The Naked Librarian Victoria Payne

Bonus episode that goes with "I'll Meet You There." 

Thank you to Kai Siedenburg who shares her wisdom and teaching in this short and calming meditation. Learn more about Kai at her website.

If you're looking for more connection, calm, energy, and sense of well-being — this episode is for you. 

Thank you to our podcast guest, Kai Siedenberg, a nature connection guide and ecotherapist about exploring a deeper relationship with the natural world. Learn more Kai, order her books and read her work over on her website. 

Thank you to Louis Island for the "My Home" tracks featured in the podcast. They provide a beautiful sense of peace and possibility. 

And a big thanks to Mission Flow, a marketing and automation platform for purpose-driven businesses and organizations, for sponsoring this episode. 

Kai has also generously provided a guided meditation to help you get out and explore a deeper connection to nature, starting right where you are. You can find it here. 

 

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Below is the transcript from the show: 

Speaker 1:        That thing you've been looking for. Love, connection, companionship, calm, energy, purpose. There's a good chance it's outside.

Speaker 1:        Did you play outside as a child? What was your favorite thing to do? When I was young, I loved making mud pie and playing free tag. As I got older, I played spotlight a game like hide and seek, but at night with a flashlight. Just after the lightning bugs settled down, we'd be outside searching for each other beneath the glow of summer stars. Growing up in Georgia also meant that I swam nine months out of the year and we visited the ocean regularly. I performed underwater mermaid flips in the salty Atlantic and searched for sand dollars in the early morning hours. Springtime meant my birthday, and by April, the tulips bloomed and the bumblebees buzzed. I even came to associate my birthday with a fragrance of flowers, warm sunshine and Easter egg hunts in the backyard. My mom did not believe in board children, and upon the very first complaint, we were sent outside to make our fun spending hours riding the rope swing up over the treetops and picking wild honeysuckle as snacks.

Speaker 1:        When I close my eyes today, I can still smell the autumn leaves we raked and dove into. I can feel the lift as I got airborne on my bike ramp and the memory of hanging and space and time for a moment, feeling like I belonged there in the air. Hi, I'm Victoria Payne. I'm a writer, storyteller, health nerd, and also your host of The Naked Librarian. If you're new, welcome. I am so glad you're here in today's episode called I'll Meet You There. Why? Developing a relationship with nature means you're never alone. You're going to meet a remarkably wise woman who's going to help us rekindle our long lost or perhaps new relationship with the natural world because have you noticed that the smarter and older we get, the more we want to go back and relearn things, maybe even the things we're already doing, but we want to do them with more intention.

Speaker 1:        I started the Nico Librarian because I'm passionate about helping what I call grown ass women, navigate life with more self-compassion, energy, happiness, and wonder. And here's a little spoiler for you what you've been looking for. Love, connection, companionship, calm, energy, purpose. There's a good chance it's outside. Now, I love talking to wellness experts about what they do and why they do it, and I know you're going to love today's guest, but first, let me tell you a story about why I think this topic is so important. Many years ago I was teaching research writing at the University of Portland, and no one gets excited about a research paper, so I like to surprise the students by allowing them to choose their own topic. I put a few boundaries around it, mostly because I had already seen what did and didn't work, but other than that, it was wide open.

Speaker 1:        One year I had a student from Hawaii who will call Tommy. Tommy proposed to research seasonal affective disorder, which the Mayo Clinic calls a type of depression related to the s

Thank you to Kim Rahir for the fantastic interview! Learn more about here here. 

And a big thanks to Far West and their track 'Thunder' for the music in today's podcast.

You can also visit our sponsor, Mission Flow, here. And order the Naked Librarian's Guide to Your First Colonoscopy here. 

 

See Transcript below: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So a changing body, a lot of it is just how it is. If we are lucky, we will get old before we die. But some of these changes, especially when it comes to muscle loss and the consequences associated with it can be thwarted and there's good reason to launch your own fort down.

Speaker 1 (00:30):

How are you feeling these days about your body? If you're like me, you might be wondering why your butt cleavage looks a little tired or noticing a little more give in the skin around your armpits are feeling like, why are my jeans squeezing me in new places? And that's just my list. If you're like a lot of women, you've probably got your own. And look, I am a huge fan of body positivity. The last thing we need is women to feel more guilt and shame about our appearance. But I don't think it does us any favors if we're like, you're not allowed to have negative feelings about your body. I think we're much better off learning to notice them so we can be in conversation with them. The truth is aging can really call attention to the reality of time passing and an inevitable changing body.

Speaker 1 (01:18):

Am I the only one who wants to go back and splash my 16-year-old self with a cold glass of water and say snap out of it? You look amazing, Lord, we really can't spend a lifetime beating ourselves up. But one of the cool things about getting older f*****g wisdom, and that means we can break that cycle and change our focus from the vanity of our appearance to the health and wellness benefits associated with movement, vitality and the focus of today's episode strength. So a changing body, a lot of it is just how it is. If we are lucky, we will get old before we die. But some of these changes, especially when it comes to muscle loss and the consequences associated with it can be thwarted and there's good reason to launch your own thwart down. Did you know that muscle mass peaks in our thirties and then it begins to decline?

Speaker 1 (02:10):

Muscle loss known as sarcopenia affects 45% of older Americans and is especially prevalent in women. So beyond our mixed feelings about our beautiful aging bodies, there are real consequences to letting gravity have its way with us. You're more prone to injury not just from falling, but from enjoying the things you love, like running, skiing, dancing, gardening, or playing with your now or future grandkids. The good news is there is something you can do about this and the benefits go beyond more muscle tone. Building muscle through strength training or resistance training has vast benefits, including some of the top complaints for women as they age, like the need to decrease stress, boost your body image, increase your confidence, fit into your favorite clothes and more. Hi, if you're new here. Welcome. I'm Victoria Payne, the creator and the host of the Naked Librarian. I'm a writer, storyteller, and wellness nerd who wants to help grown ass women live healthier and happier lives to experience more peace, joy, wonder and yes, strength.

Speaker 1 (03:10):

Today you're going to meet a truly remarkable woman. Kim Ray here is a health and wellness coach who helps women in midlife deal with a host of health symptoms by building strength and muscle. She is one of the most surprising European masters weightlifting champions you'll ever meet. Winning her first competition at age 60. She also has a personal story that will inspire your socks off. When Kim was 45 and raising three children and working as an international journalist, she received a life-changing diagnosis. Inside this episode, Kim will share her own health journey and how she came to accept her Ms

Thank you to Modern Aquatic for the music. Track "Laurel Leaves." And to our guest Starlyn Haneman at wholesomerebelwellness.

 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

If you're looking for options beyond stuffing, your feelings, blowing up, acting fine, sucking it up or giving more than you get, come with me on this journey. I've got some good stuff for you.

Speaker 2 (00:17):

Okay, good

Speaker 1 (00:18):

News. According to the Mayo Clinic, it's completely normal to occasionally experience anxiety, and this makes sense, right? You're only human, so of course you're going to sometimes worry, have feelings of fear about the future or even nervousness about something fun or exciting, like getting up on a stage in front of 300 people and telling a story about your life. Okay, maybe that last one's just for me. Maybe yours is more like butterflies before a first date or nerves about pitching a project to your boss. And all of this stuff is just part of the human experience, and it doesn't have to be an awful out of control, anxiety attack. It can just come and then the feelings can go. We can even train our minds to notice these thought patterns so we can move through them with greater awareness and self-compassion. But what happens when your anxiety becomes chronic intense, or your default?

(01:09):

What happens when your anxiety starts to affect your sleep, relationships, confidence, and your health? Hi, I'm Victoria, a recovering anxious person. There's a lot of reasons for this and I'll share a little more in this episode in my conversation with anxiety coach Starlyn Haneman. But I'll give you one big spoiler alert before I knew what to call it. My main way of moving through the world looked like a case of serious hypervigilance. What does that mean exactly? For me, it meant almost always trying to do my best, even when the definition was constantly changing, which would later become a real problem because I didn't understand why I was doing it or where the motivation to be an award-winning human and a non contest with no awards was coming from when I was in school. It meant being the best student I can be. When I became a mom, it was how can I be a great mom when I started teaching in college, same when I got divorced, I wanted to be the best divorced parent possible for my kids, but that's not all.

(02:10):

My hypervigilance also meant being careful and watching out for mistakes that would mess me up later in life. And then when I would inevitably make mistakes, it would be like, oh shit, and let's write it down. Let's rehearse it. Let's memorize this experience so it can never happen again. Then it meant keeping lookouts. So the same mistake couldn't sneak up on me, and sometimes that worked and sometimes it didn't. But you know what it always was? Even when I had little awareness about what I was doing f*****g work, my favorite therapist, Dr. B once told me that it was like I was moving through life on stilts while other people were out there with their feet touching the ground. The worst part was I somehow made stilt walking look like a stroll in the park. Even when it was stormy, I was a master at looking fine, even great, never knowing what I was doing was way more work than the normals.

(03:03):

So yeah, I was a ball of anxiety and eventually it wrecked my nervous system and I had to handle it, and it took years to see real progress, but eventually I did see progress, and I use these same tools today. I am hopeful that in this way you are not like me. I would not wish chronic anxiety on anyone, but it's possible you got a smidge of what I'm talking about going on, and here's why. There's a lot that happens in our developmental years that makes how we handle life later easier or harder. And turns out how you learn to experience your emotions is a big one. So if you had parents or mentors who taught you that it's okay to disappoint, to make mistakes, to try and fail, to love and lose, to feel sad, to get mad, that you will

Victoria: So I heard recently that the average person has roughly 13 secrets, and this came from a researcher who studies secrecy and the effects of keeping secrets. So it's got some science behind it, but still I thought that can't be true. I mean, not of me. I'm an honest person, I'm an open book. I even write and talk about topics that scare other people, but the whole idea really got under my skin. I thought maybe I do have secrets. Maybe I'm just so good at keeping them, I have kept them from myself. So I did what I always do when I get a little hung up. I consulted the dictionary. And here's how Webster defines the word secret: information you're keeping from people close to you. And that's when I remembered the secret I had recently revealed to my husband.

The truth was, for the entire time I was dating my husband and into the first year of our marriage, I had been seeing another man that Kyle knew nothing about.     I might say I had a doctor's appointment or that I needed to run an errand, but what I never said is that I am going to see Dr. Gardner.

I kept Dr. G a secret from Kyle, but my girlfriends knew all about him. That's because Dr. G had a very specific set of skills, and he brought a lot of comfort and meaning to my life. Dr. Gardner is a fabulous proctologist who started the Oregon Hemorrhoid Clinic, where he continues to practice with three other doctors. And Dr. G had come into my life after I had long ignored that I was very uncomfortable, well, back there.

Victoria: Hi friends. If you're new to the Naked Librarian, welcome. I'm Victoria Payne, and I created The Naked Librarian because I wanted a place to share health and happiness news with grown-ass women. In today's episode called “Worst Kept Secret: A Painless and Effective Treatment for Hemorrhoids, we're talking about that pain in your ass.

It's a very informative and practical show, and it's also the final episode in our first season. So if you're not caught up on all the Naked News, please have a ball binging on episodes about emotional first aid, women and self-sacrifice, how to stop hating your clothes, and more—not to mention the precursor to today's episode called Poop Hacks.

Alright, now back to Secrets and Health and why we can be so weird about it all. So I honestly never planned to tell Kyle about Dr. G. The problem was Kyle had been producing my podcast and I didn't want him to hear about Dr.G for the first time while he was editing.

And so on a Sunday morning, I handed him his coffee and brought up, as you do, that I wanted to do an episode on non-surgical hemorrhoid treatments because it is honestly one of the very few medical procedures that I have had done that has totally changed my life.

And that's how my husband learned of my long health secret. And it's funny how I feel better having told him, but I'm pretty sure Kyle's feels worse. Kyle was raised by Midwestern parents who mostly communicate through code language. So this conversation really felt like daring him to love me. And as fate would have it, after I told him the truth about the other man, I also decided to start producing the podcast myself. So in the end, I gave up a secret I could have kept forever, but what's a little personal growth without a few awkward displays of courage?

Victoria: Butt health—it seems almost too personal to talk about. But let me ask you this. How is it that nature dictates that women must bleed in order to be fertile, engage in sexual intercourse, to make babies, then push humans out of our vagina? And yet all of these topics are considered impolite conversation. And those babies, well, they change our bodies and stuff can get a little inside outwards, if you know what I mean.

But because it's private, a lot of women, and I was one of them, literally grin and bear it for years. And here's another confession for you. I may have created the entire Naked Librarian platform just so I could tell you about Dr. Gardner and the amazi

 

So let’s face it: talking about poop is awkward, private, embarrassing, some would even say bad manners. It’s one of those subjects that falls into the taboo category related to bodily functions and fluids like sex and menstruation. But here’s the thing: all of these, and others not mentioned here, are part of a healthy, normal, long life. And it’s not exactly a competition but if it was, poop arguably would top the list because if you don’t go, you won’t live very long. But it’s actually even bigger than that. Because the quality of your stool can tell you something about your health and being regular affects your quality of life on a daily basis. 

So in the last few editions of the Naked News, we’ve been talking about how gut health affects everything from your mental health to your immune system. And how often you go is definitely related to your gut health. So if you want to understand the vital role your gut microbiome plays in total elimination, check out the last two episodes entitled How Gut Health Affects Everything, Everywhere, All the Time. 

In this edition, called Total Elimination: Facts & Hacks for the Poop Life of Your Dreams, we’re focused on how to set yourself up for success when it comes to what I call your poop life. And while some of what you’re going to discover today is common sense, some of it falls into a category I call ‘the unbelievable shit nobody teaches you’ and another I’ve named poop hacks. Look, I believe you deserve to have the very best life and that includes rock star regularity. Ready, set? Let’s find out what it takes to go.

 

The Origins of Poop-xiety 
 

Earlier this summer, I went camping with my husband Kyle and his son Wyatt. We had a marvelous time staying three nights at a semi-remote lake in Oregon’s Willamette Forest, sleeping under the stars, hiking in the ancient forests with the dogs, and fishing from our inflatable pontoon boat. Something else that’s great about camping with Kyle is he completely embraces my need to eat in the way I want. And we even planned our meals this way. He and Wyatt had hot dogs and ribs and chips, and I had my own cooler of berries, yogurt, quinoa salad, and half a dozen vegetables. I ate great every day and got a reasonable amount of physical activity and rest. I had lots of down time for reading and ate only one s’more, which is about one more than I usually eat. S'mores taste delicious but generally make me feel gross so I’ve learned to avoid them. 

I did so many things right. Still, for the last 2 days and 2 nights, I struggled to have a decent poop. And over the course of my stay, this really affected my happiness. I was uncomfortable and bloated, and frankly, mystified. How could I eat all that fiber and probiotic foods and still miss my morning BM?

Despite all of my efforts, I was pretty sure I knew what was wrong. You see the campground where we stayed had pit toilets, which if you don’t camp very much, think of them as glorified porta-potties. When the company comes to clean them, they’re pumping from a hole way down in the ground versus a few feet from your bum, so that part is better. But the part where people go there day/night for days and you catch the scent of waste on your short hike to the restrooms makes it a place where you want to get in and get out. I just couldn’t seem to relax and go as I crouched a foot from the commode and held my nose. 

When we got back, I started researching this topic in earnest because it’s not like this was a new problem for me. I have this issue sometimes whether it's a tent, cabin, or hotel. And from talking with my girlfriends I know I’m not alone. So one of the things I learned is something we’re going to cover in today’s episode. Because in addition to a high-fiber diet, hydration, exercise, and a few other things that help you go #2, your body can’t poop unless it’s literally in the ‘rest and digest' state. In other words,