What if the conflict isn’t the problem — but the speed, the stories, and the nervous system state you’re in while you’re trying to communicate? In this episode, my husband Ben joins me for our first ever real-time, recorded demonstration of the Imago Intentional Dialogue. After the last two episodes introduced the structure of the Dialogue, this one lets you hear what it actually sounds like when two partners use the process in a real moment of rupture — with real feelings, real nervous system activation, and real stakes. We originally planned to dialogue about something that happened on my birthday, but a fresh conflict came up that felt even more relevant: tension around our new rhythm of co-hosting the podcast and the vulnerability of sharing something that has mattered deeply to me for a long time. What unfolded was a powerful example of how quickly a practical scheduling issue can turn into something much older — fear of relying on others, fear of not mattering, fear of being unseen. Through an attachment and nervous-system informed lens, we slow the conversation down and walk step-by-step through the Dialogue: an appointment, mirroring, validation, empathy, and repair. You’ll hear how the structure helps interrupt “simultaneous monologuing,” reduces escalation, and makes space for the deeper story underneath the surface conflict. In Trish’s share, you’ll hear how Ben going into the office on a snow day landed as abandonment and as a painful activation of an old belief: “I can’t rely on people.” In Ben’s share, you’ll hear how being told he wasn’t prioritizing the podcast landed as a gut punch — an experience of being unseen and unvalued despite the ways he has consistently supported the podcast and their family behind the scenes. After the Dialogue, we reflect briefly on what it was like to repair, the role of the “ventral narrator” during dysregulation, and how even when a story is irrational, the emotional experience is still real, and worthy of care. If you’ve ever felt stuck in painful cycles where both partners end up feeling alone, unimportant, or misunderstood, this episode offers a grounded example of what it looks like to create safety and connection in the middle of a real-life rupture. In this episode, we explore: A real, unscripted Imago Dialogue between Trish and BenHow a practical conflict can activate deeper attachment woundsThe “appointment” and why consent matters before hard conversationsMirroring in real time: what it sounds like to slow down and reflect accuratelyHow old stories of abandonment and self-reliance can get triggeredHow “you don’t prioritize this” can land as shame, invisibility, and a gut punchThe difference between intent and impact — and how Dialogue holds bothThe nervous system layer: dysregulation, repair, and the “ventral narrator”Why validation isn’t agreement, and empathy isn’t mind-readingHow repair can happen quickly when partners return to curiosity and structureThis episode completes the introductory trilogy on Imago Intentional Dialogue: ➡️ Part 1: What the Imago Dialogue is and why it works (appointment, mirroring, validation, empathy) ➡️ Part 2: The personal sto If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat! For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.
