The Aware Show The Aware Show with Lisa Garr

 Is it time to redefine the meaning of what it means to be Christian? Traditional religious institutions may be apathetic, or even corrupt, as we’ve seen in the Catholic priest scandals. Yet, it is possible to feel inspired and start new, according to our guest today, internationally acclaimed theologian Matthew Fox. Matthew was a member of the Dominican Order for 34 years, but then expelled for being a feminist theologian, which went against the traditional teachings. He then started his own institutions for Creative Spirituality.
Today Matthew talks about how more and more people have strayed away from traditional religion. Many parents have given up on religion, so how do you teach children about morals and spirit? Matthew discusses how we can emphasize the spirituality aspect more through contemplation and action. Younger people are interested in social reform. He talks about the importance of Christian mystics ranging from Hildegard von Bingen to Meister Eckhart to Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
To recreate religion, we need to consider mysticism. Modern spiritual leaders such as Thích Nhat Hanh and the Dalai Lama are teaching about spirit. Matthew suggests considering various wisdom and studying different ranges of religions.
He invites us to ask questions such as how we are related to these great beings like Jesus, Mother Mary, Buddha, or Mohammad. He discusses the intense need for connection that was formerly found though religious communities. Raves are a new way to celebrate rituals. The original purpose was to worship, so he developed the “Cosmic Mass” – a dance celebration ritual without drugs. He talks about how creativity is extremely important. We can look at the planets and stars and ask how we are connected. How can we live in awe?
Matthew holds a doctorate in the History and Theology of Spirituality from the Institut Catholique de Paris. He founded the Institute in Culture and Creation Spirituality. Matthew continues to be an activist for gender justice and eco-justice. He is the author of 37 books and today he talks about his book “The Pope’s War.” Info: MatthewFox.org

How is it possible to heal after experiencing unimaginable horror, such as the loss of a child? Today’s guest, Scarlett Lewis, experienced profound tragedy when her 6-year-old son, Jesse Lewis, was killed during the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting massacre in December of 2012. The first few days were so incredibly painful, she didn’t know if she could survive. She did not know if she could ever heal from that level of a broken heart. She shares the story of meeting with another woman who lost her child during a different event, and how angry this parent was 20 years later. She made a choice that she needed to model a different way of being for her older son, J.T.
Scarlett talks about how pain is an incredible catalyst for growth. She did not want Jesse’s murder to define her. She found an opportunity of connection through pain. As difficult as it was, she learned to choose love and healing.
Two weeks after the tragedy, it was Christmas. Scarlett decided to take her son JT to Disney World for a healing trip. She talks about numerous miraculous messages she received which she believed were from Jesse. There she experienced miracles and micro-moments of joy.
Scarlett suggests practicing being present with the ones you love and the importance of recognizing that time. She found a message that Jesse wrote on the chalkboard at home shortly before his murder. The words were “Nurturing, Healing, Love.” She determined that she would spend her life being part of this message and being part of the solution. She believes we are all responsible for what is going on in society. We must realize that we have to be the change that we want to see. Once you make that determination, you realize you are no longer the victim and can be motivated. There’s so much we can do. With every step, you gain self-worth and self-esteem, and it makes you want to do more.  
We are not born with essential life skills. We must learn them. There is so much bullying in today’s society by children and adults, especially on social media. We don’t have the skills to manage our anger and pain. She decided to create a healing movement and her program “Choose Love” is now in more than 14,000 schools worldwide.
She talks about how pain has a purpose in our lives, yet somehow, we are so afraid of it, we ignore it or push it away. People are living in a state of perpetual PTSD. People can be so negative because of this.
Scarlett talks about the concept of PTG or Post-Traumatic Growth. We can grow through difficulty and her organization teaches how to do this through a powerful formula. When a child experiences difficulty, they can learn through it. They can become curious and can learn to choose love over fear.
Scarlett has also interviewed other school shooters.  She is trying to understand their mindsets to find out what is needed. Even though their actions were monstrous, Scarlett recognizes that they are actually human beings in pain. She wanted to ask them the very tough question of “How did we, as a society, fail you?” as she knows they were not born as a murderer. They have so much pain, and so little social and emotional competence, that they had to take it out on others. She is trying to understand what we could do to prevent this, and part of it is a matter of belonging. Everyone wants to be seen.
Through her “Choose Love” organization, Scarlett took the tragedy and turned it into an opportunity to build a culture of love, resilience, and forgiveness. She is the author of several books including, “Nurturing, Healing, Love” and “From Sandy Hook to the World: How the Choose Love Movement Transforms Lives.” This is Part 1 of the interview.  Info: ChooseLoveMovement.org.

Does it seem like we are seeing more and more anger and rage lately? Do you or someone you know have issues with anger or managing emotions? Whether through road rage, yelling, political divide, or even outward violence, people seem more upset than ever. What’s underneath it all? According to today’s guest, Ian Brennan, anger masks fear, frustration, and sadness. As an author and expert in conflict resolution, today he discusses ways to help cool anger.  He has been involved with the Betty Ford Center as well as other addiction treatment places and also talks about how drug use and alcohol can compound the rage.
Ian describes how some people are willing to injure themselves and others, or even willing to die, because of their unresolved anger. They may feel threatened. They may also be in denial. Many angry people deny that they are mad at all. Anger can cover up any type of fear. One way to begin to resolve the situation is to ask people how they feel. The more specific they can be, the better. An angry person tends to be more controlling, or even a perfectionist, as they want assurances. Those expectations can lead to tremendous disappointments. They may light up quickly. Surrender is a way to help – it's an acceptance of where things are.
Frequent and brief conversations about emotions can help also to avoid outbreaks of rage. You can start by asking “What” questions, rather than “Why.” Begin by asking the angry person, “What happened?” then lead into “What do you feel?” When you intervene, these questions interrupt patterns. This can lead to constructive conversation and communication. It may help them to feel empowered and less controlled so they can offer information. You can also ask questions starting with “How,” such as “How can I help?” By using needs-based communication people can begin to feel heard. This can then lead to more solution-oriented conversations and help to diffuse the anger.
Ian has taught classes on anger management for several decades and has brought his patented high-energy, lightning-speed delivery presentations to more than 100,000 people across the USA.  During his many years on staff in locked emergency-psychiatric facilities in Oakland, CA (the job rated as the most dangerous in CA for assault), his teachings spread by word-of-mouth until he was soon regarded as an expert on the topics of anger management, conflict resolution, solution-oriented communication, and violence prevention. In 2011 he published his first book, “Anger Antidotes: How Not to Lose Your S#&!.” Info: https://violenceprevention.us

Do you sometimes feel like your confidence is lacking? Do you have fears around public speaking? Are you afraid to share your work publicly? Many of these limiting beliefs reside in our subconscious. Lisa continues the conversation with our guest today, Shelly Lefkoe, who talks about how these beliefs can be eliminated so you can feel more empowered. Shelly and her husband, Morty Lefkoe, started the Lefkoe Institute based in the San Francisco area and have helped thousands of people worldwide eliminate limitations.
Shelly explains how two people can be in the exact same situation but look at it in completely different ways, based on the meaning they give it. The most common belief Shelly’s clients have is the idea that they are not good enough. This belief causes them to overwork or even procrastinate. There’s a fear of being judged. Shelly discusses how you can get rid of your negative beliefs by acknowledging your patterns.
She further explains how patterns happen over and over. If you get rid of a belief, you can get rid of a pattern. This works with relationships, money challenges, workaholism, and much more, as beliefs are formed in the past. The meaning you give an event is formed at the moment it occurs. The meaning is what causes the emotions.
She talks about her book “Hitting the Wall: Eliminate the Beliefs That Sabotage Your Business and Your Life” which she co-authored with Vahan Yepremyan. Shelly has helped thousands of clients worldwide recreate their lives by ridding themselves of a wide variety of challenges including phobias, relationships that don’t seem to work, violence, procrastination, unwillingness to confront people, health and wellness issues, and sexual dysfunction. Her clients have eliminated emotional patterns such as fear, hostility, shyness, anxiety, depression, worry about what people think of them, and a negative sense of themselves. She helps people develop confidence and feel empowered. This is Part 2 of the interview. Info: EliminateBeliefs.com and LefkoeInstitute.com 

Do you often ask yourself questions like “Who am I?” or “Why am I here?” Today’s guest is spiritual teacher and author Gangaji who discusses her book “The Diamond in Your Pocket – Discover Your True Radiance.”
Gangaji talks about how we are naturally conditioned to look outside of ourselves for food and shelter, so we continue to look there for answers. Eventually we discover that we cannot find peace and fulfillment outside and we need to turn inward. We seek and acquire knowledge, but some things can only be found inside. We can stop looking outside for the next book, the next teacher, the next escape. It’s so simple, yet revolutionary. Inside there’s potential for great creativity. She explains that it’s no longer “seeking” but “discovering.” It’s impossible to find lasting happiness outside. All pleasure fades, but lasting fulfillment can be found inside.
Growing up in Mississippi, with the given birthname Toni Roberson, she felt something was missing in her life. She shares the story of finding her spiritual teacher Papaji. She is a very Western woman and never thought she would seek out a guru. She reached a point in her life where she realized she needed a teacher. She prayed and intended for one, then found herself in India six months later. Papaji was very welcoming. She recognized that this was the answer to her prayer. She found grace and radiance in his teachings. He suggested that she stop seeking and look inside for the truth. She was fearful to stop, as she thought she may lose what she had gained. She didn’t know what the outcome would be.
He taught her to stop following the mind. If a thought arises, let it go. For a moment, turn your attention away from what you want.
As she eventually did, she was overwhelmed with love and peace. She found peace and fulfillment exists already. She experienced stillness and it was scary at first. She learned to “see what is” and discover “what’s already here.” It’s our beingness. It’s consciousness.
Some dislike what they see when they look inside. That’s all part of the process. Some people feel anguish or fear and other negative emotions. We suppress those feelings, or we can be in constant states of desire, looking for the next thing, and then the next. She suggests we just stop and take a moment. This takes vigilance, but then we can live life from that place. We can stop looking outside for satisfaction. So much energy is free.
Gangaji also discusses the idea that “you are not who you think you are.” These thoughts continue and change. Stillness is beyond thought, but it’s your real self, your true self. Everything else is a story which can cause negative feelings. This Presence of “All That Is” is not something we have to “do” to experience. It’s crucial to realize we are in our thinking minds. We can experience this if we just “be.” It’s natural. Our minds will help us with survival. Peace is the nature of your heart.
When there’s suffering, you must be present with the pain in your heart. She suggests that even though the whole body fights to survive, we can find peace in our hearts. We can discover it deeply after we get through the fear. It’s counter-intuitive, but it will pass. We can recognize that states come and go but inner “knowing” and stillness are always there. We can experience this peace.
Gangaji teaches the willingness to learn that we are all connected. Destructive global events are tragic yet offer a way for us to discover the limitlessness of our own hearts. She also discusses the work she does within the prison environment, teaching people to learn to experience peace. We can all support one another. If we are willing to care, we can learn greater levels of love. Info: Gangaji.org.

Have you ever had the belief that you are not good enough? Have you ever thought that you are not talented enough, not smart enough, shouldn’t make mistakes, etc? Many of these beliefs reside in our subconscious. Would you like to eliminate those beliefs and learn to feel more confident and empowered? It’s possible, according to our guest today Shelly Lefkoe. She and her husband, Morty Lefkoe, started the Lefkoe Institute, a San Francisco area based firm whose mission is “to significantly improve the quality of life on the planet.”
What does it mean to eliminate these limitations? Beliefs are statements about reality that we hold as truth. The purpose is to get rid of the patterns which drive our beliefs and our realities. Shelly explains that a pattern is observable. You can see when someone is feeling sad. You can see if someone is in an unhealthy relationship. The beliefs are actually causing the problem. Most people ask “why” to find the answers. Shelly explains that a better question is to ask “what.” For example, ask “What might I believe that has me doing this?” or “What can I do to change this?”
We look at meanings and interpretations. Beliefs are the roots that keep the foundation of your life from being solid. Shelly explains that we actually think we “see” certain things. She uses as an example a person who passes you by and doesn’t say hello. This may cause you to believe that this person doesn’t like you. You may feel that you are not good enough. You believe this because you “saw” it happen. Anything that you can see always has a color, shape, and location. You can see specific people doing certain things and we give it meaning. This comes from our beliefs.
When we learn to eliminate these beliefs, we can begin to be our true authentic selves. Self-worth is based on our beliefs. We can change and eliminate these beliefs. We can learn to change the meaning.
If you want to do something immediate and powerful, look at the meaning in that moment. Shelly explains that all meaning comes from our minds. Events have no inherent meaning. Any time you have a negative emotion, you can feel it, then you can consider what meaning you gave the event. Meaning is made up by our creative minds. You can still have feelings and emotions, but you can re-frame the meaning you give them. This is Part 1 of the interview. Info: EliminateBeliefs.com and LefkoeInstitute.com