Loser’s Fiction Audio

Third Interlude

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(Authors Note: the formatting for the Interludes doesn’t hold up well in Substack, but hopefully they are still readable and enjoyable. They are not essential to the story, but they serve to color in the world. Also some of the most over-the-top and ridiculous voice work is in the interlude spaces, so enjoy that.)

Excerpt, ‘Unions of the Cleave of Coldor’

Tashyün, earliest recorded leader, who created the Rule of the First, declaring that the first born shall rule only after being united in marriage, else they shall cede the title, whose end Vésh brought at an unrecorded time

Bälebinn, firstborn of Tashyün, inherited leadership upon marriage to Gidita-Jula of Filkash, who remained leader of Coldor 24 years, during which time was created the Rule of Cleaving, and whose end Vésh brought at age 68 and 70

Rule of Cleaving: rendered authority equally split between the married rulers

Cleave Petváhol, firstborn son of Bälebinn,

& Tilshün of Coldor, whose rule lasted 21 years, during which time Saintstone was discovered, and whose end Vésh brought at age 71 and 70

Cleave Miltagg, firstborn daughter of Petváhol,

& Kurrtau of Coldor, whose rule lasted 30 years, during which time their firstborn passed at a young age, and whose end Vésh brought at age 61 and 77

Cleave TauTarrlam, secondborn son of Miltagg,

& Ewelnümé of Coldor, whose rule lasted 16 years, until the breaking of union vows by TauTarrlam, whence he was banished to Flatrock

The Great Schism: when the Fāy-Núl Tör seceded from the Sanctum of Souls, occurred during the 13th year of Cleave Tautarrlam Ewelnümé’s leadership

Cleave Ewelnümé, upholder of the Cleave, who ruled for an additional 6 years, during which time she became the oldest recorded Coldor, whose end Vésh brought at age 92

Cleave Hesünenum, firstborn daughter of Ewelnüme,

& Yáslōyun of Coldor, whose rule was the longest recorded 45 years, during which time their first two daughters chose not to marry, and whose end Vésh brought at age 73 and 75

Cleave LoFāycol, thirdborn daughter of Hesünenum,

& Dellokurr of Coldor, whose rule lasted 19 years, during which time the Saintstone Fields of the North were discovered, and whose end Vésh brought at age 76 and 79

Cleave Véshash, firstborn son of LoFāycol,

& Jitsil of Filkash, whose rule lasted 8 years, during which time the northern berg fields were explored, until the tragic death of Véshash in an ice bridge collapse

Cleave Jitsil, upholder of the Cleave, who ruled an additional 20 years, during which time Windrock Cairn was commemorated in memory of Véshash, and whose end Vésh brought at age 58

Cleave Thünévahtas, firstborn son of Jitsil,

& Páhsmüni of Coldor, whose rule lasted 22 years, and whose end Vésh brought unexpectedly at age 47 in the Strange Sea, followed by the end of Páhsmüni from heart sickness

Empty Throne for two years, during which time great unrest began, until the arranged marriage of Holsháh

Cleave Holsháh, firstborn daughter of Thünévahtas,

& Setfāynum of Coldor, whose rule lasted 4 years, during which time unrest continued, until the unexpected death of Setfāynum

Cleave Holsháh, upholder of the Cleave, who ruled an additional 22 years

Cleave RilshRüne, only child of Holsháh,

& Halmishfakit of Coldor, whose rule lasted 19 years called the Rilsh Years, and whose end Vésh brought at an unrecorded time

Cleave Wōdewōnüyun, firstborn daughter of Rilshrüne,

& Dodum-Gor of Coldor, whose rule lasted 29 years, during which time alliance talks with Dintash and Broadfell were begun, and whose end Vésh brought at age 68 and 70

Cleave Nünéwoan, firstborn daughter of Wōdewōnüyun,

& Höalám of Coldor, whose rule lasted 5 years called the Saintstone Years, during which time the Alliance of Nations was signed

From The Lineages of the Four Nations, written by Maliabar Handwell in the 93rd Reckoned Year

Excerpt, ‘Unusual and Unique Sea Life’

Ghost fish are similar to a millie fish in that they are translucent and bear thin stinging tentacles. The ghost first has also been commonly called a willie by sailors because of it’s ominous shape gives sailors “the willies”. It is at least 6 feet in length and glows a translucent green, likely due to a preferred diet of gipp which are of the same verdant hue. The internal organs of the ghost fish, which do not glow, are arranged in such a way so as to resemble a wailing face. Ghost fish are more common in the green sea than anywhere and are more frequently spotted during the blacksmith's moon.

Pinchfast Crabs are 3 feet in length on average, standing no higher than a man’s knee. They are very uncommon to find, though this is likely because they maintain their bottom dwelling habits in all phases of the moon except for the cobbler’s phase. All we know of them is from specimens dredged up in trawler nets. They resemble an elongated crab with an assortment of colors on their tough exterior. The marked difference is their four piercing orange eyes and their two forelimbs. These two limbs are tucked against the body and can explode forth at such a prodigious rate as to cut away an unwary fisherman’s hand before they even realize the crab has struck, hence the name. There is an old myth in Broadfell Keep that the sky was woven by one of these crabs. The myth says that it moved so fast as to miss the thread at times, leaving holes in the fabric which are only visible when it pulls the black veneer over Yath at night. This is why, in the Keep, pinchfast crabs are referred to as knitting crabs.

Kermar Worms are a dangerous parasite that latch into the skin of any large fish. They can be found by the tell-tale boil, commonly called a kermar boil, that forms around them after they have embedded in the skin. There are exceedingly rare instances of fisherman being afflicted by kermar worms, but it is most common in large fish and whales. The worms typically insert themselves in the skin near the mouth of any large carnivorous fish and feast on the scraps of whatever meal their host acquires. It is notable however that this worm applies a non-toxic paralytic to the host prior to embedding itself. This paralytic is what is currently used to create the numbing agent doctors occasionally use before performing certain procedures. It is extremely expensive since each worm only secretes a small amount.

Diving Bell Beetles are similar to kermar worms in that they are parasitic, using a host for food. This is where the similarities end however, as the bell beetle is a water dwelling insect. The bell beetle lays its eggs in the stomach of fish. It does this by getting itself eaten, then attaching to the roof of the mouth on its victim. The poisonous bite of the bell beetle sends an increase of energy into the fish, causing it to swim sporadically. The desired effect is to get the fish eaten by a bigger predator. It will then lay its eggs inside the eaten fish to hatch. When the eggs hatch, the young then appear to consume the dead fish and live in the stomach of the predator. When they are ready to mate, they expel themselves from the host fish and swim to the surface to mate, then dive down to begin the cycle again. Like the kermar worm, the bell beetle’s sting is used recreationally to waken the user and revitalize them with energy, hence why it is also commonly called a “wake-me beetle”.

Rilshmoad are the smallest known crustaceans, hundreds easily fitting into the palm of a hand. They are often called simply “rilsh” and are carrion feeders that execute the invaluable job of consuming the dead creatures of the sea. They have no noticeable pincers or stingers and cannot bite humans due to their insubstantial size. They are present in every sea and can be easily found almost anywhere. It is unknown how the creatures survive when there are no dead to feed on, but they do often gather in forests of tower vine, leading scholars to postulate that they consume algae or plants when in need. Even more fascinating than this is that the tower whal