The Devil You Don’t Know

Lindsay Oakes
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Society & Culture
  • Updated Weekly

In The Devil You Don’t Know, Lindsay, Cleveland, and their guests discuss personal growth and development by taking chances and getting out of your comfort zone.  Topics range from whimsical to serious and everything in between but are always relevant to growth and development.

  1. 4d ago

    Loving-Kindness Meditation For People You Can’t Stand

    Send us Fan Mail Anger can feel like armor, but what if it’s actually the thing that keeps you stuck? We talk about metta loving-kindness meditation as a real-world tool for emotional regulation, stress relief, and staying grounded when someone cuts you off, talks down to you, or brings out your worst instincts. This isn’t a “just be nice” lecture. We get honest about the people who tighten something in us and why offering goodwill can feel impossible, even dishonest.  We unpack what metta means in Buddhist meditation, why it’s not approval, and how it’s different from people pleasing. You’ll hear us work through common misunderstandings: Does wishing someone well excuse bad behavior? Do you have to like someone to practice compassion? What happens when your nervous system gets activated and your brain labels a person as danger? We connect the dots between trauma responses, the need to be right, and the urge to “get even,” then offer a clearer path that keeps your boundaries intact.  We also make it practical: start with yourself, move to neutral people, and only then try a difficult person. If the phrases feel inauthentic, we explain how to work with that resistance instead of forcing it. We close with simple daily practices to create space between stimulus and response, plus an invitation to join Lindsay’s Deep Rest offering and community meditation. If this helped, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs calmer reactions, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    49 min

  2. Jun 23

    Fornicating While I'm Home: The Mortgage is Ours And The Rules Are Too

    Send us Fan Mail Your house, your mortgage, your groceries, your utilities, your patience and somehow your adult kid still thinks they get veto power over your life. We get real about the strange new era of parenting where grown children stay home longer, contribute less, and bring big opinions about how the household should run. If you have ever felt like you are the infrastructure while someone else writes the rules, you are not alone.  We unpack the flashpoints that turn a normal week into a standoff: the silent treatment that shows up out of nowhere, the surprise moral judgment after a family barbecue, and the day-to-day policing of “don’t burn that candle,” “don’t play that music,” and yes, even “don’t do that while I’m home.” Under the jokes is a serious conversation about privacy, respect, and why adult children living at home still need clear boundaries and basic household responsibility.  We also talk money, because the financial support is real. From rent and groceries to premium Wi-Fi, transportation, and college tuition, the cost of “free” living adds up fast, and it can quietly drain a parent’s ability to save. Our takeaway is simple: adult kids can have feelings and opinions, but they do not get to manage the adults who pay the bills. Reclaiming adulthood is not selfish; it is how you stay sane and raise people who can handle real life.  If this hit home, subscribe, share it with a fellow parent, and leave a review. What is the one boundary you wish you had set sooner? Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    32 min

  3. Jun 2

    We Are Never Victims of Anything Outside of Us: Why Liberation Is an Inside Job

    Send us Fan Mail The fastest way to stay stuck is to keep asking, “Why did this happen to me?” We start with a very human story about rules, trust, and a car that ends up in Brooklyn, then use it as a runway into a bigger claim that shows up across spiritual traditions and modern psychology: we are never the victims of anything outside of us. That line can sound harsh, so we slow it down and make it usable without turning it into blame or denial. We unpack the difference between pain and identification with pain, and how the mind turns a moment of hurt into years of suffering through rumination and replay. Along the way, we pull threads from the Dhammapada, the Bhagavad Gita, and the Stoics, then connect them to resilience research and cognitive behavioral therapy: external events may be uncontrollable, but your inner response is where freedom lives. We also talk boundaries, grief, anger, and why “acting without attachment” is not passivity. It’s showing up fully without handing your peace over to outcomes, politics, or other people’s behavior. Then we go after the ego. If the ego “needs problems,” it also needs someone to blame. We explore secondary gain, victim identity, and why letting go can feel scary when the wound has become your personality. The through-line is practical: process real emotion, tell the truth, take responsibility for your choices, and rewrite the story you keep living inside. If this conversation hits a nerve, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the one belief you’re ready to release. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    1h 4m

  4. May 24

    The Lesson Of Betrayal Is Self-Trust

    Send us Fan Mail Betrayal can make you question everything, not just the person who hurt you. We start with a deceptively simple line we heard from Krishna Das: “the lesson of betrayal is trust.” Then we pull it apart from every angle, because betrayal trauma isn’t only about broken promises, it’s about the moment your inner compass starts to wobble and you wonder, “How did I not see this?”  We connect the emotional experience to psychology and neuroscience, including why rejection can register in the body like physical pain and why rumination kicks in after a major rupture. We talk about the nervous system, hypervigilance, and the way your brain tries to rebuild a sense of safety by replaying the story on a loop. And we get personal about how humiliation, grief, and a cracked sense of reality can turn into a long season of second-guessing your own instincts.  From there, we move into the real work: self-trust. We explore how attachment and people-pleasing can lead to self-betrayal, why boundaries are not cruelty, and how learning to say no can be the cleanest form of healing. We also look at spiritual growth and post-traumatic growth, where pain strips away the illusion that another person or institution can permanently hold your center. If you’ve ever feared that opening your heart again makes you “naive,” this conversation is for you.  If this hits home, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s one boundary that helped you trust yourself again? Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    48 min

  5. Mar 29

    Dead or Alive: Are You Awake or Just Existing?

    Send us Fan Mail You can have a job, a schedule, a social life, and still feel like you’re watching yourself go through the motions. We start with funny banter and real-life moments, then pivot into a bigger question that hits hard: are we actually awake, or are we just moving? From scrolling first thing in the morning to adopting beliefs because our “side” demands it, we talk about how autopilot living can look normal while it quietly disconnects us from our own identity. We unpack the hive mind and modern “programming” from culture, family expectations, politics, news, and algorithms. We also get personal about grief, therapy, and loyalty: how being a commitment person can turn into sacrificing your comfort, and how an outside therapist can help you see what no longer fits. Along the way we tie mindfulness meditation and Buddhist ideas to emotional resilience, including the skill of increasing your tolerance for unpleasant feelings instead of numbing out or dragging everyone into your mood. The heart of the conversation is intentional living. Purpose is not a one-time discovery or a big social media moment; it’s daily alignment, stronger boundaries, and the courage to ask “What do I want?” and “What aligns with me?” We close with practical ways to step away from noise, stop chasing validation, and build a life that feels authentic, present, and alive. If this resonates, subscribe to The Devil You Don’t Know, share the episode with someone who feels stuck, and leave a review with one habit you want to stop doing on default. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    55 min

  6. Mar 10

    Ladies, If He’s Not Giving 100%, Kick Him to the Curb

    Send us Fan Mail Ever felt your stomach knot because someone you love keeps you guessing? We’ve been there, and we’re calling it out: when a partner is only “60% in,” you end up giving 100% of your peace. We dig into the quiet ways people get trained to accept less—cold feet before a wedding reframed as “nerves,” infidelity excused as “a phase,” and late-night vanishing acts dressed up as “freedom.” If your days revolve around decoding texts, competing with other women, or lowering your bar to keep the vibe light, you’re not in a partnership—you’re in survival mode. We break down the sunk cost trap that keeps smart, loving people stuck. Time invested, shared friends, deposits paid, even the dream of kids can feel like anchors, but they’re not reasons to abandon yourself. Leaving earlier hurts; leaving later devastates. So we name the real signs of a 100% partner: he doesn’t downgrade the relationship when life gets messy; he doesn’t make you compete for attention; he owns his words, plans the future, cools off without quitting, and returns to repair. That’s not perfection. That’s presence. We also tackle fear and scarcity head-on: the myth that “all the good ones are taken,” the dread of being single after 30 or 40, the pull to fix people who told you from day one they don’t want commitment. You can’t perform your way into someone’s certainty. Boundaries are not ultimatums—they are clarity. Define your non-negotiables, believe people the first time, and leave while you still have power. You are not an applicant. You’re a partner, and calm love—the kind that feels like oxygen, not a test—is possible when you require it. If this hits a nerve, share it with a friend who needs the reminder, subscribe for more real talk each week, and leave a quick review to help others find the show. Your story might be the lifeline someone else needs. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    53 min

  7. Mar 3

    When Friends Cross The Line, You’re Allowed To Walk Away

    Send us Fan Mail Ever felt the room change and your gut tighten while everyone else kept laughing? We’ve been there. A trip that started light turned tense fast—boozy bravado, off-color “jokes,” and the quiet demand to be loyal to the group over loyal to yourself. We talk candidly about that pivot from fun to cringeworthy, what it cost us, and why sometimes the bravest move is to step back without turning it into a spectacle. We unpack the mechanics of adult peer pressure and groupthink—how smart, kind people still go along to get along—and share the simple language that helps you hold a line without lighting a match. Think: “That doesn’t land for me,” “I’ll give you a minute to rethink that,” and “I’m stepping away from this.” We break down the difference between impact and intent, how nervous system cues tell the truth before your brain does, and why genuine accountability repairs faster than defensiveness ever will. You’ll also hear a hard-won lesson about place and respect. In tight-knit communities, your reputation moves faster than you do. Money can buy a table, but it can’t buy character. Show up with humility and you’re welcomed; show up entitled and you’ll meet a wall. That principle travels home, too: healthy friendships allow space without punishment, validate your discomfort, and don’t demand that you shrink to fit. Unhealthy ones weaponize loyalty, minimize harm, and call your boundaries “drama.” If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s disloyal not to take a friend’s side, we offer a different standard: integrity over loyalty, always. Real friends can disagree, repair, and grow. And when repair isn’t possible, a quiet exit is still a powerful choice. Listen, reflect, and then tell us: when did you choose peace over the crowd? If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    47 min

  8. Feb 23

    Stop Pointing Fingers And Start Listening: The Art of Emotional Reflection

    Send us Fan Mail Want fewer circular fights and more honest connection? We dig into why so many conversations slip into blame and counter-blame, and how a small shift—pausing, getting curious, and validating impact—can transform the tone of a relationship in minutes. We share real stories from our own marriage and practice, from a shoes-in-the-closet blowup to the moment a straight-talking mentor said, “You’re no prize either,” and why that wake-up line still helps us today. We unpack the psychology behind deflection: how feedback threatens identity, activates old beliefs, and pushes us to protect the self instead of the bond. Then we map a practical route to reflection. You’ll hear simple scripts that lower defenses and raise trust: “Thank you for telling me,” “Can you help me understand what made you feel that way?” and “I hear that landed as distance.” These phrases don’t concede guilt; they acknowledge impact. That distinction keeps conversations safe, grounded, and productive. We also bring in Gottman’s research on turning toward, insights from Gabor Maté on perception, and the power of both-and thinking to replace the winner-loser trap. Along the way, we talk boundaries and friendship drift—how chronic finger pointing can signal relationships that no longer fit, and why compassion sometimes means stepping away. Reflection isn’t about being perfect. It’s about catching yourself mid-defend, lowering your hand, and choosing connection over the quick hit of being right. If you’ve ever walked away from a “talk” feeling unheard, you’ll leave with tools to change that pattern—tonight. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with someone who needs less blame and more repair, and leave a review with the phrase you’re going to try next. Your words help others find us and keep the conversation going. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

    47 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

In The Devil You Don’t Know, Lindsay, Cleveland, and their guests discuss personal growth and development by taking chances and getting out of your comfort zone.  Topics range from whimsical to serious and everything in between but are always relevant to growth and development.

Information

  • Creator
    Lindsay Oakes
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    82
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Devil You Don’t Know
  • Show Website
    The Devil You Don’t Know

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