Jonathan Hoban has spent years trying to understand why he kept sabotaging himself when things were going well. The answer wasn’t where he expected to find it. It was hiding in plain sight — in the word most people dismiss as weakness: sensitivity. As a psychotherapist, author, and founder of Sensitivity Management, Jonathan has built a framework that reframes sensitivity not as a flaw to fix, but as a survival mechanism to understand. His work pulls from evolutionary psychology, polyvagal theory, attachment theory, and sensory processing science to explain something most people have felt but never had language for: why feelings hit some of us so much harder than others. This conversation went deep. We talked about his own path through addiction, the moment he realized sobriety wasn’t just about stopping — it was about learning to manage what was underneath all along. If you’ve ever reached for a drink at the end of a hard day and couldn’t explain why, this one’s for you. Show Notes [00:00] Introduction * Jonathan is the founder of Sensitivity Management, a psychotherapist, and published author with Hodder and Stoughton * His framework draws on evolutionary psychology, polyvagal theory, attachment theory, and sensory processing science * His work has been featured in The Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian, and on BBC News and ITV * He’s currently exploring the relationship between sensitivity and addiction on his own Substack Key Insight: “Perhaps most relevant to this conversation is something Jonathan plans to explore on his own Substack — the relationship between sensitivity and addiction, the idea that for many of us, substances were a way of managing what felt, at the time, unmanageable.” [02:01] Jonathan’s Story — Loss, Fear, and the First Drink * Jonathan grew up in a household where feelings weren’t discussed — his father was born in 1920, and sensitivity wasn’t on the table * His mother was diagnosed with cancer when he was 11 and died when he was 17; he began drinking and using cocaine as a way to manage unprocessed grief * He describes feeling “porous” — overwhelmed by stimulation, unable to let things go, running in survival mode for most of his life * Relapses eventually led him to a reckoning: “my last one was the one where I said, that is it because I left the building and I was no longer me” Key Insight: “Sensitivity is not what creates my addiction, but it definitely led me to it as a way to escape and a way to regulate.” [07:55] What Sensitivity Actually Means * The word sensitivity comes from the Latin to sense, feel, assess, and perceive — it is not weakness, it is a survival mechanism * We are all born highly sensitive; the difference is in how that sensitivity was conditioned over time * Sensitivity is about the sensory nervous system — visual, auditory, gut, and interoceptive signals * The stigma around the word sensitivity prevents people from naming it — and if you can’t name it, you can’t work with it Key Insight: “We are all sensory beings. The word sensory tells us that we are governed by our sensory nervous systems. When we look at mental health, it’s not all up here — it’s through our visual senses, auditory senses, gut senses, interoceptive senses.” [13:29] The Sensory Regulation Cycle * Jonathan developed the Sensory Regulation Cycle to show how sensitivity fluctuates throughout the day * The cycle: stress event → energy drain → lowered resilience → heightened sensitivity → pitfalls (overthinking, impulsivity, porousness) → sensory spiral → burnout * When energy is low, resilience is low — and that’s when self-sabotage moves in without warning * The goal isn’t long breaks; it’s the quality of regulation: “it’s not the quantity of regulation, it’s the quality of regulation” Key Insight: “When you’re more regulated, you can access the positives of sensitivity — empathy, connection, creativity, strategic thinking. Heightened sensitivity means you’re in survival mode — overthinking, impulsivity, self-sabotage without even realizing it.” [22:15] Why the End of the Day Feels Unmanageable * Every sensory input throughout the day — emails, noise, phone pings, screens — drains energy * By evening, resilience is low, which means feelings surface without a filter * Impulsivity spikes: you’ll make the call you shouldn’t, pick the fight, pour the drink * The reframe: “this is not anxiety — this is just because I’m tired” Key Insight: “How many times in the evening have you thought, I’m going to do that, and you’ve got no resilience to stop yourself from doing it?” [26:13] Regulation in Practice — What Actually Helps * Turn off your phone and calm your visual senses first — it’s the most overstimulated of all the senses * A 20-30 minute window of quality regulation can restore focus, clarity, and energy * Nature (even just looking at the sky) regulates through the visual sense * Be honest about which senses are most drained — for Jonathan, it’s visual and auditory Key Insight: “A small period of regulation and energy management — if I lose energy in one part of the afternoon, I only need 20 minutes. I come out and my energy is back up. Focus, clarity, performance, productivity.” [30:10] Addiction, Energy, and Why Recovery Takes Time * The longer you’re in addiction, the more depleted your energy becomes — and the harder it is to choose differently * “When people are so depleted in addiction — you know, we’re running on we’re just tired all the time” * Recovery demands rest first: sleep, naps, restoration — the body is healing and using energy to do it * Sensitivity management in recovery is not optional: “I have to prioritize regulation on a daily basis and managing my energy on a daily basis out of fear that if I run in a highly sensitive state in survival mode, I will pick up again” Key Insight: “For me, addiction is a gift because for me, it makes me me. I have to prioritize regulation on a daily basis.” [33:31] What Addiction Really Means — and What Freedom Looks Like * Jonathan respectfully disagrees with the “opposite of addiction is connection” framing * For him: “Addiction is prison. The opposite of addiction is freedom.” * Sobriety is about becoming someone he recognizes and respects: “Sobriety is someone I know, I like, and I value” * Community and connection matter deeply in recovery, but freedom is the foundation underneath Key Insight: “Addiction is complete. Addiction is a complete change of character. It’s someone I don’t like. It’s someone I don’t know.” Key Quotes “Sensitivity is not what creates my addiction, but it definitely led me to it as a way to escape and a way to regulate.” — Jonathan Hoban “I’ve never met someone in addiction that isn’t sensitive.” — Jonathan Hoban “Addiction is prison. The opposite of addiction for me is freedom.” — Jonathan Hoban “For me, addiction is a gift because for me, it makes me me.” — Jonathan Hoban “If you can’t name sensitivity, you’re shutting the door on everything.” — Jonathan Hoban Resources Mentioned * Sensitivity Management Framework — Jonathan’s proprietary model integrating polyvagal theory, attachment theory, evolutionary psychology, and sensory processing science * The Sensory Regulation Cycle — Jonathan’s visual tool mapping how sensitivity fluctuates from baseline through burnout * Johann Hari — referenced and respectfully challenged; Jonathan’s counterpoint to “the opposite of addiction is connection” * Ice baths / nature walks — regulation practices Jonathan uses personally to lower ADHD presentation and restore clarity Where to Find Jonathan Jonathan Hoban is the founder of Sensitivity Management and an integrative psychotherapist based in London. He works with individuals and organizations including Warner Brothers, the Department for Transport, and firms in the legal and insurance sectors. Website: www.sensitivitymanagement.com He’s also launching Live Coffee Shop Talks — up-close workshops across London where he breaks down the Sensitivity Management framework in an accessible, community-centered format. Thank You A heartfelt thank you to Little Edits Atelier, Dana Kay, Jane Peeples, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Jonathan Hoban for his extraordinary clarity and generosity of insight. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible. From This Conversation to Your Life What Jonathan described — that low-level hum of unease at the end of the day, the need to take the edge off, the way sensitivity turns into survival mode when energy runs out — that’s the exact threshold where so many people reach for a drink. Not because they’re weak. Because they’re depleted and don’t have the tools to do anything else. That’s what The Sober Creative Method™ is built around. A 90-day, 1:1 journey designed to help you remove alcohol as the barrier to your clearest, most creative work — and build the identity and the practices to sustain it. If Jonathan’s framework made something click for you today, this is the next step. The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit newsletter.thesobercreative.com/subscribe
