Pam Dwyer has built a public body of work around the space between what happens to us and how we respond. She is a speaker, a bestselling author, and the host of the Delay the Binge podcast. But this conversation is less about the framework and more about what built it. She grew up in poverty and in an abusive home, where pleasing the adults around her was the only reliable way to stay safe, and food was the only reliable comfort. She carried both patterns into a corporate career, a marriage, and single motherhood long after they stopped serving her. Pam talks about the workplace harassment that led to the free counseling she almost turned down, the suicidal ideation she was living with at the time, and the journaling practice that showed her a pattern she could not see on her own. She and Carla talk about the exhaustion that does not show up on the outside, the kind that sends capable women to the doctor looking for a diagnosis that never comes. They also talk about a single moment of kindness from a childhood friend's mother, and what it did for a nine-year-old who had never been told she had worth. What emerges is a conversation about generational patterns, the difference between reacting and choosing, caring for a parent who caused real harm, and what it costs to keep giving to other people without losing sight of yourself. Timestamps 00:01:00 Where Pam's attention is now and why she is obsessed with brain patterns 00:03:00 The moment before the reaction, and why it matters more than the reaction 00:04:00 Binging as protection, and why it was never only about food 00:05:00 The exhaustion that does not show up in your labs 00:06:00 Overworking and over-pleasing as her two largest patterns 00:07:00 Growing up in an abusive home and learning to please in order to survive 00:08:00 Over 300 pounds, and why the advice she was given could not reach it 00:10:00 Carla on food, comfort, and what makes us feel safe 00:15:00 Harassment at work, counseling she did not think she needed, and a plan to end her life 00:18:00 Journaling, and the pattern she could not have remembered otherwise 00:20:00 Why successful people treat asking for support as weakness 00:24:00 How childhood patterns become invisible in adulthood 00:31:00 Mrs. Kelly, the roaches, and the first time anyone saw her 00:36:00 Publishing the memoir, and hearing from readers who lived the same story 00:38:00 Caring for her mother for ten years, and breaking the generational wheel 00:41:00 The button 00:44:00 What she still cannot shake 00:48:00 What she wants someone who feels alone to know Guest bio Pam Dwyer started her career in marketing and built an agency helping small businesses find their footing. She is a speaker, bestselling author of the memoir From the Piney Woods, and host of the Delay the Binge podcast. Her work centers on the pause between what happens to us and how we respond, and on the patterns that form in that space long before we notice them. She also writes short stories under the pen name PJ Hamilton, drawing on the same East Texas childhood that shaped the memoir. About Carla Carla Royal works privately with a small number of founders and leaders whose decisions carry real consequence. Most of them already have excellent advisers. What they rarely have is someone who knows the person carrying the company and can stay with the questions that cannot be answered inside it. She works underneath performance, where judgment, timing, and steadiness are formed before they appear in the room. Carla Royal, M.Ed., is a Certified Integral Master Coach™ with more than three decades of experience spanning psychology, coaching, and long-term private work with founders and senior leaders. Links Pam Dwyer: https://delaythebinge.com Short stories and newsletter: https://newsletter.delaythebinge.com Carla Royal: https://carlaroyal.com About the show What Holds is a podcast about the work that holds what founders and leaders are building. Each conversation looks beneath performance, self-sufficiency, and success into what people carry, what it costs, and what becomes possible when they are no longer carrying it alone. CTA If this conversation brings someone to mind, send it to them. This episode includes discussion of suicide, abuse, and disordered eating. If you are struggling, help is available. In the US, call or text 988.
