The Forge Men Podcast

The Forge

Forging stronger men through biblical truth, practical challenge, and real talk about the battles men face every day. theforgemen.substack.com

  1. 3d ago

    Independently Dependent

    This year marks 250 years since a group of colonists looked at the most powerful empire on earth and said, “no more.” Two hundred fifty years since the ink dried on a document declaring that men would no longer bow to a king across the ocean. But here’s something most Fourth of July celebrations skip. Some of those same colonists were quoting an older rallying cry as they made their case: “no king but King Jesus.” It shows up in sermons and writings from the era, a phrase colonists used to explain what they were actually fighting for. They weren’t just fighting to answer to no one. They were fighting to answer to only one. That distinction changes everything about how we should think about freedom. FREEDOM FOR SOMETHING, NOT FROM EVERYTHING We tend to think of freedom as the absence of restriction. No rules, no authority, no one telling you what to do. That is not what the founders were after, and it’s not what scripture means by freedom either. The founders didn’t throw off a king so they could have no king. They threw off a bad king so they could govern themselves under a better authority, ultimately under God. Independence from England was never the end goal. It was the means to a greater end: the freedom to worship, work, and live without a government standing between a man and his God. That’s worth celebrating as we mark 250 years of independence. The freedom we celebrate on the Fourth was never supposed to be freedom for its own sake. It was freedom so we could willingly choose to answer to someone higher. SLAVES TO SIN OR SLAVES TO RIGHTEOUSNESS Scripture is blunt about this. Every man serves something. The question was never whether you’d be a slave. The question is who owns you. Paul lays it out plainly in Romans 6:16-18. You were a slave to sin. Sin paid you in shame, addiction, anxiety, and a hollowed-out life. But when Christ set you free from that, He didn’t set you free to be your own master. He set you free to become a slave of righteousness. That word should stop you. Slave. Not customer. Not fan. Not a guy who checks in on Sundays. A slave has one owner and one will to obey. Paul uses that word on purpose. He wants you to feel the weight of what it means to belong to Christ completely. Here’s the part our culture cannot make sense of: that kind of slavery is freedom. Real freedom. Because the alternative was never true independence. It was a different master, one that used you and left you empty. Sin never sets you free. It promises freedom from a “tyrannical” God but only delivers deeper slavery to itself. So if you are a slave, the question is: “Who is your master?” SLAVE IN POSTURE, SON IN STANDING But Christ doesn’t stop there. That’s not where the story ends. Paul writes in Galatians 4:4-7 that God sent His Son to redeem those under the law, so that we would receive adoption as sons. Not servants. Sons. Heirs of everything that belongs to the Father. Here’s the tension worth living in: you serve like a slave, but you stand like a son. Your posture toward Christ is total surrender, total obedience, total submission. But your position before the Father is inheritance. You’re not working to earn a place in the family. You already have one. You obey out of sonship, not for it. That’s a completely different kind of dependence than what most men are used to. It’s not the dependence of a man who has no other options. It’s the dependence of a son who trusts his Father enough to surrender complete control to Him. THE LIBERTY THAT COMES FROM SUBMISSION This is where America’s story and the gospel actually connect. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 3:17 that where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Not liberty to do whatever you want. Liberty that comes from being under the right authority. Most of the founders understood, at least in part, that self-governance apart from God isn’t actually freedom. It’s chaos waiting to happen. That’s why so many of them tied their independence to their dependence on God from the very beginning. They wanted a nation free enough to worship, not a nation free from worship altogether. This time of year you’ll see fireworks, flags, and cookouts everywhere you look. All good things. But don’t let the celebration stop at gratitude for political freedom. Let it go deeper. The freedom to worship at all is worth celebrating. But the greater freedom is the one Christ already purchased for you, the freedom to stop being a slave to sin and become both a slave and a son to the King who actually deserves your allegiance. America declared independence from a king who didn’t have the right to rule over her. You are called to declare dependence on the King who does. CHALLENGE Do something a little different this year. Sit down and write your own “Declaration of Dependence.” Not a list of complaints or grievances like the original. A short, honest statement of who you’re surrendering to and why. Write down what you’re done being enslaved to. Sin, approval, comfort, control, whatever it is. Then name the King you’re choosing instead. Keep it short. A few lines is enough. Let this 250th anniversary be the moment you stop confusing independence with freedom, and start living like a son who serves his Father on purpose. PRAY Father, thank You for the freedom to worship You without fear. I confess I’ve often chased independence instead of embracing dependence on You. Break whatever I’m still enslaved to that isn’t You. Remind me that surrendering to You isn’t losing my freedom, it’s finding it. Let me live this week like the son You’ve made me to be: obedient like a servant, secure like an heir. Amen. If today’s post stirred something in you, that’s exactly what The Forge Summer Challenge is built for. Eleven weeks of practical, faith-anchored action to help you move from independence to real dependence on God. Free and paid tiers available, with a private group and biweekly calls for those who want to go deeper. Check out the archive of our latest blogs to find the Summer Challenge posts and get caught up. Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take real steps toward becoming the man God called them to be. If this content hits home for you, share it with another man who needs it. And if you want to help support what we’re building so we can keep creating resources, coaching, and tools for men, you can do that below. Every share and every ounce of support helps move this mission forward. Thank you! Contact Gabe: gabe@theforgemen.co Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.com/subscribe

    7 min
  2. Jun 26

    Stuck in a Funk

    THE FORGE SUMMER CHALLENGE We are wrapping up week two of eleven of The Forge Summer Challenge. It is not too late to join the challenge and take some ground this summer. There have already been some really great wins from some of the guys participating. Here is how it works: Every Monday a new challenge drops, free for everyone. One rule: don’t do it alone. Find your wingman and tell him you’re doing it together. We have a more intentional version for our paid subscribers to the blog. They get the full cohort experience complete with accountability, a private community chat, and biweekly Zoom calls to work through it together. You can become a paid subscriber here: Subscription Options Either way, let us know you’re in. Join the Summer Challenge by clicking HERE June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. I couldn’t let the month slip by without bringing some thoughts around this topic. With a lot of focus already on counseling, therapy, and the like…I want to bring some simple action steps that can help us men. I believe what we discuss today can help us get moving and get out of those season of being “in a funk.” The man sitting across from me hadn’t been sleeping well. Wasn’t eating right. Couldn’t remember the last time he worked out. He’d withdrawn from his wife. He wasn’t reading Scripture anymore. He wasn’t meeting with the guys. He felt like he was floating in empty space. When I asked him what was going on, he was honest. “I just don’t have the energy for any of that right now.” And he meant it. Not as an excuse but as a lived reality. The idea of getting out of bed and putting on shoes and going to the gym felt like asking the impossible. So I asked him a different question. “If you did have the energy, would you want to?” He sat for a minute. “Yeah. Actually I would.” This is pretty common for a lot of guys I know and I have found myself in that place more than a few times. Some may call it being in a depressive state, lack of motivation, or “in a funk.” Almost like you are trying to run in the mud. Whatever you want to call it, there are many men living in this reality unnecessarily. One of the cruelest tricks depression plays is convincing you that the very things that would help you require too much. Too much effort. Too much energy. It seems too demanding when you’re already running on empty. But here’s what you probably already know from your own life. You didn’t feel like going to church last Sunday. Didn’t feel like showing up to small group. Didn’t feel like working out. Didn’t feel like pursuing your wife. But you did it anyway. Or maybe you pushed through it. And the moment you got there, something shifted. By the time you left, you felt better. More solid. More like yourself. You know this is true because you’ve lived it. The lie is that energy comes first. That you need to feel motivated before you move. That if you don’t have the fuel in the tank right now, you can’t afford to spend it. So you wait. You conserve. You tell yourself that once you feel better, once you have more energy, then you’ll do the things that matter. But that’s backwards. What actually happens is the opposite. When a man stops moving, stops connecting, stops creating, his energy decreases. The withdrawal becomes the drain. Inactivity feeds the emptiness. And he sits there exhausted, waiting for energy that will never come because the very things that would create it are the things he’s abandoned. It’s a trap. And the only way out is to do the thing before you feel like doing it. You already know this works. You’ve felt it. A guy says, “I didn’t feel like coming tonight,” and then he shows up and by the end of the night he’s telling you, “Man, I’m so glad I came. I feel so much better.” Many times that’s how your body and your mind actually work. The moment you move, the energy follows. The moment you connect, the weight feels lighter. The moment you create or build or work toward something, you remember that you’re capable. That you’re not finished. That there’s still fuel in the tank. WHY THIS MATTERS MORE THAN YOU THINK There’s a reason this works, and it’s not complicated. When you move your body, you elevate dopamine and serotonin levels. Your mood actually shifts and your outlook changes. When you eat well and sleep well, you stop lying to yourself. Hunger and exhaustion will tell you everything is hopeless. Feed yourself. Sleep. And then assess. The hopelessness was real, but it was incomplete information. When you connect with some close friends, when someone knows you and expects you somewhere, you’re not just getting support. You’re interrupting the isolation that feeds the darkness. You’re proving that you’re not alone in this. When you pursue your wife, when you let her back in, the intimacy produces oxytocin. It steadies your nerves. It reminds you that you’re loved and you’re not fighting this alone. When you do something with your hands, when you complete something difficult, you prove to yourself that you can still do hard things. That you’re still capable. That you’re not broken. These aren’t luxuries. They’re load-bearing. They’re structural. Men who slowly let them coast to a stop in their lives are at a greater risk of living in that “stuck” place. SO HERE’S THE THING This is not a replacement for counseling. If you need professional help, get it. Not everything is fixed with what we are about to unpack. However, there are many issues and mindsets in a man’s life that can be dramatically improved just by implementing a few simple steps. So take this as permission to consider something you probably already know: some of the simplest things in your life, the ones you’ve abandoned, are exactly what you need to get unstuck. And you don’t have to feel like it first. You just have to move. Let me name five in no particular order. 1. MOVE YOUR BODY Men who exercise regularly are significantly less likely to develop depression or anxiety. Those who get at least nine hours of exercise per week see a 25 percent reduction in depression risk. But even a few hours a week shows measurable impact. You don’t have to run a marathon. You don’t have to have an expensive gym membership. A brisk 30-minute walk, four times a week, is a great place to start. The bar is lower than you think. What matters is that you do it before you feel like it. Because the moment you move, the physiology shifts. Your mood lifts. Your perspective changes. 2. EAT AND SLEEP LIKE IT MATTERS I always found this to be a really interesting account in the Bible. Elijah was a prophet. He’d just defeated 450 prophets of Baal in front of the entire nation. Cosmic stakes. Total victory. And what did he do? He ran and hid from Jezebel. He felt all alone and even said he wanted to die. Most of us would call that a spiritual crisis. And it was. But look at what God did first. He didn’t rebuke him. He didn’t tell him to snap out of it. Elijah took a nap and God sent an angel who said, “Get up and eat.” The angel brought some cakes and water. Elijah ate and slept. Then when he got up from his nap, he ate again. Scripture says he went in the strength of that food for 40 days! Now, we may not have access to whatever heavenly cakes those were but I believe that there are a lot of issues that we can solve with a good meal and a nap. God knew something we seem to have forgotten: hunger, exhaustion, and physical depletion will lie to you. They will tell you that everything is hopeless. They will make you believe you’re finished. So feed yourself. Sleep. Then recenter your mind on reality. If you’re in a funk right now, look at what you’re eating. Are you eating well or settling on whatever’s easiest? Is drinking alcohol a bigger part of your life than you’d like to admit? Are you staying up late scrolling instead of sleeping? These can be symptoms. And they’re also things you can change today. 3. CONNECT WITH YOUR BROTHERS Working with and leading men over the years, I have noticed a really disturbing trend. A vast majority of men do not have close friendships. The type of friend you can call at 2AM when your life falls a part. Or a friend that will help you hide a body, no questions asked. Just kidding…kind of. This leads to a deep loneliness in the heart of a man. The loneliness is not just unpleasant. It is catastrophic for your mental health. It is almost cliché but it is so true. You were not made to do this alone. You need someone who actually knows you. A brother. Someone who knows what you’re carrying. Someone in your corner. If you don’t have that, it needs to be your priority. Find a church. Find a small group. Find a guy who you can be real with. Show up. Be honest. Let yourself be known. Accountability and vulnerability are not burdens. They can be a lifeline. 4. RECONNECT WITH YOUR WIFE Outside of the Holy Spirit, intimacy in your marriage can be the source of your greatest strength. When God said “It is not good for man to be alone”, He knew what He was talking about. Physical connection with your wife produces oxytocin. It steadies your nerves. It produces dopamine. It lifts your mood. And there’s also the simple reality that when a man withdraws from his wife, when he stops pursuing connection and intimacy, he loses one of his primary sources of resilience. When you’re in a hard season mentally, your instinct is to isolate. Without intentional communication in those seasons, your wife interprets that as rejection and the distance grows. You have to fight that pull to withdraw. Fight that instinct to turn inward and isolate. Fight for date night without the phones and without talking about the kids. Fight to make physical intimacy a regular rhythm of your marriage. 5. DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HANDS There’s something that happens in a man when he makes somethi

    13 min
  3. Jun 12

    Rainbows, Outrage, and the Patience of God

    THE FORGE SUMMER CHALLENGE Starting Monday, June 15th, we’re launching The Forge Summer Challenge. Eleven weeks. One simple, concrete action each week, designed to move what you’ve learned from your head to your hands. Simple, but not easy. Every Monday a new challenge drops, free for everyone. One rule: don’t do it alone. Find your wingman, send him this post, and tell him you’re doing it together. Want to go deeper? Paid subscribers get the full cohort experience, weekly tools, a private community chat, and biweekly Zoom calls to work through it together. Become a paid subscriber here: Subscription Options Either way, let us know you’re in. Join the Summer Challenge by clicking HERE Rainbows, Outrage, and the Patience of God I was in New York City this week, and the whole place was buzzing. The Knicks are in the NBA Finals, and you couldn’t walk a block without seeing orange and blue everywhere. On top of that, the World Cup just kicked off and with the Final being played right outside of the city, NYC is right in the middle of all that energy. There was a different kind of buzz in the air. In the middle of all that, I noticed something. It’s June, which means it’s also that time of year where you usually see corporations changing their logos to rainbows and rainbow flags on every other storefront in a city like New York. This time, I counted maybe four or five. That was it. Maybe it just got lost in everything else going on. Maybe there’s more to it. Either way, it got me thinking about how loaded this symbol has become, and how Christian men tend to respond to it. WE ALL FEEL SOMETHING If you’re a believer, there’s a good chance the rainbow as a symbol celebrating homosexuality produces some kind of reaction in you. Maybe it’s anger, frustration, or just straight up outrage. Maybe it’s a kind of grief, like something that used to mean one thing now means something else, and you can’t get it back. I understand that. The rainbow has meant something specific to people of faith for thousands of years, long before people started putting it on a flag. But I want to push past that reaction for a minute, because I think there’s something underneath this whole moment that we could be missing. Go back to Genesis 9. After the flood, God makes a promise to Noah and to every living creature: “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh, and the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” (Genesis 9:12-16) Notice what kind of covenant this is. Most covenants in Scripture have two sides. God makes a promise, and His people respond with obedience, faith, or some kind of participation. Not this one. Read back through the chapter and you won’t find Noah’s name attached to any condition. God doesn’t say “as long as humanity behaves” or “if people turn back to me.” He says “every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth. All future generations.” That includes people who will never acknowledge Him. It includes people who will spend their whole lives running from Him. This covenant rests entirely on God’s character, not on our response to it. The bow in the sky isn’t a reward for good behavior. It’s a declaration of who God is, even toward a world that, just one chapter earlier, He looked at and grieved over because of how far it had fallen. Think about that. The same God who saw the full weight of human rebellion, and judged it, also bound Himself to a promise of restraint toward that same rebellious world. Both things are true. His holiness and His mercy aren’t in tension. They’re both on display every time a rainbow appears in the sky. Now jump to 2 Peter 3. Peter is writing to believers who are being mocked for still expecting Jesus to return. The scoffers’ argument is essentially, “Things have always continued the way they are. Nothing’s changed. Where’s this judgment you keep talking about?” Peter’s answer goes back to the flood itself, the same event Genesis 9 follows. He reminds them that the world has already been judged once by water, and it will be judged again, this time by fire. Then he gets to the heart of it: “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9) The delay isn’t God forgetting, and it isn’t God being slow. It’s God being patient, on purpose, toward people who haven’t turned to Him yet. The same chapter says that with the Lord, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like a day. From where we sit, it can feel like nothing is happening, like the world just keeps going the way it’s always gone. But from where God sits, every extra day is intentional. It’s mercy, extended on purpose, to people who don’t yet know they need it. Put Genesis 9 and 2 Peter 3 together and something becomes clear. The rainbow is the sign of an unconditional covenant of restraint. Second Peter tells us why that restraint is still in effect: not because judgment isn’t coming, but because God is patiently making room for repentance before it does. We are living inside that promise and inside that patience, right now, today. Which means every time you see a rainbow, on a flag, a storefront, a car, anywhere, it’s actually pointing to something true for every person on earth, including the people you might be tempted to feel the most frustration toward. The door of God’s mercy is still open to them. And it’s open because God Himself has chosen to keep it open. THE RESPONSE JESUS MODELED In Matthew 9, Jesus looks out at the crowds following Him. Scripture says He was moved with compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. That’s the posture I think many Christians are missing. When a believer sees a rainbow flag and feels outrage first, something has gotten out of order. The first response Jesus modeled wasn’t anger at people who were far from God. It was compassion. It was a deep ache for people who were lost and didn’t know it. What if every rainbow you saw this month became a Matthew 9 moment? Not a trigger for frustration, but a cue to feel what Jesus felt, and to pray for the people waving a symbol of God’s promise over their heads. CONVICTION WITHOUT CONTEMPT Here’s where I want to be careful, because compassion doesn’t mean staying quiet about what’s true or going along with the culture in the name of “tolerance.” Love that only offers grace, without ever speaking truth, isn’t actually love. The reason the gospel is good news is because without it, the news for humanity is genuinely bad. If we only talk about grace and never talk about sin, repentance, and the call to follow Jesus, we end up offering people something that tickles their ears but without the power to save their souls. So the calling here isn’t to pick a side between conviction and compassion. It’s to hold both at the same time. See people the way Jesus saw the crowds. And still call them toward the truth that leads to life. This isn’t only about strangers on the street or flags on a storefront. For a lot of us, this is closer to home than that. A sibling. A son or daughter. An aunt or uncle who’s been part of your life as far back as you can remember. Someone you love, who has walked a different path than the one you’d hoped for them or even the one God has called them to. When it’s a stranger, it’s easy for conviction to stay theoretical. But when it’s someone whose face you know, your theology and relationships collide, and most of us don’t have a clean answer for what to do with that. Maybe there’s a person in your family that just doesn’t get talked about much anymore, not out of malice, just because nobody’s sure how to navigate it. That’s where conviction without contempt stops being an idea and becomes something you have to actually live, with someone specific. It’s a lot easier to feel compassion for a crowd than for a person you’re related to. THIS MONTH This month, when you see a rainbow, whether it’s on a flag, a storefront, a car, or anywhere else, let it be a Matthew 9 moment. Stop. Don’t react. Pray for that person. Pray for the people who are lost and without true hope. Pray for an opportunity to share God’s love with them. And if this isn’t abstract for you, if there’s someone in your own family or circle this touches, let that prayer get specific. Ask God for the kind of love that doesn’t let go of truth, and the kind of conviction that doesn’t let go of love. Join me in this prayer: Lord, when I see a symbol that stirs up frustration in me, remind me what it actually points to: Your mercy, still open, still being offered. Give me the heart of Jesus toward the people connected to it, compassion, not contempt. And where this isn’t abstract for me, where it touches my own family, give me wisdom, gentleness, and the courage to hold onto both truth and love. Amen. Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take re

    12 min
  4. Jun 5

    Now Do Something With It

    JOIN THE FORGE SUMMER CHALLENGE Before we get into it, we are announcing the launch of something new today. The Forge Summer Challenge! All the details at the end of the post so don’t cut out early. Eleven weeks ago we started this series with the premise that maturity doesn’t just happen. It has to be built. And it gets built across every area of a man’s life. That framework is represented graphically by the Maturity Wheel. Five interconnected areas that all matter. None of them exist in isolation. Here’s what we covered. We started with your Walk with God — how to actually engage with Scripture instead of just owning a Bible, why prayer feels awkward and what to do about it, and why obedience is where everything you’ve learned either becomes real or stays theoretical. We moved into Personal Health — the mental health conversation most men avoid, and the physical side that Paul summed up better than any gym motivational poster ever could: steward your body so you can say yes when God calls. We spent time in Relationships — what marriage is actually for, and what bitterness costs a man who refuses to forgive. We walked through Time and Priorities — the one resource you cannot get back, the drift that happens when urgency crowds out the important, and what a man’s calendar says about what he actually believes. We finished in Finances and Career — the mammon question Jesus asked that most men never sit with honestly, and the truth that work was never the punishment. The curse was the toil. The work was always the assignment. Check out our full archive HERE Eleven weeks. Five areas. A whole picture of what it looks like to be a man who is maturing in life, not just aging. And here’s the thing about all of that content. It means nothing if it stays in your head. THE FOOL AND THE WISE MAN Proverbs has a lot to say about fools. And before you picture someone foolish, you need to understand what Proverbs means by the word. The fool in Proverbs is not the guy who doesn’t know better. Proverbs 14:16 says the wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but the fool is reckless and careless. Proverbs 26:11 gives us one of the most uncomfortable images in all of Scripture: a dog returning to its vomit. That is the man who knows what’s wrong, walks away from it, and goes right back. The fool in Proverbs is the man who has heard the truth. He may have even agreed with it. He may have felt something when he read it. But he walked away and nothing changed. James had the same man in mind when he wrote: “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” He called it self-deception. Not ignorance. Not rebellion. Self-deception. The man who engages with truth and walks away unchanged has convinced himself that engagement is the same as transformation. It isn’t. The fool isn’t the man who never read any of this. The fool is the man who read all of it, nodded along, thought “that’s good stuff”, and then went back to living exactly the same way he was living before. That is the dog returning to its vomit. The mature man (the wise man Proverbs keeps pointing to) is the man who lets what he hears actually change him. He takes the next step even when it’s uncomfortable. He builds his life not just on knowing the right things, but on doing them. That is the whole point. HEAD. HEART. HANDS. There is a movement that has to happen for any of this to matter. Information hits the head. That’s where it lives. You take it in, you process it, you file it away. Interesting. Good to know. Conviction hits the heart. That’s the moment something cuts deep into our soul. When you’re reading about forgiveness and your stomach tightens because you know exactly who came to mind. When you come face to face with the reality of your own brokenness and sin. That is conviction. And conviction is good and necessary. But not even that automatically leads to change. The point of the last 11 weeks was not built to give you more information or even better conviction. It was meant to move you to action. Head. Heart. Hands. The man whose life actually changes is the man who takes what he knows, takes what he feels, and does something with it. One conversation he’d been avoiding. One appointment he finally makes. One honest look at a bank statement with his wife. One area of his life he stops managing and starts leading. That’s what separates the wise man from the fool. Not the acquisition of knowledge but the application of it. THE WHEEL IS NOT A FORMULA Before we close out this series, one more thing needs to be said. The Wheel is a map, not a formula. Every man reading this is in a different season. Different pressures. Different history. Different wounds and different strengths. The Wheel doesn’t produce a perfect life if you check every box correctly. That is not how any of this works. What it does is give you a framework for intentionality. It says: here are the areas that matter. Here are the places where neglect compounds and growth compounds. Here are the spokes, and when one of them is broken, the whole wheel wobbles. A man who is intentional in these areas builds something of significance. Not a perfect life but a consistent one. An impactful one. A life that looks like it was aimed at something worth aiming at. That is what wisdom produces. Again, wisdom is not the accumulation of information. It is the pattern of a man who hears truth and does something with it consistently across every area of his life. THE SUMMER CHALLENGE The Mature Man series is done. But you’re not done. Starting June 15th, we’re launching The Forge Summer Challenge. Eleven weeks. One simple concrete action per week. The kind that moves everything you’ve learned from your head all the way to your hands. It will be simple but not easy. Here’s how it works: * Starts Monday, June 15th * Every Monday a new challenge drops, free for everyone * Each challenge is simple, specific, and designed to actually change something in your life that week * One rule: don’t do it alone. Find your wingman (or several) and invite them in * Text him right now. Send him this post. Tell him you want to complete this challenge with him. For the men who want to go deeper, paid subscribers to The Forge and monthly supporters get access to the full cohort experience. That includes weekly challenge tools and resources, a private community chat where you can process, report back, and stay connected with other men doing the work, and a biweekly live Zoom call where we dig into the challenges together, ask hard questions, share wins, and pray for one another. If you’re already a paid subscriber, you will receive that info from me. If you want to join the Summer Challenge Cohort, it’s as easy as becoming a paid subscriber and you will be given that access. Become a paid subscriber here → SUBSCRIPTION OPTIONS Whether joining for free or the joining the cohort, we want you to let us know you are going to come along the journey. Click the link below to opt-in. JOIN THE SUMMER CHALLENGE Can’t wait to grow with you all this summer! Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take real steps toward becoming the man God called them to be. If this content hits home for you, share it with another man who needs it. And if you want to help support what we’re building so we can keep creating resources, coaching, and tools for men, you can do that below. Every share and every ounce of support helps move this mission forward. Thank you! Contact Gabe: gabe@theforgemen.co Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.com/subscribe

    9 min
  5. May 29

    The Relentless Weight of Work

    This week we are wrapping up the series we have been in called The Mature Man. We have worked through five interconnected areas of a man’s life. We have covered your Walk with God, Personal Health, Relationships, and Time and Priorities. Last week we hit finances and this week we close it out with a discussion about career, and why most men are settling for a fraction of what work was always meant to be. Ask most men why they work and you will get a version of the same answer. To pay the bills. To provide for my family. To build something for the future. None of that is wrong. Providing for your family is a mark of a man who takes his responsibilities seriously. But if provision is the only lens you are using to see your career, you are missing most of the picture. And that missing piece is costing you — not financially, but something deeper. It is costing you the very meaning of work. WORK WAS NEVER THE PUNISHMENT Here is something that gets misunderstood in the account in the book of Genesis. Work is not the curse. The curse is the toil. Before sin entered the world, before Adam and Eve ever touched the fruit, God placed Adam in the garden to tend it and keep it. There was work to be done. Real work. The kind that required effort, attention, and skill. And it was not a burden. It was the assignment of a man who had been given something worth stewarding. Genesis 2:15 says: The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. This is pre-fall. Pre-curse. Pre-toil. God designed work into the fabric of what it means to be human. Long before sin broke everything, a man’s purpose was already tied to his labor. That changes how we should think about our work. THE NATURE OF WORK Everything in this world tends toward chaos. That is just the nature of things. So I want to give you a simple definition of work… WORK: The act of doing what wants to be undone. Your lawn does not stay trimmed. Your budget does not balance itself. The project does not manage itself. The cargo does not route itself. The building does not stay standing forever without maintenance. The chaos of the world around us is always reasserting itself, and your job, whatever it is, is to push back against that entropy. To bring order where disorder wants to settle in. That is not a corporate metaphor. That is the literal nature of work. I think about this when I mow my lawn. There is something that happens when I am making those passes back and forth across the yard. What was overgrown and wild slowly becomes ordered. What was chaos starts to look like intention. And when I get to the last pass and step back and look at the freshly cut lawn and the manicured edges, there is something that rises up inside me. It is not just satisfaction that the task is complete. It is something that feels like beauty. A small foretaste of glory. I tamed something. I brought order to what was wild. And for a moment, standing in my driveway, I got a glimpse of something God wired into me before I ever understood what it was. THE CURSE IS REAL TOO Now here is where we have to be honest. Because of the fall, that beauty is always mixed with resistance. Genesis 3:17-19 makes it unmistakably clear: Cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Notice what God says here. The ground is cursed. Work is not. But now the ground fights back. The grass keeps growing. The project keeps slipping. The deal falls through. The machine breaks. The thing you just finished starts coming undone almost immediately. That relentless weight of things being undone that need to be done is not a bad boss or a failing economy. That is the condition of working in a fallen world. Unfortunately, you are not going to escape it. Not in this job or the next one. Not with a raise or a promotion or a better title. The toil is built into this age. It will follow you until you return to the dust or Jesus comes back. That is not fatalism. That is just the truth. Too many men either spend their lives depressed or chasing different circumstances, convinced the next job or the next season will finally feel easy. It will not. The toil is not the problem to be solved. It is the reality to be reframed. “SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE’S GOT A CASE OF THE MONDAYS” Most men dread Monday. It typically starts on Sunday afternoon and you start to feel it. The weight of another workweek quickly approaching and stealing your peace. But here is what changes when you understand what work actually is. You are not just showing up to grind out another week. You are an image-bearer of God exercising dominion on this earth. You are doing what Adam was doing in the garden: taming what was wild, ordering the disorder, and reflecting the nature of the God who brought creation out of nothing. That is not a small thing. A man who understands that he is God’s representative on earth does not show up to work the same way a man does who thinks he is just trading time for money. It does not matter if you manage logistics for a trucking company or build skyscrapers or create spreadsheets or work a trade. The nature of the work is the same. You are taking what tends toward disorder and bringing it under order. That is bearing the image of God. That is the assignment He gave humanity from the beginning. This does not make the toil disappear. The weight is still real. But now the weight has purpose in the midst of the promised pain. And that is a very different way to live. YOUR CAREER IS BIGGER THAN YOUR HOUSEHOLD Here is where the call goes deeper. God has given you a career as a means of provision. That is real and it is important. Providing for your family is not a small thing and Scripture takes it seriously. But provision cannot be the entire point. If it is, you have reduced your career to a purely transactional exchange — time and skill for money — and you are settling for the lowest version of what work is meant to be. Your career is also how you build wealth. And wealth is meant to be stewarded, not just accumulated. You are not building a financial fortress around your own life. You are managing resources that belong to God in the first place. Which means a portion of what your work produces is meant to be reinvested into His kingdom. That is more than tithing, though tithing matters. It is the posture of a man who understands that his career is a platform — not just for provision, but for mission. For generosity. For kingdom investment that outlasts his lifetime. 2 Corinthians 5:18 calls us ministers of reconciliation: God reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. That ministry does not clock out at five. It goes with you into your workplace, your industry, your relationships with clients and colleagues and employees. You are not just an image-bearer on Sunday. You are a minister of reconciliation in your career, every day. There is a tension here that we should not pretend does not exist. Some men are in careers where they genuinely cannot see the purpose. Where it really does feel like nothing more than a paycheck exchange. If that is you, I want to say two things. First: the reframe is available to you right now, in whatever job you are in. The dignity of work does not depend on the title or the passion alignment. Ordering chaos and bearing the image of God can happen whether you are aware of it or not. What changes is whether you bring the awareness with you. Whether you show up as a man who knows what he is doing and why, or as a man who is just logging hours until something better comes along. Second: if you are genuinely in a season where your gifts, your passion, and your career are completely misaligned, that is worth paying attention to. Not as a reason to be reckless, but as a signal worth discerning. A man who is fully deployed in work that reflects his gifts and calling will naturally experience more of that fulfillment and purpose. If you have spent years settling and calling it faithfulness, it might be time to ask God if He is actually inviting you into something more aligned. Both things are true. You can find purpose where you are right now, and you can still be called to make moves. HEAVENLY WORK We neglect to think deeply about this one. When Jesus comes back and we enter the new creation, we will still have work. Not toil. Not the relentless weight of a cursed ground. But work: real, purposeful, deeply satisfying work. Adam was tending a garden before sin entered the world. The new creation will not be floating on clouds and endless leisure. It will be human beings doing what they were designed to do, finally and fully, without the resistance of the fall. If the idea of that excites you, you are already more aligned with God’s design for work than you realize. And if the idea of that makes you uncomfortable, the issue might not be heaven. It might be what the toil of this age has done to your view of work altogether. Work itself is not the enemy. The curse made it hard. But God designed it as a gift. And He is not taking it back. ONE ACTION STEP This week, before Monday hits, spend five minutes with this question: What does it look like for me to show up to work this week as an image-bearer exercising dominion, not just an employee logging hours? Write down one specific thing that would look different if you actually believed your work was that significant. PRAYER OF DEDICATION God, thank You for work. Not just for the provision it brings, but for the purpose that was built into it from the beginning. Help me to feel the weight of the toil without losing sight of what is underneath it — that I am bearing Your image, exercising the

    13 min
  6. May 22

    Men and Their Master

    We’ve been working through the Maturity Wheel — five interconnected areas where real growth happens. This week we move into Finances and Career, starting with the hardest conversation most men never have: what is money actually for? Most men don’t ask this question. We chase money, stress about it, fight about it with our wives, lie awake thinking about it. But we rarely stop to ask: What is it supposed to be in my life? Jesus did. And His answer cuts deeper than most men like to admit. THE MAMMON PROBLEM In Luke 16, Jesus makes a stark statement: “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” He doesn’t say “don’t love money too much.” He says you cannot serve both. It’s not balance — it’s allegiance. The word Jesus uses is mammon — money as a master. Money as a god. The thing you ultimately trust, fear, and serve. Most men think mammon only describes the rich guy. The greedy accumulator. And yes, that’s one version. But it’s not the only one. TWO WAYS MEN WORSHIP MAMMON I’ve sat across from two kinds of enslaved men. They just don’t look the same. The first loves money through pursuit. Grinding. Chasing. Convinced that if he makes more, achieves more, accumulates more, he’ll finally feel secure. His worth is his net worth. His identity is his income. He can’t rest. He can’t be generous. He can’t lead his family because money demands all his attention. The second loves money through fear. He doesn’t have enough — or thinks he doesn’t. Striving in his own strength. White-knuckling through financial anxiety. He resents money. He’s angry at it. But he’s equally enslaved. His fear of scarcity is as much a master as the other man’s love of abundance. He can’t rest. He can’t be generous. Anxiety has taken the wheel. Two different men. Same root: mammon is their master. Here’s what Jesus knows that most men miss: you can be broke and love money. You can be rich and love money. Your heart determines whether you’re serving mammon, not your account balance. WHEN MONEY BECOMES YOUR GOD I learned this in college. I needed a credit card to cover expenses — books, tuition, a few things. What started as a tool became a trap. A few hundred dollars in debt felt like thousands to a college kid. And then I felt it: the weight. Not just financial. Emotional. Spiritual. That credit card debt created anxiety I hadn’t expected. I’d lie awake thinking about it. Small in dollars but massive in its grip on my soul. Money had become more than a tool. It had become a source of shame and fear. I worked hard to pay it off. I couldn’t live under that weight anymore. I resolved to never live under that crushing weight again. Maybe you find yourself there. Scripture says that the borrower is slave to the lender. That feeling of being a slave is a heavy burden. One that men need to be freed from. That season taught me: money itself is neutral. Your relationship to it determines whether it serves you or enslaves you. The question isn’t whether you have money. The question is: What is money for in your life? Is it your security? Your identity? Your proof of worth? Or is it a tool entrusted to you for something bigger than yourself? WHAT MONEY IS ACTUALLY FOR Money is a tool for stewardship. That’s it. In Genesis, God gave man dominion: “Tend the garden. Cultivate it. Care for it.” Work was always generative. Money is the exchange of that work — the tool that lets you provide for your household, care for the vulnerable, and participate in God’s work. Money becomes a problem when you treat it like the point instead of the tool. When money is the point, you become a slave. You chase it endlessly. You hoard it fearfully. You let it dictate your decisions, time, relationships, peace. But when you understand money as a tool — something entrusted to you for a season — everything shifts. You can hold it loosely. You’re generous with it. You make decisions based on your calling, not your bank account. You lead your family toward freedom. That’s what the mature man understands: money is not your master. It’s a tool. THE FREEDOM QUESTION A man enslaved to mammon cannot move freely. He cannot obey God if it threatens financial security. He cannot be generous because he fears scarcity. He cannot lead well because anxiety has his attention. But a man who understands money as stewardship is free. He can take risks for his calling. He can be generous without fear. He can make decisions based on what matters most. He can sleep at night. That’s the promise: freedom to obey without chains of fear or greed. Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 6: “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil… But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.” When you love money — whether chasing or fearing it — you wander from faith. You stop trusting God. You start serving a different master. The antidote isn’t more money or less money. It’s clarity about what money is for. SO WHAT DO YOU DO? Freedom from mammon requires honesty and intentionality. STEP ONE: NAME IT Before budget or conversation, name where mammon actually has your heart. This is a soul exercise. Sit down and ask yourself: Where is money my source of security? Where am I striving instead of trusting God? Where am I using money to prove my worth? Where am I afraid of not having enough? One of those questions probably landed harder than the others. That might be where mammon has you. You must name it. A man can’t repent from something he refuses to see. STEP TWO: LEAD AT HOME Once you’ve named it internally, lead your household. Leading doesn’t mean what most men think. Some of you are naturally gifted with finances — the spreadsheet person. Your temptation is to control everything and cut your wife out. Don’t. Other men hate finances. Your temptation is to check out and let her carry it all. Don’t do that either. Leading means: you own the rhythm and vision. You stay engaged. Set up a regular money conversation with your wife. Monthly works. Quarterly minimum. Put it on the calendar. In that conversation: Ask real questions. Where are we? What are we worried about? Go first with vulnerability. Name your anxieties. Listen to understand, not to argue. Own the direction together. Your wife doesn’t need to be excluded from money decisions. She needs to be part of the vision. She needs to feel like a partner, not a passenger. If you’re the man who avoids all this — your avoidance is abdication. It leaves your wife carrying weight alone. STEP THREE: TAKE INVENTORY A shocking number of men don’t know their actual financial situation. They know they have debt but can’t name the number. Sit down — with your wife — and take inventory: How much total debt do you have? What’s your actual monthly spending? Where is your money going? What are you saving for? Write it down. Look at it. This is clarity. You can’t lead toward freedom if you don’t know where you actually are. STEP FOUR: INVITE GOD IN If you’re living in mammon’s grip — greed, fear, or avoidance — I can almost guarantee you’re not tithing. Or if you are, it feels like obligation. But tithing isn’t duty. It’s worship. When you give the first portion back to God, you’re declaring: You are my master, not mammon. You are my security. You are worthy of my trust. Tithing is an act of faith. A declaration that God is enough. If that feels terrifying, that’s the point. Tithing is supposed to stretch you past where mammon has its grip. The men who tithe, who give generously, who trust God with their finances — they sleep best at night. Not because they have more money. Because they decided money is not their master. THE MAN WHO LEADS WITH FREEDOM A mature man understands that money is not his master. It’s not his shame. It’s not his identity. It’s a tool entrusted to him for stewardship. And that changes everything. When mammon loses its grip, a man becomes free to lead. Free to provide without anxiety. Free to be generous without fear. Free to make decisions based on his calling. Free to sleep at night. Your wife feels that freedom too. Your kids grow up watching a man who isn’t enslaved to greed or consumed by fear. They see what it looks like to trust God with everything. That’s the legacy of a man who gets this right. So start this week. Name where mammon has you. Have the conversation with your wife. Take inventory. Invite God in. Because freedom matters. Leadership matters. And your household is waiting on you to show them what it looks like to serve God instead of money. That’s where mature men are forged. Join me in this prayer: Lord, I’m naming where mammon has me. Free me. I’m choosing to trust You with my finances — not because I understand how it will work, but because You’re trustworthy. Help me lead my household toward freedom. Help me be generous. Amen. Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take real steps toward becoming the man God called them to be. If this content hits home for you, share it with another man who needs it. And if you want to help support what we’re building so we can keep creating resources, coaching, and tools for men, you can do that below. Every share and every ounce of support helps move this mission forward. Thank you! Contact Gabe: gabe@theforgemen.co Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.co

    11 min
  7. May 15

    The Subtle Drift of Your Priorities

    We are in a series called The Mature Man — working through five interconnected areas of a man’s life using the Maturity Wheel. We have covered your Walk with God, Personal Health, Relationships, and last week we began digging into the Time and Priorities section by talking about time itself. This week we stay in that section and tackle something that sits underneath time management entirely. Your priorities. Many men never intentionally choose their priorities. That is the hard truth. Ask a man what his priorities are and he will probably say the right things. God. Family. Work. Health. It sounds clear. But then look at his calendar. Look at where his energy goes. Look at what never gets canceled and what always does. What you see there is not a list of values. It is evidence of a slow drift. Nobody woke up one morning and decided to let the urgent crowd out the important. Nobody sat down and said, “I am going to let the pressure of work become the thing that defines my life while my marriage runs on fumes.” That is not how it happens. It happens the way most drift happens: quietly, gradually, one small accommodation at a time. The meeting runs over. The weekend trip gets pushed. The conversation with your wife gets postponed. None of it feels like a big decision. But over time, those small accommodations stack up and become a direction. And one day you look around and realize your life does not actually reflect what you said you cared about. THE SCOREBOARD PROBLEM Here is something I have observed in the men I talk to and lead: a lot of men are crushing it at work and losing at home. And deep down, they know it. The reason is not lack of love for their family. The reason is that work has a scoreboard and home does not. At the office, success is visible. Sales numbers. Revenue. Promotions. A deal closes and you know it. There is clarity. There is feedback. There is a score. Home is different. Nobody posts the quarterly results of a healthy marriage. There is no leaderboard for how your kids are doing in their souls. The return on investment of being present and consistent as a father does not show up for years. Sometimes decades. So men naturally invest where they feel competent and valued. And when the scoreboard at work is clear and satisfying, it quietly pulls more and more of what a man has to give. The problem is that home is not a game. It is not a competition with a final score. It is a legacy. And the stakes are higher than any deal you will ever close. I want to say something about your wife here because it matters. A lot of men, myself included for a season, make their wife’s happiness the chief aim of their marriage. When she is happy, we feel like we are winning. When she is not, we feel like we have failed. That sounds noble, but it is actually a distraction. Your wife’s happiness is not the goal. Her holiness is. God did not give you a wife so you could manage her emotional temperature. He gave her to you, and you to her, so that you might spur one another on toward who God is calling you both to become. That kind of marriage requires sacrifice. It requires honest conversation. It requires leading even when you do not feel like it. That does not always feel good in the short run. Holiness many times is in direct competition with short-term happiness. But a man who leads his wife toward God rather than just comfort is doing the harder and more important thing. And over time, it produces something a happiness-managed marriage never will. THE ORDER THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING So how does a man get his priorities right? Not just decide them, but actually build his life around them? Jesus said it plainly in Matthew 6:33: “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Seek first. Not seek also. Not seek when convenient. First. That verse is not just a devotional thought. It is a framework for how a man organizes his life. When God is genuinely first, not just first on a list but first in practice, first in the calendar, first in where a man’s attention goes before the day starts pulling at him, everything else finds its proper place. When God is not first, everything else quietly slides into the space He was meant to occupy. And a man begins building his own kingdom. Which will not last. Here is the order that I have found to be true and that I believe Scripture supports: * God * Marriage * Children * Work * Everything else And I am sure some of you are asking, “Aren’t you a pastor? Where is ministry on that list? Building God’s Kingdom?” Here is what I have learned: ministry is not a category. It is a posture. Everything on that list is ministry when it is done for God. Loving your wife well is ministry. Raising your children is ministry. Showing up faithfully at work is ministry. It is all encompassing. That is why ministry does not need its own slot — it runs through every one of them. But I will say this: my marriage is my first ministry. My wife and children are the first people God called me to serve, lead, and lay my life down for. A man who burns himself up doing kingdom work while his home is neglected is not being faithful. He is being selectively obedient. And it will cost him, and them, more than he is calculating. THE MATURE MAN AND THE CALENDAR Here is how a mature man approaches this. He does not just agree with a priority list. He builds his calendar around it. Last week we talked about time and how to make the most of it. This week the question is sharper: what are you making the most of the time for? Look at your calendar right now. Not the version you imagine you have, the actual one. Where does God show up? Where is your marriage protected? Where have you carved out time for your children that does not get moved for a meeting? What does your week say about what you actually believe matters? A mature man also knows his warning signs. When my priorities have slipped, and they have at times, I can tell internally before it may ever show on the surface. My spiritual life starts to feel thin. My relationships feel strained. My body pays for it. Everything on the wheel is connected. The priorities section is not one spoke among five. It is what holds the tension in every other spoke. When priorities are off, everything else eventually shows the strain. The goal is not a perfect week. The goal is a man who has defined clearly what matters, so that when life hits you in the teeth, and it will, he knows exactly what to come back to. REFLECTION QUESTIONS What does your calendar say your priorities actually are, and how far is that from what you say they are? Where have you been giving your best energy, and is that place worthy of your best? If your wife and children described your priorities based on your actions this past month, what would they say? CLOSING PRAYER Father, I do not want to be a man who says the right things and lives a different story. Show me where I have let drift decide my priorities instead of deciding them myself. Help me build my life around what actually lasts: You first, then the people You have given me, then the work You have called me to. Give me the courage to lead my home well, not just my career. And where I have been absent in the places that matter most, let it not be too late to come back. Amen. Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take real steps toward becoming the man God called them to be. If this content hits home for you, share it with another man who needs it. And if you want to help support what we’re building so we can keep creating resources, coaching, and tools for men, you can do that below. Every share and every ounce of support helps move this mission forward. Thank you! Contact Gabe: gabe@theforgemen.co Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.com/subscribe

    9 min

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Forging stronger men through biblical truth, practical challenge, and real talk about the battles men face every day. theforgemen.substack.com