The Imperfects

Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
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  • Mental Health
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We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

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  1. 21 hr ago

    Sex for Normal People with Ita O'Brien

    Sex is sometimes a taboo topic. Not today! Intimacy expert Ita O’Brien tells us all about the new normal in the bedroom, and how she’s introduced it to Hollywood. 💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy In 2017, Ita O’Brien changed how Hollywood approached sex scenes when she pioneered intimacy co-ordination on the hit Netflix show, Sex Education, by introducing the framework, “Intimacy On Set Guidelines”. She went on to on productions for Netflix, BBC, HBO, Hulu, Amazon, including Sex Education and Normal People, founding her own company Intimacy on Set. And now she’s here. Ita chats with the guys about what sex scenes were like before Intimacy Co-ordination, and all the lies movies taught us about sex. She explains the mysterious orgasm gap, why consent is the foundation of all intimacy, and maybe most importantly of all… the male and female anatomy of arousal! That bit’s at the 16min mark if you’re really in a hurry. 😉00:00 – Meet Ita O'Brien, the World's First Intimacy Coordinator 01:32 – Inside Her Work on Normal People, I May Destroy You & Sex Education 04:17 – What Intimacy Actually Means (It's Not Just Sex) 07:34 – The Untold Story of the First-Ever Intimacy Coordinator Job 09:35 – What Sex Scenes Were Like Before Consent Guidelines Existed 12:27 – Why On-Screen Intimacy Shapes How We See Ourselves 14:33 – The Hidden Lie Movies Taught Us About Sex 16:00 – The Male Anatomy of Arousal, Explained 18:33 – The Female Anatomy of Arousal, Explained 23:17 – Why Desire Fades in Long-Term Relationships 25:59 – The Power of Touch (and Why We're Losing It) 30:39 – How Screens Are Rewiring Kids' Ability to Connect 34:08 – The Truth About the Orgasm Gap 40:30 – Why Consent Is the Foundation of All Intimacy 43:10 – Filming the Iconic Birth Scene in We Live in Time 49:52 – How to Talk to Kids About Consent and Bodies 52:24 – "Consent Is Sexy": A Call to Writers and Filmmakers 54:33 – Sex, Menopause and Intimacy at Every Life Stage 📖Things to read Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O’Brien - https://www.penguin.com.au/books/intimacy-9781529954043 📺 Things to watch Sex Education (Netflix) - https://www.netflix.com/title/80197526Normal People (BBC/Hulu) - https://www.hulu.com/series/normal-peopleI May Destroy You (BBC/HBO) - https://www.hbo.com/i-may-destroy-youCatastrophe - https://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Season-1/dp/B00YGB8UYKWe Live in Time (Film4/A24) - https://www.a24films.com/films/we-live-in-time 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Esther Perel — Let's Be Better Lovers - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BantQso5Ef3xPn4PWNG2I 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Sex for Normal People with Ita O'Brien

  2. 20 Jul • Subscribers Only

    One For The Highly Sensitive People Out There (with Psychologist Janelle Booker)

    Do highly sensitive people have what it takes to be parents? Welcoming back psychologist Janelle Booker (ADHD and Highly Sensitive Person specialist) for A Little More Questions, Bridge and Josh discuss how you may prepare to become a parent if you identify as a highly sensitive person, OR how you can support your highly sensitive partner. Kids are gross. And loud. And overwhelming. All. The. Time. But, this isn’t the end of the world for highly sensitive people wanting to become parents. Answering your questions, Janelle talks through how HSP parents can put in boundaries with their kids without being “the worst in the whole world,” and why people pleasing is much more akin to self-abandonment. There is SO MUCH in this episode. 🫖Things we mentioned Janelle Hamish episode - NEED LINK Janelle Booker - Living With ADHD - https://bit.ly/4oD0yfe Janelle’s website - https://bit.ly/3BZimwO How do you know you’re in a thinking trap? - https://bit.ly/44fvIjk Elaine Aron - https://bit.ly/4eYlO9H Spot the difference study - https://bit.ly/4oFABf0 Lael Stone - Parent Yourself First - https://bit.ly/4oIohe8 Dr Emily - Compassion of The Self - https://bit.ly/3SPuEjC Maggie Dent - “Good Enough” Parenting is Good Enough - https://bit.ly/4vfwngw The Orchid and The Dandelion, by Thomas Boyce - https://bit.ly/4escA6s Quiet, by Susan Cain - https://bit.ly/3SRjQBx

    One For The Highly Sensitive People Out There (with Psychologist Janelle Booker)

  3. 19 Jul

    Our Phone Odyssey Begins

    Could you live without your phone for a month? 🩵To hear more episodes like this, join A Little More Imperfects!Patreon - www.patreon.com/theimperfects Apple - http://apple.co/theimperfectsThis week it's just the three of us. And like Odysseus before us, we embark on a life changing epic. Where he fought the trojans, monsters, cannibals, sirens, the oceans, a cyclops and ACTUAL GODS!! We will do something even ‘EPIC…ER’. We’re tackling our phones. Each of us take on a month-long challenge to fix our worst phone habits, inspired by the ‘god of no phones’ - Christopher Nolan and the release of THE ODYSSEY (if that wasn’t obvious already, but we promise this episode isn't an ad). We then share some of our favourite bits from behind the pay wall, from our Patreon/Subscriber community. Ryan has an unplanned, very generous on-air hair donation; Josh shares a bit from a book which changed his life a bit; which leads to one of the most honest conversations he and Hugh have ever had on (or off) the show, about comparison, self-esteem, and growing up idolising your older brother. This is one epic journey. 00:00 — The Phone Odyssey Begins08:54 — Our Phone-Free Pledges19:11 — Modelling Better Habits at Home25:29 — Hairing is Caring37:57 — A Bit From a Book That Changed Josh’s Life a Bit48:18 — The Conversation Between Brothers That Needed to Be Had 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Bronte Campbell - Comparison, The thief of joy ****https://bit.ly/49S1S7C Joe Brumm & Hamish Blake - A Bluey Print for Dads https://bit.ly/4w4ohI8 How (and why) Ryan Dumped his iPhone https://bit.ly/3T3xdyM Sam Willoughby - The tragic injury that changed his life (and Ryan’s Finnastride admission) https://bit.ly/4fa5u8p 📖 Things to read The midnight library - Matt Haigh https://bit.ly/4vGgnE0 How Proust can change your life - Alain de Botton https://bit.ly/4dYfCkd In search of lost time - Marcel Proust https://bit.ly/4vt3lJG 📺Things to watch The Odyssey https://bit.ly/4vY8nij Christopher Nolan on 60minutes https://bit.ly/4yjfZgX 💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/  🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/  🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/  The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Our Phone Odyssey Begins

  4. 13 Jul • Subscribers Only

    Why Hugh Was Naked At The Office

    What shenanigans did Hugh get up to this week? Hint: it involves the work shower and a missing towel. Also in this episode, we hold another semi-regular book club to talk about a bit from a book that changed Producer Bell’s life a bit. We pull a reflection from the pond, and ponder (let it be known that George came up with this pun first) about what lights us up that we’re no longer doing. And FINALLY Ryan gets a chance to talk about his mixed netball talents. And then Hugh brings a quote, and promises to drive more engagement in patreon. 🎧 Things we talked about on this episode - A Place of Greater Safety, by Hilary Mantel - https://bit.ly/4oJT1ex - To send in a reflection to the pond - www.theimperfects.com.au/contact

    Why Hugh Was Naked At The Office

  5. 12 Jul

    Dr Emily - You, Me & Jealousy

    To be jealous is to be human. It is what you do with that feeling that counts. 💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is in the studio to talk about THAT podcast moment: the one where Ryan admitted he was jealous of Hugh and Hamish Blake’s relationship. The one that lives in Imperfects history. According to Dr Em, we develop the emotion of jealousy at just 9 months old, and it shows up everywhere; family, work, school, friends. Feelings around jealousy can be extremely painful, especially if it is accompanied by shame. In this episode, Dr Emily explores why jealousy can be so dangerous when not listened to, and why our jealous behaviour can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. See you on the other side. If you want to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/dlufNQ7iXCc 00:00 - The Day Has Arrived 02:48 - When Ryan Revealed He Was Jealous of Hugh & Hamish 7:45 - Shame Tells You Not To Speak It 10:02 - Harry Styles Walks Into a Super Market 15:54 - You’re Making My Dog Jealous 22:31 - Feeling Jealous vs Being Jealous 43:49 - Hugh, Ryan & Hamish: 4 Years Later 47:50 - How To Have The Conversation (And Build Trust) 59:32 - You Can Feel Jealous AND Still Trust🫖 Episodes mentioned in this episode Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self Doubt - https://bit.ly/3QG8MXo 💻Things to check out Uncertainty vs inevitable pain study - https://bit.ly/43NWFKQ 🎵Songs to listen to Jealous Guy by John Lennon - https://bit.ly/43NWzCY 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Dr Emily - You, Me & Jealousy

  6. 5 Jul

    Joe Brumm & Hamish Blake - A Bluey-print For Dads

    Want can you learn from playing with a child? In today's Academy of Imperfection, Bluey creator Joe Brumm joins us (for real life), with Hamish Blake stepping in as guest host. 💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy In this episode we dig into the world of play - ”the voluntary overcoming of unnecessary obstacles”, we find out what makes a ‘good’ player and why kids' imaginative play tends to fade around age 12. Josh and Hugh take the chance to wax lyrical about their favourite Bluey episodes, Rain, Fruit Bat, Born Yesterday, The Decider (to name a few). And all three dads also share some moments of parenting shame as we discuss the constant battle for attention between our phones, and our kids. 00:00 - Hamish Blake from Rove 08:13 - Bluey, The Most Streamed TV Show of All Time 11:51 - The Best Definition of Play You've Ever Heard 21:00 - It’s All Improvising 38:02 - Permission to Pretend Again 51:20 - My Kids Wouldn’t Have The Dad They Have Without Bluey 54:00 - Doing Something Just for Fun Is a Valid Reason 58:07 - Being Present In a World of Distractions 01:22:00 - The Bluey Episode That Made a Room Full of Footballers Cry 01:27:16 - Let Them Lead and See What Happens If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/eMigxjhCkcs  🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode How (and why) Ryan dumped his iphone https://bit.ly/4vi83uA 📺 Things to watch Bluey - Shadowlands https://bit.ly/4eTzKTA Bluey - Calypso https://bit.ly/3QT6NyT Bluey - Magic Xylophone https://bit.ly/4gdY057 Bluey - Born Yesterday https://bit.ly/3SvY5HA Bluey - Bin Night https://bit.ly/4gd89Pt Bluey - The decider https://bit.ly/4eHS1V4 Bluey - Faceytalk https://bit.ly/4wpWWju Bluey - Pass the parcel https://bit.ly/4gi9PXU 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Joe Brumm & Hamish Blake - A Bluey-print For Dads

  7. 29 Jun • Subscribers Only

    Fake Confidence ‘til You Make Confidence (with Dr Emily)

    Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most confident of all? Ah, self-confidence. What a slippery, hard-to-find, hard-to-balance, hard-to-practice quality that we all want to get better at. LUCKILY, Dr Emily, our resident psychologist, is here to answer ALL (as many as we could get to) of your questions about self-confidence. We go into; - confidence the action comes before confidence the feeling - mindful self-compassion is a crucial element to building confidence - top down vs bottom up approaches of growing confidence (knowing is not enough) - thinking about how you would feel if you didn’t take the risk? - should you lie to your kids about their sporting ability? 🫖 Things we mentioned - Dr Emily - What To Do With Envy - https://bit.ly/4etuPrZ - Dr Emily - Compassion of The Self - https://bit.ly/4uJdp0G - The Academy of Imperfection - Dr Billy Garvey, Paediatrician - https://bit.ly/4epVV3m - Dr Billy Garvey - From Boyz II Men - https://bit.ly/4aaWLjk - Wise Feedback Research - https://bit.ly/4a7aOX2 - Robyn Walser’s work - https://bit.ly/4vtzNME

    Fake Confidence ‘til You Make Confidence (with Dr Emily)

  8. 28 Jun

    Janelle Booker & Hamish Blake - The ADHD Playbook for Parents

    How do you raise a child whose brain works differently? This episode is for parents of kids with ADHD. And parents who have ADHD. And people who don’t have a diagnosis, but would consider themselves ‘fast and loose’. And for everyone who knows someone who fits the above criteria. 💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Janelle Booker, a psychologist who specialises in ADHD, is BACK, this time, to talk to parents of ADHD kids, and how to parent when you yourself have ADHD. And also, ADHD-curious Hamish Blake is here too. We look at the role of dopamine, energy vs stressors, and how to make your mornings less chaotic and more compassionate. Hamish and Janelle. What a duo. 0:00 – A dynamic duo: Hamish and Janelle5:58 – The penny drop moment for Hugh11:35 – ADHD or Fast and Loose?19:56 – The beauty and beast of ADHD brains22:38 – The life of an ADHD kid27:16 – A crash course on dopamine37:26 – Structure, sleep and school44:38 – Identity and diagnosis55:13 – ADHD kids and friendships1:02:50 – Parenting WITH ADHD1:16:29 – Finding and supporting regulation1:23:13 – Slo-pamine1:28:54 – Let’s talk about the strengths1:34:35 – Get ‘em outside! If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/WwEBTIMohwg 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Janelle Booker - Living With ADHD - https://bit.ly/4g0CUXK Hugh’s ADHD…brief - https://bit.ly/4g567Rw Maria Ruberto - Advancing Despite Adversity - https://bit.ly/4uYFbGS 💻Things to check out Janelle’s website - https://bit.ly/3QJdO5t The MEHRIT Centre - https://self-reg.ca/ The ADHD Parent Circle Online Program - https://bit.ly/4g5Anvu ADHD Women’s Support Group (Perinatal and Early Parenting) - https://bit.ly/3T0BJ0N Online Q&A with Janelle about ADHD parenting - https://bit.ly/4g5wneu 📖Things to read ADHD: A Delightful Human Difference. Reframing ADHD for Good, by Janelle Booker and Matthew Johnson - https://bit.ly/4w7scU3 🎧Things to listen to Hamish & Andy podcast - https://bit.ly/43Z0RHJ Controlling Your Dopamine For Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction, by Huberman Lab - https://bit.ly/4xPnMCZ 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Janelle Booker & Hamish Blake - The ADHD Playbook for Parents
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About

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

Information

  • Creator
    Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    334
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
  • Show Website
    The Imperfects
  • Provider
    The Imperfects Podcast Pty Ltd

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