The journey never ends

Lauren Denise Gann

Life is a journey. A journey of obstacles that never ends. One needs to persevere and overcome obstacles to continue on the journey. Join me on my journey through my life navigating Bipolar 1 disorder; I daily journey that I take. I tell stories about my life and perspectives to spread constructive positive waves in the universe. crazygoodauthor.substack.com

  1. 04/15/2025

    Building a Crazy Good Community

    Hi, and welcome to The Journey Never Ends. Today, I want to give you guys an update of what I've been working on in an effort to create a crazy good community. A community so good, it's insane. So part of getting a community together is community outreach. So I have been working with some nonprofits to see if I can provide value with an event. This event is going to be focused on The event I picture is focused a little bit on... The event I have created and outlined has to do with simple things. It has to do with posture, breathing, mindfulness, and balance. It's a focus on the fact that if you... It's a focus... It has a focus on inner power and how real power is really being able to quiet your mind, see the power you have within you and influence your surroundings. So I'm waiting to hear back from them, but I do hope to collaborate and be able to volunteer some of my services to these communities, to these nonprofits. Another thing I've been doing is going to open mic nights. I have one this Thursday and I had one. Another thing I've been doing is going to open mic nights. I have one planned this Thursday and I did one the other week. I've also been journaling a decent amount, just getting my emotions out. I have been having a couple of fluctuations as is expected with my disorder. And quite frankly, I've realized that when I'm busy and or when I'm not feeling great, I cannot do recordings. My voice actually is incapable of keeping the cadence that I'm used to. And I hate the way it sounds when I'm not feeling well. So I appreciate you guys staying with me as I go through my journey. And when in doubt, remember, the journey never ends. I will be back. Always. That's my commitment to this. Lastly, I also want to mention... Lastly, I'm doing something that is a little scary. I'm actually joining a dating podcast called Whatever... in Santa Barbara, California this weekend. And you might be thinking, why would you join a dating podcast if you're trying to talk about mental health and mental illness? Well, it's pretty simple. One, I'm single. And two, I have a lot of experience with dating and being bipolar. So I feel like I have a lot to say, but really the real reason I am going to California is to promote my following, is to promote Crazy Good, this podcast, my Instagram, anything that I can put out to be able to, in order to be able to continue my journey to create a Crazy Good community. So wish me luck on my endeavors. I really hope things go well. So wish me luck on my endeavors. I am putting out the most positive thoughts I can put out to be able to reach my goals. And as I've talked about in my other podcast, you can see that I have taken action and I am taking action in order to fulfill the goals that I'm targeting. Also, through all of this, I am managing my day job. I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you where I work right now, but I do healthcare technology as a day job. So between all of these activities, I am focused, I'm doing the best I can, and I really appreciate you guys being patient with me as I struggle on a daily basis, as I fight on a daily basis, and as I conquer on a daily basis. That's all I wanted to talk about today. Just give you guys an update on what I'm working on. Tune in on Sunday. Tune in on Sunday to a live stream on YouTube from the Whatever podcast and I will be there. Cheer me on. It would be awesome. Thank you so much for the support. That's all I wanted to talk about. Really appreciate y'all being here. Much love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit crazygoodauthor.substack.com

    5 min
  2. 03/28/2025

    Psychosis Made Me Fearless

    Hi, and welcome to The Journey Never Ends. Today I want to talk about fear. One of the first times I finally sat down with a therapist, she asked me, what do you fear? I took a long moment of silence. I stared deeply into her eyes. I didn't blink. And I said, nothing. She tilted her head and thought a little. waiting for me to explain. And I told her that I have no fear because I've experienced the scariest things. When you lose your mind, there's nothing scarier. When you hallucinate about a portal of hell and demons coming after you, there's nothing scarier. When you realize that your entire CPU, aka your brain that you're supposed to trust, suddenly short circuits and place tricks on you, there's nothing scarier. When society decides that you are broken, when society disenfranchises you with the label of crazy, When people tell me I'm crazy, I reply with confidence, crazy good. I am crazy good. I am so good. It's insane how good I am. I don't let society dictate my future. I don't let society expectations of others decide what I'm going to be doing, what my fears are. So if you're struggling with fear right now because of your diagnosis, I get it. I've been there. Keep trucking. Journal. Understand in a way, though, that experiencing fear to the nth degree... can set you free of other smaller fears. I'm not afraid to talk in front of people. I'm not afraid to be disenfranchised by people. I'm not afraid because I fundamentally think that there's nothing I can't go through. If I am capable of overcoming three intense psychotic manic episodes, destroying my life and coming back anew, what else could be worse? What else could be more difficult? In my opinion, I can't even think of it. And I love that. It sets me free. It sets me free to understand that any obstacle that comes my way will be conquered by me. So again, if you're going through fear, it's normal. Work on it. Understand that once you overcome and realize that you can control the power that you give fear, you will be able to live life better because living life in fear is not living at all. So I just wanted to share the perspective that I have that's maybe a little warped because of the fear that I've experienced with my psychosis. I hope that at one point, if you're experiencing this crippling fear, that you can get to this point and that you're let free from the shackles of fear. That's all I wanted to talk about today. Remember to speak crazy, crazy good. Y'all have a great day. Thank y'all so much for being here. Much love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit crazygoodauthor.substack.com

    4 min
  3. 03/20/2025

    The Bipolar Flu: When Emotions Feel Physical

    Hi and welcome to The Journey Never Ends. I appreciate you guys being patient with me as I haven't been posting recently. I have been going through complicated emotions and been journaling about it and quite honestly felt like I had the flu. I know that sounds weird, but really when you go through intense emotions, they can actually show up in a physical sense for you and affect the way you feel. So the other day I actually spent 15 hours in bed feeling like I had the flu, feeling sick because in reality I was sick. It's like having a common cold, but the cold is really just your brain and your emotional state being unstable. I know that sounds weird, but I give myself grace knowing that I do have a disorder that struggles with consistency. And I do have a disorder that sometimes makes me feel emotionally sick to my stomach and just sick in general. So I urge you guys to just realize that if you're struggling with deep emotions and you feel sick, you need to rest. You need to give yourself space just as if you had the flu because bipolar disorder is a disorder. It's a disability. Don't forget that. Anyways, today I wanted to share with you guys a poem that I wrote recently while I was going through these emotions that highlights the physicality of symptoms that I incurred during these emotions. Here we go. I feel like my head is floating. And my body is sinking. My blood is boiling, but my skin is freezing. So this was just highlighting the fact that I really felt a complex physical reaction to my emotional experience as I laid in bed for 15 hours. So I fell off the horse. I was sick. I had my bipolar flu, but now I'm back. Just like if I were to have the flu, there's a moment where you feel better when you say it's time to clean up all the tissues I had next to my bed. It's time to get on the mic again and continue this never ending journey. So here I am today getting back on the mic. Here I am today recovered from my episodic emotional bout. I hope that when you guys go through something emotionally that you realize it can have physical effects on you and that in many ways you really need to treat it like the flu. Give yourself the space to heal your emotions. Give yourself the space to feel better. Don't judge yourself because you wouldn't judge yourself if you got the flu. Move forward. Remember that the present is where you create the future. The past is to learn from and the future will be created by your present moment. And in fact, your future pasts are created presently. So focus on the present as always. Realize that sometimes you get sick and you feel it in your bones, even if it's emotional and it looks like it's invisible. Give yourself grace. Don't give yourself judgment and get back on the horse because you have to remember that this journey never ends. Move forward, pledge to life, do what you need to do today to be as healthy as possible physically, mentally, and spiritually. So take care of yourselves and And remember, s**t happens. Move forward. I really appreciate you guys being here and again, having patience with me as I go through my journey. I hope you guys have a great day. Much love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit crazygoodauthor.substack.com

    4 min
  4. 03/11/2025

    Transforming Emotion: The Science of Energy and Creativity

    Hi, and welcome to The Journey Never Ends. Today, as promised, we're going to go into one of the thermodynamic laws and talk a little bit about how it can impact your emotions, your energy, and hopefully inspire you guys to create a little bit. So as a reminder, this is my favorite thermodynamic law, and I say that in the nerdiest way possible. And as a reminder, it is energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transformed. So I'm gonna start with one of my poems. Emotional, commotional, uncontrollable? No, I am capable. I have been given ample time to sample emotions, taste emotions, smell, feel, and hear emotions. I digest emotions and it fuels me. Therefore, you see, I have more energy. That was my poem. Hope you liked it. A little synopsis of what I'm trying to evoke is the fact that energy is emotion. So don't be afraid of emotion, but instead channel your emotion. Identify, lean into your emotion so you can channel it into something creative, something productive. So you might be saying, how do I do that? Well, I'll give you some tips that have worked for me. First of all, when you're feeling an intense emotion, find a place where you feel safe and close your eyes. When you close your eyes, focus on the emotion at hand. What does it feel like? What does it look like? What color is it? Do you feel it within your body? Is it in your chest? Is it in your stomach? Give form to your emotion and just hold it there. In my experience, I have identified a bad emotion as a dark gray oval sitting upon my chest. It can be a little graphic, but it's a tangible way to identify your emotion so that you can then remove it from within yourself. It can be difficult to do this activity, but the more you practice it, the better you get at it. So the idea is you identify your emotion and then you visualize yourself bottling it up outside of you, releasing it. And the release, in my experience, is easier when you're creating something because you are transforming that emotional energy within you into something beautiful. So for instance, I focus on this dark oval in my chest. I take deep breaths. And I visualize this oval rising above me, above my head. And then slowly or quickly exploding or disappearing or whatever you want to do to destroy this. That's a way to release it without creation, but you can also use it to fuel your art. Just think about it. If you cannot identify the emotion you're going through, how are you going to process it? It has been shown that emotions that are not processed can actually create physical ailments within you because they do get stored within your organs and your body doesn't forget them. So again, lean into your emotion, realize that this emotion is just energy. and either passively release it or I recommend to use it to fuel art. And you might be wondering what this feels like for me. I do it through writing. I write a word that comes to mind and I just start rhyming with it. And I use the rhyme not as a limitation of what I write, but more as a structure to get my mind thinking and get my mind off of the emotion to channel it into the piece of paper. Well, that's all I wanted to talk about today. I really appreciate you guys being here. I hope you have a great day. Much love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit crazygoodauthor.substack.com

    5 min
  5. 03/06/2025

    We Are a Mush of Molecules

    Hi and welcome to The Journey Never Ends. Today I'm going to be exposing myself as a very nerdy person as I recite my poem called Atoms. For those of you that don't know, I have a chemistry degree from Trinity University and in 2010 I was published in a chemistry journal. I don't do chemistry as my day job, but at my core, I'm a woman of science. All right, so here's my poem called Atoms. Atoms are charge dichotomies, avoid and surplus. Atoms are more than philosophies, more than just theory. Nature's must. Full of hypocrisies. Plus, minus, neutral impracticality. We're expanding but collapsing. Made by molecules. I call mush. So this is an introduction to my idea that we are all molecules. our organic body, the air we breathe, the earth we stand on. We are all atoms. We are all molecules. So we are a mush of molecules. I want to share this philosophy that I made up with you guys as an introduction to because I will be exploring in depth and teaching you guys a little bit about the three thermodynamic laws. I utilize the three thermodynamic laws as almost a conceptual framework to explain some self-help concepts. So I'm just going to review the three thermodynamic laws today and we'll have future episodes that dig a little bit deeper into each of them. I hope you're ready for a chemistry lesson, a physics lesson, and to maybe even learn something new. I also want to highlight that in science there are hypotheses, something that you want to test. It's normally an if-then statement. It doesn't have much certainty because it has not been proven. There are also theories, like the valence bond theory, molecular orbital theory, among others. These are things that tend to work. They might not be perfect, but they're generally accepted in the scientific community. These you can count on for the most part. But then there are the laws of physics. For something to be considered a law, that means that it has never been proven wrong. So again, just the concept that we are mush of molecules and these laws really do affect us. Okay, let's get into it. The first thermodynamic law is the conservation of of energy. It goes like this. Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transformed. Thermodynamic law number two is the concept that we are pushing towards disorder, that chaos is favorable and that when entropy and chaos is positive, something is more likely to occur. Something is more thermodynamically favorable. And lastly, thermodynamic law number three, everything has an energy unless it is in absolute zero, which is scientifically denoted as zero Kelvin. You might be used to temperature being listed in degrees Fahrenheit or degrees Celsius. But when it comes to thermodynamics, it's actually on a scale called Kelvin. If I remember off the top of my head, I believe that 273 Kelvin is about room temperature. You can fact check me on that. I'd love to know if I remember that correctly. That's really all I wanted to talk about today. I could go on and on about these thermodynamic laws, which I'll do in another episode, but just be ready to experience the nerdiness of me that takes thermodynamic laws and applies them to everyday situations and uses a conceptual idea of these laws to explain ourselves as a mush of molecules. I hope you enjoyed this journey with me. And don't forget, this journey never ends. Thank you so much for being here today. I hope you have a great day. Much love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit crazygoodauthor.substack.com

    6 min
  6. 03/04/2025

    Would You Want Tomorrow to Be Like Today?

    hi and welcome to the journey never ends today we're going to talk about how do you know if you're okay how do you know if you need help i know this sounds silly but many times it's hard to know what normal is am i too happy am i too sad Am I really just experiencing what people experience? I wouldn't know because I don't know what other people experience. When I talked to my doctor, he gave me a very practical way of knowing how my day went and knowing if I'm doing okay. Essentially, it's just asking myself at the end of the day, would I want tomorrow to be like today? Very simple question. Would I want tomorrow to be like today? And the interesting thing is that they've done a very wide survey. So they understand a baseline. What they have documented from their survey is that women my age typically have five days a month When they say, no, I don't want tomorrow to be like today. So that was very eyeopening to me. And it kind of gave me a ruler to be able to understand if I really do need help or if my ranges of emotion are just ranges of emotion that need to occur. and that occur to other people. We need a reference. We need to compare our experience to someone else's experience or to the collective's experience in order to really comprehend what we're going through. Because we can only understand what's going on in between our heads. Instead of asking yourself, am I depressed? Ask yourself, would I want tomorrow to be like today? I thought this was a very powerful question, and I try to do this every single day. Another concept that helps me understand where I am emotionally is when I listen to the music I enjoy and I don't dance, I know there's a problem. When I listen to the music that I love and I don't hum or sing along, I know that that day is probably not great. So this is just to share with you guys some tools to really gauge where your mood is, because a lot of times I don't know that I'm depressed until I come out of the depression and see the light of life. I personally don't know when I'm manic until I'm not manic anymore. And that is why it's been so destructive for me. I'm working on it and I'm just happy to share some tools that can help you understand your own state of mind that can help you get help if that's what you need. There is no shame in getting help. Getting help is a strength and it can change your life because remember, untreated and unaddressed mental illness, it will ruin your life. Your brain controls everything about your life. You need it to be healthy for yourself and for other people. So be practical about understanding where your mood is. Ask yourself, would you want tomorrow to be like today? Realize when you stop dancing and stop singing to the music you love. These are all indicators that you might need help. That's all I wanted to talk about today. Really appreciate you guys being here. Hope y'all have a stable and happy day. Much love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit crazygoodauthor.substack.com

    5 min
  7. 03/03/2025

    Be Like Plants: Growing Through Life’s Obstacles

    Hi, and welcome to The Journey Never Ends. Today, I want to remind you that inspiration needs to be sought after and inspiration is everywhere. And inspiration is important because it can change your frequency of vibration. It can change your energy. And help you get over things a little bit easier. Change your perspective and help you overcome obstacles and persevere through anything you're going through. So I've gotten inspiration from a sidewalk with a dandelion sticking through the concrete. I've gotten inspiration from seeing a tree's roots destroy concrete. I see this as plants never saying that they can't. I see this as plants overcoming the obstacle, the man-made obstacle of concrete, because they never say they can't. They just do it. So here is my ode to plants. Plants don't consider cants because life is divine. Plants don't consider cants because their cells just divide. Be more like plants. I guess really what I'm trying to tell you guys in my poem and what I believe in my heart is that life is divine. It's a force we need to pledge to. It's something that we need to honor. In that we can grow and be resilient like plants through anything. And we don't dwell on limitations. We can grow and overcome obstacles just like plants. Because they don't dwell on the limitations. They instead keep growing and persevere through the concrete, through the obstacles. Because life is the end goal. It is divine. Realize that time can change things. Don't overthink. Focus on the present and the future that is created by your present moment. And just let your cells divide. That's all I wanted to talk about today. It's a short one. I really appreciate you guys being here. I hope this perspective helps you through whatever you're going through. Please let me know what else you would like to talk about and hear. Thanks again. Much love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit crazygoodauthor.substack.com

    3 min
  8. 03/01/2025

    Dear Bipolar: A Letter to My Diagnosis

    Hi, and welcome to The Journey Never Ends. Today I'm going to perform for you one of my poems. So for those of you that don't know, probably most of you, when I lived in California, I would do open mic nights to perform my poetry. Also, many of my poems are in my book, Crazy Good, Poems and Perspectives on Mental Health. It is available on Amazon. Go check it out. It's a memoir about my experience with bipolar disorder, specifically with three very destructive manic episodes. Anywho, today I'm going to read my letter to bipolar. Dear Bipolar... You are the lunar and the solar. You are a canine and a molar. You go north, you get colder. You go south, it's a smolder. Ups and downs, nothing's bolder than the poles of you, dear bipolar. You are up and down, you're a smile and a frown. You're about to find out That love is all around. Because we love you just the way you are. As long as the meds keep your symptoms afar. So essentially what I'm trying to tell bipolar disorder is that we love you. But like not really. We love you just as long as you don't show up in my life and ruin my m***********g life. That's how I feel. So dear bipolar... Bye. So I wrote this poem back in May 9th, 2024. And I think it really highlights the idea that I accept I'm bipolar. But I want to stay away from it. I believe that mental illness that is not addressed and maintained will ruin your life. I don't think there's any other way of putting it. It's pretty impossible to function when your central functioning organ The organ in charge doesn't really function the way you would want it to function. And I think part of being able to manage your mental illness is time. Unfortunately, I really feel that accepting your diagnosis is a grieving process. You go through the states of grief. You have to grieve the death of your healthy self. At least that was my experience with it. I was suddenly a different person. And it's not totally true. I was still the same person when I was diagnosed. But it just feels different. It's isolating. The medicalization of becoming bipolar and being labeled as crazy is really disenfranchising. There's nothing worse that they can call you other than crazy. It's like, hey, your brain doesn't work. You have no authority. You have no reason to be right. No matter what you say, you are crazy and we'll never forget that. At least that's how I felt. And maybe parts of that's true. But when you manage your mental illness and are able to really function at your best, I call that being crazy good. It's difficult to have any type of disability. In order for me to thrive, I can't just be good. I have to be crazy good. I have to be so good. I have to be on top of my medication routine and have stability in my routine when I inherently hate routine. I have to be cognizant of what I consume, what environments I put myself in, when I go to sleep. Most importantly, I I think the number one concept of accepting your diagnosis has to do with accountability. Once you accept your diagnosis, you can hopefully ensue a type of accountability as soon as you accept your diagnosis, which again, this is the final step of the grieving process. It starts with denial. And I went through that for many years. If you're going through denial and you're rejecting your diagnosis, it's okay. I get it. We go through that, but just know you're not alone and people get diagnosed every day with bipolar disorder. It's not a death sentence, but it is a f*****g wild ride. But just remember that everyone functions in emotions and you have more in common with every single person than you would imagine. The human experience is emotions. We just experience the human emotion with the volume turned up. The beautiful thing of being bipolar is when you can have accountability and move forward and live a stable life. The beautiful thing of bipolar is that we experience emotions in life a little bit more. than many other people. We experience neural networks that many people never tap into. I've experienced out-of-body experiences that people only experience when they take hardcore drugs. It's pretty interesting. At the end of the day, I do believe that bipolar disorder is a disability because it is in there is some silver lining to it. But don't romanticize bipolar disorder because it is a disability and it is very hard to manage. Be accountable for your disorder as soon as you're able to accept it and realize that you are grieving the loss of your healthy self. And you are experiencing a very difficult thing to accept, which is that maybe your brain isn't always your friend. This doesn't mean you don't have value. You have value. You have a perspective unlike anyone else. Just take accountability, learn what works for you, and iteratively and constantly fight for a better life. Remember that the journey never ends. Pledge to life. And that every day is a battle. And every day is a present. And you can do this if you set your mind to it on a daily basis. That's all I wanted to talk about today. I really appreciate you guys being here. I hope you all have a great day. Much love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit crazygoodauthor.substack.com

    8 min

About

Life is a journey. A journey of obstacles that never ends. One needs to persevere and overcome obstacles to continue on the journey. Join me on my journey through my life navigating Bipolar 1 disorder; I daily journey that I take. I tell stories about my life and perspectives to spread constructive positive waves in the universe. crazygoodauthor.substack.com