The Awakened Self

Dr. Sharon Joy Ng
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This venue is for readers interested in all things psychological and spiritual. I am a retired professor of psychology focusing on an eclectic approach to awakening the core self within. sjoyng611.substack.com

  1. 02/09/2025

    Are You Sleeping…

    Do you remember your dreams? Or do you simply awaken in the morning knowing that you dreamed but have no idea what it was about? Then, there are those dreams you can’t forget…ever. They stick with us and at times when we have a flash of a vision, we wonder if that was a fragment of memory from something that actually happened to us in our waking hours or was it from our dreamscape? Even in our sleep we dream and feel as if we are “awake” and moving consciously through our world. In our dreams, our consciousness continues to create and interact with dream figures and objects of our nether world just as if we were awake. We “wake up” in the morning and then transition into a different reality–one we call the “real world.” Too often, we only remember fragments of our dreams. “What did that mean?” you ask yourself. Some people have great dream recall and with practice we can all have better recall of our dream world. This takes conscious intention and a routine that facilitates that recall. Keeping a notepad and pen by your bedside helps so that you can jot down what you recall immediately upon awakening. Don’t speak or get up because that wakefulness seems to erase our ability to recall our dreams. If you can keep your eyes closed, that is even better. Don’t worry about writing grammatically correct sentences. Just single words can help. If we are lucky to remember our dreams or at least fragments of it, we feel as if we are informed somehow by our nighttime wanderings. Perhaps the dream experience might hold some vital information or solutions for our waking lives. Many discoveries and lyrics to songs have emerged from these nighttime wanderings. Waking consciousness is just as obscure as our dreaming consciousness. We behave in ways that we don’t quite understand. We have feelings and reactions that seem to just come out of nowhere. What if we could unravel the origins of those moments and behaviors? Would we be able to discard what doesn’t work for us and evolve into a newer self? We search to understand ourselves and others, trying to make sense of what is going on within us. What if we could AWAKEN enough to begin questioning ourselves? Often when we ask questions, we work hard to find the answers, but in this quest to AWAKEN, the answers are not as important as diving into the question itself. What other questions arise from asking the first question? Answers are not that important in this exercise. The value is in the process of asking the question for it leads to additional questions that will help awaken us out of our waking sleep. Following are some good questions to get you started. See what other questions arise from each as you ask yourself. I’ve provided a few examples: * Who am I? (as a female, a sister, a friend, a lover, a mom, etc) * Can I be Me? (Which “me”? Are there different aspects of “Me”?) * What do I want? (Why do I want that? Will it make my life better? Who taught me that it is desirable to have?) * Where will I go? * Who will go with me? * Why was I born? * Do I have a purpose? * Why do I react the way that I do? * Why do certain situations make me feel the way that I do? * How can I prepare for what lies ahead? * What am I missing? * Am I missing anything? * How can I reach my highest potential? * Are there tools that I can learn to help me to evolve and uncover the authentic Self that lies within? * What would it mean for me to live from my AWAKENED SELF? Although we generally don’t ask these questions of our dream world, if we were to do so, our dreams could lead us to creative and satisfying solutions that we know came from our own inner wisdom. For example, explore the people and objects in your dreams. You put them there because it’s your dream. When we dream of people we’ve known, do we dream of them because we miss them? Or is there a deeper meaning to be discovered? If we look at the people and objects that we’ve inserted into our dreams, by seeing them as metaphors or symbols that represent something about us, we are one step closer to hearing our inner voice. What do they represent? What are their characteristics? How are you similar to people that you placed in your dream? How are they acting in the dream? How is your current behavior (or feelings, attitude) similar to that? We dive deep into our psyche to find meaning. Being conscious that our dream is a dream while we are still physically asleep is a characteristic of lucid dreaming. We wake up in our dream—we are conscious and aware that we are in a dream—yet we remain physically asleep. We are lucid because our awareness is similar to our waking state and it is what we refer to as being conscious. Being lucid in your dreams allows you to work within a different reality where the rules of how the world works bends and we discover that time and space no longer constrict our abilities to know things and to be comfortable in the world. We can travel anywhere instantly, even to other planets or into outer space, cruising the galaxy. We can travel to different realities and meet up with people who we know have died and have conversations with them. We can fly. We can shape shift. We are super beings. How can we have more lucid dreams? During the day we can ask ourselves, “Am I asleep?” Doing this habitually, when you enter your dream world when you sleep, you will likely ask that same question again. That is the time when you can “wake up” and become lucid in your sleep. Another tactic is to notice anomalies that only happen in your dreams. For me, one recurring anomaly in my dreams is that when I try to turn on lights by flipping the switch, no lights work. If I can question, “Is the electricity off?” I may have a chance to realize I’m in a dream and then do what I most enjoy in my lucid dreams…I fly! Another cue is that I find it almost impossible to read in my dreams and if I do, the words keep changing. I remember one dream when I looked up at a theatre marquee, and the title of the movies being shown keep moving and changing so I couldn’t read it. It was almost like an electronic theatre marquee but it was the old fashioned type with letters inserted to form the words. I was aware enough in my dream to recognize, “I’m in a dream!” So of course, I ran down the street trying to fly! It was great! In a sense, we are beckoned to Awaken to both of these worlds—our dream world and our world when we are physically awake. To awaken to the messages of our dreams teaches us that these symbolic messages of the unconscious can inform us in a way that lead to creative solutions, greater happiness, and more peace in our lives. To Awaken to our daily reality would teach us to make more conscious choices that result in the kind of reality that we desire because we have come to understand the impact that being unaware has had on our lives. As we learn more about the cartography of the psyche, we use consciousness to determine how the pieces of the puzzle fit together. We “see” that there are factors that impact the reality that we experience and we begin to use our tools to reshape our perceptions, which in turn, impact our attitudes. These changes in perception and attitude help us create realities that are closer to our desires. We begin to trust our choices in the world because we are aware that too often we are reacting instead of responding to situations. Reactions are knee-jerk habitual behaviors, while responses are thought out with conscious awareness. We learn that our unconscious behaviors are often distortions or perceptions that are fueled by our past experiences or pain or trauma. They fueled our emotional reactions and prevented us from consciously responding to subsequent situations that are similar. We learn to be, rather than compulsively applying definitions to our experiences. You know this one…”You know those people! They’re all like that!” We learn to appreciate and take in what is happening in the moment, the NOW, allowing us to see the world as through the eyes of a child—untainted and unencumbered. We stop applying our stories to what is happening and realize that the soul cages that we live in are not locked. We need only to open the door. The handle is on the inside. Music Credit Acknowledgment: https://uppbeat.io/t/rahul-popawala/north-indian-alleys This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sjoyng611.substack.com

    10 min

  2. 12/31/2024

    Closing Out 2024

    As a Chinese tradition, prior to the new year, our families would close out the old year by having a simple sit-down family meal together and declaring that we are closing out the old year with that meal. I always liked the idea of that because it meant that the year behind us with all its ups and downs, the good and bad…that it was all now being closed out so we could welcome in the new year. Sort of like a fresh start. Somehow, that always gave me a feeling that if there was anything that I was not really happy about in the past year that we were closing out, that that part of our lives would not follow me forward into the new year if I thoughtfully sorted out the wheat from the chaff. I could count my blessings for the lessons I’d learned from whatever occurred because I knew I had grown somehow. If I consciously examine my life as I close out the old year, I can mindfully choose what I want to take with me and what I want to let go of…well… then I’ve done something good for myself. Today we are on the cusp of that time once again, at least according to the Gregorian calendar. It’s not Chinese New Year, but it is a new year. It’s a time when we can look back and learn from so much that has gone by during that time. It’s a time for us to take the time so that when we enter into 2025 mindfully, we have our eyes wide open. I don’t think this refers to any of the political drama that we may have witnessed or the tragedies that unfolded over the year, but that we take a personal look at our lives and what we are creating and living out. Some things I think about are basic discoveries that I’ve made about myself that I would like to alter or evolve. This has to do with little tendencies that I may have to focus on the negative when there’s so much positive around me. When I focus on the negative, my whole world is colored by that mood, those thoughts and those emotions, so why do I do it? Habit. Peer reflexive habit. If there’s one thing I hope that I am learning, it is that when I do act out of habit rather than consciously, that I catch myself and correct myself at that point. It’s a goal anyway. So what do I want to leave behind? This is a great time to contemplate that. The best part about looking forward, however, has to do with what I can hope to create in the new year! What is most exciting about this time of year for me is that now I can focus on the future and imagine and visualize what I want to create in the coming year. I don’t want to think about the things I don’t want to carry forward with me into 2025 nor do I want to focus on any fears that I may have that I may inadvertently manifest in the coming year. I want to focus on creating what I want and need. So this time allows me to dream big and challenge myself to grow in many ways. Whether that is creating music, art, making new friends, having new adventures, reading new books, learning new skills, trying new foods, or anything to challenge myself to grow, I’m grateful to have this opportunity to actively create my world. Who will I want to share my world with? Those that brought me down or those who lift me up? Do I want to just live the same old routine life or do I want to create new adventures and experiences? It’s all a choice. I’m excited for it to happen. How about you? What will you create for the coming year? What will you leave behind? A useful exercise to solidify this process is to write all this down, put a date on it and put it somewhere safe so you can reread it again at any future point to see if you are on track or not. Make a list of those things that you want to leave behind that no longer serve you. Ask yourself, “What lessons did I learn from that experience?” Then make a corresponding list of those things that you do want to create for the coming year. You can even take out some art tools and draw images about what you are leaving behind and what you are wanting to create. Take this time for yourself as we move into the new year. And have a great New Year…dream big…be safe and create a mindset that serves you. Namaste 🙏🏼 Dr. Sharon Music Credit Acknowledgment: https://uppbeat.io/t/rahul-popawala/north-indian-alleys This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sjoyng611.substack.com

    5 min

  3. 12/08/2024

    Genes and Memes

    How do we navigate our lives in a way that feels balanced between caring for ourselves and caring for others? Gender roles assign most of the care-taking to females, but that line is blurred now with men being “allowed” and encouraged to share equally in child-rearing situations without threatening their sense of masculinity. I used the word “allowed” purposefully because in earlier days it was not considered manly to change diapers or care for the children. That was a woman’s job. Division of labor was also assigned according to gender: women were to care for the inside of the house, men were to care for the outside chores. This might be considered old fashioned, but it continues to persist in many households. Today, when people couple up, the chores and responsibilities of running a household tend to be more evenly divided, negotiating who will do what and who is most prepared to tackle any particular task. The healthy path to deciding who can and will do what is to have the conversation about it. Simple enough…yet, how many today openly discuss these issues so that there is some clarity in the maintenance aspects of a partnership? Too often we find that when it comes down to day to day living, we fall into the old standard patterns of gendered female and male division of labor roles. How do we rise above unconscious adherence to gender roles and break free from habitual patterns that don’t fit our unique lives and situations? How did we get here in the first place? Thanks for reading The Awakened Self ! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. There are so many perspectives from which we can explore this idea. Social forces of the day, gender expectations of the era, whether we grew up in a religious household and depending on the religion, we learned that certain behaviors were taboo. Then there is peer pressure, family, cultural and societal expectations slapped onto each of us without consideration for our unique personalities. But that’s not all. There are also forces that impact how we see the world and therefore the behaviors we deem as representative of who we believe that we are. We label ourselves as having certain qualities and not others, and consequently paint ourselves into a corner where we may find it difficult to be spontaneous or flexible because “we aren’t that kind of person.” How do we come to adopt the characteristics, mindset, behaviors and perspectives that we have? We might say that we were born this way, or we made a conscious decision along the way that we adopted a particular way of being. Either way, are we conscious, aware and awake to “who we are”? And do we stick to these ways of being even when the situation demands for flexibility in our responses? What if we took the conscious step towards unmasking ourselves, taking the time to examine what fits and what doesn’t fit us anymore. What worked in the past may not work today. Remember, the only constant in life is change. When we become aware of patterns of behavior that don’t seem to truly reflect the Self that we are trying to unfold, how can we change? Can we come to a place of acceptance and balance for what may be one-sided in our personalities? Awareness helps. Carl Jung described the collective unconscious, that part of the unconscious that we all have in common because we are all humans and have inherited the patterns of behaviors that we would describe as typically human. We are not like cats or dogs, but our similarity to other humans cannot be refuted. On some level we are all capable of what we witness in others behaviorally. Jung described our human propensities as collective in nature, similar to our human physical form. One need only observe the vast differences in appearances and behaviors, but we can all recognize them as being typically human. Jung called this our psychoid inheritance. I would refer to them as a variation on “memes,” perhaps—they are stereotypical behaviors that fit a word or two that characterize a particular way of being. For example, a “worry wart” or “control freak” bring certain images to mind, complete with behaviors, emotions, and ways of thinking that fits the pattern. If we want our authentic Self to emerge, it would help if we can step back and observe ourselves. You may be surprised that you too are acting-out these patterns unconsciously, especially when we are stressed or feel backed-up against a wall. So archetypes are typical human patterns of behavior awaiting activation that are stereotypical in humans. You’ve seen it and experienced it throughout your life. The archetype is not activated until the circumstances constellate as such to call forth the archetypal pattern to life. An archetype is a predisposed way of being, patterns of behavior that we expect to encounter at some point in our lives. Think of being a young child. We looked forward to becoming a teenager. Then as a teenager we couldn’t wait to cross the threshold into adulthood. What did we hold in our imaginations about what it would be like when we advanced to that stage of life, inherent with the behaviors and actions that we all tend to expect from people in those stages? These stereotypical patterns of behavior relate to the roles we assume. For example, there are typical roles we may assume in life such as becoming an employee for the first time, advancing to become a manager, becoming a girlfriend or boyfriend, a husband or wife, widow or widower. What will it be like? How will we feel, act and respond? We’ve all been through it. We might not have a clear memory of the experience, but the experience is imprinted on our psyches—what Jung called our psychoid inheritance. Similar to inheriting genes that express themselves to form our humanlike structure, we also inherit psychological “memes”—the archetypes that make our behaviors human. Ways of being. Stereotypical patterns of behavior that we all recognize, such as being the boss, a wife, a husband, a sister, a brother, a son, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, an employee. The list goes on and on. There are as many archetypes as there are situations. How will we act when we take on a new role or advance in age to a new stage in life? For now, think of all the new experiences you had after you were born and how much you learned in the process. An archetypal situation is one wherein you walk into it for the very first time in your life. You are a virgin in that respect. As a baby you learned to turn over, crawl, stand, walk and then to run. Each milestone was met with a fresh heart and you did your best to imitate what you had observed. One way that we learn is through our observations and unless we now look back at how we have adhered to typical patterns of behavior, we will not be able to reach what Jung called Individuation—that state of being wherein we have awakened and looked within and back at our lives to see how much of it was a conscious one. Did we just do what we were expected to do, sort of mindlessly going about our lives without having asked ourselves some hard questions about what we really wanted in life? Did we avoid situations because it didn’t fit our “image”? Have we pushed down different parts of ourselves because we wanted to fit in? Did we stifle our individuality because we wanted to fit in? Think of yourself and the experiences that you had when you found yourself in a brand new situation that you’d not encountered before in your life. How did you feel? How did you behave? With awareness we can enter into situations and not get seduced by the archetypal expression of that role, but temper it with our true nature. I may have advanced to become a boss, but what type of boss will I be? Can I still be effective yet maintain my individual ways of interacting with those who were once my peers? That is the task of the Awakened Self in a new situation…to put on the garments and mask of the role perhaps, but to not wear such a rigid demeanor that we lose all sense of who we are when we are in that role. ~ Namaste Dr. Sharon Music Credit Acknowledgment: https://uppbeat.io/t/rahul-popawala/north-indian-alleys Thanks for reading The Awakened Self ! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sjoyng611.substack.com

    10 min

  4. 11/13/2024

    Taming Stress

    Are you stressed? The world and our individual lives can fill us with a sense of dread and foreboding, but how we filter that input makes a big difference in our response to stress. Are we reacting or responding? There is a difference. In the former, I am acting from my hind brain…simply having a reaction that is likely primed from past situations I’ve been in. There is no intervention with mindful thinking or awareness. Just reaction. Or are you able to take that split second and step back and observe the situation in order to experience it fully, without preset filters of protection? Are you able to rest in your awareness and allow the situation to unfold so that you can make an informed response? You know the difference. A response requires that we use our higher power of reasoning and thinking to fully take in the situation so that our words and behavior reflect a conscious response instead of an automatic reaction. Easy to say. Harder to do. I think this year is an especially stressful time, given the uncertainty that we all face in the coming years, but the holiday season brings with it its own unique stressors. It’s a time that many look forward to, and to others, a sense of dread overshadows the air. Will we be able to gather with our families? How will everyone get along? Will there be family drama as we gather together again? Will we all fall into our usual scripts or family roles? What about presents? Yes or no? Can we afford the holiday expenditures and giving? How can we move through the season with less stress and more peacefulness? There are proven methods that we can all use to achieve a calmer mind. The following ideas form a do-it-yourself paced path to train your mind to spend less time haunted by the past and beating ourselves up for what we “should have done,” ”should have said,” or wondering “why, why, why?” These methods can also calm your mind so that you don’t spend so much time worrying about the future. Planning our future is one thing, but worrying about it only causes our present time to be filled with anxiety and perhaps dread. When we understand how consciousness works, we learn ways to tame it so that it doesn’t run away from us into the past or future. We learn that our current consciousness is formed throughout the process of living: our experiences, perspectives, biases, preferences, outlook and attitude all contribute to how we know the world today. How do those elements that form our consciousness grow and change over the years and is there a way for us to mindfully become aware of the content of our consciousness? Would this awareness help us to become more present in the moment so that we can feel more alive and in control of what goes on in our minds? Labeling Experiences As we grew from infancy, our vocabulary grew. Language allowed our species to advance and dominate the earth. Words help us categorize and label things, feelings, events, people and such, bringing a sense of continuity to our lives. The danger lies, however, in identifying with the words we use with the people, places, things, and events that we label. We might remember something as “scary” or “extremely upsetting” that happened long ago, yet remains with us to this day. When we encounter something similar to it today, we tend to apply the same label to this new situation again even though that was in the past and this one is in your current experience. Along with the labeling we use, our physiology floods our brain and bodily systems with the reactionary chemical cocktail that translates into convincing you that this too is a scary situation. This is useful in some situations, but what happens when we apply our negative expectations to new situations because they are similar to past negative experiences? We are already primed to react as if we are actually being threatened again. This does not allow for a “fully experienced moment” because we have already determined that it is “scary” or “extremely upsetting” and we miss our chance to truly experience what is happening in that moment and engage in a response that is more current. Too often we identify the things or situations with labels formed in our past. Although these labels are helpful, they also limit our thinking. In his book No Boundary, Ken Wilber described how the words we use make up the maps of our lives. The words we use may describe things for us, but they are not the things themselves. They are simply the names and labels that we’ve used to identify things and situations. They form a belief system that we apply unconsciously to our encounters. We must remember, however, that the map is not the territory. The territory is simply labeled by the mapmaker–-us. For example, think of any names or labels others have used to describe what they think or feel about you. Are they all accurate? Are some of them demeaning? Does this imply that those descriptions are the truth? Too often, we feel that our beliefs and labels are the truth. Again, the map is not the territory. We need to exercise mindfulness and awareness of the present moment to awaken our consciousness to a higher level. The hologram can help us to understand the nature of consciousness and thought. All “realities” are there, enfolded and waiting to unfold. When focusing upon one aspect of reality, other realities “fall away”. Yet if we are to reconsider and peer once again into the possibilities awaiting discovery, our previous notions of a situation or reality can be broadened to include all that comes to us. We don’t have to cling to one interpretation or the other. This gives us the opportunity to just see “what is.” Our pre-set responses to the world have to do with the assumptions that we hold about the world. We expect certain outcomes or we apply particular definitions to events, feelings, or actions. We have good and bad categories that we apply, therefore some things are seen as being favorable to our lives while others are marked as unacceptable. Human experience is a process rather than a stagnant entity. By allowing ourselves to let go of what our ego is trying to convince us of, we are able to come into full contact with all that is. When we do not apply the preset labels to life, we are more able to appreciate the fullness of each moment. We take it in as it is, not as we have believed it to be. We enter situations with an open mind and heart. Growing Our Awareness John Welwood wrote, “If you ask yourself how you are feeling right now, the first sense you may have is ‘I don’t know. I’m not sure.’…Learn how to follow and stay with what is still unclear in our felt experience…let it unfold and reveal itself to us. A felt sense is a wider way our body holds or ‘knows’ many aspects of a situation all at once—subverbally, holistically, intuitively. It is concretely felt—in the body—as a sense—something not yet cognitively clear or distinct. It is not yet clear because it contains many aspects of the situation –it needs to be ‘unpacked’ or ‘unfolded.’ Contacting and unfolding the wider felt sense of a situation we are in often leads to important therapeutic changes.” Quantum physicists tell us that what we see as our “real” world is but the unfolded reality that we have formed. Our reality is based upon the ideas we hold about what is so and how the world works. The potential for other “realities” exist within the enfolded order. There are always many possible interpretations or viewpoints in any given situation. The enfolded reality contains all those possibilities. The unfolded reality is the one we settle upon as being OUR reality. Mindfulness meditation helps us achieve a greater expanse of conscious awareness by allowing the enfolded realities to reveal themselves in a process of unfolding. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we rest in awareness and allow the reality to unfold. When we don’t apply our own “storylines” or expectations to situations, we allow for the situation to become. Can you see how this alone can alleviate stress that we are feeling? Jack Kornfield reminds us, “When you meditate…you take all the ego energy and are drawn to some inner place which then stimulates the unconscious. States beyond the ego suddenly arise. The mental training (of meditation) emphasizes…the factor of mindfulness that arises in relation to mental feelings, experiences, without getting caught (up) by them. As that mindfulness grows, it also has the function of deepening samadhi which is not just the samadhi of withdrawal, but samadhi of being very present in daily life moment to moment. Samadhi is a state of equanimity where the intellect goes beyond its normal function of discrimination. This in turn, loosens one from his or her physical body. If mindfulness or awareness is cultivated first, then the mind becomes prepared in a natural way for more difficult exposure to the unconscious.” In Journey of the Heart, Welwood wrote, “The practice of mindfulness meditation…involves sitting straight, following the breath, and letting thoughts come and go, without trying to control them or direct them in more pleasant directions. As soon as we give up control and let ourselves be in this way, the confusion of churning thoughts and feelings may become more noticeable. When we observe our thoughts we are able to get at what is driving us. We get an intimate sense of the areas of our life where we are afraid, fixated, or grasping too tightly. Meditation provides an opportunity to let this confusion arise and be there, rather than, as therapy does, trying to sort out the confusion. “Gently bringing our attention back to the breath helps keep us from getting lost in the chaos of thoughts and feelings. We can let the confusion arise without identifying with it. We learn how to ‘keep our seat,’ how not to get thrown or carried away by the wild horse of the mi

    16 min

  5. 10/15/2024

    Removing The Masks

    Halloween is almost here and so many people are excited to get their costumes together and for a night, to be someone or something else. It’s a great tradition and allows our alter ego to shine. Maybe we even celebrate for a few days leading up to the big night, but we know that it is simply a costume and that we are still ourselves underneath the wigs, clothes, props and masks we wear for this holiday. What does it mean “to wear a mask?” Traditionally, on Halloween it was believed that the veil between this realm and that of the dead is at its thinnest. Masks were worn to disguise us from being recognized by the souls that return from the dead that evening and to possibly scare them off. Ironically, we all wear masks everyday of our lives. We dummy down and modify our natural self in order to fit into the situations we are in, but is your mask painted on or do you wear a stiff mask that totally hides who you are? I think of Jim Carrey in The Mask and how the stiff wooden mask transforms into a mask that is pliable and painted on. One totally hid his face while the other transformed his character into an alter ego of him. So what type of mask are you wearing? The wooden one, or one that is adaptive but pliable enough to reveal who you are? Why do we feel compelled to wear masks and what does that say about the reality we are living in when we don certain masks that we feel help us adapt to the situation we are in? Why do we feel the need to cover up who we are or how we feel, or to dampen down our natural self? It’s normal and natural to do so and most of us learned to do this as children. As we grew, certain behaviors brought us either the response we wanted or taught us that it didn’t work. Others reactions and responses to us help shape how we present ourselves or what we choose to hide from others. You know the feeling. We repeat those behaviors that brought us what we wanted and suppressed those that resulted in punishment. Our choices either brought us praise or perhaps criticism so we learned to act in certain ways so as to bring out the responses we wanted. In doing so, how often did you have to suppress your natural self? When we do that often enough I think we lose our connection to that core self, having covered it up with different masks and costumes that we thought we should wear. There are also those situations that were scary, anxiety provoking, or arousing that taught us reactionary physiological arousal that fuels our behavior. These physiological reactions are out of our conscious awareness and in a stimulus response pattern, we get triggered by something. Certain scents, visual cues, sounds or stimuli can bring on immediate fear in some or bring us to tears of sadness or even joy. We make connections between certain stimuli that we associate with a fearful situation or reminds us of something we didn’t like in the past somehow. This type of conditioning primes us for reacting with the same emotion when we find ourselves in a similar situation in the future. The anxiety that unconsciously governs our “reactions” throughout our lives are useful in many circumstances, but when we get triggered in relationships because the situation reminds us of past trauma, that is when we need to awaken to this connection. Unless we become mindful of those associations, we will continue to react, instead of responding in the moment. Leaving the past where it belongs is not only vital to our thinking patterns that lead to behaviors, but we also need to change those reactions so that we don’t color the present with the emotions of the past. Easy to say. Harder to do. When we become aware of those connections, we are empowered to effect change in our lives. As humans, we possess consciousness that allows us to step back from our reactions to observe what is happening. This elevates us above other animals in important ways. This faculty allows us to make changes to automatic behaviors and reactions that have become ingrained in our repertoire. It may not be easy to break these connections, but it is possible. If we are to emerge from our conditioning to allow our authentic self to be uncovered and discovered, we need to examine what roles we might be playing and ask ourselves if those roles are functional for us anymore or are they outdated. In fact, awareness of those roles allows us to examine the nature of any particular role so that we can begin to live more consciously. We can shed those roles like garments we’ve outgrown or simply alter those garments to fit the times. Another way to put it is that we can wear these “roles” like costumes but not forget who we are underneath that facade. Can we dare to dive deep within to see if we are truly in touch with our inner voice or are we simply conforming to behaviors we believe are correct because that is what we have learned? What might have worked for us as children had to evolve if we were to fit in as we grew up, yet even as adults we find ourselves entangled in our roles, feeling we have to be as we have always been. A woman who is in a committed relationship may feel that it is her “role” to assume certain tasks for the family. The same is true for a man. But how can our individuality survive if we live lives ruled by ideal roles or models instead of discovering and living from our core? As our circumstances change we are faced with a new “role” to “play” or mask to put on it seems. When our children were small, our responsibilities as a parent were to guide and protect them, loosening those reins as they grew. When we coupled up with another after being single, our behaviors evolved from flying solo to flying together. We had to adjust. But at what cost to our authentic self do we pay if we wear these new roles unconsciously, assuming that is who we are now? We learned that we’ve needed to modify our behaviors depending on the situation and the mix of people who are part of it. Sometimes we’ve had to dampen down certain tendencies we have because it didn’t “fit” the circumstances we were in in that moment. At other times we are called out of our comfort zone to be more outspoken or outgoing—to extravert—or to be less so in other circumstances—to introvert. In this way, our behaviors become patterns and oftentimes slip into our unconscious lying dormant until the events in a situation call forth the need for those behaviors again. But what happens when we want to change? What do we keep and what do we discard? Do we discard former behaviors or reactions or would it be better to just modify them? When we are faced with transitions in our lives, these are the types of questions that emerge. For example, if you choose to stop drinking alcohol, will that alter what you do for recreation or who you hang out with? Or if you get a promotion, how will you relate to your former colleagues who you must now supervise? Or what happens when you have children who are now parents themselves? How does your “role” evolve from parent to grandparent? Will you find your role models in your own parents or grandparents, or will you create your own version? We have to remove the masks to reveal the authentic Self within if we want a real soul connection with others. When we connect on a soul level, we are not only honoring the soul of the other person, but we feel seen and honored as well. When we are upset, we put on a number of potential masks that we have stored in our emergency closet. Will it be my Tough Child mask I feel compelled to wear this time, or is it the Desperate Child mask that takes over? You know the two different masks: the Tough Child mask says, “I don’t need you! You can’t hurt me. I am fine by myself and can carry on my life without you!“ And then you also know the Desperate Child mask who pleads, “Please don’t leave me! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean what I said! I promise I won’t do that again…“ Why do we find it so hard to find our true feelings and then to express them? Why do our defenses cause us to make excuses, or rationalize, or deny what is? Can we become quiet enough so that our inner voice can be heard? That inner voice is the Self that needs to be seen and recognized. That inner voice is only wanting to glean the lesson for the experience and to awaken and live in the present moment instead of being dragged into the past over and over again. We wear those mask when in reality all we want is love. All we want is to be seen, heard, to be understood and shown compassion and care. So why don’t we just ask for it? Can we get past our defenses and reach down to let the inner Self express what it truly feels, wants and thinks? If we want to be heard at a soul level, we have to be in touch with our soul. That means we have to first recognize when we are using our masks as defenses, and drop the roles that we’ve learned that help us feel safe, and allow the true authentic Self to guide us. We can start by recognizing the masks that we’ve kept in our stash box ready to put on at the most appropriate moment, and with courage, step forth into a more fulfilling and soulful place to allow our souls to be known and seen. We have to get real with ourselves and that’s not always easy. In fact, I don’t think it’s ever easy! ~ Namaste Music Credit Acknowledgment: https://uppbeat.io/t/rahul-popawala/north-indian-alleys This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sjoyng611.substack.com

    11 min

  6. 09/19/2024

    Feeling Seen, Seeing Others

    Being human is to be a social creature. In order for our brain to develop to its fullest capacity depends upon the types of interactions we had with others while we were developing, especially those interactions with our primary caretakers. The field of Interpersonal Neurobiology is providing insight into the effects of interpersonal interactions and their subsequent impact on the brain’s physiology and structure. Our early years serve as the foundation when our development can unfold and blossom, or whither and stunt our potential. We know that without the presence of specific types of interactions, we are likely to develop an anxious/ambivalent or avoidant attachment style with our caregiver, leading to impaired interpersonal functioning as an adult. These factors include: 1) collaborative communication; 2) reflective dialogue; 3) repair; 4) coherent narratives; and 5) emotional communication. We will cover these factors later in this article. Can I See You? As infants we need the essential physical care of food, shelter and warmth, but in our interactions with our caregivers, we learn to be a particular type of person. We learn valuable social skills like attuning to others. That implies that we can empathize with their situation and can express this to them. It allows me to walk a mile in another’s shoes so that I don’t just see the world from my own point of view. Attunement also implies that I feel seen and heard, that it is ok to have and share my feelings which gives me the capacity to empathize and feel compassion for others as well. Additionally, as infants, we need eye contact that helps us feel safe and seen in our world, we need comfort when we are sad or not well, we need to feel that our feelings are real and that we feel understood. These types of interactions help us learn to not only know ourselves but also helps us understand the mindscape of another person. Why Don’t I Feel Seen? It’s unfortunate that some children are reared in environments where their needs are met with impatience, weariness, frustration, or abuse. What a child learns when these negative types of interactions are repetitive and consistent is that it is not safe to have feelings or needs. This stunts our capacity to have successful relationships because we do not develop secure attachment in these situations. Likely, this leads to either an insecure/ambivalent attachment style or worse, an avoidant attachment style. If you grew up in a less than caring and loving environment, you may feel some recognition with my ideas. Have you had relationships that just don’t seem to satisfy your needs or desires? Have you felt frustrated and unheard? Do you find it hard to express your feelings, or do you have difficulty being able to even identify your feelings? Relationships are so complex, but there is a way to assure that our contribution to a partnership is positive and forward thinking if we will take the time to examine our own psyche. When we understand that there were circumstances not within our control as we grew up, we can begin to unravel the web that has us caught in the repetition compulsion of dysfunctional cycles. No wonder that so many people have relationship challenges! Too many people grew up without the type of attunement that they needed to grow and evolve into their potential for health, happiness, and fulfilling relationships. In fact, according to some figures, about 97% of all people come from dysfunctional families! This helps us understand the challenges we face when it comes to good relationships that are filled with mutual respect, appreciation, caring, loving and trust. What Is Attunement? Attunement requires the five essential factors listed earlier in this article. Let’s go over what those five factors are. Collaborative communication - This refers to such aspects as eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice, bodily gestures, timing, and intensity of responses between the caregiver and child. One can imagine the double messages that can interfere with healthy development of a child’s core consciousness when body language reflects a far different message than the words being spoken. Resonance between the caregiver and the child creates a connecting environment that supports the development of a number of domains in childhood such as social, emotional, and cognitive functioning. Reflective Dialogue—This is when each person in the interaction verbally shares what their focus is in the interaction or describes her internal experience. Sharing of this perceived meaning in the mental state of the caregiver, involves emotions, perceptions, thoughts, intentions, memories, ideas, beliefs, and attitudes. We attune to others, and then provide our own meaning to the situation, which helps our children learn the social skills of attuning to others, helping them develop empathy. Reflecting upon the situation also helps children to make sense of their own internal experience as well. Repair – Repair to disruptions in a relationship is healing. When there are breaches to the relationship, the efforts towards repair helps children understand that misunderstandings are simply a part of relationships. A child learns to make sense of disruptions and to create a sense of meaning by understanding one’s own and another’s mind. Coherent Narratives – These types of narratives form an autobiographical form of self awareness that includes both positive and negative memories. Coherent narratives provide a tool for living that helps us better understand both our internal and external world. I see this as a form of storytelling about our lives. Large gaps in our narrative can indicate incoherence due to non-integration of our experiences. When we leave out parts of our story, we likely have shoved it into the unconscious where it may be hidden from our sight, but likely colors our interactions and perceptions. Emotional Communication – This type of communication involves both the sharing of positive emotional events as well as negative emotional states without emotional abandonment. Children need to learn that although they or others may experience negative emotions, the relationship is such that the caregiver will stay engaged emotionally with the child. These five factors are essential for fostering secure attachment when we are children that leads to the ability to interact in relationships with honest sharing without fear of being abandoned. It also fosters the ability to “see” into the other person’s mind and emotions. When our relationships don’t work out, we begin to wonder what is wrong with us? What did I do? What didn’t I do? What could I have done differently? Why did this happen to me? We blame ourselves because we just can’t get others to do what we think they should do to make things better (this is codependency). Or we blame ourselves because we expressed our feelings or needs and it caused an outbreak of chaos to occur. It’s a vicious cycle. Attunement teaches us the experiences we need to develop the capacity for happy, fulfilling relationships. Without these experiences with others while developing, our brain is “off line” in key prefrontal cortex areas that need to be developed through attunement with others so that we can BE “in tune” with others. If we didn’t have those experiences, we never learned it. If we can’t attune to others, we won’t be able to pick up on their emotional states and address them accordingly. We may come off as being unfeeling, uncaring or narcissistic. Additionally, without the right kind of attunement growing up we are at risk of undeveloped prefrontal cortex functions that are essential for our mental health. Nine Functions of the Prefrontal Cortex The brain has been studied extensively. The focus on the prefrontal cortex has revealed some of the important functions it serves, especially as it relates to interrelating. The following list shows us how important the prefrontal cortex is to interrelationship health: * Regulates the body (heart/lungs) * Attunes us to another (how does it feel?) * Balances our emotions (valenced states) between pleasant situations, and unpleasant ones that can induce states of stress, anxiety, or irritation. * Has the capacity to extinguish fear by damping down the firing of nerves associated with fear. * Gives us the ability to pause before acting (gives us response flexibility) * Provides insight into self-knowing awareness (past-present-future connection) * Allows us to be empathic and to create maps of another’s feelings in our mind * Gives of the capacity for morality (think about compassion) and to focus on social goodness * Involved in interoception, or one’s perception of the internal signals from our body. Also is directly correlated with the ability to have empathy. Developing Mindsight Skills It’s unfortunate to learn that this may be what is preventing harmony in our relationships. It wasn’t our fault, but can we remedy the situation and how? Are we doomed to remain the same or is there a path to healing the undeveloped aspects of our brain that will help us develop what Dr. Dan Seigel calls Mindsight? Mindsight means to see your mind and not to just have one. If we monitor and modify the mind we can develop a stronger mind. Mindfulness techniques help us regulate emotions and behaviors. In children, this equates to increased empathy, decreased bullying, and helping with attention deficit problems. Developing Mindsight skills changes the physiology within our brain, allowing for better emotional regulation and more attuned communications. As we are learning, the plasticity of the brain is a lifelong process and not just limited to when we are young. With the development of greater Mindsight – to be more objective, more observant and more open – the areas of the brain that were not sufficiently integrated will develop connections that allow for a more coherent

    13 min

  7. 08/25/2024

    Do Words Matter? The Message of Water…

    Be “aware” of your thoughts and words… Many of us can remember using that phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!” We felt protected by that phrase. When kids called us names, we could shout out that phrase and feel that we had diffused the effects of what they had said. Like magic, we had turned hurtful words into nothing. Wasn’t it great being a kid? Fast forward to today. Science has revealed that there is a definite connection among all aspects of our being. Over the years we learned that words did hurt us. Maybe they didn’t cause any visible physical damage, but what about our feelings? It didn’t take us long to learn that those hurtful words did have an effect on us, after all-- words DO matter. We think that words matter because of etiquette and social intelligence, so we choose our words carefully when forming our ideas to express. We know on an intuitive level that the words we use will either have a positive, negative, or neutral effect, depending on the audience and circumstances. Which words hurt and which ones heal? Is there a way to tell the difference? Not that long ago, it was believed that the body and mind were separate with no crosstalk between the two. As researchers began diving deeper into consciousness research, there was a revival in the field of psychology as it originated in the late 1800’s. That early research focused on exploring consciousness, seeking to understand its functions and structure. Researchers hoped to better understand the nature and structure of human thought, but the methods used required a subjective approach, resulting in limited hard data. Psychology as a discipline was in its infancy and strived to become a science among peers, thus consciousness research was essentially set aside to make room for other approaches, like behaviorism, that yielded more hard data. Research in the field of Energy Psychology has broadened how we view consciousness. We are energy. After all, we measure “life” by brainwaves and heartbeats—both of which are facilitated by the chemical and electrical nature of our physiology. Traditional treatments for human conditions, such as mental imbalances or physical ailments, are met with little pills that are chemicals synthesized to interact and hopefully, to alleviate symptoms within the body and mind. Some treatments have and are using electrical impulses, or shocks, to regulate bodily systems. Think of how the heart is shocked back into rhythm using electrical currents, or how in the past, electroconvulsive therapy was widely used to “shock” a person out of their depression or behaviors that were considered abnormal. It is not surprising to find medicine cabinets filled with various chemical concoctions prescribed for various conditions. In 2004, I attended a conference in Santa Monica, CA where a number of consciousness researchers gathered to discuss the implications of the film, What the Bleep Do We Know? The speakers at this conference consisted of quantum physicists, molecular biologists, psychologists and a water researcher. They discussed the nature of consciousness and reality and the power of the mind to actually affect the world around us. I encourage all of you to watch the film to discover the secrets of consciousness revealed in “What the Bleep Do We Know?!?!?!” This is a link to that video: What The Bleep Do We Know? One of the speakers was the late, well-known molecular biologist, Candace Pert. Dr. Pert taught at Georgetown University and was the person credited with discovering the brain’s opiate receptor sites which are responsible for endorphin production. In one of her books, The Molecules of Emotion, she wrote that our emotional states create a chemical cocktail feeding that emotional state. Our altered emotions are mediated by the neurochemistry in our brain and bodies. The interactions between the body and mind are referred to as the ”bodymind” connection. The term indicates that we cannot separate the body from the mind because of the interactive effects between the two. What we do to our bodies affects our mind. Conversely, what we think about impacts our bodily functions and therefore, health. Molecules of emotion are everywhere throughout the body, not just in the brain. The combination of the neurochemicals secreted when we experience our emotions are similar to different cocktails, and their syntheses create particular mental states. At the biological and physiological level, our brain forms neural connections that wire together. Neurons that wire together, fire together. When these same emotions are repeated over and over again, we become “addicted” to that chemical rush. Like addicts, we somehow create circumstances that activate the cascade of chemicals, satisfying our craving for the moment. We become predisposed to repeat those emotions again and again in similar circumstances—a reactionary pattern if you will—a habit. Our emotions trigger our subconscious personalities through this interaction of neurochemicals and our focus of attention. The body acts as our subconscious mind because our bodies become used to the neurochemical combinations produced whenever we experience any emotional state. Like an addict, this produces a need for future release of the same chemical combinations so we can get our “fix.” In the film, What the Bleep Do We Know, Pert discussed the effects of our emotions upon the neural networks established in the brain. The more we feel or allow an emotion to arise, the stronger the connections become in that neural network. When we allow past experiences to color the way we interpret the present situation, we strengthen the neural connections that keep us in compulsive behaviors regardless of whether the emotions are appropriate for the situation or not. This suggests that if we are to overcome negative emotions, we have to break the cycle. We have to take action to prevent that neural network from firing through our conscious intervention of the process. We notice it arising and stop it in its tracks, becoming the observer rather than the actor. Similar to what I have described in previous articles, we learn to not add stories to what is happening and try to just see it as it is. To Be in the Now. We step back and observe. If we do this often enough we can diffuse the neural nets that are activated during those types of situations. We react less and are primed to respond instead. Another strategy is to laugh. Have you ever noticed that you cannot be mad and laugh at the same time? Laughing is a wonderful way to diffuse any situation and serves to break the negative feelings, emotions, and behaviors that we tend to repeat. It is also a way to build your immunity. In chi kung practices we are taught to laugh out loud as part of our exercises. It’s quite liberating! When we laugh, meditate, use imagery for healing, listen to certain types of music, or simply say loving things to ourselves, we are affecting the body-mind towards well-being. When we can create a blissful state of consciousness, we are feeling a surge of endorphins. Endorphins create a bliss state. We experience a lack of separation from others and instead experience feelings of union. Prayer, meditation, and affirmations affect consciousness and the molecules in the body-mind. Pert said, “I know forgiving myself and others for errors of the past allows me to heal.” Verbal imagery, affirmations, music are all used for psychosomatic wellness. This leads me to Dr. Masaru Emoto’s water studies that were introduced in the film, What the Bleep Do We Know?  Emoto’s work suggests that our intentions, or thoughts, may affect the macroworld. Water is essential to life as we all know. Our bodies are about 70% water as adults, thus Emoto’s research regarding the effects of thoughts, words and music upon water is important to our knowledge about the bodymind connection. Our thoughts and words carry vibrations that are recorded in water—our bodies, in other words. Too often the words we use and hear are literally spoken without thought. How many times have you blurted something out only to have to eat your words and apologize? What affect did those words have on the listener? Some words make us laugh while others can make us cry. Do the words hurt us or is it the delivery of those words? Are we just too sensitive or is there real power in the words that are spoken to us? Do they hold some power to affect us, and if so, how? Dr. Emoto started with water because water is life. It cures. The properties of water are also different. When water becomes solid it forms ice crystals. As with snowflakes, no two crystals are the same. Water is such that if we put ice into water, the ice actually floats. Other solid substances in nature do not have this quality. When something is heavy or solid, it tends to sink in water, but not so with ice. Information, thoughts or words, are energy. Water has the ability to record vibration. With these ideas in mind, Emoto decided to test the effects of words on water. He taped words that were either positive (e.g., “love,” “thank you”) or negative (e.g., “hate,” “you’re ugly”) to bottles of distilled water. In other studies, he exposed the water to different genres of music (classical vs hard rock). After 24 hours of exposure to these various words, pictures and music, he froze the water to see if these conditions had any affect on the crystallization of the water molecules. Strangely enough, the water did respond to these stimuli. The effects were that the positive words, pictures, and classical music resulted in beautifully formed crystals as seen under the microscope. The water that was exposed to negative words, pictures, and hard rock music failed to develop crystals and instead looked dark, murky and misshapen. Even polluted water that fails to form crystals can

    13 min

  8. 08/12/2024

    Dying: Being There

    Death. Dying. Two different aspects of the same process. Dying is a process while death is the final result. What will it be like to die? Is there a way to make this passage easier? For both the person dying and the loved ones being left behind? Will our death be sudden or a protracted process? No one knows. Either way, there is so much to explore about these questions: 1) What will it be like to die? and, 2) Is that all there is? In other words, is it the end of our sense of who we are or does a part of us go on into an unknown territory? How can we possibly know the answers to these questions if we cannot ask someone who has crossed that border? We are fortunate at this point of time when we do have some idea of what it might be like to die due to research into death and dying that has been ongoing for some time. We had Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who described the stages of dying: Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Her work helped us to understand what it might be like if learn that we are going to die or that we are going to lose someone to death. This only describes the stages that we will consciously go through however, but it doesn’t tell us if there is evidence of survival after death. It does help us to help others through the process of confronting death by providing a roadmap of what we may experience emotionally, and that is valuable in so many ways. Then there was Ray Moody who wrote the book, “Life After Life” which was published in 1975. That book truly caught my attention and eventually influenced my direction in psychology in many ways. I wanted to know more and understand human consciousness and all that can be learned about it. As a professor of psychology since the 1990’s, I developed and taught classes that explored various aspects of human consciousness delving into the roots (or history) of consciousness, explored the effects of in-utero experiences through the stages of the birth process and how the effects of each stage could explain later psychological difficulties or challenges as an adult. I read account after account of anomolies in consciousness that couldn’t be explained through the usual cause and effect models. Extrasensory perception studies by Charles Tart of UC Davis and studies recounted by Dean Radin took me deeper into anomolies of consciousness. Paul Pearsall, a heart transplant doctor, wrote of how transplant recipients often take on some of the characteristics and “consciousness” of the donor. I learned about the quantum nature of consciousness, taking me into the realm of quantum physics exploring the notions of entanglement, entrainment, the observer effect, Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle and more. Since 1998, the Esalen Center for Theory and Research in Big Sur, California has continued to compile and investigate evidence that supports reincarnation and the survival of bodily death. There is a wealth of fascinating research to explore on these subjects. It gives us a bit of comfort to know about these studies and what they found about reincarnation and the survival of bodily death. Check it out at the link at the beginning of this paragraph and this link as well: Esalen Research Initiatives (I find pages 15-19 to be the most relevant to the topic of the survival of consciousness after bodily death). This background has formed the basis of my understanding and direction for awakening consciousness. Dying presents us with unique experiences that may herald what death will be like. Death is finite to the physical body, but what about our consciousness? Does that suddenly cease when our body stops functioning? Will our consciousness change? Most of us have some form of faith to lean upon that provides comfort to the process of dying, but since most people don’t want to delve deeply into the topic of their own death, we simply avoid it. What if we could be assured that dying is perfectly safe and that there are others who can serve as a midwife to the dying process? Midwives have assisted women in childbirth for millenia and it wasn’t until the early 20th century that doctors usurped the job of midwives and hospital births became more common. Yet, midwives provided a unique support system to the birthing mother. Today midwives are once again on the rise. So as a society we have supported expectant mothers by encouraging them to have a trusted person to be with them through the birthing process. Ironically, when it comes to support during the dying process, it has not been until recently that the need for a death midwife has become a profession. With hospice workers and death doulas, society is acknowledging that death is a part of life—a life event if you will—and not a medical event. If you have witnessed a death in a hospital setting versus in a hospice setting, you have seen the stark contrast of these two ways of being with death. Death is a process and when we can see it that way, we know more clearly what we need to prepare for that inevitable event. Death doulas (a.k.a. soul midwives, death midwives), who provide compassionate care for the dying and their loved ones, are a growing profession. These dedicated people train to work with not only the dying person, but with their families as well. Death is a rite of passage, similar to childbirth when a soul is ready to enter the world. And just like childbirth, we need others to help us, to prepare, train, and go through the process of death with as much know-how and preparation as possible. Yet, this has not been the case in our society. Most deaths are relegated to the hospital or whisked away as soon as it occurs. Wouldn’t we feel more prepared for when death arrives if we have familiarized ourselves with what to expect, who we would like to have with us during the dying process, where we would like to be if we have a choice? To have a conscious death? We all need spiritual support as we face what is often seen as a frightening event. To be a soul midwife, or death doula, is just as valuable and necessary as the presence of a midwife at childbirth. There is so much we can do to assist those in the dying process but most of us are at a loss as to what our role is when someone is dying. Do we cheer them on and tell them they’ll get better or can we be present enough to be with them as they know death is approaching? To just be and to witness the process? Would it bring comfort to the dying to have someone who is there to lend an ear, provide support, a compassionate presence—someone who holds a reverence for life, and an acceptance of death? Someone who can make a difference by acknowledging to the dying person that you know they are dying and are there to lend support, resting in loving awareness, in communion with the one who is dying? “Working with the dying is like being a midwife for this great rite of passage of death. Just as a midwife helps a being take their first breath, you help a being take their last breath.” (Ram Dass & Mirabai Bush, 2018, Walking Each Other Home). How many of us have given this some thought? Have we thought about how we want to die? It’s a tough road to walk, isn’t it? The unknown scares us. Even if we do dare to embark on this path consciously, who would we share this conversation with and where would we start? Won’t others think we are being morbid if we start a conversation about needing this? What will it be like? What will we need? How can we know what will help us as we are dying? Who would we want with us to “walk us home”? Can we know what it is like to die? So many unanswered questions, but we are fortunate that there have been many spiritual traditions that have done the leg work for us so that we are not totally in the dark. There are ancient texts we can consult and scientific research that has revealed different aspects of those questions we hold about death. Ancient texts, such as the Tibetan Book of the Dead, or the Egyptian Book of the Dead, both provide accounts of the death journey. In the Tibetan form, the term Bardo is used to describe the different levels of death through which we will traverse between this life and the next. As I mentioned before, the work of Kubler-Ross as well as Ray Moody provided some idea about what it is like to die and the dying process. Since then, consciousness research has grown and expanded through the work of so many: Charles Tart, Stanislav Grof, Fritja Capra, Michael Talbot, Joe Dispenza, Dean Radin and so many more. Another area of research that can give us some idea of what to expect comes from research into Near Death Experiences (NDEs) by providing comforting, anecdotal evidence that consciousness does indeed survive bodily death. An NDE is the term used to describe when a person has clinically died (i.e., the heart has stopped and brain waves are no longer detected by conventional means), but has been resuscitated or spontaneously returns to the realm of the living. These near-death experiences have been reported throughout the world and through case studies we are learning that about 30% who have died and returned report having an NDE. Can NDEs inform us of what it will be like to die? Is it safe? What will we encounter? Is it like turning off a switch or does consciousness continue even when the body has died? My former professor and mentor, Dr. Robert (Bob) Marrone, described in his book, Death, Mourning and Caring, that a near-death experience is a “…loss of control of the body, and the mind is often experienced, as though the mind is taken to a special place, while the body is left behind. Movement of the mind occurs through darkness, or into a dark space, and then travels through a tunnel, or underpass filled with the bright light — a heavenly place filled with love and awe. Some people are allowed to enter the light, and some are not. The mind, then emerges into the bright light, where it is allowed to converse with people, or supreme bei

    24 min
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About

This venue is for readers interested in all things psychological and spiritual. I am a retired professor of psychology focusing on an eclectic approach to awakening the core self within. sjoyng611.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Sharon Joy Ng
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2025
  • Episodes
    15
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Dr. Sharon Joy Ng
  • Show Website
    The Awakened Self