What is adult PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), and what does neurodivergent demand paralysis feel like from the inside? In this episode of F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups, your neurodivergent besties Callie and Jayne dive deep into the PDA cycle, burnout, and why everyday tasks can trigger a nervous system shutdown. This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung, and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples. Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. Where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me’. We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished. Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears, and let’s get started. PDA gets discussed constantly online, but it is often reduced to ‘not liking being told what to do’. In this episode, Callie and Jayne dig underneath that explanation. They look at what PDA feels like from the inside and what current research can and cannot tell us. Callie walks through a proposed PDA cycle, from detecting a demand through to the nervous system’s appraisal of effort, uncertainty, safety, sensory discomfort, autonomy, and available capacity. They also discuss why avoidance can provide enough immediate relief to reinforce the pattern, even when it creates more distress later. They explore practical ways to reduce friction, including recognising personal triggers, creating safer sensory conditions, increasing clarity and certainty, protecting capacity, and resisting the idea that every struggle can be fixed by applying more pressure. In this episode: PDA burnout and executive dysfunction in adultsHow to manage PDA paralysisAuDHD (Autism and ADHD) and demand avoidanceDifficult school mornings, parenting guilt, and repairing after things go badlyPDA in everyday lifePathological demand avoidance versus pervasive drive for autonomyWhat science currently knows, and does not know, about PDAWhy PDA is more complicated than anxiety, defiance, or simply disliking demandsHow demands may be assessed for effort, uncertainty, sensory discomfort, safety, and loss of controlThe relationship between stress, executive functioning, and PDA paralysisHow avoidance can reinforce future avoidanceIdentifying triggers and creating more supportive sensory and environmental conditionsSimilarities and differences between PDA and ODD Timestamps 00:00 A difficult morning, parenting guilt, and trying to repair 10:55 Overwhelm and a real-life PDA segue 19:11 PDA explained: pathological demand avoidance and pervasive drive for autonomy 25:13 What research can, and cannot, currently tell us about PDA 31:06 The PDA cycle: demands, appraisal, stress, and reduced executive access 40:30 PDA paralysis, chronic illness, limited capacity, and shame 44:49 Why avoidance can temporarily help and reinforce the cycle 49:14 What might help: triggers, sensory needs, certainty, and supportive conditions 57:07 Why PDA changes with context, safety, capacity, and sensory load 01:01:19 PDA versus ODD: similarities, differences, and why neither is a choice PDA remains a developing and contested area. This conversation combines available research discussed during recording with Callie and Jayne’s lived and professional experience. It is not medical advice, and people may understand or describe their experiences differently. Connect Find us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups Send your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis. Follow or subscribe so you do not miss an episode, and leave us a five-star review if the pod makes you feel understood, entertained, or slightly less alone. AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about ADHD and Autism - work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after late diagnosis. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
