California, giving people detailed instructions for reaching California, including routes, supplies, water, distances, and even instructions for testing gold. Ware had never been to California when he wrote it. He compiled his advice from the accounts of people who had. He subsequently attempted the journey himself and died along the trail before reaching California. This is the age-old business model of getting rich by teaching people how to get rich, circa 1849. An economic frenzy created by the widespread belief that a newly accessible resource could rapidly make you rich. AI has many of the same structural characteristics. The scarce resource has changed from gold to something closer to intelligence, automation, and productivity, but the economic behavior is recognizable. Samuel Brannan reportedly didn't merely sell supplies. He helped amplify news of the gold discovery while operating a business positioned to profit from the resulting demand. In modern language, he participated in creating attention around a market in which he was selling the enabling products. This does not make this automatically bad or fraudulent like Vizetelly and Ware, but it suggests a useful question whenever you encounter an AI guru, consultant, course, or methodology: Where did this person's gold actually come from? If they teach people how to build profitable AI businesses, look for profitable AI businesses they built other than the business of teaching people how to build profitable AI businesses. Ask this question before you head off to another California Gold Rush. To put it better, before you take advice from the miner, check whether he actually sells shovels.

    Day 343 - Selling Shovels in a Gold Rush
  4. -4 дн.

    Day 342 - Forming an Opinion

    Have you ever stopped to consider how you formed a particular opinion? This could be a viewpoint about conditions in an area of the world you have never visited, a conspiracy theory that you believe or do not believe, a religion you have dismissed, or a political stance that you have decided to take. What formed this opinion? The next question to consider is: How strongly do I believe this? Could anything change my mind? Growing up, I was involved in speech and debate, which was called Forensics at the time. I think that word has become associated with crime scene investigation, so now we just say debate. Although I like referring to it as forensics because that was truly what it was. We were immersed in the consideration and effectiveness of claims and how those could be backed up by various sources of evidence. We would frequently borrow from different fields, especially the legal field, to bring stronger arguments to defeat various "expert" opinions. Debate is notorious for making causal link chains that lead to some serious impact. When I was younger, the favorite topic was nuclear war. Everything would lead to a nuclear war if you kept linking the evidence together in a way that demonstrated some causality. Debate teams were arguing that all kinds of things would lead to nuclear war. From overharvesting Amazon jungles to underfunding public education, there was always a way to link these to social unrest, trade imbalances, and therefore global thermonuclear war. That then became a global ice age. My children were on a debate team in college, and their great calamity that everything linked to was global warming. However, just having a causal link was not strong evidence. Debate would often digress into a speed round to determine who could read the most evidence as fast as possible. They called this "spreading," the ability to just dump a bunch of evidence leading toward one of these terrible potential outcomes. So you either had to become really adept at reading evidence briefs, or you had to learn to tear apart arguments at their seams by attacking evidence quality. I chose the latter. As a consequence, I have always had in the back of my mind what causes me to form an opinion. Psychologists seem to distinguish between the strength of an opinion and the strength of the basis for an opinion, which are not the same thing. Someone can be extremely certain of something, with almost no support for that opinion. The word here would be epistemic. You may have a strong opinion, but your epistemic foundation could be very weak. So what is this epistemic foundation? If we were in a courtroom and you tried to bring in evidence to prove your opinion, you would run smack into the necessity of providing a foundation for any evidence to be introduced into the courtroom. You would suddenly find yourself swimming in a sea of evidentiary rules that have been adjudicated for centuries. Many people want to argue a defense of their opinion on the basis of intuition. "It just feels wrong to me," relying on their feelings, instincts, or preferences. This is the weakest foundation for an opinion, and people learn that quickly in a courtroom. Next might be an appeal to authority. That can be an authority derived from your society, your peers, your tribe, or perhaps just hearsay: "everyone is saying this!" Sometimes this can be stronger, meaning it comes from an authority that people trust, and in that case it will carry more weight, but the fact remains, basing an opinion only on the testimony of others is also a weak epistemic foundation. Next up is anecdotal. This is from personal experience. I saw this happen myself, or this is what happened to me are difficult arguments to defend against. However, they are just that: individual experience. They may be strong for the particular person, but not strong in terms of formulating a basis for an opinion that others should adopt as well. This is still pretty weak evidence, but stronger than intuition or hearsay. In a courtroom, this would be eyewitness testimony. Then we get to the higher levels of establishing an epistemic foundation for an opinion. An informed opinion is one in which you have multiple sources, facts, experience, and have done at least some rudimentary analysis. You might say, "I have looked into this, and several sources support it." Higher than an informed opinion is one that you have investigated. This implies that you have done research, your evidence is of high quality and from independent sources, and that you have had competing explanations weighed against your findings. In research circles, this is called being "peer-reviewed." Finally, the best and strongest epistemic foundation for an opinion would be one that is robust. Meaning that you have strong, convincing evidence, the methods of deriving that evidence are well understood, and you have tested counterevidence. More importantly, you have a strong conclusion, but that conclusion remains revisable, and you know exactly what new evidence would change your mind. Putting this all together. If you have a weak foundation and express high confidence in your opinion, then you are being dogmatic. If you have a strong foundation and high confidence, then that can be considered a well-supported conviction. There is a big difference between these two. If you have low confidence and a weak foundation, then you are just speculating. This is ok, as long as you are open about what you are trying to do. If you have low confidence with a strong foundation, then you are just being careful or perhaps too nice. We tend to talk about opinions as though they are all epistemically equivalent. This is just not true, and dangerous. You have heard the popular phrase: opinions are like a$$holes; everyone has one. This is true, but where that phrase stops short in rhetorical critique is that everyone has an opinion, and you can indeed judge the basis on which that opinion was formed.

    Day 342 - Forming an Opinion
  5. -4 дн.

    Day 341 - Schadenfreude

    I think we should teach young people more descriptive emotional vocabulary. Making fun of someone at that person's expense seems to be a byproduct of social media enthusiasm. To garner attention, people are constantly on patrol, looking for something they can capture and post to their account. This is especially true in the younger population that has stars in their eyes regarding the "creator economy." In many cases, this has led to a considerable lack of empathy that involves the humiliation of another person. If a person were to take a step back before posting something that shows the humiliation of another and ask themselves this question, I think there would be less of this. Would the joke still be funny if the person being joked about were standing comfortably in the group laughing too? The problem is that we do not pause long enough to think this through. When I was younger, a leader taught me about the concept of "punching down" versus "punching up." If a leader punches down on another person, that action carries far more moral weight than a subordinate making fun of their leadership. The English language does not feel like it has kept up with the rapidly evolving moral challenges that we face when interacting with so many people through modern communication modalities. In our language today, we might say, “If it is at someone else's expense, it isn't funny.” However, this does not quite capture the concept correctly. We have to add much more to this concept to derive the correct interpretation. Perhaps more accurately, the best humor makes the subject of the joke feel included in the laughter. Cruel humor requires someone to pay for everyone else's amusement. This is the aspect that is lost on people who brazenly post humiliation as a way to get more views and likes. The German language is interesting. Although of ancient origin, there is a mechanism in the language that allows for the construction of new words on the fly. This is through the compounding of words. The classic example of this is Volkswagen. Volk means people or a nation, and Wagen means car or wagon. The language even has connectors, or linking elements that blend these words together. In this case, the s follows volk. So this leads me to a highly descriptive word that explains this concept of public ridicule at another's expense better than the English language can. Schadenfreude This word is another compound. Schaden refers to harm or damage, and Freude means joy. So this word literally invokes the idea of having joy at another person's harm. It captures the notion perfectly in a single word. It does not necessarily mean you are cruel. Schadenfreude can be relatively harmless, like enjoying watching an arrogant rival lose a game. It becomes darker when the other person’s suffering itself is what makes the experience pleasurable. Germans did not invent this emotion, but they have labeled it well. I remember this word being used in context when I was younger, and it certainly has a negative moral implication. Using another person's misfortune to bring yourself joy. Maybe we should bring it back?

    Day 341 - Schadenfreude
  6. -6 дн.

    Day 340 - Beware the Expertise Discount

    As mastery increases, we tend to discount the value of capabilities that have become easy for us, forgetting that their value is determined by the difficulty they remove for others, not the difficulty they present to us. This is what I call the expertise discount. I recently saw a young person using some software to create a music track that he was recording a song to. He was so excited by his newfound ability. He could bring a full repertoire of instruments, bass lines, percussion sounds, and even some AI-generated chorus hooks. I rolled my eyes, thinking of how simple this was and how no one would buy this. Later, I walked into the gym where I heard a popular song, and in the background of the sound was a nearly identical machine-generated soundtrack running in the background. I realized that I was falling for the expertise discount, whereas this young man was not. We do this all the time and in nearly every area that we gain expertise. My particular field happens to be hot right now, which is fun but the hard part is that I tend to want to make it far more complicated then it needs to be. Because the baseline technologies come easy to me, I imagine in my mind that people will never buy or subscribe to what we build because of the simplicity. This is the predictable mistake that a person has when falling for the expertise discount. They say in their mind: “Surely nobody would pay for this. It’s too simple.” The expert will then shoot above the market. They build something technically more impressive, comprehensive, or sophisticated than the customer actually needs, while a competitor monetizes the basic capability. We experts will shake our heads at others who monetize the simple while we struggle with building something far more complex. If you find yourself doing this then you need to realize this absolute truth: your easiest valuable skill may be your most commercially underestimated skill. So, next time you find yourself thinking something is "too simple" to be valuable, maybe pause for a second. That feeling might just be your expertise playing tricks on you, blinding you to the very thing others are looking for. It's a good reminder to sometimes step back and see things through fresh eyes, or even better, through the eyes of someone who hasn't walked your path yet. That's often where the real magic, and the real opportunity, lies.

    Day 340 - Beware the Expertise Discount
  7. 13 сент.

    Day 339 - Story Telling is Our Stewardship

    I watched my daughter receive an award yesterday, one she earned through years of hard work. What struck me was how surprised she seemed by it. From her perspective, she had not done anything extraordinary. But that was precisely the point. She won because of the last three years of effort, not because of something she had done that day. The lesson was simple: perseverance pays off. My family knows this lesson well. Growing up, I heard story after story about family members who kept going when things were difficult, uncertain, or simply taking longer than expected. As I watched my daughter receive that award, some of those stories came back to me. And it occurred to me that making sure the next few generations know them is now partly my responsibility. I have come to believe that one of our primary responsibilities is to tell our story. Not because our lives are necessarily remarkable, but because experience has value only if some portion of it survives us. We spend our lives learning things slowly and often painfully, and then too easily allow those lessons to disappear when we do. Human progress depends on preventing that loss. We understand this instinctively in science and technology. An engineer does not begin by rediscovering electricity, and a physician does not start medical knowledge over with each new generation. We record what has been learned so the next person can begin farther down the road. But much of what matters most in life cannot be handed down as a formula. How do you teach someone what betrayal feels like, or when loyalty has become foolishness? How do you explain the difference between perseverance and stubbornness, between ambition and greed, or between a difficult season and a reason to quit? Advice rarely carries enough weight. A story does. “Keep going” is advice. The story of a great-grandfather who lost nearly everything, started over, and eventually rebuilt his life is something different. It gives perseverance shape. It places the principle inside a human life, with fear, uncertainty, mistakes, and consequences attached. For a moment, another person gets to borrow someone else’s experience without having to pay the full price for it themselves. Perhaps that is why human beings have always told stories. Long before books, databases, and cloud storage, people preserved what mattered around fires and dinner tables. Families repeated stories. Religions preserved them in scripture. Communities carried them forward through songs, legends, and traditions. We think of storytelling as entertainment, but it may also be one of humanity’s oldest forms of storage. The tragedy is how quickly a family can lose its accumulated knowledge. A grandchild may know that his grandfather owned a business but never hear that he nearly lost it twice. A granddaughter may know that her grandmother raised five children but never know about the years when money was scarce and she was frightened they would not make it. The facts remain, but the wisdom disappears. Then the next generation encounters hardship and believes it is something entirely new. They think they are the first person in the family to fail, to doubt, to struggle financially, or to discover that life has not unfolded according to plan. Stories remind us that hardship has a lineage, and so does resilience. I would even dare to say that behind most strong families there is some tradition of storytelling. It may be a grandmother who refuses to let anyone forget where the family came from, a father who tells the same story every Thanksgiving, or a box of letters someone had the good sense not to throw away. Over time, those stories become more than memories. They become identity. This is who we are. This is what we have survived. This is what we learned. This is what mattered enough that we decided not to forget it. The purpose is not to convince our descendants that we were extraordinary. It is to give them a head start. Our children should know some of the things we learned too late. Our grandchildren should know the stories that taught us what perseverance, courage, faith, failure, and recovery actually look like. Yesterday, my daughter received an award because years of quiet effort finally became visible. She may remember the award. I want her to remember the larger story. And I want her children to know it too.

    Day 339 - Story Telling is Our Stewardship
  8. 12 сент.

    Day 338 - What Is Humility?

    When people hear the word humility, they instantly think of someone beaten down, stripped of all pride, and suffering a great loss. Many religious people aspire to a higher ideal of becoming humble without having been forced to do so. Over the centuries, a wide variety of creative methods of "bringing a person to their knees" have been invented for this purpose. I think the error in thinking here is that humility is viewed as a trait that can be mastered, when in reality humility is a practice that becomes a disposition. Another view is that humility is simply the concept of thinking less of yourself and more for others, but that is also misguided. I think a better definition is: Humility is the ability to see yourself accurately, including your strengths, limitations, dependence on others, and possibility of being wrong. A confident person can therefore be very humble. In fact, genuine confidence can make humility easier because you don't have to defend your identity every time one of your ideas turns out to be wrong. Viewed in this light, you can start to see why humility can be useful rather than a fictitious state of constant suffering. Without humility, we tend to defend our existing beliefs. New information becomes a threat. With humility, you can say, "I have good reasons for believing this, but I may be missing something." That seemingly small change makes learning dramatically easier. The dangerous person is often not the person who knows little, but the person who doesn't know what they don't know. Humility introduces some questions that a person uses constantly to improve their judgment. They might ask, what assumptions am I making? What evidence would change my mind? Who knows more about this than I do? Where might I be fooling myself? There is also a powerful interpersonal benefit. Humble people tend to be easier to disagree with because disagreement doesn't automatically become a contest over status. They can hear criticism without immediately counterattacking. They can apologize. They can give someone else credit. They can change their minds without feeling humiliated. You can always tell when you have a leader who has humility. They do not have to be the smartest person in the room. They want a room full of people telling them things, and they listen carefully. They are quick to say that they do not know, admit when others are right, accept that they misunderstood, and take corrective action quickly. When you are in an organization with one of these leaders, information flows in an upward direction. I have a tendency toward arrogance. I can tell you with absolute authority that arrogance requires constant maintenance. If your identity depends on being right, competent, important, successful, knowledgeable, or respected, then every mistake becomes threatening. You have to explain failures, protect your reputation, rationalize decisions, and reinterpret criticism. Humility gives you another option, and that is quite simply, "I was wrong." And then life continues. That can be enormously freeing. However, too little ego is absolutely not humility by this definition. Someone who constantly says, "I'm terrible, I don't know anything, everyone else is better than me," may actually be intensely preoccupied with themselves. Humility is not removing yourself completely; it is a paradox. You have the confidence to know that you have something valuable to contribute, but are also willing to believe that you are capable of being wrong. That combination of conviction without certainty may be one of the most valuable mental habits a person can develop. This is what I call humility.

    Day 338 - What Is Humility?

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The 365 Commitment Podcast focuses on helping people make and keep life changing commitments.