The Unlock Lab

Tosca DiMatteo
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Reaching your next level of leadership starts here. The Unlock Lab is the podcast for leaders ready for the next level — in how you lead, work, and live. Hosted by speaker, coach, and life-lesson excavator Tosca DiMatteo, each episode digs into the thought and behavior patterns holding you back from what you want — and helps you write a new script. Truth bombs, practical tools, and real conversations to help you lead in a way that feels aligned and authentic to you. Take what works, experiment with what scares you, leave whatever doesn't resonate. 🔑 Subscribe and welcome to The Unlock Lab.

  1. 4d ago ·  Bonus

    Live Coaching Kathleen 2 (of 6): The Fear Underneath the Fear of a Major Career Shift

    This is the second session for my client Kathleen, and we start with what she noticed after our first conversation. We talked about how she felt completely drained afterward, like someone had drugged her. I shared how that’s not a bad sign, and that it’s a sign that the work is happening in her body and not just in her head. Next we explore what she'd been sitting with between sessions, and something surfaces that neither of us went looking for. The conversation started with the fear of disappointment, and she finds the layer underneath it, which is unworthiness. She goes between thinking ‘if it doesn't happen, it's because I'm not good enough. And if it does happen, I'll feel a different version of not good enough, like I don't belong here.’ We also talk about what lights her up, and I point out something I want you to catch: what she describes is context agnostic. While she did talk about it in context with the business she’s launching, it could apply to any job, situation or career path. This is helpful because once you know the dynamics that energize you, you can place that anywhere. You'll discover that this session doesn't land on a tidy conclusion, which is often how it goes. The hope is that we bring what needs to come to the surface in the conversation and we don’t always get to “what now”, in the session itself. Tune in to hear what happens when you go one layer deeper than the first insight that comes to the surface. Episode Highlights: Why she felt physically depleted after session one, and what that indicates.The layer underneath the fear of disappointment.Why knowing what excites you can be an insight for any context.The zero to ten worthiness scale, and what would move her one tenth of a point.The desire to address the tree in the way, while dreading it at the same time.Quotables: "There's another layer underneath the fear of disappointment, which is the fear of unworthiness." — Kathleen "The fact that you have a physical manifestation is an indication that the work is happening in your body, and not just in your head." — Tosca DiMatteo "Knowing what the dynamics are can be super helpful, because you can place that anywhere." — Tosca DiMatteo Tosca's Links and Resources: Take the Inner Critic Compass quiz: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/innercritic-compassSign up for Tosca's Newsletter: http://toscadimatteo.com/newsletterTosca's Website: https://www.toscadimatteo.comGet in Touch with Tosca: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/contactLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toscadimatteo/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toscadimatteo/Production: Audio theme music by Adrian DiMatteo https://adriandimatteo.comEditing by: Starlin Media

  2. 4d ago ·  Bonus

    Live Coaching Kathleen 1 (of 6): Navigating Career Options Post Layoff

    Welcome to this special series where you get to bear witness and experience live coaching with a real client. Through the generosity of my client, who we're calling Kathleen to protect her privacy, you get to sit in on six full coaching sessions, recorded live. It’s the first time I’ve ever done this, and I’m thrilled for you to discover your own unlock in the process. In this first session, I skip most of the usual relationship building, because Kathleen comes in ripe with what's happening in her life and I like to honor whatever is needed in the moment. You will soon discover that she was recently laid off, building a business she never planned to build, and feeling in her words ‘jumbled’. Her words for it: ‘it's a fork in the road, but the fork has a thousand tiny forks in between’. She's applying for jobs while quietly hoping none of them work out. She describes the choice as suffocation on one side, with failure and poverty on the other. Her life is on hold, her things are in storage, and decisions as big as having children are waiting on this to resolve. We work through the emotions; the pull between should and want, and I offer her an experiment to find the truth of what she wants. The exercise is to notice, without judgment, whether each thing you do today is something you want to do or something you think you should do. The goal is not to change the decision, just to see what’s driving it. I also offer her a reframe (and metaphor) about her jumbled life. Her puzzle got shaken up, and all the pieces are still in the air. She's trying to force them back into the old picture. But putting together a picture that already exists can be harder than letting the pieces land somewhere new. Tune in to hear what happens when you stop trying to figure out the whole picture, and start to trust the truth of your micro decisions. Episode Highlights: Why we skipped the standard first session structure and went straight into what was present.The jumbledness: applying for jobs while energetically blocking them.Should versus want, and the awareness exercise offered.Why the forcing is the overwhelm.The exhaustion that shows up after deep work.Quotables: "It feels like to try to picture squeezing myself back through a keyhole into something I don't really want to do, versus just take all the wheels off of the bus and try to drive it anyway." — Kathleen "You're exactly where you're meant to be right now, in that confusion, in the fog, in the overwhelm." — Tosca DiMatteo "When we're in overwhelm and we're in a state of feeling all over the place, anchoring in what we want can be very helpful as a starting point." — Tosca DiMatteo Tosca's Links and Resources: Take the Inner Critic Compass quiz: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/innercritic-compassSign up for Tosca's Newsletter: http://toscadimatteo.com/newsletterTosca's Website: https://www.toscadimatteo.comGet in Touch with Tosca: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/contactLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toscadimatteo/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toscadimatteo/Production: Audio theme music by Adrian DiMatteo https://adriandimatteo.comEditing by: Starlin Media

  3. Sep 1

    Ep. 112: What it takes to get unstuck and out of your funk.

    Today I talk about the difference between asking the top-layer question about getting unstuck and going to the deeper question underneath it. Getting unstuck requires asking yourself different questions. The reason it's so hard to do on your own is that you’re used to asking yourself the same questions over and over—and giving yourself the same answers over and over. For the past eight years, folks have come to me to help them get unstuck, whether it's in their personal, professional, or business life. And when they do, rarely do I answer their first questions because I know there's a more important one underneath it. In this episode, I walk you through five real scenarios so you can see yourself in one of them. Whether you’re frustrated in your job or want to show up more confidently with your boss, underneath the stuckness is often an unmet need. That need is usually one you're not conscious of—or one you don't want to admit you have. Episode Highlights: Why we can't get unstuck alone: same questions, same answers, on repeat. Scenario 1: Should I stay or go, and the deeper question about what you actually need. Scenario 2: Why confidence work is really inner critic work. Scenario 3: “Is this all there is?” and the permission slip you’re looking for. Scenario 4: Needing to leave without knowing what's next, and why there are more pathways than the two you see. Scenario 5: Growing a business when the real block is worthiness, not strategy. Exposure to a list of unacknowledged needs, from being witnessed in your pain to learning to trust yourself again.Quotables: “Getting unstuck requires asking yourself different questions.” “Your inner critic voice is not telling you the truth.” “Maybe what you need to know is that your only job is to not abandon yourself or your big dreams.” “When you are stuck, it's often because you can only see one or two pathways forward. Actually, the universe wants you to think more expansively.” “Slowing down isn't blasphemy and it's not laziness. It's actually the medicine that you need.” Tosca's Links and Resources: Take the Inner Critic Compass Quiz: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/innercritic-compass Sign up for Tosca's Newsletter: http://toscadimatteo.com/newsletter Tosca's Website: https://www.toscadimatteo.com Get in Touch with Tosca: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/contact LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toscadimatteo/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toscadimatteo/ Production: Audio theme music by Adrian DiMatteo: https://adriandimatteo.com Editing by Starlin Media

  4. Aug 25

    Ep. 111: 9 Things to Do When You're In Between Jobs

    I want to talk about being in between things, and more specifically being in between jobs, because it can be a really difficult place. We don't get much direction and almost no education about the emotional journey that comes with it. Even placement companies that help people find their next role don't address the emotional roller coaster that comes with being let go, or choosing to leave. Addressing this ride will do more good than any resume update ever will. Here’s the truth about my thoughts on taking advantage of the inbetween; I have no roadmap for you. Nobody has one (no matter what they try and sell you), and I think this is what’s so uncomfortable. The roadmap you may gravitate towards is to 1. update the resume 2. submit 3. submit 4. submit 5. network 6. repeat. If that’s your entire plan then you’re missing a huge opportunity. The space between jobs or clients isn't about suffering in the unknowing, it's about becoming the next version of you and building the capacity to hold what's coming next. In this episode I talk to you about nine things you can experiment with: diving into your health and wellness, giving yourself a change of scenery, doing activities that ground you, clearing and cleaning and organizing your space, trying something new and giving yourself permission to do it badly, meeting up with your network with no strings attached, deeply understanding your personal brand, journaling, and investing in the support you actually need. This last one is the biggest mistake I see; people don't give themselves the resources to get through uncertainty with more ease. And by success I don't mean landing faster, I mean feeling good about the journey instead of focusing solely on the destination. Episode Highlights:Why there's no roadmap for the in between, and why that's the whole point.Diving into health and wellness, including the appointments you've been putting off.Why a change of scenery lets you be yourself again without proving anything.Grounding practices for when your nervous system feels flung in the air.The clearing story: old papers in the trash, five clients in five days.Trying something new and giving yourself permission to be bad at it.The number one mistake people make in between jobs.Quotables:"I have no roadmap for you. And I think that's why this is so uncomfortable for people." "The space is about you becoming that next version of you, you being able to hold what's coming next." "I cleared out all these old papers and literally within five days I had five clients. Moving the energy around is real.” "I hate trying to learn new things because I hate being bad at things. If you're resisting it, maybe that's the way through." "They don't give themselves the resources to get through this time with more ease and with more success." Tosca's Links and Resources:Association for Talent Development article referenced:https://www.toscadimatteo.com/_files/ugd/23d731_1fd2b0e81aee4559b95c21b675639bfe.pdf Stop letting self-doubt dictate your decisions. Take back the power from your inner critic and take the Inner Critic Compass today to see which one is running your show. As a gift, I'll send you a toolkit to help you on your path to be your own best friend: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/innercritic-compass Sign up for Tosca's Newsletter:http://toscadimatteo.com/newsletter Tosca's Website:https://www.toscadimatteo.com Get in Touch with Tosca:https://www.toscadimatteo.com/contact Linkedin:https://www.linkedin.com/in/toscadimatteo/ Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/toscadimatteo/ Props for:Theme music by Adrian DiMatteo https://adriandimatteo.com

  5. Aug 18

    Ep. 110: Everyone Told Me Not To Quit Without A Plan. I Did It Anyway.

    It's eight years to the month, almost to the day, since I put in my notice and left corporate for good. It’s not a sexy story, which is exactly why I wanted to talk about it. I first share the story about how I never wanted to be an entrepreneur, nor was that encouraged. I was encouraged to go get an education and get a J-O-B in an office, versus the very labor-intensive path that my father took. So you can imagine why entrepreneurship was never a dream of mine. On top of this, I watched my parents struggle financially, and at 22 I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, which only solidified my belief that I needed somebody else to write my paycheck so that I could afford healthcare. So how the heck did I end up running my own business? In 2018, there was a large possibility that my husband’s career would take us to a different state, and for the first time in my entire linear career I stopped to ask myself: What else is possible? We never moved, but my inquiry continued. My heart knew it was time to go, but my mind gave me every possible reason to stay, especially without knowing what was next. I eventually realized those inner critic voices were fear-based and scarcity-based, and they were not my true beliefs. That was the unlock that led me to quit without a plan. And I mean I had no idea. No plan to launch a business and certainly no side hustle waiting in the wings. My one plan was to earn a coaching certification because I thought it would anchor me. So again, I'm sharing this because it is not a sexy story. There’s a version of the entrepreneurship story where someone builds it on the side and grows it until it replaces their income. While that’s true for some, I think everyone’s story is completely unique. I think most big transitions involve a lot more fumbling through immediate next steps than a 12-point plan at the start. Episode Highlights Why entrepreneurship was never the plan, and how a type 1 diabetes diagnosis at 22 reinforced the need for a steady paycheck. The question that started everything: What else is possible? How inner critic work revealed that the voices telling me to stay were fear-based, not true. Why setting an arbitrary quit date with two friends created the accountability that made my choice real. Why the energy behind running away from something versus going toward something is completely different. What eight years of entrepreneurship taught me about redefining success.Quotables “All those inner critic thoughts were not mine. They were fear-based and scarcity-based, but it wasn't what I truly believed.” “Sometimes we know a lot less than we wish we knew when we're making a big change.” “It's called a leap of faith because you don't have all the information and you don't have the 12-step plan.” “I told myself for years that I really valued a consistent paycheck. I've come to learn that's actually really at the bottom of the list.” “You don't need a perfect roadmap and you don't need all the answers. You just need to listen to yourself in a way that maybe you never have.” Tosca's Links & Resources Sign up for Tosca's Newsletter Tosca's Website Get in Touch with Tosca LinkedIn InstagramProductionAudio theme music by Adrian DiMatteoadriandimatteo.com Editing by Starlin Media

  6. Aug 11

    Ep. 109: How to Use the End of Summer to Reset Your Life

    I'm with you for my first solo episode in a few weeks and am being honest about where I am right now: in the middle of a liminal phase. Asking what's the next phase of me, what do I not want to bring with me, and what more of my truth do I want to bring to the table. Most of us are somewhere in that journey of becoming the next version of ourselves, and it can be the most difficult place to be. I'm in it, I don't have it all figured out, and still I know it's going to be okay. I share what came out of my trip to Yellowstone this summer, starting with something I don't think we talk about enough: setting yourself up for success for when you take time off. Knowing what you need, what boundaries you have to hold, and being honest about the dynamics that actually work for you is key to making your time off an opportunity to be replenished. If you keep coming back from vacations more depleted than when you left, that's worth looking at. I talk about the crazy news cycle around the man who was flung by a bison while in Yellowstone, and what it revealed about where we put our attention. When we're consumed by the spectacle and the drama, we're not focused on what actually moves us forward. That happens at work and in life as well; are you playing victim, persecutor, or rescuer? And what would need to change for you to enter the fall in a better state of mind and heart? And finally, I talk about a secret hobby: the fact that I take photos everywhere I travel and yet they stay under wraps. I have told myself for years they weren't special and nobody cared. That's my inner critic talking - but not what I truly believe. So what brings you joy that you aren't giving yourself permission to do? What gift are you keeping under wraps that people would actually benefit from? Summer isn't over. Ask yourself what you need in these last weeks of it. Episode Highlights: What a liminal phase actually feels like, and why it's so uncomfortable to be in one.Why setting up a vacation for success matters more than the destination.The hard truth about visitors, family dynamics, and time limits you refuse to enforce.Nature, boredom, and why humans were never designed to constantly go-go-go.The bison story and the drama triangle: victim, persecutor, rescuer.The inner critic that tells you your gifts aren't worth sharing.Quotables: "Most of us are in a liminal phase. Most of us are in that journey of becoming the next version of who we are." "You're doing it to your damn self. You have nobody else to blame but yourself when you set things up that you know aren't going to work for you." "If you spend your time and energy focusing on the drama in your life, then you are not focusing on things that are going to move you forward." "Humans were not designed for constantly go-go-going." "Let the sun shine the light on what you bring to the table, because it's not just you that benefits, it's other people too." Tosca's Links and Resources: Sign up for Tosca's Newsletter: toscadimatteo.com/newsletterTosca's Website: toscadimatteo.comGet in Touch with Tosca: toscadimatteo.com/contactLinkedIn: Tosca DiMatteoInstagram: @toscadimatteoProduction: Audio theme music by Adrian DiMatteo adriandimatteo.comEditing by: Starlin Media

  7. Aug 4

    Ep. 108: Who Are You Without Your Job?

    In this episode I have a riveting conversation with Susan A. Miele; author of the recently released 'PAUSED.', scholar, and former HR C-suite executive. Drawing from her own experience and her PhD in Human and Organizational Systems, her passion is at the intersection of personal transformation, theory, and leadership. Susan is one of the 12% of women who went through menopause before 45, and hers went undiagnosed for years. Her performance declined, doctors told her it was stress and anxiety, and she resigned from the job she'd built her whole life around. In the process of trying to "get back" to where she was, she downsized her house and just when she was about to start a new role, her house literally went up in flames. Susan describes standing there thinking everything was gone, and realizing somewhere in the process of rebuilding the house that she also had to rebuild herself. There was no going back. That person was gone. What she found on the other side was returning to the C-suite seven years later as a completely different leader. Her purpose shifted from ambition to enabling other people. Her values softened from success and drive to compassion, curiosity, honesty, and bravery. She became in her words 'much more human'. This conversation covers so much ground; from how identity forms young, to why so many high performers blur the line between who they are and what they do, and what liminality actually asks of you. As the title of her book reveals, we also talk about why the pause is not permanent but is sometimes essential. Episode Highlights: Why 25-30% of women step out of the workforce because of menopause symptoms, and what that costs the leadership pipeline.How Susan conflated ambition with purpose, and why that made rest impossible.The identity framework: who am I, how did I get here, and where am I going.Losing the job, the health, and the house, and what rebuilding actually required.How her leadership shifted from performative to human in her second C-suite chapter.How do you coach someone who is living outside their own values?Liminality: the space between two knowns, and how to get unstuck.Quotables: "They don't know themselves without their job. What they do is who they are. And there's no daylight in between them." — Susan A. Miele "My ambition became my purpose. I conflated ambition and purpose like they were one and the same." — Susan A. Miele "I wasn't going back. That person was gone. There was no going back to that. That narrative ended." — Susan A. Miele "You have the pen in this situation and you can rewrite your story." — Tosca DiMatteo "It is the discomfort where the biggest growth comes from." — Susan A. Miele About the Guest: Susan A. Miele, PhD is an author, speaker, and organizational consultant whose work sits at the intersection of identity theory and life transition, professional and personal. A writer, scholar, and former C-suite executive, she explores how identity is dismantled and redefined through life's transitions. Drawing from her own experience and her PhD in Human and Organizational Systems, she writes at the intersection of personal transformation, theory, and leadership, examining how we think about belonging, success, and change. A lifelong learner and dedicated yogi, Susan infuses her writing and speaking with mindfulness and compassion. Her work invites readers and organizations alike to see disruption not as loss, but as a profound opportunity for growth. She lives in Portland, Maine with her husband, Ken. Connect with Susan A. Miele, PhD: Website: susanmiele.comLinkedIn: Susan A. Miele, PhDSubstack: substack.com/@susanmieleTosca's Links and Resources: Sign up for Tosca's Newsletter: toscadimatteo.com/newsletterTosca's Website: toscadimatteo.comGet in Touch with Tosca: toscadimatteo.com/contactLinkedIn: Tosca DiMatteoInstagram: @toscadimatteoProduction: Audio theme music by Adrian DiMatteo adriandimatteo.comEditing by: Starlin Media

  8. Jul 28

    Ep 107: The Voice Experts: Why Your Words Land Differently Than Everyone Else's! The Truth About Executive Presence!

    Most communication advice tells you to say X words in Y tone and get Z outcome, but influence has never worked that way. In this episode I sit down with Casey Erin Clark and Julie Fogh, co-founders of Vital Voice Training (VVT) and co-authors of The Authenticity Code. These are the women behind the support around my own keynote work, so I have been blessed to be on the receiving end of their magic. They founded VVT in 2014, in the middle of what they call the great moral panic over vocal fry, when every article was explaining what women needed to fix about their voices to be taken seriously. Their answer then is still their answer now: that advice sucks, and it does not actually help you show up. This episode is not just for women though, so hang in here. Our conversation covers lots of ground including why "bringing your whole self to work" is s****y advice and how to better prepare for walking into your meetings. Julie explains why rehearsing your exact words is like writing a play that nobody else has lines for, and reframes intimidation as something that can come from holding your own power, not from making anyone else smaller. We get honest about what AI is doing to the way we sound and how it's messing with the beautiful rough edges of our ideas. Casey talks about how this shows up on LinkedIn and Julie makes the case that the edges we're sanding off were the whole reason anyone was listening. Tune in if you've ever been told to speak up more, or been called 'too much' of fill-in-the-blank and made yourself smaller to fix it. Quotables: Julie Fogh: "The goal is actually not to bring your whole self to work. I think that expectation has gotten a lot of people really messed up in their heads, because they think they're supposed to be just as open and relaxed at work as they are with their dearest friends. And I don't think our nervous systems are set up that way." Julie Fogh: "Well, I want to have power, but I don't want to be intimidating. And my answer is: are you sure? Because intimidation doesn't have to be grotesque. It doesn't have to be something that makes someone else shrink, or makes them small. It can be about your own power." Casey Erin Clark: "What is the standard that I want for myself that honors my core values, that honors the mark I want to make in the world, and that allows me to imagine a better future?" Stop letting self-doubt dictate your decisions. Take back the power from your inner critic and take the Inner Critic Compass today to see which one is running your show. As a gift, I'll send you a toolkit to help you on your path to be your own best friend. Connect with Casey and Julie: Vital Voice TrainingCasey Erin Clark on LinkedInJulie Fogh on LinkedInBook: The Authenticity Code. Podcast: VOICE(IS)Free monthly Zoom office hours, sign up hereTosca's Links and Resources: Sign up for Tosca's Newslettertoscadimatteo.comLinkedIn and InstagramIf you enjoy The Unlock Lab, please rate, follow, and review wherever you listen. It helps more people find us. Music: Adrian DiMatteo. Editing: Starlin Media.

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About

Reaching your next level of leadership starts here. The Unlock Lab is the podcast for leaders ready for the next level — in how you lead, work, and live. Hosted by speaker, coach, and life-lesson excavator Tosca DiMatteo, each episode digs into the thought and behavior patterns holding you back from what you want — and helps you write a new script. Truth bombs, practical tools, and real conversations to help you lead in a way that feels aligned and authentic to you. Take what works, experiment with what scares you, leave whatever doesn't resonate. 🔑 Subscribe and welcome to The Unlock Lab.

Information

  • Creator
    Tosca DiMatteo
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    115
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Tosca DiMatteo
  • Show Website
    The Unlock Lab