The Soul Enchilada Laura Busse and Christine Ruth M.Div., MS, LMFT

How’s your relationship with shopping? Do you just get what you need, or do you feel like you always need to get more… even when you actually NEED nothing? How and why we shop is complicated and is layered with guilt around debt and need for self- fulfillment.
This week, we talk shopping and how to maintain a balance when the pressure is ramped up during the Holidays.
 
This Week’s Listener Question:
This time of year, I feel pressured to shop… and shop and shop and shop. But… I’m in credit card debt and my partner and I fight all the time about finances. After I shop, I often feel guilty or disappointed with myself. How do I find a balance between my budget and my spending?
 
Small Group Questions:
 
To build connection with a friend or in your small group, ask each other these questions.
 
1.  How would you describe yourself as a shopper?
 
2.  What emotions arise in you when you shop compulsively vs. intentionally?
 
3.  How do finances and/or debt impact your closest relationships?
 
4.  Christine and Laura encouraged you to share honesty with your family what is most important to you this year and how to take care of yourself during the stress of the holidays. What new rituals could you start and what past patterns need to stop?
 
5.  Soul Activity – Keep a gratitude journal during the holidays and daily write down 3-5 people, places, or things you’re truly grateful for. Share this growing list with a loved one instead of your shopping list ;)
 
Resources:
 
Debt In America: Statistics and Demographics

www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/debt/average-american-debt-statistics/
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
 
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
 
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
 
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
 
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies

There are few things as painful as being betrayed by someone you trusted. It shakes our world and shatters our trust in others and our faith in ourselves. This week, we talk about how to deal with the pain of betrayal and steps of courage we can take to build back a level of trust that allows to maintain healthy, fulfilling relationships.
 
This Week’s Listener Question:
I’ve been betrayed by my husband. I’ve built everything in my life with him. Now my entire future feels shattered. How can I best cope with this devastation and move forward?
 
Small Group Questions:
 
To build connection with a friend or in your small group, ask each other these questions.
 
1.  Share a time when you’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted.
 
2.  Did your betrayal feel like a landslide, tornado, tsunami, or other reference to devastation? How would you describe it?
 
3.   Why do you think relationships take courage and faith? In your mind, what else do they take? Why it is worth it?
 
4.   What’s one step of courage you could take this week to build or rebuild trust in a relationship important to you?
 
5.  Soul Activity – Spend at least 20 seconds hugging someone you love. How do you feel after the long squeeze?
 
6.  Soul Enchilada Steps of Faith + Therapy:
·     Grief – Who or what do you need to grieve when it comes to betrayal?
·     Ground – Take a few minutes to ground yourself, feel the chair holding you, and breathe in what you need and exhale what’s holding you back.
·     Gratitude – Make a mental list of people, places, and things you’re grateful for. Thank God for each one.
·     Gather – Intentionally reach out to a few friends or family members and make a plan to spend time together.
Resources:
 
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A. Spring, PhD
Book
 
How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not to
by Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD
Book
 
Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold it, and How to Fix it When it Gets Broken in Life and Business by Dr. Henry Cloud
Book
 
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
 
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
 
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
 
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
 
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies

This Week's Listener Question:
My life feels like a really bad country song. I was diagnosed with cancer. My parents died in a car crash. And one of my kids is addicted to drugs. How do I keep going when I’m always in survival mode?
 
Small Group Questions:
 
To build connection with a friend or in your small group, ask each other these questions.
 
1.  What trials are you currently walking through in your life?
 
2.  Have you ever had a season in life where you feel like you were living a really bad country song? What would be some of the lyrics?
 
3.  Where have you found radical and helpful support in a tough time?
 
4.  How do you think the stories we tell ourselves impact our soul and future?
 
5.  How might choosing a resilient pathway positively impact your near future? 
 
 Resources:
 
Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make us Whole by Susan Cain
Book
 
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
 
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
 
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
 
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
 
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies

The combination of Daylight Savings Time and Fall moving into Winter means things are getting dark. For many of us, that darkness creeps into our emotional state as well. Changes of season, both in the climate and in our lives can be challenging, but they also bring about opportunities for growth and positive change. 
 
This Week’s Listener  Question:
Christine, we just turned our clocks back in Colorado for daylight savings. I despise the fact that it’s dark before 5:00 pm now. Fall makes me feel depressed. My body and mind seem to resist this time of year. I just want to fast forward to Spring. You’re always helping us see different perspectives. Can you give me greater hope to embrace Fall into Winter?
 
Small Group Questions:
 
To build connection with a friend or in your small group, ask each other these questions.
 
1.  How do you feel about the changing seasons and the shortening of daylight? What emotions come up for you?
 
2.  Do you like the idea of hunkering down or do you have parts that resist it?
 
3.  During this season of your life, what do you need to surrender, let go of, or prioritize?
 
4.  Tap into your curiosity and brainstorm a list of new creative projects or growth opportunities that could enrich this season of your life. 
 
 Resources:
 
Wintering by Katherine May
Book
 
Learning to Walk in the Darkness by Barbara Brown Taylor
Book
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
 
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
 
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
 
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
 
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies

Let’s face it, it can be pretty challenging to deal with another person’s negative emotions. When we feel like we’re being sucked down into their pit, our first reaction is often to counter with something positive. But, as it turns out, that’s not always the best thing… either for their emotional wellbeing, or your relationship with them.
This week, we talk through strategies to deal with negativity in both ourselves and the people we love… and find hard to love.
 
This Week’s Listener Question:
I have a really sulky teenager. She comes home every day in a mad mood and spews negativity. What can I do to change her attitude?
 
Small Group Questions:
 
To build connection with a friend or in your small group, ask each other these questions.
 
1. Think about a person in your life who often spews negativity. What emotions come up in you when you’re around them?
 
2. What makes it hard to “mine” for the emotions, or what Christine calls parts, underneath negativity? Do you tend to get caught up in the content or try to change other people’s attitudes?
 
3. When have you experience toxic positivity? How does it make you feel? How does it impact our relationships?
 
4. How can you validate other people’s emotions to build them up and create deeper connections? Think of one person you can uplift, encourage, and validate this week. Now go and bless them!
 
Resources:
 
This Is Why Toxic Positivity Can Be So Harmful
Very Well Article
 
Toxic Positivity
Psychology Today Article
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
 
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
 
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
 
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
 
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
 

No matter how long we’ve been in a relationship, no matter how secure it feels, there are always forces and temptations out there to undermine it. Some from without, and some from within. This week, we talk about those forces and strategies to affair-proof your relationships.
 
Listener’s Question:
I read a text stream that my husband has with a woman at work. They share very private and intimate information with one another. Is this an emotional affair?
 
Small Group Questions:
 
To build connection with a friend or in your small group, ask each other these questions.
 
1.         What is your personal definition of an emotional affair?
 
2.       Were you surprised by the statistics at 30-50% of couples report having an emotional or physical affair? Why or why not?
 
3.       Thinking of your partner or a significant relationship in your life, in what ways do you channel energy outside of this relationship? How might you redirect this energy back in?
 
4.       What are some helpful strategies for affair proofing your relationship?
 
 
Resources:
 
9 Signs You’re Having an Emotional Affair
Very Well Article

Emotional Infidelity: The Devastating, Destructive Love Affairs that Involve No Sex at All
The Guardian Article
 
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
 
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
 
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
 
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
 
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies