The Reclamation Room: Coaching, Boundaries, and Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

Ashana Kaiulani

You’re not here to fix everyone. You’re here to remember who the hell you are. The Reclamation Room is a podcast for women healing from narcissistic abuse who are ready to stop over-functioning, stop performing, and start reclaiming the parts of themselves they were told to hide. Hosted by Ashana: Holistic Health & Life Coach, and fellow survivor, this show offers nervous system wisdom, truth-telling, and soul-deep conversations for the woman who’s done being “the strong one.” If you’re carrying the weight of a harsh inner critic, chronic self-doubt, and relationships that never saw the real you, this space is for you. You’re not broken. You’re reclaiming. And you don’t have to do it alone. ashanakaiulani.substack.com

  1. From Ruin to Renaissance: A healing artist’s story of survival + revival

    Apr 22

    From Ruin to Renaissance: A healing artist’s story of survival + revival

    In this episode, Ashana sits down with Stephanie Lee Jackson, founder of Practical Sanctuary, for a grounded conversation about emotional abuse, confusion, and the process of making sense of toxic relationships. Stephanie shares her personal experience of being in a dynamic that didn’t feel right, yet was hard to fully understand in the moment. They talk about the disorientation that happens when someone who claims to love you is also causing harm, and how the mind keeps trying to piece it together. The conversation moves through what it looks like to come out of that fog, recognize the patterns more clearly, and begin reconnecting with your own perception and sense of self. Takeaways: -Emotional abuse can create deep confusion, especially when mixed with moments of connection.-Your mind will often try to “solve” the relationship to restore clarity.-Being mistreated by someone you love can distort your sense of reality.-Patterns become clearer with time and distance.-Healing includes reconnecting with your own perception and inner clarity.-Self-trust builds as you begin to name what you experienced. Resources mentioned in this episode: Stephanie’s work: https://practicalsanctuary.com About Stephanie: Stephanie Lee Jackson is the founder of Practical Sanctuary, where she blends art, bodywork, and neuroscience to create environments that support focus, healing, and connection. Her work centers highly sensitive individuals and inclusive design for all neurotypes. She has founded art spaces in New York and San Francisco and previously ran a bodywork practice in Philadelphia. Her upcoming book, The Eccentric Genius Habitat Intervention: Interior Design for Highly Sensitive People, is set to release in 2025. Join the community and support the show: Ashana's weekly women’s circle 💛 A space for deeper connection and live coaching while healing from emotional overwhelm and relational harm. If this episode resonated, share it with someone who’s been trying to make sense of their experience. You can also leave a rating or review to help more people find these conversations. Post-production editing by Rachel Easterly. Buy my editor a coffee. Thanks for being here. 💛 Be a guest on the show, or invite me onto yours: message me on PodMatch! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashanakaiulani.substack.com

    53 min
  2. Why Closure Feels Out of Reach (and How to Actually Find It)

    Apr 10

    Why Closure Feels Out of Reach (and How to Actually Find It)

    In this episode, Ashana explores why closure feels so hard to reach after narcissistic or emotionally harmful relationships. She breaks down how the brain seeks resolution and shared reality, and why that search can feel endless when clarity was never truly offered. Through a grounded lens, she unpacks how inconsistency and distortion disrupt your sense of self and leave you wanting answers that don’t come.Takeaways: -Closure depends on truth and shared reality, which are often missing in harmful dynamics. -The brain naturally seeks resolution and tries to organize experiences into a clear narrative. -Inconsistency in relationships disrupts your sense of stability and self-trust. -The desire for answers is a natural response to confusion and emotional disruption. -Self-validation helps rebuild trust in your own experience. -Closure forms internally through clarity, not through the other person’s response. -Healing involves returning to your own perspective and honoring what you know to be true. -Small moments of self-trust begin to restore a grounded sense of reality.Join the Community and Support the Show Join our weekly women’s call 💛A space for connection, support, and live coaching as you move through emotional overwhelm and relational harm. Rate, follow, and share The Reclamation Room with someone who would feel understood by this conversation. Comment and tell me what resonated or what you want me to explore next! Post-production editing by Rachel Easterly. Buy my editor a coffee! Thanks for listening. 💛 Be a Guest on the Show, or Invite Me Onto Yours: Message me on PodMatch ✨ This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashanakaiulani.substack.com

    24 min
  3. The Art of Vulnerability: How to Build Trust with Your Therapist, Family, + Friends

    Mar 21

    The Art of Vulnerability: How to Build Trust with Your Therapist, Family, + Friends

    In this episode, Ashana sits down with licensed mental health counselor Maya Nelson for a real, layered conversation around mental health, trauma, and the patterns we don’t always realize we’re living inside of. They explore how early experiences shape the way we relate to ourselves, to others, and to conflict, especially when safety, consistency, or emotional support felt unstable growing up. This shows up in subtle ways… the way we shut down, overextend, question ourselves, or feel overwhelmed in moments that seem small on the surface. Maya shares what it looks like to work with trauma in a way that honors both the individual and the larger systems they’re part of, especially within marginalized communities. The conversation also moves into empathy in therapy, the emotional weight it can carry, and the kind of self-awareness and self-care that’s required to hold space for others without losing yourself. They talk about agency in a way that feels real, not forced or performative, and how growth often looks like noticing your patterns and choosing something slightly different, one moment at a time. This episode brings together mental health, trauma healing, self-awareness, and personal growth in a way that feels honest, practical, and grounded in real life. Takeaways: -Patterns formed early in life often shape how you respond to stress, conflict, and connection. -Trauma can influence your sense of safety, even in everyday situations. -Agency grows through small, intentional choices over time. -Conflict can become a space for clarity and deeper understanding. -Empathy in therapy requires boundaries, awareness, and care for self. -Self-care supports both healing and sustainability. -Recognizing your patterns creates space for change. -Vulnerability allows for deeper connection and growth. -Healing happens in small, consistent moments of awareness and choice. About Maya: Maya Nelson is a licensed mental health counselor who helps people understand their emotional patterns, process trauma, and reconnect with their sense of agency. Her work centers marginalized communities and focuses on creating spaces where people feel seen, supported, and able to move toward real, sustainable change. She brings a mix of empathy, honesty, and creativity into her work, helping clients build self-awareness and trust in themselves over time. Resources mentioned in this episode: Maya's website: silentsychetherapy.com sovereign circle (free group) Join the community and support the show: Ashana's weekly women's circle 💛 for those who want deeper connection and live coaching while healing from emotional overwhelm and relational harm. If this episode resonated, share it with someone who’s been trying to make sense of their patterns or their healing. You can also leave a rating or a review, it helps more people find these conversations. Post-production editing by Rachel Easterly. Buy my editor a coffee. Thanks for being here. 💛 Be a Guest on the Show, or Invite Me Onto Yours: message me on PodMatch! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashanakaiulani.substack.com

    48 min
  4. Why Life Feels Harder Than It Should

    Mar 10

    Why Life Feels Harder Than It Should

    In this episode, Ashana explores the quiet grief many people carry when life feels harder than it seems to be for everyone else. She unpacks how early relational environments shape our sense of internal safety and trust, and how those patterns continue to influence the way we move through adulthood. Through personal reflection and simple neuroscience, Ashana explains why self-doubt, hyper-awareness, and emotional exhaustion often trace back to unpredictable or unsafe environments during development. This conversation moves through the longing to feel “normal,” the role of grief in healing from narcissistic abuse, and the slow process of rebuilding self-trust. Ashana also shares how neuroplasticity allows the brain to change through small, repeated experiences of safety, awareness, and choice. The focus of this episode is learning to recognize internal signals, honoring the grief that comes with healing, and understanding that resilience grows through small moments practiced over time. Takeaways: -Grief often sits underneath the healing process. -Longing to feel normal carries important information about unmet needs. -Childhood environments shape how safety and trust develop in the brain. -Self-doubt often grows from unpredictable relational dynamics. -Neuroplasticity allows new patterns to form at any stage of life. -Small, repeated actions slowly rebuild internal trust. -Awareness helps you recognize your own signals and instincts. -Healing unfolds through consistent, ordinary moments. Resources mentioned in this episode: Self-Trust series Worthiness Breakthrough: enter code RECLAIM at checkout for 50% off! Join the Community and Support the Show 💛 Join our free women's call on Tuesdays for those who want deeper connection and live coaching while healing from emotional overwhelm and relational harm. Rate, follow, and share The Reclamation Room with someone who would feel understood by it. Comment and tell me what resonated or what you want me to explore next. Post-production editing by Rachel Easterly. Buy my editor a coffee. Thanks for listening. 💛 Be a Guest on the Show, or Invite Me Onto Yours:Message me on PodMatch! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashanakaiulani.substack.com

    28 min
  5. Reparenting Your Inner Child ...And Stop Feeling Lonely AF!

    Feb 24

    Reparenting Your Inner Child ...And Stop Feeling Lonely AF!

    In this episode, Ashana sits down with Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Sylvia Kalicinski to talk about loneliness, emotional healing, and the long journey of writing a book that tells the truth about how hard it can feel to be human. Dr. Sylvia shares how years of sitting with clients in their pain shaped her HEART method, and how understanding family systems can bring clarity and compassion to patterns that once felt confusing or shameful. Together, they explore loneliness as an invitation to know yourself more deeply, the work of breaking generational cycles, and the ways storytelling can soften the edges of feeling alone. Content Note: We talk about emotional pain, family patterns, and generational trauma in this episode. Take care of yourself while listening and pause or step away if you need to. Takeaways: -Loneliness can serve as an invitation into deeper self discovery and honest self-connection.-Understanding family systems brings context to your struggles and invites more compassion for your story.-Reframing pain with curiosity and gratitude can turn hard experiences into material for growth.-Community support provides steadiness, perspective, and encouragement in the healing process.-Therapeutic relationships support both client and therapist and model healthy, reciprocal connection.-Emotional awareness sits at the heart of meaningful personal development. About Dr. Sylvia Kalicinski: Dr. Sylvia Kalicinski is a Marriage and Family Therapist with a Ph.D. in Family Therapy and more than 20 years of clinical experience. Her work focuses on helping individuals and families heal from chronic stress, emotional disconnection, and relational patterns that keep them stuck. She is the author of Lonely AF: A Therapist’s No-BS Guide to Feeling Less Alone, releasing in March 2026, where she brings together her clinical expertise, her HEART method, and real-life stories to support readers who feel isolated, misunderstood, or burned out by relationship dynamics. Through therapy, teaching, and writing, Dr. Sylvia creates warm, practical spaces for people to feel seen, make sense of their patterns, and move toward connection that feels real and sustainable.  https://drsylviak.com/ Join the Community and Support the Show: 💛 Join our private women's call on Tuesdays if you want to go deeper and experience connection and live coaching while healing from emotional overwhelm and relational harm. Rate, follow, and share The Reclamation Room with your people. Comment to let me know what resonated and what you would love to explore next. Post-production editing by Rachel Easterly. Buy my editor a coffee. Thanks for listening. 💛 Be a Guest on the Show, or Invite Me Onto Yours: Message me on Podmatch! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashanakaiulani.substack.com

    53 min
  6. Conversations That Bring You Back to Yourself

    Feb 19

    Conversations That Bring You Back to Yourself

    In this episode, Ashana explores the kind of conversations that leave you grounded and clear versus the ones that leave you questioning your own perception. She shares how honesty creates emotional safety, why people unconsciously enter silent agreements during conversations, and how those agreements shape the way we feel afterward. Through personal reflection, Ashana explains how disorientation often comes from relational dynamics rather than personal weakness. This conversation focuses on learning to name your experience, staying curious instead of defensive, and recognizing the difference between connection and confusion. Takeaways: Some conversations leave you feeling disoriented in your own mind. Honesty communicates respect and care. Feeling seen and heard changes everything. Curiosity creates more safety than control does. Silent agreements shape emotional outcomes. Awareness opens the door for change. Conversations can become clearer over time. Each day offers another opportunity for things to feel better. Past episode mentioned: Expectations, Boundaries, and the Space Between Them Join the Community and Support the Show 💛 Join our private women's call on Tuesdays for those who want deeper connection and live coaching while healing from emotional overwhelm and relational harm. Rate, follow, and share The Reclamation Room with someone who would feel understood by it.Comment and tell me what resonated or what you want me to explore next. Post-production editing by Rachel Easterly. Buy my editor a coffee. Thanks for listening. 💛 Be a Guest on the Show, or Invite Me Onto Yours: Message me on Podmatch! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashanakaiulani.substack.com

    27 min
  7. Finding Clarity in the Chaos: How to Keep Perspective in the Midst of Pain

    Feb 11

    Finding Clarity in the Chaos: How to Keep Perspective in the Midst of Pain

    In this episode, Ashana sits down with therapist and podcast host Malisa Hepner to talk about complex trauma, identity, and the moment life asks you to choose yourself. Malisa shares her personal turning point in her forties that shifted her from surviving to living with intention, and how that experience shaped the work she now does helping others feel safe to be seen. Together, they explore reinvention, inner calling, and the quiet courage it takes to tell the truth about your life. This conversation focuses on healing as remembering who you are, and how honesty creates both resilience and real connection. Content Note:We talk openly about trauma and suicidal thoughts in this conversation. Take care of yourself while listening and step away if you need to. Takeaways: - Personal crises can become turning points toward meaning and direction.- Healing grows through honesty with yourself and others.- Reinvention remains available at any stage of life.- Self-discovery deepens when you honor your lived experience.- Visibility becomes easier when safety develops internally.- Resilience forms through awareness and integration of the past.- Purpose often emerges from the places that once felt broken.- Authentic conversations create real connection and relief.- Empowerment comes from embodying who you are rather than performing who you think you should be.- Your inner calling strengthens as you listen and respond over time. About Malisa: Malisa Hepner is a therapist, podcast host, and speaker devoted to helping people quiet the noise of trauma and reconnect with themselves. She hosts Emotionally Unavailable and cohosts Unquiet Soul, two shows centered on real, transformative conversations. Malisa also created healing resources including Safe to Be Seen and The Beauty of Imperfection: Good Is Enough. Drawing from professional training and lived experience with complex PTSD, her work supports people in moving beyond overthinking, perfectionism, and fear of visibility toward grounded, authentic, and joyful living. Malisa's work: Click here Malisa's instagram: Click here Join the Community and Support the Show: 💛 Join our private women's call on Tuesdays for those who want to go deeper and experience connection and live coaching while healing from emotional overwhelm and relational harm. Rate, follow, and share The Reclamation Room with your people. And always comment to let me know what resonated or what you’d love to explore next. Post-production editing by Rachel Easterly. Buy my editor a coffee. Thanks for listening. 💛 Be a Guest on the Show, or Invite Me Onto Yours: Message me on Podmatch! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashanakaiulani.substack.com

    1h 13m
  8. From Victimhood to Victory: Breaking Free from the Dark Side of Hollywood

    Feb 2

    From Victimhood to Victory: Breaking Free from the Dark Side of Hollywood

    In this episode, Ashana sits down with Hilary Momberger Powers for an honest and deeply human conversation about identity, healing, and what it means to come home to yourself after a life shaped by performance, pressure, and survival. Hilary shares her journey from being a child star in the film industry to becoming a transformative coach devoted to self-acceptance, forgiveness, and emotional freedom. She reflects on growing up under the weight of public image and unspoken expectations, and how those early experiences shaped her relationship with her body, her worth, and her sense of safety in the world. Together, they explore how trauma and addiction can become teachers as much as wounds, why community and spirituality matter in the healing process, and how vulnerability becomes a bridge rather than a liability. Hilary speaks to the moment her life began to pivot, when she realized she could stop rebuilding from the same old materials and start choosing a different foundation altogether. This conversation holds space for the gray, for personal responsibility without self-punishment, and for the quiet, powerful truth that healing is not about rewriting the past, but about changing how you relate to it now. Takeaways: -Healing allows you to re-perceive your childhood with compassion and agency.-Forgiveness can become a gift you offer yourself, not a debt you owe others.-Stability in the nervous system creates room for nuance, reflection, and choice.-Personal responsibility opens the door to becoming part of the solution.-Letting go of old patterns makes space for building a life that actually fits.-Vulnerability strengthens connection when held in the right containers.-Community supports transformation in ways isolation never can.-Spirituality can offer grounding, meaning, and a wider lens for personal growth.-Identity is something you can continually reclaim, not something you are locked into.-It’s always possible to begin again from a different place. About Hilary: Hilary Momberger Powers is a transformative coach and speaker whose work centers on self-acceptance, forgiveness, and personal responsibility as pathways to healing. Drawing from her lived experience growing up in the film industry, as well as her journey through trauma recovery and addiction, Hilary supports others in breaking free from old narratives and building lives rooted in clarity, connection, and inner stability. Her approach blends emotional awareness, spiritual reflection, and community-based growth to help people step into a more grounded and authentic version of themselves. Learn more here. Join the Community and Support the Show: 💛 Join the live community space on Tuesdays for those who want to go deeper and experience connection and live coaching while healing from emotional overwhelm and relational harm. Rate, follow, and share The Reclamation Room with your people. And always comment to let me know what resonated or what you’d love to explore next. Post-production editing by Rachel Easterly.Buy my editor a coffee Thanks for listening. 💛 Be a Guest on the Show, or Invite Me Onto Yours:Message me on podmatch! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashanakaiulani.substack.com

    57 min
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5
out of 5
12 Ratings

About

You’re not here to fix everyone. You’re here to remember who the hell you are. The Reclamation Room is a podcast for women healing from narcissistic abuse who are ready to stop over-functioning, stop performing, and start reclaiming the parts of themselves they were told to hide. Hosted by Ashana: Holistic Health & Life Coach, and fellow survivor, this show offers nervous system wisdom, truth-telling, and soul-deep conversations for the woman who’s done being “the strong one.” If you’re carrying the weight of a harsh inner critic, chronic self-doubt, and relationships that never saw the real you, this space is for you. You’re not broken. You’re reclaiming. And you don’t have to do it alone. ashanakaiulani.substack.com

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