We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling

Darcy Sterling
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For more than 25 years, Dr. Darcy Sterling has been helping people conquer their toughest relationship challenges. She is a New York City-based licensed therapist, the host of E! Network’s Famously Single, the former Global Ambassador to Tinder, and now she brings her no-nonsense advice to her new podcast, We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling. We Need To Talk is a dating and relationship podcast that will inspire and empower you with the tools and skills you need to love better so you can live better.

  1. HÁ 17 H

    How Attachment Styles Shape Every Relationship You Have

    One of the hottest topics in mental health is attachment theory, which is a psychological framework that posits that the way we bond to our primary caregivers creates a template for how we’ll move through relationships as adults.  It goes like this:  We learn how to love and how to get our needs met through the care we received from our primary caregivers. The extent to which they fulfilled our needs informs how we will then express our needs as adults and how we’ll respond to the needs of those closest to us, particularly, our partners. When it comes to living experts in the field of attachment theory, there is no one more respected than today’s guest.  Dr. Diane Poole Heller is an international expert and pioneer in attachment theory.  She is the author of The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Relationships — a book that I make most of my clients read at some point during our work.  Dr. Heller is the Creator of DARe: a training and certification program for therapists that teaches them how to apply attachment theory into their clinical work, and she joins me to shed light on how we can all move towards developing a secure attachment style, regardless of the attachment style we emerged from childhood with.  In this episode, you’ll learn: The 4 different attachment styles and how each develops in childhood. How our attachment style influences the way we behave in our adult relationships.  Practical tools for healing attachment wounds and moving towards a secure attachment style.  How partners with different attachment styles can reduce conflict and misunderstandings. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES www.alternativescounseling.com Attachment Theory Quiz https://traumasolutions.com/ https://dianepooleheller.com/ The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Relationships  Diane Poole Heller, PHD https://amzn.to/3CnxXUp The Verdict Is In  By: Alan Sroufe and Daniel Siegel https://drdansiegel.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/1271-the-verdict-is-in-1.pdf CREDITS This episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

    1h16min

  2. 26 DE AGO.

    Are Your Dating Standards Keeping You Safe—or Keeping You Single?

    Dating with standards is essential—it’s how we protect ourselves from repeating old mistakes and from settling for less than we deserve. But what happens when those standards start to feel less like safety rails and more like walls keeping people out? In this episode, I sit down with Ashtyn to explore the fine line between boundaries that serve you and expectations that may be unintentionally working against you. Together, we look at how fear, loneliness, and past heartbreak can all sneak into our standards—disguising themselves as “non-negotiables.” Because the truth is: Having standards isn’t the problem. The challenge is making sure they’re rooted in self-respect, not self-protection at all costs. Here’s what you’ll learn: How to tell the difference between healthy boundaries and hidden barriers. The subtle ways loneliness can trick you into lowering—or raising—your standards. A framework for evaluating whether your “dealbreakers” are serving you or sabotaging you. If you’ve ever wondered whether your standards are keeping you safe—or keeping you single—this episode will give you the clarity you need. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

    41min

  3. 19 DE AGO.

    Where to Turn When Your Mental Health Is Unraveling

    Most of us think inpatient psychiatric care is only for emergencies—when someone’s in immediate danger to themselves or others. But there’s a whole other side to it that rarely gets airtime: Choosing inpatient treatment before things hit rock bottom. In this episode, I talk with Dr. Andrew Gerber, President and Medical Director of Silver Hill Hospital, about what elective, voluntary inpatient care looks like when it’s designed for people who want help—not because they’re forced into it, but because they’re ready for change. We get into the reality of what happens when therapy, medication, and every coping strategy in your toolbox still aren’t enough—and how a structured, immersive setting can offer the breakthrough you’ve been searching for. Here’s What You’ll Learn: Why the mental health system is built to respond to crises—but rarely to prevent them.What elective, voluntary inpatient care actually looks like for high-functioning, therapy-savvy people.How to recognize the early warning signs that you might need more support than outpatient care can provide. If you’ve ever wondered where to turn when you’re not in crisis yet—but you can feel yourself unraveling—this conversation might just change the way you think about getting help. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com www.silverhillhospital.org CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch here on YouTube

    1h17min
  4. Dating as an Introvert: A Survival Guide for the Socially Drained

    12 DE AGO.

    Dating as an Introvert: A Survival Guide for the Socially Drained

    Dating shouldn’t feel like an energy drain—and yet, for many introverts, it does. Introverts often thrive in deep, one-on-one conversations, yet dating apps, noisy bars, and rapid-fire banter can leave them completely drained. And if you’re not aware of what’s happening, that exhaustion can be mistaken for disinterest—or worse, rejection. In this episode of We Need to Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling, I sit down with Dr. Laurie Helgoe, psychologist and author of Introvert Power, to talk about dating as an introvert, how to protect your energy, and how to navigate relationships when the world feels built for extroverts. We’ll cover introvert dating tips, how to communicate boundaries, and how to find meaningful connection without pretending to be someone you’re not. Here’s What You’ll Learn: How to tell the difference between needing space and losing interest—and why it matters for relationship health.Practical strategies introverts can use to make dating less exhausting (and more enjoyable).How to communicate your energy needs without sounding distant or disengaged. Whether you’re an introvert yourself, dating one, or raising one, you’ll walk away with tools to navigate connection in a way that feels natural—and sustainable. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com The Strange Situation Procedure by Mary Ainsworth Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength (Reduce Anxiety and Boost Your Confidence and Self-Esteem with this Self-Help Book for Introverted Women and Men)  CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

    1h6min
  5. Dating Fatigue Is Real: How to Keep Showing Up When You're Over It

    5 DE AGO.

    Dating Fatigue Is Real: How to Keep Showing Up When You're Over It

    Let’s be honest: Dating today can feel like a full-time job—with no benefits and no PTO. If you’ve found yourself endlessly swiping, mentally checked out on first dates, or dreading another round of small talk with someone who’ll probably ghost you by next week, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just burnt out. In this episode of We Need to Talk, I’m talking about what so many people feel but don’t say out loud: Dating fatigue is real. And while it can be tempting to delete the apps and swear off dating altogether, there’s a better way to navigate the exhaustion without giving up on what you want. We talk about how to protect your energy, how to spot red flags early (without turning into a detective), and how to create a system that supports your mental health while staying open to connection. Here’s What You’ll Learn: Dating burnout doesn’t mean you’re jaded—it means you’ve been overextending your emotional bandwidth without proper boundaries.You can slow down the pace, protect your energy, and still be intentional about finding love.A few strategic mindset shifts can transform dating from exhausting to empowering—and help you show up as your best self. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescouseling.com https://www.askdrdarcy.com/measure-approach/ CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

    42min
  6. What If One Question a Day Could Save Your Relationship?

    29 DE JUL.

    What If One Question a Day Could Save Your Relationship?

    When couples tell me they’ve “lost the spark,” it’s rarely because of one major event. It’s the slow fade—the missed opportunities for connection, the routine that replaces curiosity, the conversations that revolve more around logistics than intimacy. But here’s the good news: Rekindling connection doesn’t require a massive overhaul. Sometimes, the smallest shift can open the biggest door. In this episode, I’m joined by Aly Bullock, Head of Relationships at Paired—an app designed to help couples reconnect through one intentional question a day. We dive into the science behind micro-moments, how novelty keeps long-term love alive, and why just a few minutes of daily intentionality might be all it takes to start feeling closer again. This is about more than an app. It’s about remembering that your partner isn’t just the person who forgot to take out the trash—they’re also the person you once couldn’t stop asking questions about. Takeaways: Small, intentional daily check-ins can create more emotional intimacy than the occasional big gesture.Curiosity is one of the most underrated tools in long-term relationships—and it’s a skill you can practice.Reigniting connection doesn’t require more time, just more intention—with the right prompts, even two minutes a day can change your dynamic. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com https://www.paired.com/press/paired-shown-to-increase-relationship-quality-by-36percent Download Paired and try premium at a discount: http://www.paired.com/alypodcast CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

    30min
  7. Why You Feel Addicted to Social Media—and How to Break Free

    22 DE JUL.

    Why You Feel Addicted to Social Media—and How to Break Free

    You know that moment when you tell yourself you’ll scroll for just five more minutes… and somehow, an hour disappears? In this solo episode, I’m digging into the psychology behind why we feel addicted to social media—and what we can do about it. Because this goes way beyond distraction. For many of us, the endless scrolling becomes compulsive. Especially after a breakup or during times of heightened insecurity, our feeds start to feel less like entertainment and more like a source of clues… or control. But here’s the truth: Social media addiction is real. It may not be in the DSM, but it mirrors other behavioral addictions in all the ways that matter—dopamine hits, compulsive checking, withdrawal symptoms, and the toll it takes on your mental health. I’ll walk you through the neuroscience behind the urge to scroll, the emotional traps baked into the platforms, and why abstinence isn’t a realistic solution for most of us. And I’ll give you tangible strategies to regain control without having to delete every app off your phone. Whether you’re caught in a loop of stalking someone’s stories, waking up and reaching for your phone before your feet hit the floor, or just feeling like your attention span has been hijacked—this episode is for you. You’ll walk away with: A deeper understanding of why social media feels addictive—and how it manipulates your brain’s reward system.The 3 red flags that signal your relationship with social media may be harming your mental health.Science-backed, therapist-tested strategies for breaking the cycle—without quitting cold turkey. If you’ve ever felt ashamed or confused by your own scrolling habits, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. Let’s talk about what’s really going on—and how to reclaim your peace. Xxoo Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling/com https://www.askdrdarcy.com/references/ Email Amanda at amandacristiani705@gmail.com for course purchase - Code 5FRIENDS CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen and Ines Goot.   DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

    22min
  8. The Real Reason Your Fights Never Get Resolved

    15 DE JUL.

    The Real Reason Your Fights Never Get Resolved

    You know those relationship fights that keep coming up again and again? The ones that go in circles—never really getting resolved, just getting recycled? My guest this week is Julie Mennano—licensed therapist, author of Secure Love, and host of The Secure Relationship Podcast. Julie has a rare gift for helping couples identify the deeper emotional patterns driving their relationship conflict. She doesn’t just teach attachment theory—she translates it into practical tools you can actually use to change how you show up in love. Together, we explore why some arguments seem to have no end, why traditional communication strategies fall short, and how so much of your relationship conflict is tied to your nervous system and attachment style—not the surface-level issues like chores, tone, or timing. Whether you're in a romantic relationship, married, or navigating long-term partnership dynamics, this episode will help you understand the real reason your communication breaks down—and what to do about it. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why some relationship conflicts never feel resolved—and why it’s not about the dishwasher.How your attachment style and nervous system responses are shaping your conflict cycle.Practical tools for moving from conflict and disconnection to repair and reconnection. If you’ve ever walked away from an argument thinking, “We’ve had this fight a hundred times,” this conversation will show you what’s really going on—and how to finally create meaningful change in your relationship. Xxoo, Darcy REFERENCES/RESOURCES www.alternativescounseling.com Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime CREDITS “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.    DISCLAIMER Instagram:@drdarcysterling  Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling   X:@DrDarcySterling    YouTube:@DarcySterling    Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube. .

    1h13min
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Sobre

For more than 25 years, Dr. Darcy Sterling has been helping people conquer their toughest relationship challenges. She is a New York City-based licensed therapist, the host of E! Network’s Famously Single, the former Global Ambassador to Tinder, and now she brings her no-nonsense advice to her new podcast, We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling. We Need To Talk is a dating and relationship podcast that will inspire and empower you with the tools and skills you need to love better so you can live better.

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