Unprocessed

Lia Avellino
  • 5.0 (8)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

We have access to more mental health information than at any other point in history, and yet anxiety & depression rates are growing. Mental health advice is tricking us into believing that we are self-improvement projects, which ironically is creating more disconnection as we hide our flaws to avoid judgment when we can't "work" our way out of our struggles. The truth is: we experience freedom by being honest about who we are, not changing who we are. I will be a therapist who risks something--revealing my least impressive sides to you, shifting the shame, and not fixing the problem.

  1. 6D AGO

    The Healing Is On You, Not Them

    In the final episode of 2025, I explore how there is no one size fits all method for healing--for some of us it's staying in the relationship longer, for others its leaving more quickly. I share about a pretty story I put on a pain point, so I didn't have to face it, and how this increased my suffering and my stuckness. Listen in, to begin to own the ways that you are wanting to be rescued, when really you need to rescue yourself.

    13 min

  2. DEC 17

    Why The Hard Truth is Soothing

    I talk about an interaction with my therapist where she anticipates something hard is going to happen between us, and how soothed I felt knowing that it will, rather than being surprised by it when it does. In this episode, I talk about how we try protecting others from the truth and protecting ourselves from it (by saying "me too," when we don't actually feel that way), and what I am learning about leaning into what's hard.

    22 min

  3. DEC 10

    When You Want to Do, But Need to Grieve

    You've heard me say that feeling goes against doing. When I feel grief, I want to do more. I want to tend to others grief instead of sit in my own. This week, following the death of relative, I noticed this pattern and did something different: this is called opposite action. I explore why it's so hard to say "can you help me?" and how being a "helper," hides the part of us that needs helping.

    14 min

  4. DEC 3

    Why We Stay Stuck

    We feel frustration when we are stuck, but in this episode, I share about my stuckness in a big life decision and what I learned about how to move through stuckness without force. It starts with getting to know the two opposing energies: stalling and forward moving, and then looking at the bigger fear under the fear you think you have about change.

    17 min

  5. NOV 26

    When The Connector Feels Disconnected

    This episode is about loneliness and how those of us who give connection to others, can find ourselves in moments when we feel disconnected from ourselves. I share about how I sometimes hide my greatest wounds under my strengths and instead in this episode reveal the part of the wound I am ready to share, so I can reconnect to it.

    16 min

  6. NOV 19

    Men, I Need and Want Your Presence

    We are learning from data that men, at large, are struggling in the US--feeling more isolated, removed, depressed and disconnected. In this episode, I unpack some of the reasons why, and how women sometimes weaponize their hurt around male unavailability by talking about men as if they are useless--the trope of the buffoon husband who can't make his way around the home. Instead, I revisit the pledge for presence--inviting men in, letting the people in my life know how much their presence matters to me and how wanted they are. I also talk about what this means for women's anger--as many of you have been waiting a long time for men to show up emotionally.

    13 min

  7. NOV 12

    I Wanted To Say F**k Off, But Stopped Myself

    In this week's episode, I share about a recent interaction with someone I love where I felt angry and had a split second to decide what I wanted to do with that anger. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy offers three intentions for communication: objective effectiveness (getting your need met, so you have to appeal to the other person), relationship effectiveness (maintaining the connection), and self-respect effectiveness (speaking about what's important to you, with less concern about how the other receives it. I walked you through how I picked my strategy, why I picked it, and how I shifted from feeling like I was "restraining" myself to feeling a "release" as I relinquished control of what this other person thought about me.

    16 min

  8. NOV 5

    Addiction--What We Can't Give Up and Why

    This week I talk about how no high is for free, but why so many of us are willing to pay the price of something that harms us with something that takes the edge off for us. James Baldwin said that many of us want to be "relieved of an affliction" but we don't want to give up a crutch. Tune in to learn about how choosing control prevents us from wielding our true power, and what we have in common with trees that can help liberate us from the the things that keep us safe, but prevent us from feeling free.

    20 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

We have access to more mental health information than at any other point in history, and yet anxiety & depression rates are growing. Mental health advice is tricking us into believing that we are self-improvement projects, which ironically is creating more disconnection as we hide our flaws to avoid judgment when we can't "work" our way out of our struggles. The truth is: we experience freedom by being honest about who we are, not changing who we are. I will be a therapist who risks something--revealing my least impressive sides to you, shifting the shame, and not fixing the problem.

Information

  • Creator
    Lia Avellino
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    37
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Lia Avellino
  • Show Website
    Unprocessed