Vanity Project Laura and Charles

It’s “The Met” as in “The Metropolitan Museum of Art” and not “The Met Gala,” you f****t. On the first Tuesday of May we turn our attention to the attendees of Vogue’s reason for the season. This year it opened an exhibition called The Garden of Time, based on a short story of the same name in which aristocrats are overrun by “an immense rabble.”

Sound familiar? Vanity Project turn their attention to protesters, who, in solidarity with Palestine tore down barricades to the Met, and were arrested on Madison Avenue. But never mind that, Rita Ora is wearing beads that are older, we think, than anyone, EVER!

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This week, Vanity Project recover lost tapes from one of their perfect days in New York City. Laura and Charles are in need of a fresh perspective (one that isn't looking down at the crotch!). What can be said about the city that never sleeps?

Join Vanity Project as they traverse the island of Manhattan, from celebrity spotting in the meat-packing district, meeting Marc Jacobs and his peers at the Piers, all the way to the bathhouse on Gay Mens Only Day. Vanity Project just keep saying “yes, and!” to mounting the crap on the street in Brooklyn, and you’ll never guess where it takes them…

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Vanity Project split up! Last week a scene war was waged. One audience was divided over two venues. In a single evening more than sixteen tortured poets sang their sonnets (Jerk Off Instructions) between the Nicholson Building of Haymarket and the barren art school campus of Paddington.

As dutiful correspondents, Charles and Laura attended the two events in order to bring you this very special coverage. In the east, Laura reported from Syd's first Fatal Crush for the new issue of Framework: Return. Meanwhile, in Chinatown, Charles arrived at the scene of Flower Books latest event, presented by Lily at RTTS.Land. Who is more tortured? Does anybody still use a typewriter? What follows are the eyewitness accounts of two departments unfurling...

After their controversial municipal polemic Sex Sydney vs. Neuter Naarm, Vanity Project cross the pacific to form a definitive thesis about Los Angeles. Vanity Project look beyond Tinseltown and towards Nowhere. Sitting at erewhoN sipping on their Kin Euphorics, Vanity Project make like Baudrillard with their inciscive treatise on LA County. America has a problem, and the problem is… Nowhere is safe in LA.

A hypothetical hyperreal trip to Gay Obese Disneyland leads Vanity Project straight back to Azealia Banks. It would seem that Miss Cheapy was right once again, ashwaganda and sea moss are the only road to wellness in food apartheid California.

"You see, the difference between us and them is that they are corn-fed and we are grass-fed,” Laura explains fatty deposits to Charles as they board the plane to LAX. Welcome to the land of fame excess! There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, they chant to the click of the new tasers they picked up at Santee Alley. "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto".

"Who's Melly Meldrum?" the Queen of Melrose asked Vanity Project after the Madonna show. All rise for Queen Cosmo, LA icon, internet sensation, fashionista, Madonna-truther and friend of the pod. When Vanity Project met Cosmo in the line for the Kia Forum coatcheck, they didn’t know what hit them.

Like Big Ange, she empowered us with her motherly spirit. Like Gwenyth Paltrow, she taught us what her vagina smells like. Like Molly Meldrum, she knows how to ask for a lap dance. Vanity Project visit Melrose Avenue on their triumphant return to Tinseltown to discuss the crown jewels, mother Madonna and answer the million dollar question; Who the f**k is Melly Meldrum?!

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In sunny Los Angeles, Vanity Project are finally ready to relive the night they died and were reborn! In early March, VP donned their individually stoned MOTHER F★CKER tank tops and high tailed it to Tinseltown to see Madonna live in concert.

This is their definitive Madonna Celebration Tour review. Charles and Laura are armed with insider info about exploded implants, viral concert coverage, and bacterial infections. If you Wanna Be Startin’ Something, then come join the party, it’s a Celebration!

Let’s be clear about one thing: Vanity Project was victim to attempted vehicular homicide after the show. And still, they have ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS. Everybody comes to Hollywood, but nobody told them it still hurts you when you look this good.

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