While I haven’t had a chance to listen to every episode, #24, #25, and #26 are pivotal. All applause to Brittany and Tiffany on having these brave conversations!! The podcast is worth every minute of your time to listen, especially if you were raised in a similar fashion or are better trying to understand someone who was.
Relatedly, as far back as I can remember, there was such a push to know Jesus that what I think I want to say is that I’m really the most sad about not knowing my parents. Or really anyone closely, in the AG, which to a great extent carried over into all of life. Now that I’m an adult, I can see that the culture failed us, which makes it a little easier to humanize my pastor parents, whom I still know nothing of substance about. For them to have had any friends would have been an invite into transparency, a welcome to be vulnerable before others. But they had to appear perfect... 100% without “sin” at all costs, and consequently lived isolated, without admitting it. How formidable... Bubbles living within bubbles, even hiding their true selves from their kids. Everything was and is a secret. There is only absolute truth and feelings don’t matter, especially feelings resulting from “confused childrens’ questions.” There are other things that never added up for me. Apart from the cultural legalism, it never made sense to me why the push to “tell somebody about Jesus” was never something I saw lived out practically. In high school, I remember once asking my mom about this and the reply was that pastors equip and outside the church, lay people spread the gospel. Seemed like a very comfortable way to keep away from the awkward. But then there was always an answer for everything in the spiritual realm, just no questions allowed about the real world. Granted, how could they have answered since they knew nothing about it?! If I had a dollar for every time I heard “that” or “he” or “she” is of the devil. As well intended as the trepidatious teachings and misguided concerns may have been, I’m afraid a lot of it was brainwashing.
God is love. Whatever that truly amounts to, I know it is not behaviorism steeped in fear of damnation.
