Unspoken: Conversations with Candace Candace Sanchez

in this episode, join Candace and her guest Melissa, as they delve into a poignant exploration of overcoming adversity, recognizing self-worth, and the journey toward healing. This episode uncovers the complexities of Melissa’s tumultuous seven-year marriage, her brave choice to leave for her and her children's well-being, and the subsequent exploitation by a trusted therapist. Melissa’s resilience shines through as Candace applauds her for her courage in seeking justice.
Melissa and Candace share intimate reflections on mental health, the empowerment of setting healthy boundaries, and the influence our healing has on those around us, particularly our children. They open up about the vital role of resources and support systems, such as the Women's Center and Lotus program, in their personal growth. The conversation also ventures into Melissa’s connection to the phoenix as a symbol of rebirth and transformation, encapsulated by her Phoenix Anthologies blog.
Amidst the discussion, Melissa’s passion for advocating and Candace's commitment to providing a safe platform for trauma survivors merge, highlighting the healing power of storytelling. Follow their heartfelt conversation about resilience, advocacy, and the transformative act of turning pain into purpose.
Episode Highlights:

16:46 - We would I have been choosing those same unhealthy patterns? Would I be more apt to recognize unhealthy signs, flags, patterns, and stuff like that? So I always question that. But I don't question it in a a spot of sadness or remorse, more of a what can I do to help change that so no one else has to view that?

26:28 - That's one thing that I'm really currently working on is how to find my space to say no, how to create my space for me, and how to say no more often. And it's really cool. Right? Like, it's really cool when some of that stuff happens, and it becomes more of the norm. And you're like, woah. This is becoming a pattern, but a good one.
 
 40:05 - The concept for me is what drew me in the most, really, because we keep so much secret. Mhmm. And secrets is really what eats us up from the inside. Right? And so to be the title alone, right, like what you said in your bio, to share those stories and stuff to be to be open and they're uncomfortable. Some of them are uncomfortable and some of them are very uncomfortable.

Connect with Candace
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Connect with Melissa

In this poignant episode, Candace and her guest, Kelley, bravely open up about their experiences of abuse and the journey towards healing. Both women share their stories of resilience and hope, emphasizing the importance of speaking out and finding a supportive community.
Kelley candidly recounts her childhood experiences, from facing abuse to her struggle with addiction, and how she found healing through faith and community support. Candace shares her own journey of forgiveness and reinvention after seeking closure from her abuser.
Tune in to this powerful conversation about resilience, healing, and the reminder that healing is possible, even after enduring trauma.


Episode Highlights:
07:49 - Latchkey Kids: "And so, I think my first encounter, my first memory, you know, back in the day, there were these kids that they called latchkey kids."


41:49 - Healing from Childhood Trauma: "God gave me a glimpse of his childhood, how he had been abused, How he had been raised to believe, to think, how he was just reenacting what was done to him. And honestly, he did the best he could with what he had. And then God, in his infinite mercy, allowed me to remember All the wonderful things that man did for me."


51:37 - The Power of Redemption: "The strength of God did not allow what was meant to destroy me, destroy me. And so then he took it and he allowed me to use it to help other people. Who would have thought that my pain would have had so much purpose?"


Contact Info:
Connect with Kelley Scroggins 
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Healing, Hope and Hardships with Carmen Santiago-Keenon
In this heartfelt episode, Candace and her inspirational guest, Carmen Santiago-Keenon, reflect on their healing journeys, sharing personal struggles and triumphs. They both express immense gratitude for family, faith, and their supportive communities. 

Carmen candidly discusses the challenges her family faced with vehicle accidents, yet how they've found strength through adversity. Candace reveals her anticipation for the holidays and the joy she finds in her family's personal growth.

Teasing future collaborations, the pair hint at exciting initiatives in tech, diversity, and inclusion - a testament to Carmen's dynamic leadership in healthcare IT. Tune in to this powerful conversation about overcoming trauma, the importance of speaking your truth, and the reminder that you are never alone.


Episode Highlights:
23:07 - For me, autism showed up as being a horrible child, being hard to pacify. From the stories that I hear, they couldn't get me to, I'm very sensory, is a big thing for me. I get overwhelmed very easily, but they chalked it up to, as I got older, "Oh, she's bipolar."

28:57 - I decided that I was not going to be a sick person and that I was going to figure this out. As soon as I made that declaration with God and decided to do that, God opened up all the things.
 
31:17 - Even though you're being abused, it's your family and you love your family, and it's what you know. And it's hurtful and scary, especially when you're a kid, to be pulled away from that. And so, there I was this kid, being placed in these homes and I only went through two homes before. And then also, I went through a stint of being placed in like inpatient because they also had nowhere to put me.


Contact Info:
Connect with Carmen Santiago-Keenon
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In this powerful episode, Scott Kinderman shares his inspirational journey from trauma to transformation. Listen in as Scott, a relentless advocate for survivors, discusses his collaboration with BeLEAF Survivors and NAMI, and his recent honor at the EndCAN “Walk Together” event. 
Candace delves into her personal experience as a survivor and the incredible ripples her book has created in sparking crucial conversations. Neil, who co-hosts the show this season, is here to make space for male survivors' stories. Our hosts all share lessons about healing, the power of community, and the life-altering impact of speaking out about abuse. 
Tune in to learn about the giant strides BeLEAF Survivors are making, the intricate role of forgiveness in healing, and the journey of our hosts. What's more? There's a candid discussion on a topic that many find difficult. This episode is an emotional roller coaster filled with highs, lows, victories, and struggles, all bound together by a common thread of resilience. Don't miss this episode. There's so much more to hear! Join us in celebrating survivors.


Episode Highlights:
20:21 - I don't go into the graphic detail. I go more into the emotional and what was hurting me on the inside and how I was rebelling and what I was doing to thrash out and just promiscuous, all the things, the warning signs that are there. Just all I wanted was someone to ask me direct, sit me down, have a conversation with me, and none of that happened.

40:14 - Your trauma, you can heal from that. You can turn it in from trauma to triumph. I've turned it in from my pain to my purpose, my passion. Took my mess, turned into my message.

41:27 - You're there for them. You are an ear when they need it. And the power of those calls is incredible. I've been doing this long enough that I've actually heard repeat callers and stuff. 

48:22 - Forgiveness is really, at least in what I've discovered for myself, is you as the person who was hurt. Forgiveness is the giving up of the attachment to the pain and the suffering that they have caused you. For as long as you're holding on to that, it takes power from you and it has the power over you, and you can't and you don't get to grow because it's still festering.

Contact Info:
 BeLEAF Survivors Inc.
End Child Abuse and Neglect
National Alliance on Mental Illness
Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault

Connect with Scott Kinderman
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Buy the book “Unspoken”
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Connect with Neil
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Can speaking your truth save your life? Candace Sanchez and Neil Parekh are joined by special guest Shawn Hittman. Shawn, a finance professional who is a survivor and thriver, shares his courageous journey of healing. Through heartfelt anecdotes, Shawn paints a vivid picture of his childhood innocence and the impact of abuse that unfolded.
Discover how Shawn's healing journey at the Aurora Healing Center became a pivotal moment in his life, leading him to co-write the inspiring book, "Healing Happens." Shawn's resilience and recognition as a Thrive Award Honoree at the Hope Shining Blue event demonstrates his extraordinary strength.
Listen as Shawn shares his insights on the power of vulnerability and the importance of forgiveness in the recovery process. Find out how Shawn's support system, including his girlfriend and sister, played a crucial role in his healing journey. Tune in to this episode which is a testament to the transformative power of storytelling and the immense strength found in community.
Episode Highlights:
15:16 - In my healing journey, and in my sort of what they call it recovery, but I'll call it healing and survivor journey, one of the pivotal things that I realized was, in order to give myself compassion, I also had to give Shannon compassion. He's 11. He learned it somewhere. So, if I'm seven and I'm not expected to know better, what would make me think an 11-year-old would be expected to know better? Naturally, he didn't wake up one day and just decide, "Oh, I'm going to go ruin some kid's life, and his sister, too."
21:50 - Healing is a lifelong process. I don't think you're ever truly finished, but it's also a very worthy process. I'm probably 12 years now into my formal healing journey, or 13 years maybe. I'm always pushing a little harder, digging a little deeper, learning something new. But also, there's a bright side to this stuff, too, is like turning your pain into your power, purpose, passion. 
36:00 - My chapter in Healing Happens is called Disclosure Sparking A Victorious Cycle versus a vicious cycle. We know a vicious cycle, like alcoholism or addiction or sexual abuse, it gets worse, right? Because it gets passed down. No, this is a victorious cycle. When I tell a couple of people and then they tell a couple of people, and we have this disclosure, that is how we heal on a bigger scale. The one thing that perpetrators fear most is you talking about it. They don't have the asylum anymore. So, that's the way to really beat it.
Connect with Shawn Hittman 
Website Bio
Healing Happens Book
Resources
The Four Agreements
Living from a Place of Surrender
The Great Man Within
Connect with Neil
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Connect with Digimentors
Website
Connect with Candace
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Buy the book “Unspoken”
Purchase Your Own Unspoken Swag
EndCAN

How can we break the cycle of sexual abuse in the church and create a safe environment for children to worship and grow without fear of being victimized? Candace is joined by co-host Neil and guest speaker Mike Koplinka-Loehr to shed light on the challenges faced by male survivors of sexual abuse in the church. Mike, who is starting the Healing Resource Institute for Victim Empowerment, shares his gripping story of being abused by three different perpetrators, including a family friend, a priest, and a Boy Scout leader who was also his coach. Mike talks about his processing of the traumatic events and how he still relives those memories on a daily basis, even in mundane moments. His hope is that sharing his story will prevent future abuse and educate the public about the impacts of sexual abuse. 
He discusses the concept of grooming in sexual abuse and explains how it is a psychological process that brings the victim under the perpetrator's control. Candace also talks about her own experience of being abused, the conditioning aspect of grooming and how it can make the perpetrator seem like a friend or father figure. The discussion highlights the long-term impact of abuse and the challenges survivors face when sharing their stories. Neil and Mike both point out the difficulty in forgiving oneself and the need for deep healing and processing to occur.
The group also discusses the book "Evicting the Perpetrator," which examines the psychological effects of abuse and highlights the need for deep healing and mental health support for survivors of abuse. Neil also emphasize the stigma that still surrounds male survivors of abuse and the difficulty of sharing one's story. Mike shares his journey of forgiveness and the challenges he faces in forgiving some perpetrators.
The episode highlights the importance of education and prevention to ensure that abuse does not happen to future generations. The need for advocacy and the power of sharing one's story to build community and promote healing.
Episode Highlights
07:49 - If I had one thing to convey today, I'm 65 and it's a lifelong impact. That's a message I hope everyone listening and they can share with people in their lives can understand. This is always present. I think I may have mentioned earlier, even as a 65 year old, if I go pee, if I am changing, I am reliving some of those images. I'm reliving some of those memories of the association. So it's with me. Those things happen daily, and yet I can still learn from them. I can still give back in a certain way. Unfortunately, it's not a very uplifting story, but I was abused by three different perpetrators. One was a priest that spanned about nine years. One was a Boy Scout leader who was also a coach that spanned about seven years. And the third was a family friend, which is a shorter period of time, but there was 13 years total.
15:46 - Grooming is more of a psychological process, bringing you under their spell and getting the family involved and all that, so that various people in your life are ascending to say, "Oh, it's fine for this priest to pick up Mike." It's more of a psychological condition you're under.
31:14 - Nobody really wants to hear this stuff, but it's real. People need to know that it happens. They need to know that it happens to men. You need to know that there are ways to prevent it. And we can heal in community.

Connect with Mike Koplinka-Loehr

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