Therapy, Coaching & Dreams

Dee Kelley
  • 5.0 (9)
  • Self-Improvement

Therapy, Coaching & Dreams is cohosted by Dr. Jim Shalley and Dr. Selden Dee Kelley III, a therapist and a coach who love talking about how inner work can help you live with more awareness, purpose and freedom.

  1. 6d ago

    S2E25 The History and Practics of STIR

    Send us Fan Mail We dig into the STIR personality model and why personality balance matters more than personality labels. We connect relationship conflict to projection, stress patterns, and the hard truth that insight only becomes healing when it turns into action.  • the STIR framework as four interaction styles: stabilizer, transformer, initiator, responder  • how the model develops through clinical work, client feedback, and Jungian influence  • masculine and feminine energy as task orientation versus relational orientation  • static versus dynamic patterns and why they collide in couples therapy  • a classic stabilizer transformer pairing and how exhaustion builds over time  • why modeling “more of the same” backfires and practicing the opposite creates balance  • how criticism erases effort and why reinforcement shapes new behavior  • projection in long-term relationships and using differences as a teacher  You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites: AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

  2. Aug 26

    SE24 Listener Q&A

    Send us Fan Mail We answer listener questions that get practical fast, from what it means to be a licensed therapist to how state rules shape who can practice where. Then we shift into the STIR personality model to talk about birth order, family dynamics, parenting, and why self-awareness matters more than forcing yourself to change.  • what “licensed” means and why states regulate therapy  • degrees, supervised hours, and licensing exams as the baseline path  • cross-state practice limits and the liability side beyond insurance  • why coaching is less regulated and why it avoids therapy language  • how therapy training varies by approach and specialization  • how to vet a therapist through websites, questions, and referrals  • how birth order may nudge personality style within the STIR model  • parenting dynamics that reward or squelch traits over time  • choosing relationship over winning during conflict with your kids  • sustaining growth with self-awareness as you age  For those who are listening, if you have questions, certainly throw them out there.  You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites: AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

  3. Aug 21

    S2E23 How Personality Shapes The Way We Grieve

    Send us Fan Mail Grief has a way of humbling every personality style, especially the ones that love a plan. We sit down with Jim Shaley to talk about what grief really looks like when it’s not tidy, not linear, and definitely not finished by the end of a single conversation. The five stages of grief can be a useful starting point, but we challenge the idea that healing means you stop feeling sad. For most of us, the goal is simpler and harder: learning how to live with loss without being flattened by it. We also widen the definition of grief. Yes, bereavement after death matters, but so do the quieter losses people dismiss: empty nest syndrome, retirement, a pet dying, a relationship that changes, or the midlife realization that certain dreams won’t happen. When we don’t name those experiences as grief, we tend to cope through avoidance and then wonder why we feel stuck, reactive, or numb. Using the STIR model of personality styles, we map the different ways people sidestep pain: initiators push ahead, stabilizers stay busy and organized, responders over-function for others, and transformers distract with humor or impulsive coping. Then we get practical about what helps, including how to borrow strengths from the other styles, how partners can “carry a few pounds of grief” for each other, and why noticing triggers before someone has to ask is a quiet form of real empathy. If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone walking through loss, and leave a review so more people can find the conversation. What kind of grief do you think our culture overlooks the most? You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites: AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

  4. Aug 12

    S2E22 Pt 2 - You Can Regain Control In The Middle Of Work Shock

    Send us Fan Mail Vocational Trauma Your anxiety spikes, your mind races, and suddenly you’re pricing out worst-case scenarios: health insurance, bills, the family vacation, the next job. We pick up a candid conversation on vocational trauma and talk about what actually helps when work stress hits your body like an alarm you can’t shut off. We start with the most overlooked tool for job loss anxiety and workplace panic: breathing. Not as a slogan, but as a way to ground your nervous system so you can think again. We dig into why stress makes us hold our breath, how tension shows up in the jaw and mouth, and a small cue that can help release it: “allow your tongue to drop.” From there, we walk through a practical way to slow the spiral by naming your biggest fear, taking it step by step, and finding one small action that brings you back to the present like a lifeline phone call or a walk outside. Then we widen the lens to chronic workplace stress: new bosses, new employees, changing job descriptions, and team dynamics that turn staff meetings into dread. Using the STR personality model, we explore how different people react under pressure, why self-awareness matters, and how patterns like catastrophizing, minimizing, and overfunctioning can quietly make everything heavier. We also offer a clear, pragmatic reframe for surviving a tough boss: treat your supervisor like your most important customer, even when you don’t like them, and decide what choice keeps you healthiest. If this helped, subscribe, share the episode with someone navigating a work shock, and leave a review so more people can find support when they need it most. You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites: AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

  5. Aug 6

    S2 E22 Pt1 When Work Breaks You (Jim & Dee)

    Send us Fan Mail We dig into vocational trauma and why job loss, demotions, workplace upheaval, and feeling trapped at work can shake your finances, relationships, and sense of self. We walk through what helps in the first wave of shock and how to rebuild control and identity without pretending the pain is not real.   • definitions and real-world triggers of vocational trauma, from firings to reorganizations and workplace conflict   • why mid-career job loss can hit harder than early career uncertainty   • financial ripple effects  • triage questions for a coaching session, including whether the loss was expected   • validating shock and unfairness while finding the next best step   • narrowing focus to what you can control today  • external vs internal locus of control and how it shapes recovery   • how vocational trauma can create relationship tension, resentment, and role reversals   • identity crisis when self-worth is tied to productivity or a job title   • doing necessary work now to protect long-term options and wellbeing   Please join us in the next episode for part two. Until then, keep growing, stay curious, and take good care of yourself. You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites: AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

  6. Jul 29

    S2E21 Religious Crisis:The Movement from Certainty to Nuance

    Send us Fan Mail We talk about what a faith crisis really looks like and why it often shows up as we grow into nuance rather than certainty. We share practical ways to explore belief, handle family pressure, and deconstruct without losing the parts that still give life.  • defining the presenting issue behind spiritual struggle  • exploring faith for the first time through trusted friendships  • visiting a place of worship with curiosity  • applying the STIR personality model to openness and resistance  • navigating family-of-origin baggage and hard conversations with parents  • understanding midlife shifts and taking responsibility for your faith journey  • deconstruction as redefining rather than discarding  • rejecting black-and-white categories in faith and culture  • rebuilding community through nuance If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well.  You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites: AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

  7. Jul 22

    S2E20 The Sandwich Generation Squeeze

    Send us Fan Mail We talk about what it feels like to live in the middle of three generations, with kids launching into adulthood while parents begin to need care and oversight. We focus on staying emotionally healthy through grief, sibling stress, and identity shifts so we can show up with steadiness instead of exhaustion.  • the sandwich generation reality of simultaneous transitions  • using the oxygen mask rule to prevent resentment  • navigating siblings, fairness, and different family histories  • recognising grief inside “normal” life changes and delayed grief  • needing safe places to tell the grief story repeatedly  • separating identity from trauma and from vocation  • preparing for retirement and role changes by building a life on purpose  • noticing family of origin triggers without getting pulled into dysfunction  If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well.  You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites: AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

  8. Jul 16

    S2E19 The Ripple Effects Of Change

    Send us Fan Mail The healthiest changes in your life can still blow up the system around you. When you stop a habit, set a boundary, or simply decide you’re done carrying a role, it doesn’t just affect you. It reshapes family systems, friendships, and the unwritten agreements inside long-term relationships. We dig into why that disruption is so common, and why it can feel both encouraging and strangely painful at the same time.  We start with an everyday example that’s bigger than it sounds: choosing to stop social drinking. Even when nobody is “making” you change, the group dynamic shifts instantly, and people may test whether you’re serious. From there, we get honest about how often we try to externalize discipline by announcing intentions and asking others to keep us accountable, and why true heart change usually shows up quietly in consistent action.  Then we move into boundaries in marriage and committed relationships, especially for responders, accommodators, and enablers who finally hit a wall. We talk about role renegotiation (including the classic “what’s for dinner?” conflict), the difference between changing from exhaustion versus changing from health, and how direct communication can prevent years of resentment.  If you’re working on personal growth, therapy, coaching, addiction recovery, or simply better communication, you’ll leave with a clearer map of what to expect and how to stay steady when others push back. Subscribe, share this with someone navigating change, and leave a review with the boundary or role you’re trying to shift right now. You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites: AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

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5
out of 5
9 Ratings

About

Therapy, Coaching & Dreams is cohosted by Dr. Jim Shalley and Dr. Selden Dee Kelley III, a therapist and a coach who love talking about how inner work can help you live with more awareness, purpose and freedom.

Information

  • Creator
    Dee Kelley
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    48
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Therapy, Coaching & Dreams
  • Show Website
    Therapy, Coaching & Dreams

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