When Depression is in your bed

Trish Sanders, LCSW
  • 4.9 (8)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

This podcast looks through both a professional and personal lens to explore the impact depression can have on individuals and on relationships.  It takes a non-judgmental, destigmatizing view of mental health that encourages true, holistic healing and growth.The host, Trish Sanders, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist.  In addition to her experience in the office with couples and depression, both she and her husband have lived with depression for most of their lives.  Trish shares with transparency and vulnerability, while bringing hope and light to an often heavy subject.Follow Trish @trish.sanders.lcsw on Instagram for support in how to have a deeper connection and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life. Subscribe to When Depression is in Your Bed and share it with someone who you think may benefit from hearing it.-  If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on  "Becoming a Conscious Couple: How to Connect & Communicate with Your Partner,"  at wwww.wholefamilynj.com/webinar-  If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  Register at www.wholefamilynj.com/workshop

  1. 1D AGO

    Relational Safety and Repair: Moving from Dysregulation to Connection

    What does it actually take to move from dysregulation to connection, especially in the moments when repair feels hardest to reach? In this episode, I expand the conversation on relational repair by exploring what happens when conflict is more intense, reactive, and harder to navigate. While repair may feel more accessible in lower-stress moments, it becomes more complex when nervous systems are activated and safety feels out of reach. Building on previous episodes on intention, impact, rupture, and repair, this conversation widens the lens to a deeper truth: repair is not one-size-fits-all. It exists on a spectrum, and the path back to connection depends on the level of dysregulation, the depth of impact, and how much safety is available. Through both personal and professional reflection, including my relationship with my husband Ben, I explore how disconnection can become entrenched when partners are stuck in self-protection and how repair becomes possible as we slow down, regulate, and co-create safety. Through an Imago and nervous-system-informed lens, this episode centers a key shift: repair is not about proving who is right or wrong, assigning blame, or fixing a moment. The deeper work is restoring relational safety, creating the conditions that allow two nervous systems to move out of protection and back toward connection. We also explore how safety is not something one person can give or demand, but something built through awareness, accountability, boundaries, and ongoing relational effort. At its core, this episode invites you to understand repair as a process of movement, from dysregulation to connection, one that may require time, space, and deeper work, especially in moments of higher activation. In this episode, we explore: • What it means to move from dysregulation to connection in real-life relationships • The difference between low, moderate, and high dysregulation • Why repair is not always immediate • How nervous system activation can make repair feel unsafe • Why defensiveness, shutdown, or reactivity are forms of protection • How disconnection patterns build when partners are stuck in self-protection • Why relational safety is the foundation for reconnection • How boundaries support regulation and safety rather than rejection • The shift from individual ethics to relational ethics • Why both partners are responsible — but not always at the same time or in the same way • How capacity impacts who can move toward reconnection • The role of personal responsibility and inner work in breaking patterns • Why unresolved patterns often repeat without awareness • How meaningful repair supports healing of past wounds • What it means for partners to become a resource for each other • How repair becomes more accessible as safety is built This episode brings the series on rupture and repair to a close by expanding the conversation into more complex relational dynamics. It highlights that repair is not always quick or easy, and that moving from dysregulation back into connection depends on enough safety to turn toward one another. Over time, as safety is co-created and reinforced, that movement becomes more possible, consistent, and meaningful.  If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    30 min

  2. APR 1

    Repair in Real Life: What We’ve Learned About Creating Relational Safety and Reconnecting

    What does repair actually look like in real life and what makes it possible for two people to reconnect, even after years of disconnection? In this episode, my husband Ben joins me for a real, unscripted conversation about what we’ve learned over time about repair and how creating relational safety has been essential in allowing that repair to happen. Building on the previous episodes on intention, impact, rupture, and repair, we move beyond understanding repair and into lived experience. Because while many people know that repair matters, what often gets missed is this: repair is only possible when both people feel safe enough to move toward one another. Through a candid conversation about our own relationship, we explore how moments of disconnection can quickly activate defensiveness, protection, or withdrawal and how those responses, while understandable, can make reconnection feel out of reach. We also reflect on how our relationship has evolved as we’ve learned to recognize these patterns and respond differently. Through an Imago and nervous-system-informed lens, this episode centers the idea that repair is not about fixing a problem or proving who is right or wrong. The deeper work of repair is creating relational safety, an environment where both partners can take accountability, stay present, and move back toward connection without fear of blame, shame, or disconnection. We also explore how relational safety is not something one person gives, but something co-created through presence, curiosity, responsibility, and a willingness to stay engaged even when it feels vulnerable. At its core, this episode is an invitation to see that repair is not just a skill, it’s a relational process that becomes more accessible over time as safety is built, experienced, and reinforced between two people. In this episode, we explore: • What repair looks like in real life, over time, in an evolving relationship • Why relational safety is the foundation that makes repair possible • How disconnection can activate protective responses like defensiveness, shutdown, or withdrawal • Why those responses are often about protection, not lack of care • What it means to co-create safety between two partners • The role of accountability and responsibility in restoring connection • How repair becomes more accessible as safety increases • What changes when partners feel safe enough to stay present and engaged • The difference between understanding repair and living it in real time • How relational patterns shift over time with awareness and practice • What it looks like to reconnect after disconnection without blame or shame • Why repair is an ongoing process, not a one-time fix This episode is part of an ongoing series on rupture and repair. In this conversation, we bring the focus to what makes repair possible, highlighting how creating relational safety allows two people to reconnect and grow together over time. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    34 min

  3. MAR 25

    Repair in Relationships: How to Do It (and Why It Can Feel So Hard)

    Is saying “I’m sorry” difficult for you or for your partner? In this episode, we look at why that can be true, even when you care deeply about your relationship and what repair actually requires. Building on the last two episodes about intention, impact, rupture, and repair, we move more directly into the experience of repair itself. Because while many people understand that repair is important, far fewer understand what they are actually repairing or why it can feel so hard to get there. Through both personal and professional examples, I explore how moments of disconnection can quickly turn into cycles of defensiveness, blame, shutdown, or avoidance. These responses are often misunderstood as lack of care, when in reality they are nervous system strategies designed to protect. Through an Imago and nervous system-informed lens, we look at what repair is truly about. Repair is not about proving who is right or wrong, taking full blame, or even immediately changing behavior. The deeper goal of repair is to restore relational safety, to help both partners feel seen, understood, and safe enough to reconnect. This episode also explores how easily repair becomes tangled with apology, fault, and blame, plus why that creates resistance. When repair feels like losing, being “wrong,” or being judged, it becomes much harder to move toward, even when connection is what we most want. At its core, this episode is an invitation to understand repair differently, not as a performance or a box to check by saying “sorry,” but as a relational process of restoring safety and connection between two nervous systems. In this episode, we explore: What repair actually means in relationships Why repair is not the same as apology, blame, or being right What we are really repairing when connection feels broken Why repair can feel so difficult, even when we careA simple structure for repair (acknowledging impact, offering support, and moving forward) Why acknowledging impact is the foundation of meaningful repair How phrases like “I’m sorry” can help, or hinder, depending on state and intentionHow nervous system activation leads to defensiveness, shutdown, or avoidanceWhy protective responses are often misunderstood as lack of careCommon ways repair gets blocked, including defensiveness and fear of blameWhy repair is a two-person process, not a one-sided responsibilityPractical ways to begin repair, including “redos,” modeling, and reconnecting behaviors How Imago Dialogue supports deeper, more complete repairWhy repair is about restoring connection, not fixing the problemWhat makes repair feel safe enough to move towardThis episode is part of an ongoing series on rupture and repair. Here, we begin to move from understanding repair to practicing it, exploring what it can look like and how to take a first step, even when it feels hard.  If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    33 min

  4. MAR 18

    Rupture and Repair: Why What Happens After Conflict Matters Most

    What if the most important moment in a conflict isn’t when someone gets hurt — but whether repair happens afterward? In this episode, I explore why conflict itself doesn’t determine the health of a relationship.  What matters most is what happens after the rupture. While many focus on frequency or intensity, a more meaningful measure is how quickly partners repair and reconnect. Drawing from my work with couples and my relationship with my husband Ben, I share how our relationship shifted over time. We once experienced frequent conflict with long periods of disconnection. What changed everything wasn’t eliminating conflict — it was learning to repair more consistently. Building on last week’s conversation about intention and impact, this episode explores what happens when those don’t align and why repair is essential when hurt occurs, even unintentionally. Through real-life examples, I highlight how disconnection happens and how repair restores safety and connection. Through an Imago and nervous system-informed lens, we also explore the difference between conflict and rupture. Conflict is inevitable. Rupture occurs when connection no longer feels safe. Repair is not about blame, being right or wrong, or even changing behavior. The goal is to restore relational safety which helps both partners feel seen, understood, and safe enough to reconnect. We also begin to unpack why repair can feel so difficult. When the nervous system is activated, partners may move into defensiveness, shutdown, blame, or avoidance, making repair feel unsafe. Rather than a lack of care, this often reflects protection. At its core, this episode invites a shift: from avoiding conflict to using it as a pathway for growth, connection, and deeper understanding when repair is possible. In this episode, we explore:  • Why conflict is inevitable  • The difference between conflict and rupture  • Why rupture happens when connection feels unsafe  • How repair, not the absence of conflict, defines relationship health  • How delayed repair leads to accumulated hurt  • What changes when repair becomes quicker and more consistent  • How intention and impact connect to the need for repair  • Why repair restores safety, not blame  • How nervous system responses interfere with repair  • The role of accountability as a cue of safety  • Why defensiveness often reflects protection  • How Imago Dialogue supports repair and reconnection  • Why repair can begin in the middle of conflict  • What becomes possible when partners prioritize connection over being right This episode is part of an ongoing series on rupture and repair. In the next episode, we’ll explore practical ways to repair and what gets in the way when it matters most. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    22 min

  5. MAR 11

    “I Didn’t Mean To”: Intention, Impact, and Repair in Relationships

    “I didn’t mean to” can be true — and still not be the same as “I’m sorry.”  In this episode, a small moment at the breakfast table with my children opens the door to a deeper conversation about the difference between intention and impact — and why that gap matters so much in our closest relationships. When my son accidentally hurt his sister and quickly said, “I didn’t mean to,” it sparked a family conversation that Ben and I have had many times before. Of course he didn’t mean to. But something important lives inside that moment: the difference between what we intend to happen and what actually lands in another person. Using a recent conflict between Ben and me as an example, I explore how two people can both be acting with reasonable or caring intentions and still end up feeling hurt, unseen, or alone. Through an Imago- and nervous-system-informed lens, we look at how old relational stories and attachment experiences can shape how impact is felt — and why repair becomes essential when intention and impact don’t align. Intention matters. It provides context and helps us understand each other more fully. But intention does not erase impact. When we focus only on what we meant, we often miss the opportunity to repair the harm that was experienced. This episode explores what becomes possible when we shift from defending our intentions to becoming curious about our impact — and how repair helps restore relational safety between partners, within families, and even within the wider world. In this episode, we explore: • The difference between intention and impact in everyday relationships  • Why “I didn’t mean to” can be true and still incomplete  • How a small family moment revealed a larger relational pattern  • The role of old stories and attachment wounds in how impact is experienced  • Why repair becomes necessary when intention and impact don’t match  • How intention can support repair without canceling impact  • What makes an apology feel genuine rather than defensive  • Why curiosity about impact strengthens relational safety  • How nervous systems influence rupture and repair  • What it means to practice a truly relational approach to conflict If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    21 min

  6. MAR 4

    Communication for Connection Part 3: A Real-Life Imago Dialogue

    What if the conflict isn’t the problem — but the speed, the stories, and the nervous system state you’re in while you’re trying to communicate? In this episode, my husband Ben joins me for our first ever real-time, recorded demonstration of the Imago Intentional Dialogue. After the last two episodes introduced the structure of the Dialogue, this one lets you hear what it actually sounds like when two partners use the process in a real moment of rupture — with real feelings, real nervous system activation, and real stakes. We originally planned to dialogue about something that happened on my birthday, but a fresh conflict came up that felt even more relevant: tension around our new rhythm of co-hosting the podcast and the vulnerability of sharing something that has mattered deeply to me for a long time. What unfolded was a powerful example of how quickly a practical scheduling issue can turn into something much older — fear of relying on others, fear of not mattering, fear of being unseen. Through an attachment and nervous-system informed lens, we slow the conversation down and walk step-by-step through the Dialogue: an appointment, mirroring, validation, empathy, and repair. You’ll hear how the structure helps interrupt “simultaneous monologuing,” reduces escalation, and makes space for the deeper story underneath the surface conflict. In Trish’s share, you’ll hear how Ben going into the office on a snow day landed as abandonment and as a painful activation of an old belief: “I can’t rely on people.” In Ben’s share, you’ll hear how being told he wasn’t prioritizing the podcast landed as a gut punch — an experience of being unseen and unvalued despite the ways he has consistently supported the podcast and their family behind the scenes. After the Dialogue, we reflect briefly on what it was like to repair, the role of the “ventral narrator” during dysregulation, and how even when a story is irrational, the emotional experience is still real, and worthy of care. If you’ve ever felt stuck in painful cycles where both partners end up feeling alone, unimportant, or misunderstood, this episode offers a grounded example of what it looks like to create safety and connection in the middle of a real-life rupture. In this episode, we explore: A real, unscripted Imago Dialogue between Trish and BenHow a practical conflict can activate deeper attachment woundsThe “appointment” and why consent matters before hard conversationsMirroring in real time: what it sounds like to slow down and reflect accuratelyHow old stories of abandonment and self-reliance can get triggeredHow “you don’t prioritize this” can land as shame, invisibility, and a gut punchThe difference between intent and impact — and how Dialogue holds bothThe nervous system layer: dysregulation, repair, and the “ventral narrator”Why validation isn’t agreement, and empathy isn’t mind-readingHow repair can happen quickly when partners return to curiosity and structureThis episode completes the introductory trilogy on Imago Intentional Dialogue: ➡️ Part 1: What the Imago Dialogue is and why it works (appointment, mirroring, validation, empathy) ➡️ Part 2: The personal stor If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    45 min

  7. FEB 25

    Communication for Connection Part 2: How the Imago Intentional Dialogue Changed My Relationship

    What if a single conversation could shift the trajectory of your relationship — not because the problem disappeared, but because you finally felt understood? In this episode, I share the personal story of the moment I used the Imago Intentional Dialogue process in my own marriage and experienced a profound shift from disconnection to genuine understanding. Rather than offering theory alone, this episode explores what it looks like when structured communication tools move from concept to lived experience. Through an attachment and nervous-system-informed lens, I describe how years of distress, hopelessness, and depression created a relational environment where connection felt out of reach. You’ll hear how the Dialogue provided a container strong enough to hold intense emotion without escalating conflict, which in turn, allowed vulnerability to emerge where defensiveness had once dominated. I also reflect on why this process can feel awkward or even artificial at first, and why that very structure is what makes safety possible. By slowing down the conversation and focusing on understanding rather than persuasion, partners can interrupt patterns of simultaneous monologuing and create space for empathy, repair, and renewed connection. This episode offers reassurance that meaningful change does not require perfection, immediate agreement, or both partners being fully ready at the same time. Sometimes the first shift comes from one person choosing to show up differently and trusting the process. If you’ve ever wondered whether deeply entrenched patterns can truly change, or whether connection can return after long periods of distance, this story offers a grounded example of how relational healing can begin. In this episode, we explore: The personal context that led to trying the Imago Dialogue How structured communication can contain intense emotion without escalationWhy awkward or scripted conversations can still produce genuine connectionThe role of safety in allowing vulnerability to surfaceWhat it feels like to be deeply heard after prolonged disconnectionHow understanding differs from agreement or problem solvingWhy change can begin even when only one partner can take a stepHow the Dialogue interrupts defensive, protective communication patternsThe emotional impact of being mirrored accuratelyWhat makes repair possible after long-term distressThis episode is Part 2 of a three-part series exploring the Imago Intentional Dialogue: ➡️ Part 1: An introduction to the Dialogue process, including mirroring, validation, empathy, and the appointment ➡️ Part 3: A real, unscripted demonstration of the Dialogue between Trish and her husband Ben If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    21 min

  8. FEB 18

    Communication for Connection Part 1: The Imago Intentional Dialogue Process

    What if the way you’ve been trying to communicate is actually preventing the connection you long for, even when your intentions are loving? In this episode, I introduce the Imago Intentional Dialogue process, a structured communication tool that helped transform my own marriage from separation to recommitment. Rather than focusing on winning arguments or fixing problems, this model creates safety, understanding, and genuine connection, even during difficult conversations. Through an attachment and nervous system informed lens, I walk you step-by-step through the core components of the Dialogue: mirroring, validation, and empathy, along with the opening step, known as the appointment. Together, these tools help partners slow down, reduce dysregulation, and replace defensive communication patterns with conscious connection. I also explore why conflict often feels so urgent, how nervous system dysregulation shapes communication, and why many arguments are actually about deeper unmet needs rather than surface issues. You’ll hear how even simple shifts, like asking for consent before a difficult conversation, can dramatically change relational dynamics. This episode serves as preparation for Part 2 of this series, where I share the moment I first used these tools to transform my own relationship, followed by Part 3, where my husband and I will demonstrate the Dialogue live in an unscripted real-life conversation. If you’ve ever felt stuck in repeating arguments, unheard, misunderstood, or unsure how to repair disconnection, this episode offers a practical starting point for communicating in a way that builds safety rather than eroding it. In this episode, we explore: What the Imago Intentional Dialogue process is and why it worksThe three core steps: mirroring, validation, and empathyThe power of the “appointment” in creating conversational safetyWhy urgency in conflict can trigger defensive reactionsHow nervous system states shape communication patternsThe concept of “simultaneous monologuing” and why it blocks connectionHow validation differs from agreementWhy empathy is about imagination, not mind-readingThe role of consent and timing in productive conversationsHow structured dialogue can heal attachment woundsWhy many conflicts reflect deeper unmet needsHow communication can shift from self-protection to connectionThis episode is Part 1 of a three-part series: ➡️ Part 2 (next week): The personal story of the moment this process transformed Trish’s own relationship and how you can apply these tools even if your partner isn’t quite ready ➡️ Part 3 (March 4):  A real, unscripted demonstration of the Imago Dialogue between Trish and her husband Ben If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    30 min
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Ratings & Reviews

4.9
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

This podcast looks through both a professional and personal lens to explore the impact depression can have on individuals and on relationships.  It takes a non-judgmental, destigmatizing view of mental health that encourages true, holistic healing and growth.The host, Trish Sanders, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist.  In addition to her experience in the office with couples and depression, both she and her husband have lived with depression for most of their lives.  Trish shares with transparency and vulnerability, while bringing hope and light to an often heavy subject.Follow Trish @trish.sanders.lcsw on Instagram for support in how to have a deeper connection and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life. Subscribe to When Depression is in Your Bed and share it with someone who you think may benefit from hearing it.-  If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on  "Becoming a Conscious Couple: How to Connect & Communicate with Your Partner,"  at wwww.wholefamilynj.com/webinar-  If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  Register at www.wholefamilynj.com/workshop

Information

  • Creator
    Trish Sanders, LCSW
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    64
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 When Depression is in your bed
  • Show Website
    When Depression is in your bed