Attach Together

Optima Health Services

Attached Together is a podcast exploring attachment theory, attachment styles, and psychotherapy in clinical practice. Created by the therapists and tutors at Optima Health Services, this podcast is for counsellors, psychotherapists, and mental health professionals who want grounded, thoughtful conversations about attachment, trauma, relationships, and everyday therapeutic work. Each episode examines how attachment shapes the way we love, cope, regulate, and connect - both in our personal lives and in the therapy room. Expect practical insights, reflective discussion, and training-level knowledge that bridges theory and practice without unnecessary jargon. Listeners can also receive a CPD certificate for each episode, making it easy to integrate ongoing professional development into your week while deepening your understanding of attachment-informed practice. Whether you’re working with anxious, avoidant, or disorganised attachment, supporting couples, or strengthening your clinical formulation skills, Attached Together offers thoughtful, experience-based conversations rooted in real therapeutic work.

  1. 4 days ago

    Attachment Ruptures in Therapy: What If Getting It Wrong Is Where Healing Begins?

    Attachment rupture and repair sits at the heart of attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy. But what happens when a client feels misunderstood, rejected or even judged by their therapist? In this episode of Attached Together, attachment-based psychotherapist Uruj Anjum is joined by Gav, an attachment-based and IFS-trained therapist, to explore why ruptures are not a sign that therapy has failed. In fact, when they are recognised and repaired, they can become some of the most meaningful moments in the therapeutic relationship. A missed detail. A difficult question. A cancelled session. A boundary that feels like rejection. These moments may seem small, but for a client with a history of abandonment, criticism or emotional disconnection, they can reactivate much older attachment wounds. Together, Uruj and Gav discuss how therapists can notice these shifts, stay present when things feel uncomfortable, and respond without becoming defensive or rushing to make everything feel better. Attachment rupture and repair is the process of recognising a break in emotional connection and working together to restore safety, trust and understanding. You will hear why secure attachment is not built through perfect attunement, but through repeated experiences of disconnection followed by repair. The conversation also explores how clients may internalise shame when conflict has never been safely resolved, and how therapy can offer a different experience: one in which hurt can be expressed without the relationship ending. The episode includes a powerful ethical dilemma: What do you say when a client tells you, “I felt judged by you last week”? Gav considers how therapists can hold two truths at once: that they may not have intended to judge the client, while also taking the client’s experience seriously. In this episodeWhy rupture is inevitable in meaningful therapeutic relationshipsHow attachment styles shape responses to boundaries and misunderstandingThe link between unrepaired conflict, shame and self-blameHow to recognise withdrawal, anger and disconnection in the roomWhy therapist defensiveness can deepen a ruptureHow supervision and personal therapy support relational workHow attachment rupture and repair can contribute to earned secure attachmentCommon questions exploredDoes a rupture mean therapy has gone wrong? No. Ruptures are a natural part of close relationships. What matters is whether they can be recognised and explored. How does attachment affect rupture in therapy? A client’s attachment history may shape how they experience mistakes, boundaries, absences and changes in the therapist’s tone or availability. How can a therapist begin repair? By noticing the shift, regulating their own response, acknowledging the client’s experience and becoming curious about what happened between them. Chapters00:16 Introduction 02:04 Gav’s background 03:10 Why rupture and repair matters 04:07 How secure attachment develops 06:42 Rupture in the therapeutic relationship 08:58 Why ruptures are inevitable 12:55 What repair looks like 14:16 When repair is a new experience 16:47 Working with shame 18:47 Supporting the therapist 20:46 Earned secure attachment 23:06 “I felt judged by you” 26:05 Final reflections FREE CPD Certificate & Reflection Pack You can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.

    Attachment Ruptures in Therapy: What If Getting It Wrong Is Where Healing Begins?
  2. 20 Jul

    Attachment and Couple Conflict: Why the Argument Is Never Just the Argument

    CPD Certificate Attachment theory helps us understand how attachment styles shape relationships, particularly when conflict enters the therapy or counselling room. In this episode of Attach Together, Jo is joined by relationship counsellor Jane Brown to explore affect regulation in couples therapy and what happens when two activated attachment systems meet. Affect regulation is the capacity to notice, evaluate and manage emotional experience and its expression without becoming overwhelmed. For couples, difficulties with affect regulation can quickly become a familiar dance. One partner pursues connection. The other withdraws. Both may be dysregulated, both are protecting something, and the argument in front of the therapist is rarely only about the bins, the phone or who forgot what. Jo and Jane reflect on how attachment trauma and early relational experiences can shape these cycles, and why slowing the process down is often more useful than searching for an immediate solution. In this episode, we explore:• The pursuer–distancer dynamic through attachment theory • Why both partners may be dysregulated during conflict • The therapist's own affect regulation and the urge to fix • Somatic awareness and connection check-ins • Rupture, repair and co-regulation in relationships • Helping each partner take responsibility for self-regulation • Connection rituals, positive safe words and playful experiences • The window of tolerance and psychoeducation • Working with escalation in online couples therapy • Remaining a secure base for both partners Jane shares practical interventions she uses in affect regulation in couples therapy, including asking couples to rate connection, noticing what greater connection would look like in the room, and creating a planned safe-word strategy for moments when either partner moves outside their window of tolerance. The conversation also considers the therapist's position. How do we observe the couple's dance without stepping onto the dance floor ourselves? And what happens when our own wish to make a difference pulls us towards fixing, directing or inadvertently siding with one partner? Common questionsWhat is affect regulation in couples therapy? It is the process of helping partners manage emotional activation so they can remain connected, communicate and respond rather than simply react. How do attachment styles affect couple conflict? Attachment styles can shape protective strategies such as pursuing, proximity-seeking, withdrawing or avoiding. These strategies can then trigger the other partner's attachment system. Why is co-regulation important in relationships? Co-regulation offers an experience of safety with another person. Over time, repeated experiences of connection and repair can support greater trust and relational security. Chapters00:00 Welcome and introduction 01:32 What is affect regulation? 02:53 The pursuer–distancer dynamic 04:41 The therapist's place in the couple's dance 08:09 Connection check-ins with couples 12:50 Why the argument is rarely the whole story 15:01 Psychoeducation and the window of tolerance 17:07 Contracting around affect regulation 18:55 Connection rituals 19:25 Responsibility for self-regulation 21:07 Using a positive safe word 22:53 Play, fun and date-night rituals 24:52 Closing the day together 27:49 The therapist's urge to fix 30:06 Managing escalation in online couples therapy 32:51 Becoming more directive with couples Resources and ideas mentionedGottman-informed ideas around play and connection Imago-informed listening Positive safe-word strategies

    Attachment and Couple Conflict: Why the Argument Is Never Just the Argument
  3. 13 Jul

    Attachment and Creative Approaches in Therapy: Working Beyond Words

    CPD Certificate In this episode, Georgina Sturmer and Darren look at creativity through the lens of attachment theory, asking how play, metaphor and objects can open up the work without overwhelming the client. Creative work is much broader than drawing or painting. A game of Uno, a collection of stones, visual cards, nesting dolls or a shared metaphor may give a client another way to show us something about their internal world. Creative approaches in therapy use play, imagery, metaphor, sensory experience or physical objects to support emotional exploration and communication. For some clients, talking can feel pressured. They may worry about saying the wrong thing, getting their story right or naming an emotion accurately. Creative work can sometimes soften that pressure and bring us closer to felt experience. In this episode, we explore:Creativity beyond pens, paper and paintPlay, the inner child and pre-verbal experienceUsing games to support connectionStones, visual cards and sand tray workShame and the fear of getting creativity “wrong”Avoidant attachment and creative workDrawing with the non-dominant handNoticing rather than interpretingNesting dolls and attachment metaphorsCreative approaches in online therapyThe swimming pool metaphorCreativity in supervisionTherapist enthusiasm, pacing and relational safetyCreativity and Attachment-Informed TherapyA client’s response to creativity can tell us something about the process between us. Some clients may engage quickly. Others may become hesitant, embarrassed or self-critical. For clients with more avoidant attachment tendencies, creative work may initially feel unfamiliar or exposing. The task is not to push through that hesitation. It is to notice it. Creative work can be useful when a client feels stuck, struggles to find language or seems unsure how to use the therapy space. But the intervention should remain in service of the client, rather than the therapist’s enthusiasm for a particular approach. Common QuestionsWhat are creative approaches in therapy?Creative approaches in therapy use play, metaphor, images, sensory materials or objects to help clients explore emotional and relational experiences. How can creativity support attachment-informed therapy?It can offer another route into attachment trauma, attachment styles and relationships, particularly when direct emotional language feels difficult. Are creative approaches only for children?No. Adults may also find play, metaphor and sensory work helpful, especially when experiences feel difficult to explain verbally. Can creative approaches be used online?Yes. Therapists can use drawings, objects, visual metaphors and shared imagery in online therapy as well as face-to-face work. YouTube Chapters00:00 Welcome to Season Two 00:55 Creativity in the therapy room 01:31 What is a creative approach? 04:09 Stones and visualising the client’s world 06:47 Choosing a creative intervention 09:05 Sand tray and sensory experience 09:48 Attachment styles and creativity 10:58 The wardrobe drawing exercise 13:51 Nesting dolls in therapy 16:59 Creative work online 18:56 Castles, bridges and defensive strategies 20:06 Creativity in supervision 21:34 Keeping the client at the centre For more conversations about attachment theory, attachment styles, attachment trauma, attachment-informed therapy and relationships, subscribe to Attached Together

    Attachment and Creative Approaches in Therapy: Working Beyond Words
  4. 9 Jun

    Attachment Parenting Repair, Good Enough Parenting & the Pressure to Get It Right

    This bonus episode of Attach Together feels different from our usual conversations. Kiah, who edits the podcast and works alongside Darren and the Optima team, joins not as a clinical host, but as a parent of two young children. After listening back to previous episodes, she brings a question many parents may quietly recognise: Am I getting this wrong? Together, Kiah and Darren explore attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy through the everyday realities of parenting: screen time, guilt, tiredness, dinner-time battles, social media pressure, and the hope that repair may matter more than perfection. Attachment parenting repair means noticing when something has gone wrong between parent and child, and finding a way back into connection. The episode returns to the idea of “good enough” parenting. Children do not need perfect attunement all the time. They need enough moments of being seen, soothed, enjoyed and returned to. For counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and therapy trainees, this conversation also asks something important: when we talk about attachment-informed practice, does our language help parents feel more reflective, or more ashamed? In this episodeKiah and Darren reflect on: why attachment theory can feel overwhelming for parentsthe difference between repair and perfectionhow parents may repeat, reject or overcorrect from their own childhoodsscreen time, smartphones and guiltthe “perfect parent” image on social mediathe ABC model: antecedent, behaviour and consequencewhy therapists may over-analyse their own parentinghow small moments of play and repair build safety over timeCommon questionsWhat is attachment parenting repair?Attachment parenting repair is the process of returning to connection after a difficult or misattuned moment. It may involve apology, humour, touch, explanation, play, or simply coming back with warmth. Does attachment theory mean parents must get everything right?No. Attachment theory does not ask parents to be perfect. Repair after rupture is part of how children learn that relationships can survive difficulty. How do attachment styles affect parenting?A parent’s attachment style may shape how they respond to crying, closeness, conflict, independence or overwhelm. Becoming aware of those patterns can make parenting more conscious. YouTube chapters01:02 Good enough parenting 02:33 Attunement, rupture and repair 07:46 Wondering about attachment style 10:24 Screen time and parenting pressure 13:21 Social media and external authority 21:20 Brain development, play and connection 28:50 Repairing difficult parenting moments 32:15 Do therapists over-analyse parenting? 36:06 The ABC model of behaviour 38:15 Dinnertime struggles 41:40 Changing antecedents and consequences Resources mentionedWinnicott’s idea of the “good enough” motherKate Silverton, There’s No Such Thing as NaughtyKate Silverton, Still No Such Thing as NaughtyABC model: antecedent, behaviour and consequenceOptima Level 5 and Level 7 Diplomas in attachment-based psychotherapyA CPD certificate link is available in the show notes. You may also use this episode for personal reflection, supervision or CPD learning.

    Attachment Parenting Repair, Good Enough Parenting & the Pressure to Get It Right
  5. 1 May

    Mindfulness Burnout Prevention for Therapists

    Mindfulness burnout prevention helps therapists, counsellors and psychologists notice early signs of exhaustion, emotional fatigue and professional disconnection before burnout becomes entrenched. In this bonus episode of Attach Together, Darren speaks with Christopher Dines, author, mindfulness practitioner, coach and former DJ, about MBP: Mindfulness Burnout Prevention. Christopher has published eight books on mindfulness and addiction, including The Kindness Habit, co-authored with Dr Barbara Mariposa. This conversation explores how mindfulness burnout prevention supports mental health professionals at risk of burnout, isolation and emotional depletion. Rather than simply focusing on meditation, MBP encourages awareness of thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, lifestyle, relational needs and professional limits. For attachment-informed practitioners, this matters deeply. Therapists often become a secure base for others, yet may struggle to notice when their own capacity is becoming depleted. 🔎 What You’ll Learn What mindfulness burnout prevention meansEarly warning signs of therapist burnoutThe difference between tiredness, exhaustion and burnoutWhy therapists can feel isolated in modern practiceHow online therapy has changed professional connectionWhy community helps prevent emotional depletionHow mindfulness creates space, clarity and regulationWhy asking for help is a professional strengthCommon Search Questions What is mindfulness burnout prevention? Mindfulness burnout prevention uses awareness, reflection and supportive community to help therapists notice and respond to early signs of professional fatigue. How does burnout affect therapists? Burnout can lead to exhaustion, apathy, resentment, reduced empathy, isolation and feeling disconnected from clinical work. Why is community important for therapists? Community offers therapists connection, reflection and support from others who understand the emotional demands of the work. How does mindfulness help prevent burnout? Mindfulness helps practitioners notice stress, bodily tension, emotional withdrawal and reduced capacity earlier, supporting better boundaries and self-care. 🕑Chapters00:00 Welcome to this bonus episode 01:25 What is MBP? 02:25 Christopher’s recovery journey and mindfulness practice 05:54 When mindfulness became more widely recognised 07:07 How MBP developed for therapists and psychologists 09:21 Warning signs of burnout 11:15 What support can look like 12:51 The emotional demands of therapy work 14:02 Online therapy, isolation and the shrinking gap between work and life 15:59 Key takeaways: asking for help and finding community 17:20 Bonus reflection on retreats, group meditation and practitioner support Resources MentionedMindfulness Burnout Prevention: mindfulnessburnoutprevention.comChristopher Dines’ books on mindfulness and addictionThe Kindness Habit by Christopher Dines and Dr Barbara MariposaOptima Health Services CPD certificate and reflection packOptima therapist retreat with Darren, Jo and guest speaker Linda CundyFREE CPD Certificate & Reflection PackYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.

    Mindfulness Burnout Prevention for Therapists
  6. 28 Apr

    Attachment Defences in Therapy: Understanding Protective Patterns in Clients

    Attachment defences in therapy are protective patterns clients use when they feel relationally threatened, emotionally exposed, or unsafe in connection. In this final episode of Season One of Attach Together, Georgina and Darren return to the foundations of attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy to explore how defences show up in the counselling room - and how therapists can respond with patience, curiosity and clinical care. This episode is especially relevant for counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and therapy trainees who want to deepen their attachment-informed practice. Rather than viewing defences as resistance or pathology, Darren invites us to understand them as normal human strategies for safety, shaped by early relational experience. Attachment defences in therapy are not signs that a client is difficult or unwilling. They are often the client’s best attempt to stay safe. 🔎 You’ll Learn The difference between attachment traits and attachment defencesHow avoidant and preoccupied attachment patterns intensify under pressureWhy clients may withdraw, escalate, intellectualise or seek reassuranceHow therapists can avoid colluding with defensive strategiesThe role of mentalisation, countertransference and pacingHow PACE - patience/playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy - can support attachment-informed therapyWhat to consider when meeting clients, former clients or your own therapist in professional spaces Common Questions What are attachment defences in therapy? Attachment defences in therapy are protective strategies clients use when they feel unsafe, vulnerable or relationally exposed. They often develop from earlier experiences where closeness, need, conflict or emotional expression felt risky. How do attachment defences affect relationships? Attachment defences shape how people manage conflict, closeness and vulnerability. Some people withdraw to feel safe, while others intensify bids for connection, reassurance or validation. How do attachment defences appear in counselling? In counselling, defences may appear when a client feels emotionally close, challenged, misunderstood or exposed. They may become cognitive, shut down, seek reassurance, argue their position, change the subject or test whether the therapist will remain steady. How should therapists respond? Therapists can slow the pace, stay curious, avoid shame and notice what the defence is protecting. The task is not to dismantle the defence too quickly, but to build enough relational safety for exploration. 🕑 Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Attach Together 00:16 Welcome and episode context 01:28 Why focus on attachment defences? 02:32 What is attachment? 03:05 Attachment traits versus defences 05:02 Defences under pressure 08:17 Defences as safety strategies 10:04 Using attachment defences in practice 10:44 Avoiding collusion 12:10 Working with avoidant defences 13:17 Countertransference and therapist responses 15:43 Pace, PACE and attachment-informed work 17:47 Understanding our own patterns 18:00 Normalising attachment defences 20:35 Dilemma: seeing clients out of context 21:08 Contracting and professional boundaries 24:55 Re-contracting at endings 25:07 Optima retreat update 26:30 Season One closing reflections FREE CPD Certificate & Reflection PackYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.

    Attachment Defences in Therapy: Understanding Protective Patterns in Clients
  7. 21 Apr

    Attachment and Trauma in therapy: How Trauma and Attachment Show Up in the Counselling Room

    Attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy are all central to this episode as Darren is joined by Gav, counsellor, tutor, and attachment-based psychotherapist, for a grounded conversation about the link between trauma and attachment in clinical practice. This episode explores a vital idea for therapists: trauma is not only about what happened, but also about what did not happen - the safety, attunement, soothing, and protection that were missing when they were needed most. Together, Darren and Gav unpack how early relational wounds shape attachment styles, emotional regulation, trust, and adult relationship patterns, and how these dynamics show up in the counselling room. You’ll hear a practical discussion of secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachment, including why disorganised attachment can feel especially destabilising in therapy. The conversation also looks at how clients may move towards closeness and then pull away, why defences develop for good reason, and why attachment-informed work often requires patience, pacing, and a strong focus on relational safety. For counsellors in training and qualified practitioners alike, this episode offers a clear and clinically useful framework for understanding how trauma and attachment are often inseparable. Darren and Gav also reflect on therapist self-awareness, countertransference, burnout, and the importance of regulation in the room. The episode closes with a thoughtful counsellor dilemma on contact between sessions, exploring how boundaries, client need, and the therapist’s own attachment pattern can all shape the response. 🔎What you'll learn trauma through an attachment lenshow unmet needs shape internal working modelssecure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachmenttrust, regulation, and defences in therapycountertransference and therapist self-awarenessboundaries and between-session contactCommon questions answered in this episodeWhat is attachment trauma? Attachment trauma is the emotional and relational impact of early caregiving experiences where a child’s needs for safety, attunement, soothing, or protection were not met consistently. How does attachment trauma affect relationships? It can shape trust, closeness, emotional regulation, self-worth, and the expectations people carry into adult relationships. How does attachment trauma show up in therapy? It may appear as avoidance, dependency, fear of closeness, dysregulation, intellectualising, boundary-testing, or difficulty trusting the therapist. 🕑Chapters00:00 Introduction 01:02 What trauma often means to people 03:33 Trauma as what did not happen 05:30 Attachment styles explained 07:20 Disorganised attachment and fear 09:22 Countertransference and therapist awareness 10:32 Burnout, self-care, and regulation 11:26 How trauma shows up in the room 13:41 Why the work takes time 17:35 Dysregulation, addiction, and soothing 20:20 Counsellor dilemma: contact between sessions 23:01 Therapist attachment and boundaries 24:10 Final reflections 🎓Resources Mentioned• Optima Level 5 & Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory & Attachment-Based Psychotherapy FREE CPD Certificate & Reflection PackYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.

    Attachment and Trauma in therapy: How Trauma and Attachment Show Up in the Counselling Room
  8. 14 Apr

    Attachment and the Emotional Meaning of Food

    Attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy all shape how clients experience food, soothing and care. In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by therapist, supervisor and Optima tutor Jo Oxley to explore attachment and disordered eating through an attachment-informed lens. Attachment and disordered eating is not only about food choices. It can reflect early relational experiences around feeding, comfort, attunement, shame, reward, control and soothing. Jo explores how food may become more than nutrition: it can carry memories of care, absence, pressure, comfort, deprivation or emotional survival. In this episodeJo and Darren explore how feeding is one of the earliest attachment experiences we have, and how those moments can shape internal working models around safety, need, nurture and self-soothing. The conversation also considers how family dinner-table dynamics, emotional neglect, reward systems, and modern digital distractions may all influence a person’s relationship with food. 🔎What you’ll learnHow feeding becomes an early relational experience, not just a biological oneWhy food can become linked to comfort, soothing and emotional survivalThe role of family dinner-table dynamics in shaping later food patternsWhy food may function as a substitute attachment figureThe difference between disordered eating and a formal eating disorderHow shame, guilt, reward and self-denial can become entangled with eatingWhether different insecure attachment styles may relate differently to foodHow therapists can work with clients who bring food into the therapy room🕝 Chapters00:00 Introduction 01:24 Why explore attachment and food? 03:00 Feeding as an early attachment experience 06:19 Family dinner tables and relational meaning 08:23 Phones, disconnection and food rituals 10:09 Food as soothing, reward and shame 12:16 Food addiction and emotional regulation 17:53 Which attachment styles are most affected? 20:35 Therapeutic takeaway for practitioners 23:25 Dilemma: client eating during the session 28:21 Training opportunities at Optima 31:47 Closing reflections Common questionsWhat is attachment and disordered eating? It is the link between early attachment experiences and later patterns of using food for comfort, control, soothing or emotional survival. How does attachment affect eating patterns? Attachment affects how people regulate distress, seek comfort, experience need and relate to care. Food may become a way to manage feelings when relational soothing feels unavailable or unsafe. How can disordered eating show up in therapy? Clients may describe bingeing, yo-yo dieting, guilt around food, using food as reward, or bringing food into sessions as a form of comfort, defence or relational support. What should therapists listen for? Listen for the story beneath the food: early feeding experiences, family dynamics, shame, comfort, self-worth, loneliness, stress and unmet relational needs. 🎓Resources Mentioned• Optima Level 5 & Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory & Attachment-Based Psychotherapy Linda Cundy — Love in a Digital AgeFREE CPD Certificate & Reflection PackYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.

    Attachment and the Emotional Meaning of Food

About

Attached Together is a podcast exploring attachment theory, attachment styles, and psychotherapy in clinical practice. Created by the therapists and tutors at Optima Health Services, this podcast is for counsellors, psychotherapists, and mental health professionals who want grounded, thoughtful conversations about attachment, trauma, relationships, and everyday therapeutic work. Each episode examines how attachment shapes the way we love, cope, regulate, and connect - both in our personal lives and in the therapy room. Expect practical insights, reflective discussion, and training-level knowledge that bridges theory and practice without unnecessary jargon. Listeners can also receive a CPD certificate for each episode, making it easy to integrate ongoing professional development into your week while deepening your understanding of attachment-informed practice. Whether you’re working with anxious, avoidant, or disorganised attachment, supporting couples, or strengthening your clinical formulation skills, Attached Together offers thoughtful, experience-based conversations rooted in real therapeutic work.

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