The Third Thing

Michelle Koffler & Danyelle Caruthers
  • 5,0 (13)
  • Mối quan hệ

A podcast Hosted by Michelle & Danyelle: a coach and a therapist, an interracial and queer best friend pair of 26 years. The Third Thing is where we are naming and confronting the topics that challenge us in platonic relationships. On friendship and race, money, sobriety, politics, when we drift or breakup, and the jealousy nobody admits to. Each week we spill the tea from our hurdles, and offer up the tools we’ve learned along the way. 

Tập

  1. 1 ngày trước ·  Video

    Episode 5: The Breakup Nobody Talks About - When You Lose A Friend

    Friendship breakups are one of the most painful experiences we can go through and one of the least talked about. There's no ceremony, no bereavement leave, no socially agreed-upon way to grieve someone who is still out there, still living their life, but no longer in yours. In this episode, Michelle and Danyelle give friendship endings the space they almost never get. From the slow, quiet outgrowing to the abrupt and unexplained rupture, they share personal stories from both sides: Danyelle on stepping into more of herself and leaving a friend group behind, and Michelle on a sudden rejection at 16. Together they explore what disenfranchised grief looks like in friendship, why avoidance is so common and sometimes even kind, and what it takes to move through loss in your body rather than around it. This isn't a guide to ending friendships. It's an invitation to stop pretending the ones that end didn't matter. In This Episode The difference between the "quiet outgrowing" and the "clean cut" and why one doesn't necessarily hurt lessWhy friendship grief is disenfranchised: the loss society doesn't make room forAvoidance as a trauma response and why it can sometimes be the kindest thing two people doThe ways childhood shapes how we handle conflict, rejection, and letting goHow lockdown quietly accelerated friendships that were already endingUnsent letters as a grief and release practiceSomatic healing and why the only way out is throughWater rituals for releasing grief and creating spaceDanyelle's cut-and-clear candle ritual: what it is, how to do it, and why it works energeticallyInner child work and re-parenting in the context of letting goHow to know when a friendship is worth repairing, and when walking away is the most loving thingTrusting your body's yeses and nos as a North Star in relationshipsReflection Questions Is there a friendship ending you've never fully grieved? What would it mean to give it space now?Which side of the friendship breakup do you more often find yourself on — the one who drifts, or the one who gets drifted from?Is there a relationship in your life right now where your body is giving you information your mind hasn't caught up to yet?What would a closing ritual look like for a friendship that ended without one?Where in your life are you treating yourself the way your caregivers taught you to — ignoring your own needs, staying past your yes?Resources Mentioned We mentioned The Body Keeps the Score in the episode by Bessel van der Kolk, but also want to share this article (content note: discusses sexual assault), which discusses the reality that, among other things, some of van der Kolks methodologies "could make survivors feel like they are irrevocably harmed." Instead we'd like to point you to Somatic Abolitionism by Dr. Resmaa Menakem and What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo.The Bullet Journal Method by Ryder Carroll (referenced by Michelle)Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg (recurring framework; workbooks available by subscribing to our newsletter)Jessica Lanyadoo (referenced by Danyelle; source of "meat suit" concept)Cut-and-clear candle ritual (folk magic/hoodoo tradition) - Workbook coming soon!Connect With Us 📸 Instagram: @thethirdthingpod 🌐 Website: TheThirdThingPod.com 🎧 Join our Patreon community for monthly events, deeper conversations, early access, workbooks, and more. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend and leave a rating or review. It helps more people find the show and keeps the conversation about friendship, growth, and what it means to show up for each other going. Support the show

    49 phút

  2. 25 thg 6 ·  Video

    Episode 4: What 25 Years of Friendship Across Race Has Taught Us

    Here are the show notes for Episode 4: Race is something every interracial friendship encounters, but most of us were never given the tools or the language to talk about it honestly. In this episode, Michelle and Danyelle go somewhere they've been circling for 26 years: a real, unfiltered conversation about race as it has lived inside their friendship. From growing up in Marin County, one of the most racially disparate counties in California, to navigating colorblindness, respectability politics, internalized anti-Blackness, and the slow, ongoing work of unlearning, they trace how their racial identities shaped them individually and what it has taken to show up for each other across difference. This isn't a race 101. It's their story, and an invitation to look honestly at your own. In This Episode Growing up in Marin County and what the data actually shows about race and inequality thereColorblindness as a dominant framework in the 1990s and why it fell shortRespectability politics and internalized anti-BlacknessConflating race and class and what that cost both of themThe difference between performative allyship and genuine solidarityPsychological safety, microaggressions, and overt racism in "safe" spacesHow 2020 opened the door to conversations they hadn't been having in real timeThe birthday party story: a moment of harm, hard feelings, and real repairWhat it looks like to warn a partner before walking into a predominantly white spaceMaking agreements inside a friendship to share information and honor each other's safetyHow cross-racial friendship requires ongoing labor, and why that labor is a form of loveHealing that reaches backward and forward across lineagesReflection Questions What does your friend circle actually look like, and what does that tell you?Have you ever confused class with race in your own understanding of the world?Is there a moment in a cross-racial relationship where harm was caused and never named?What would it look like to move from performative allyship to genuine solidarity?What agreements could you make with someone you love to help them feel safer in shared spaces?Resources Mentioned Mahogany Tarot deckNonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg (referenced framework for repair conversation, workbooks available by subscribing to our newsletter)Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey, founder of Nap MinistryMe and White Supremacy by Layla SaadMy Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa MenakemAll About Love by Bell HooksPeggy McIntosh, "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack"Tema Okun, "White Supremacy Culture"Code Switch (NPR)Seeing White (Scene on Radio)Connect With Us 📸 Instagram: @thethirdthingpod  🌐 Website: TheThirdThingPod.com  🎧 Join our Patreon community for monthly events, deeper conversations, early access, workbooks, and more. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend and leave a rating or review. It helps more people find the show and join the conversation about friendship, growth, and what it means to show up for each other across difference. Support the show

    53 phút

  3. 15 thg 6 ·  Video

    Episode 3: When Your Best Friend Hurt You: How To Find Your Way Back

    Conflict is something every relationship encounters, but most of us were never taught how to navigate it well. In this episode, Michelle and Danyelle explore the ways they learned conflict growing up, how those early experiences shaped their friendships and relationships, and the communication tools they've adopted to create more connection and less defensiveness. Together, they break down the framework of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) developed by Marshall Rosenberg and discuss how it has transformed the way they approach difficult conversations, emotional triggers, repair, and accountability. They also share personal stories from their own friendship, including moments of jealousy, misunderstanding, postpartum vulnerability, and the ways learning new communication skills has helped strengthen their connection over time. In This Episode  How childhood experiences shape our conflict styles  Loud conflict, avoidance, and people-pleasing  The impact of shame, martyrdom, and the need to be right  An introduction to Nonviolent Communication (NVC)  Observation vs. judgment  Identifying feelings beneath reactions  Understanding and communicating needs  Making clear, actionable requests  Conflict, nervous system regulation, and the Window of Tolerance  Internal Family Systems (IFS) and protective parts  Friendship repair and relational accountability  Why conflict can become an opportunity for deeper connection The NVC Framework Observation — What happened without judgment or evaluation Feeling — Identifying the primary emotion underneath the reaction Need — Understanding the unmet need driving the emotion Request — Making a clear and actionable request Resources Mentioned Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg Internal Family Systems (IFS)  Window of Tolerance framework  The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet HardyReflection Questions  How did you learn conflict growing up?  What role do you typically play during disagreements?  What feelings tend to sit underneath your frustration or anger?  What need might be asking for attention?  Is there a request you haven't made because you've hoped someone would simply know? Connect With Us 📸 Instagram: @thethirdthingpod 🌐 Website: TheThirdThingPod.com 🎧 Join our Patreon community for monthly events, deeper conversations, early access, workbooks, and more. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend and leave a rating or review. It helps more people discover the show and join the conversation around friendship, growth, and modern relationships. Support the show

    57 phút

  4. 15 thg 6 ·  Video

    Episode 2: What is "The Third Thing"?

    What if friendship isn't the supporting character in your life story? What if it's one of the most important relationships you'll ever have? In this episode, Michelle and Danyelle explore the inspiration behind The Third Thing and why they believe platonic love deserves far more attention than our culture often gives it. Using their own 26-year friendship as a lens, they discuss how society tends to place romantic relationships at the center of our lives while overlooking the profound impact of friendship, community, and chosen family. From childhood messages about love to the realities of adulthood, partnership, parenting, loneliness, and rebuilding community after the pandemic, this conversation is an invitation to think differently about connection. In This Episode  The question that sparked the creation of The Third Thing Why friendship can hold unique pieces of our identity  The cultural prioritization of romantic love  Disney, rom-coms, and the stories we inherit about relationships  Relationship anarchy and expansive love  Why one person can't be everything  The impact of the pandemic on friendship and belonging  The loss of third spaces and community gathering places  Adult loneliness and social disconnection  Building and maintaining your village  The cost of deprioritizing friendship  Why platonic love is a form of healing Concepts Discussed  Relationship Anarchy  Chosen Family  Community Care  Adult Friendship  Third Spaces  Loneliness and Social Connection  Expansive Love  Interdependence vs. Independence Reflection Questions  If you woke up tomorrow with no memory, who would you trust to tell you who you are?  How much time and energy are you currently investing in friendship?  Have you unintentionally prioritized romantic relationships over platonic ones?  Where might there be opportunities for repair, reconnection, or deeper intimacy in your friendships?  What would it look like to intentionally build your village? Resources Mentioned Ray Oldenburg and the concept of "Third Spaces"  Relationship Anarchy  Community care and village-building practices Card Pull: The High Priestess The episode closes with a reflection on the High Priestess tarot card—an invitation to trust your intuition, deepen your self-knowledge, and listen to what your relationships are asking of you. Connect With Us 📸 Instagram: @thethirdthingpod 🌐 Website: TheThirdThingPod.com 🎧 Join our Patreon community for deeper conversations, monthly gatherings, workbooks, and early access to new episodes. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, send a text to someone you've been thinking about, or leave a rating and review to help more people discover the show. Support the show

    27 phút

  5. 15 thg 6 ·  Video

    Episode 1: Meet the hosts!

    What if friendship deserves the same care, commitment, and investment that we give to romantic relationships? In the very first episode of The Third Thing, Michelle and Danyelle introduce the concept at the heart of the podcast: The Third Thing. While we often celebrate romantic love and assume familial love will always be there, friendship is frequently treated as optional. Yet some of the most meaningful, transformative, and enduring relationships in our lives are platonic. Drawing from their 26-year friendship, Michelle and Danyelle share how they met, the life experiences that shaped them, and why they believe friendship is one of the most powerful forms of connection available to us. They discuss community care, belonging, identity, healing, conflict, and the work required to sustain meaningful relationships over time. In This Episode  What inspired The Third Thing Defining the "third kind of love"  Why friendship deserves intentional investment  The differences between romantic, familial, and platonic love  How Michelle and Danyelle met as teenagers  Growing up feeling different and finding belonging  Friendship as a source of healing and support  The realities of maintaining a 26-year friendship  Why conflict and repair matter in long-term relationships  Community care and radical friendship Meet Your Hosts Danyelle  Psychotherapist  Community builder  Tarot practitioner and spiritual guide  Advocate for community care and collective healing Michelle  Executive coach and strategist  Life coach  MBA graduate and former nonprofit leader  Champion of intentional relationships and personal growth Together, they bring professional expertise, lived experience, and decades of friendship into conversations about what it means to build meaningful relationships in modern life. Reflection Questions  What is "The Third Thing" in your life?  Which friendships have helped shape who you are?  Are there relationships that deserve more attention or investment?  How do you currently nurture your platonic connections?  What might become possible if friendship were treated as a priority rather than an afterthought? Card Pull: Nine of Cups The episode closes with the Nine of Cups, a tarot card associated with fulfillment, contentment, gratitude, and celebrating what you've built. A fitting card for the beginning of a new chapter and a reflection on the beauty of enduring friendship. Connect With Us 📸 Instagram: @thethirdthingpod 🌐 Website: TheThirdThingPod.com 🎧 Join our Patreon community for deeper conversations, monthly gatherings, exclusive content, workbooks, and early access to episodes. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend and leave a rating or review. It helps more people discover the show and join the conversation around friendship, community, and connection. Support the show

    25 phút

  6. Đoạn giới thiệu phim của Phần 1

    Season 1 Trailer

    Podcast launching June 16th! There are three kinds of love. There's romantic love, the one that gets the songs, the movies, the couples therapy, the date nights, and all the vacations. There's familial love, the one you're born into, that shapes you before you even know what love is. The relationships that are expected to last forever.  And then there's The Third Thing: Friendship. The relationships that often get the least attention but do some of the heaviest lifting.  The Third Thing is a podcast about that love. A podcast about friendship in all its fullness. The conflict worth repairing, the evolution worth honoring, and sometimes...the letting go. Hosted by Danyelle, a therapist, healer, and Hoodoo practitioner, and Michelle, a life coach, facilitator, and public speaker. We've been friends for 26 years and we've got the receipts! Support the show

    3 phút

Trailer

5
/5
13 Xếp hạng

Giới Thiệu

A podcast Hosted by Michelle & Danyelle: a coach and a therapist, an interracial and queer best friend pair of 26 years. The Third Thing is where we are naming and confronting the topics that challenge us in platonic relationships. On friendship and race, money, sobriety, politics, when we drift or breakup, and the jealousy nobody admits to. Each week we spill the tea from our hurdles, and offer up the tools we’ve learned along the way. 

Thông Tin

  • Nhà sáng tạo
    Michelle Koffler & Danyelle Caruthers
  • Năm hoạt động
    2 N
  • Tập
    6
  • Xếp hạng
    Thô tục
  • Bản quyền
    © 2026 The Third Thing
  • Trang web chương trình
    The Third Thing

Có Thể Bạn Cũng Thích