What's On Your Mind With Mark & Will

OYL Media
  • 5.0 (10)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY

What’s On Your Mind is where real talk meets real growth. Hosted by psychotherapist Mark Calder and certified life coach Will Poli, each episode dives into the everyday struggles that keep us stuck — and how to move through them with clarity, purpose, and self-ownership. Two perspectives. One honest conversation.

  1. 1H AGO

    The Power of Expectation: The Pygmalion and Golem Effects

    The Pygmalion Effect reveals a powerful truth about human development: the expectations placed on us by others can shape not only our performance, but our identity. In this piece, Mark explores the psychological research behind this phenomenon, examining how belief, especially from parents, partners, and authority figures, can influence life trajectory in subtle but profound ways. The article also introduces the contrasting Golem Effect, where low expectations can limit growth, and unpacks how external narratives, repeated over time, become internalized as self-talk. Drawing from clinical insight and real-world examples, Mark highlights how encouragement quite literally “puts courage into” others, and how becoming more intentional with the words we speak and the voices we listen to can reshape both our lives and the lives of those around us.

    23 min

  2. APR 13

    Burn the Boats: The Power of Commitment

    What does it really mean to commit? In this episode of What’s On Your Mind, Mark and Will explore the nature of true commitment and why so many people struggle to fully follow through. They unpack the idea of “burning the boats,” eliminating the option of retreat, and how that mindset reshapes behavior, identity, and outcomes. The conversation dives into the psychology of decision-making, including the true meaning of a decision, the role of cognitive dissonance, and how having too many options can keep us stuck. They also examine how commitment forces clarity, unlocks problem-solving, and ultimately reveals who we are when turning back is no longer an option.

    24 min

  3. MAR 30

    Regret: What It Teaches and What It Costs

    Regret is one of the most powerful and painful emotions we experience, but it can also be one of the most instructive. In this episode of What’s On Your Mind, Mark and Will explore the psychology of regret, what it is, why it happens, and how it shapes the way we think about our past and future. They discuss how regret is tied to missed opportunities, values misalignment, and the stories we tell ourselves about what could have been. The conversation also examines the difference between healthy reflection and unhelpful rumination, the most common regrets people express later in life, and how to use regret as a guide rather than a weight. The episode closes with practical ways to make decisions today that reduce the likelihood of carrying regret into the future.

    21 min

  4. MAR 23

    The Values That Shape You

    What are your values, and are you actually living them? In this episode of What’s On Your Mind, Mark and Will explore the difference between the values we claim to hold and the ones that truly guide our decisions. They introduce the distinction between first-order values, like courage, creativity, and growth, and second-order values, like comfort, safety, and approval, and discuss how confusing the two can lead to a life that feels stable but unfulfilled. Drawing from psychology, coaching, and clinical experience, they unpack why aligning values with action is so difficult, how to identify which values are really driving your behavior, and what practical steps you can take to live with greater intention, meaning, and clarity.

    25 min

  5. MAR 16

    Beyond the Tribe: How Our Brains Divide the World (Rerelease)

    In this timely episode rerelease, we explore one of the oldest human instincts: tribalism. From the sports teams we swear by to the political identities we cling to, we unpack why our brains gravitate toward “us vs. them” thinking — even over something as silly as preferred ice cream flavors. We break down the cognitive biases that fuel this tendency, and discuss how simple awareness can soften the edges of our instinct to “other.” When we understand what our minds are doing, we gain the ability to choose something better. We also widen the lens — looking at tribalism through spiritual themes and even an interstellar perspective — to explore what it really means to be human in a world full of differences. If you’ve ever wondered why we divide so quickly, or how to bridge those divides with wisdom and humility, this episode is for you.

    27 min

  6. MAR 9

    The Hazards of Complaining

    In this episode, Mark and Will explore the hazards of complaining, framing it, much like self-criticism, as a learned habit rather than a harmless release. They examine how complaining is formed and reinforced, the limited ways it can foster empathy, and the more significant ways it can quietly undermine emotional health and relationships. The conversation contrasts a victim mindset with its alternative, a survivor mindset, highlighting how habitual complaining can erode agency and keep the brain’s threat sensors constantly activated. As always, Mark and Will close with practical tools for interrupting the habit, shifting perspective, and restoring a stronger sense of agency and responsibility.

    22 min

  7. MAR 2

    You Can’t Shame Yourself Into Growth

    In this episode, Mark and Will take a hard look at self-criticism, examining what little “good” it actually offers and why most of its impact falls firmly in the bad and the ugly. They frame self-criticism not as insight or accountability, but as a learned habit that often masquerades as motivation. The conversation explores the myth that being hard on oneself leads to better outcomes, the role self-criticism plays in shaping the relationship we have with ourselves, and how that relationship influences everything else. As always, Mark and Will close with practical tools for interrupting self-critical patterns, redirecting internal language, and building healthier habits that support growth without punishment.

    24 min

  8. FEB 16

    The Psychology of Staying Put

    In this episode, Mark and Will break down the sunk cost fallacy, the mental trap that keeps people invested in choices long after they’ve stopped being helpful. They begin by defining what sunk costs actually are, then explore how this bias shows up across work, relationships, finances, and personal growth. Mark and Will also examine how the human desire for predictability, often driven by anxiety, makes it difficult to let go, even when the evidence points elsewhere. The episode closes with a practical discussion on cognitive reframing and how changing the language around a “pivot” can reduce shame, restore a sense of agency, and support more intentional, values-aligned decisions going forward.

    21 min
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About

What’s On Your Mind is where real talk meets real growth. Hosted by psychotherapist Mark Calder and certified life coach Will Poli, each episode dives into the everyday struggles that keep us stuck — and how to move through them with clarity, purpose, and self-ownership. Two perspectives. One honest conversation.

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