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Is there a better way to celebrate the 60th Anniversary of Doctor Who than by ignoring it completely and talking over the 10th Anniversary of Doctor Who?

Nope, didn't think so.

It’s snow joke when the Doctor faces off against Hissing Sid.

ICE. It’s white, it’s slippery, you can skate on it and make beautiful sculptures out of it. It’s cool. But what they don’t tell you is that it makes you paranoid and convinces you that you’re living in the time of Oliver Cromwell.

Worst of all….aliens live in it! They live in it forever and ever and ever until you let them out. But you mustn’t let them out because the giant green monsters will kill you and then conquer the world! Beware!

Beware the ice!

Beware The Ice!

BEWARE THE IIIIIIICE!

(ahem)

Just think carefully the next time you want a glass of lemonade.

Some monks living on a hill are being terrorised by some giant furry things that may or may not be yeti. A mad explorer tries to get them to eat the Doctor (the yeti, not the monks) but they’re not interested because they’ve been trained by someone invisible who sounds like a pervert. The Doctor realises that the yeti’s one weakness is their balls.

A sure fire way to incapacitate the male of any species; No wonder they feel abominable.

The Doctor does his best Lara Croft impersonation when some maths teachers try to take over what looks like an intergalactic ice cream factory.

But it all comes down to the wires when the factory boss has a quarrel with the Hulk’s thinner, less chatty cousin and is ultimately defeated by a closed door (this happens a lot so clearly they’re more used to open-plan architecture).

The guy in charge of the budget must have been so relieved when he saw designs for this story’s spaceship. And who decided to name one of the villains after an item of clothing? Still, could’ve been worse, she could have been called Duffle Coat……or Thong.

Lucky escape.

The village is the worst place in the world.

It has the worst fair election campaign, the worst party guest, the worst personal assistant, the worst inspiring speeches, the worst town council meeting, the worst internal security system, the worst attempt to pretend you’re not surreptitiously keeping an eye on someone when you quite clearly are, the worst secret drinking establishment and the worst person to have a drink in the worst secret drinking establishment.

Doesn’t matter if it’s water, tea or genuine fake alcohol, one drop of anything and this top level spy keels over; it’s a good thing he doesn’t try the milk

And don’t get me started on the numbering system.

Somebody’s half-inched the TARDIS!!

A tramp makes a train set out of pepperpots, the daleks are experimenting with a new diet plan for Human beings and a man in a skirt is in for a spot of male bonding with a giant Turk. All this and there’s also a big nobbly thing with a megaphone and the most fearsome beard in history doing something dastardly with mirrors. And yet despite it all, the Doctor and Jamie go for a date at a café and pose for photographs. Like they’re not even bothered.

And who the Hell is Left-Handed Kenneth?