Cohesive Horsemanship Balance Point

Tessa Nicolet
  • 5.0 (1)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Balancing life, horses, French Classical Dressage, Natural Horsemanship, Working Equitation, a few dogs, and such.

Episodes

  1. 4D AGO

    Beyond Methods: Building Confidence, Trust, and Respect

    Beyond Methods: Building Confidence, Trust, and Respect Episode Description In a world flooded with contradictory training methods and overwhelming information, how do you know what actually works? In this episode, Tessa cuts through the noise to reveal the three foundational pillars that matter in any partnership with horses (and in life): Confidence, Trust, and Respect. Drawing on Brené Brown's groundbreaking work on vulnerability, trust, and courage, Tessa offers a powerful framework for evaluating any training technique or method. Learn how to filter information through these three non-negotiable pillars and your own personal principles, so you can stay grounded in what truly matters. This episode includes a vulnerable personal story about a recent experience with her stallion McCrae that illustrates how quickly trust can erode—and how to rebuild it. Key Takeaways The Three Pillars Framework: Confidence - Grounded confidence built through curiosity + willingness to rumble with vulnerability + practice. Operating from "enoughness" with strong back, soft front. Trust - Built through Brené Brown's BRAVING framework: Boundaries Reliability Accountability Vault (protecting vulnerability) Integrity Non-judgment Generosity Respect - Rooted in inherent worthiness. Boundaries ARE respect. Clear is kind. Dignity over retaliation. The Three-Filter System for Evaluating Training Methods: Filter 1: Does it build Confidence, Trust, and Respect? (Non-negotiable) Filter 2: Does it align with your personal principles and values? Filter 3: Do you have the foundational communication to apply it fairly? The Grammar Analogy: Most training methods use the same basic "words"—the difference is in HOW they're applied. Like "Let's eat, Grandma" vs. "Let's eat Grandma"—same words, completely different meaning. Your principles are your grammar rules. The Marble Jar: Trust is built through small, consistent moments—each positive interaction is a marble in the jar. But marbles can spill out quickly through one moment of anger, unfairness, or betrayal. Tessa's Seven Core Principles Be an Empathetic Leader Become a Master of Body Language Be Playful Be Curious Be Clear Be Focused Be a Student of Lightness Connections to Previous Episodes This episode provides the framework that ties together concepts from: Episode 1: Beyond the Win - Operating from enoughness rather than external validation Episode 2: Balancing Ambition with Patience and Reward - Building trust through reliability and non-judgment Episode 3: Balancing Productive Struggle and Learning - Creating space for curiosity and vulnerability that builds confidence Resources Mentioned Brené Brown's Work: "Rising Strong" (book) "Dare to Lead" (book) Learn more about the BRAVING framework and grounded confidence at brenebrown.com Cohesive Horsemanship Resources: The Six Basics (free) - Your foundational communication alphabet Foundations Course - Building balance, willingness, and relaxation Learn more at cohesivehorsemanship.com Quotes from This Episode "Most methods are using the same 'words.' The real difference is in HOW they're applying it, and WHY." "You're always making deposits or withdrawals. There's no neutral." "Confidence doesn't come before action—it comes FROM action." "Trust takes time to build and moments to break." "Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind." "Even when you know the framework, even when you have the principles, you're still human. But the framework gives you a way back." "The technique doesn't matter as much as we think it does. What matters is the relationship you're building." Connect with Cohesive Horsemanship Website: cohesivehorsemanship.com

    36 min
  2. BALANCING PRODUCTIVE STRUGGLE AND LEARNING

    FEB 1

    BALANCING PRODUCTIVE STRUGGLE AND LEARNING

    SHOW NOTES: Balancing Productive Struggle and Learning We can do hard things - but how do we know the difference between productive struggle that builds confidence and destructive overwhelm that damages trust? In this episode, I explore the sacred space between comfort and catastrophe, where real learning happens for both horses and humans. Drawing from classical horsemanship wisdom, Buddhist philosophy, and my experience as both an equestrian trainer and Forest Service instructor, I break down how to support growth without overfacing. Key topics covered: Why comfort zones are temporary shelters, not permanent homes The difference between productive struggle and harmful overwhelm How mistakes are essential to building confident learners The Target exercise: a practical tool for teaching problem-solving Why "don't be afraid to mess it all up" might be the best training advice The foundations you need before you experiment: principles, communication basics, and knowing your horse How to handle rough training sessions and still end on a good note Featured wisdom: Glennon Doyle: "We can do hard things" The Four Agreements: "Always do your best" (knowing your best changes daily) Buddhist concepts of suffering as teacher Whether you're working with horses, leading teams, or navigating your own learning journey, this episode offers a framework for embracing challenge thoughtfully - with support, clear principles, and permission to be imperfect learners. Mentioned in this episode: Foundations Course (includes the Target exercise) Monthly Journey membership My promise to horses (available on website)

    30 min

  3. JAN 15

    Balancing Ambition with Patience and Reward

    Balancing Ambition with Patience and Reward Episode Summary In this episode, we explore one of the most challenging tensions in horsemanship: the balance between our ambition for progress and the wisdom to honor our horse's timeline. Drawing from Nuno Oliveira's reflection on Beudant's timeless advice, "Ask for much, be content with little, and reward often," we unpack what it truly means to build willing partnerships rather than resistant compliance. This conversation extends far beyond the arena, offering insights into leadership, personal growth, and all our relationships. Main Points Covered The Ambition Trap How our achievement-oriented culture influences our horsemanship The difference between having standards and having rigid expectations Why our vision of what's possible can become an obstacle The courage required to honor the horse's pace when we can clearly see the destination Ask for Much, Be Content with Little Understanding the paradox at the heart of artful horsemanship What "asking for much" really means (vision vs. aggression) How being content with little requires sophisticated feel and observation The gap between what we ask for and what we accept is where learning happens Why this approach builds confidence rather than anxiety Reward Often: The Secret Why Oliveira emphasizes reward as THE secret to fresh, willing horses What reward really means beyond treats (the power of release) How reward evolves from complete breaks to refined conversation (descente de main) Creating a rhythm of ask and release that keeps horses mentally fresh A real recording of constant micro-rewards during a training session Applying this principle to ourselves and our human relationships The Art of Knowing When Reading the horse's actual state vs. the state we hope they're in When to push and when to release How our predetermined plans can conflict with what's actually possible Flexibility within structure: holding goals lightly while staying responsive Recognizing meaningful progress that doesn't match our original vision The difference between willing partners and resistant ones Beyond the Arena How this wisdom transforms our leadership and team management Applying "ask for much, be content with little, reward often" to personal development The challenge of rewarding our own tries instead of only seeing how far we have to go Building relationships characterized by willingness rather than resistance How honoring the process creates beings (human and equine) who thrive Key Quotes "Ask for much, be content with little, and reward often. In this last, lies the secret to leaving the horse still fresh, with a good impression for the next lesson." - Nuno Oliveira, Reflections on Equestrian Art "The moment of release IS the teaching moment." "We're not just training for today. We're building a long relationship composed of thousands of impressions." "The horse who is celebrated for a tiny try will offer a bigger try next time. Not because we demanded it, but because success breeds willingness." "The question isn't 'Did I accomplish my plan?' The question is 'Did I leave the horse still fresh, with a good impression for the next lesson?'" "This isn't just about training horses. It's about how we approach development itself." Key Takeaways These timeless wisdoms transcend any single training method or era - they've been passed down through generations of horsemen because they reflect fundamental truths about learning and partnership True horsemanship requires holding the tension between ambitious vision and patient execution - we must be educated enough to see where we're going while humble enough to celebrate small steps The frequency of reward matters more than the perfection of performance - "reward often" creates psychological conditions for confident, willing learning Release evolves from complete breaks for new concepts to sophisticated micro-releases within continuous work as understanding develops Reading the horse's actual state (not our hoped-for state) determines whether we should challenge or support in any given moment The impressions we leave compound over time - every interaction is a deposit that determines future willingness This approach to development applies universally: to our horses, our teams, our relationships, and most importantly, to ourselves Mentions & Resources Nuno Oliveira - Reflections on Equestrian Art, page 31 Etienne Beudant - French master horseman Descente de main (release of the aid) Intentional Path workshop series

    38 min

  4. JAN 2

    "Beyond the Win: Why Your Goals Are Draining You (And What to Do About It)"

    "Beyond the Win: Why Your Goals Are Draining You (And What to Do About It)" Happy New Year! Don't just set goals this year - Build a vision with this 6 step framework -  Find your joy - Find your principles - Find your fears - Define your goals - Build your vision and roadmap - Build resilient rituals Free workshop available Here:

    20 min
  • 4 Episodes

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Balancing life, horses, French Classical Dressage, Natural Horsemanship, Working Equitation, a few dogs, and such.

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