Before it Breaks with Gabriella Pomare

Gabriella Pomare

Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a raw and honest relationship, divorce and co-parenting podcast about what really happens before separation, divorce and family breakdown become visible to the outside world.   Hosted by Gabriella Pomare, a family lawyer, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, speaker, mother and co-parent, this podcast explores the private relationship patterns people often recognise too late: the quiet quitting marriage, the silent divorce, emotional disconnection, marriage resentment, relationship burnout, the mental load of motherhood, invisible labour, communication breakdown, conflict, repair, separation, divorce, parenting after separation and child-centred co-parenting.   Most relationships do not break the day someone leaves. They break earlier, in the silence, the repeated missed bids for connection, the resentment underneath “I’m fine,” the invisible load no one names, the text messages that make your stomach drop, the loneliness of sleeping beside someone and feeling completely alone, and the quiet moments where someone slowly stops reaching.   Each episode speaks to the real emotional experience of modern family life, from lonely marriages, motherhood, mental load and relationship repair to separation anxiety, divorce grief, co-parenting conflict, blended families, boundaries, emotional intelligence, family law realities, and rebuilding a life and family that no longer look the way you thought they would.   This podcast is for anyone searching for honest conversations about marriage problems, emotional load, divorce, separation, co-parenting, family law, parenting after separation, high-conflict co-parenting, relationship repair, mental load, motherhood, blended families and modern relationships.   For the person lying awake next to someone and feeling completely alone.   For the mother carrying the whole family in her head.   For the partner wondering whether this is a difficult season or the beginning of the end.   For the parent trying to separate without making their children carry the conflict.   For the co-parent trying to stay calm in a text thread that still hurts.   And for anyone who has ever looked at the life they built and quietly wondered, “How did we get here?”   For the before. For the break. For the becoming.   This podcast is for general information and education only and is not legal advice.

Episodes

  1. 2 days ago

    Episode 9 - TikTok, Facebook Groups, AI and the Modern Relationship Crisis

    The advice, comparison and commentary we are letting into our private lives. In this episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores how social media, TikTok relationship advice, Facebook groups, the group chat, AI-generated messages and curated online lives are quietly changing the way we see our relationships. We live in a time where our most private relationships are constantly being compared, interpreted, diagnosed and judged through online spaces. We scroll through relationship reels, watch TikTok clips about red flags and emotional neglect, post anonymously in Facebook groups, send screenshots to the group chat, and sometimes even ask AI to help us write the message we are too overwhelmed to say ourselves. Some of this can be helpful. Online content can give people language for emotional neglect, coercive control, mental load, gaslighting, weaponised incompetence and unhealthy relationship patterns. It can help people feel less alone and recognise when something is not okay. But online advice can also flatten complex relationships into quick labels and simple answers. A thirty-second clip cannot understand the full context of a marriage, long-term partnership, family system, separation, co-parenting dynamic or private emotional history. A comment section does not have to live with the consequences of telling someone to leave. The group chat may love you deeply, but it often only sees the relationship through the moments when you are hurt. In this honest and nuanced episode, Gabriella asks whether the internet is helping us see more clearly, or whether it is making ordinary relationships feel inadequate, feeding resentment, encouraging comparison, and replacing real support with quick validation. This episode explores curated relationship content, TikTok therapy language, Facebook group advice, AI in relationships, online comparison, boundaries, red flags, relationship tests, emotional safety, repair, separation, co-parenting and the difference between validation and guidance. At the heart of the episode is a simple but powerful question: Are we using online content to understand our relationships, or are we letting the algorithm become the authority on our most intimate lives? This episode asks: Is online relationship advice helping or hurting us?What happens when we compare real relationships to curated lives?Can TikTok therapy language become too blunt?What is the difference between validation and guidance?Are Facebook groups and group chats giving support, or only one-sided certainty?How is AI changing the way we communicate in relationships?What do children learn when adults outsource conflict to screens?T his episode is for anyone navigating modern love, marriage, separation, co-parenting, conflict, repair, online comparison, relationship advice, or the quiet question of whether the relationship they are living inside still feels honest, safe and alive. Listen to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.

    28 min
  2. 16 June

    Episode 8: Are We Staying for the Kids, or Hiding Behind Them?

    Staying for the Kids: Is It Really Best for Children? In this raw and honest episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores one of the most difficult and controversial questions in family life: should parents stay together for the kids? Many parents tell themselves they are protecting their children by staying in an unhappy relationship. But what if the children are already living inside the tension, silence, resentment or emotional distance? What if the family looks intact from the outside, but does not feel emotionally safe on the inside? Gabriella unpacks the difference between staying and repairing, versus staying and avoiding. She explores why children do not need perfect parents, but they do need emotional safety, repair, honesty and adults who are willing to take responsibility for the atmosphere of the home. This episode is not about telling people to stay or leave. It is about asking a better question: what are the children actually living inside? For parents navigating relationship breakdown, separation, co-parenting, family conflict, guilt, fear, or uncertainty, this conversation offers compassion, clarity and a deeply human look at what it really means to centre children. Key Themes Staying for the kids Relationship breakdown Unhappy marriage with children Emotional safety in families Children and separation Co-parenting after separation Family conflict Repair after conflict Parent guilt Healthy family dynamics Conscious parenting Marriage, separation and children High-conflict homes Quiet unhappy marriages Emotional inheritance Child-centred decision-making Should you stay together for the kids? It is one of the hardest questions in family life — and one many parents carry silently for years. In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores the reality behind “staying for the kids”: when it can be loving and reparative, and when it becomes fear, guilt or avoidance dressed up as sacrifice. This is not an episode telling people to leave. It is not an episode telling people to stay. It is a conversation about emotional safety, repair, family conflict, separation, co-parenting and what children are actually absorbing inside the home. Because children do not need perfect parents. Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a relationship, separation and co-parenting podcast hosted by Gabriella Pomare — Sydney family lawyer, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, media commentator and founder of The Collaborative Co-Parent platform. Through honest, emotionally intelligent conversations, Gabriella explores what happens before relationships, communication, families and identities break down, covering modern marriage, parenting after separation, co-parenting, conflict, family law, emotional safety, repair and rebuilding. Follow Gabriella on Instagram at @thegabriellapomare, learn more about The Collaborative Co-Parent, and listen to Before It Breaks on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.

    31 min
  3. 9 June

    Episode 7: The Ex Who Never Really Left - Relationship Boundaries, Old Flames & Emotional Attachment

    What happens when the third person in your relationship is not an affair partner, but an ex who never really left? In Episode 7 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores the complicated emotional space between past relationships and present love. This episode is not just about co-parenting. It is about old flames, exes, former partners, workplace relationships, family friends, friendship circles, divorced partners without children, and the people from our past who sometimes continue to take up space in our current relationships. Sometimes the issue is not contact. It is access. A partner may still speak to an ex because they share children, work together, move in the same friendship group, or have long family history. But when ordinary contact turns into emotional dependence, guilt, secrecy, late-night messages, private support, or a sense that the past has more power than the present, the current relationship can start to feel crowded. Gabriella unpacks the difference between being mature and becoming invisible, between healthy friendship and unfinished business, and between jealousy as control and jealousy as information. She also explores why some people stay emotionally available to an ex out of guilt, habit, conflict avoidance or the need to feel needed — and how that can quietly undermine a new relationship. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered: Am I being insecure, or is something actually off? Can you really be friends with an ex? Why does this person from my partner’s past still feel so present? What is the difference between contact and emotional access? How do you set boundaries without being controlling? What happens when your partner keeps dismissing your discomfort as jealousy? With warmth, honesty and Gabriella’s signature conversational style, this episode looks at the old attachments, emotional third parties and blurred boundaries that can quietly build resentment before a relationship breaks. Because sometimes the question is not whether someone from your past is still in your life. The question is whether they are still in your relationship. Show NotesIn this episode, Gabriella talks about: The ex who never really left emotionally Why this episode is not only about co-parenting Old flames, workplace exes, family friends and friendship circle dynamics Why contact is not the same as emotional access How past relationships can quietly affect current relationships The difference between healthy friendship and unfinished business Why “we’re just friends” is sometimes more complicated than it sounds When jealousy is not immaturity, but information How emotional dependence can threaten a relationship even when nobody is cheating Why guilt keeps people emotionally attached to former partners How partners can feel displaced by someone from the past Why dismissing someone as “insecure” can create resentment The emotional impact of being repeatedly made to feel secondary What healthy boundaries with an ex or old flame can sound like Why kindness after a relationship ends sometimes means clarity The question every person with a complicated past should ask themselves How to name the issue without rage, control or accusation Why the goal is not always to make the person disappear, but to make the boundaries clear

    30 min
  4. 2 June

    Episode 6: The DMs That Ended the Relationship.

    What if the relationship did not end because of the affair, but because of everything that happened before anyone admitted it? In this raw and provocative episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella opens the modern relationship inbox and explores the private messages, blurred boundaries, deleted chats, work friendships, gym connections, after-work drinks, travel moments and emotional almost-affairs that often happen long before a relationship publicly breaks. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered: are DMs cheating? Is liking someone’s Instagram story disrespectful? When does a work friendship become an emotional affair? Is going to drinks with the same colleague every week a red flag? What does it mean when your partner shares exciting news with someone else before you? Is it insecurity, intuition, or are you noticing the beginning of the break? Gabriella unpacks the grey zones of modern love: Instagram DMs, deleted messages, flirty story replies, gym friends, work wives and work husbands, emotional affairs, work travel, “just friends” dynamics, private drinks, secret conversations, and the painful moment when someone outside the relationship starts getting the best version of your partner. Because sometimes the phone is not the whole crime. Sometimes the phone is just the receipt. With stories inspired by listener DMs from Australia, the United States and beyond, this episode looks at the relationship behaviours people are afraid to talk about out loud — the situations that make you ask the group chat, “Am I being crazy, or is this weird?” From the husband who follows local women from the gym, to the colleague who knows the exciting news first, to the work friend who becomes a little too emotionally available, to the ex who reappears every time there is a fight, Gabriella explores the uncomfortable truth that not everything has to be cheating to be humiliating, secretive or damaging to trust. This episode asks the questions everyone has an opinion on: Are DMs cheating? Is deleting messages always a red flag? Can you have privacy in a relationship without secrecy? When does a friendship become an emotional affair? Is your partner insecure, or are they picking up on a pattern? Can work drinks, gym routines and travel friendships become dangerous? What happens when someone outside the relationship gets the excitement, vulnerability and attention first? And why do so many modern relationships break in the grey zone before anyone is willing to name what is happening? Episode 6 is a must-listen for anyone navigating modern relationships, marriage, dating, separation, emotional affairs, online betrayal, Instagram boundaries, workplace friendships, trust issues, infidelity, relationship conflict, communication breakdowns and the quiet moments before a relationship breaks. Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is the podcast for the conversations people usually have too late — about love, marriage, co-parenting, divorce, communication, conflict, repair and rebuilding. Listen now and join the conversation. For the before. For the break. For the becoming. #BeforeItBreaks #GabriellaPomare #ModernRelationships #RelationshipPodcast #MarriagePodcast #EmotionalAffair #DMs #InstagramCheating #RelationshipAdvice #DatingAndRelationships #MarriageProblems #Infidelity #TrustIssues #BeforeItBreaksPodcast #CoParenting #DivorcePodcast #ModernLove #RelationshipBoundaries #PodcastEpisode

    35 min
  5. 26 May

    Episode 5: What Parenthood Really Does to Marriage, Identity and Intimacy

    Everyone tells you that having a baby will change your life. Very few people tell you it may change your marriage. In Episode 5 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores what really happens to modern relationships after children, when love can quietly become logistics and the couple who once had time, spontaneity and intimacy becomes two exhausted people managing nappies, daycare apps, school emails, appointments, work pressure, invisible labour and resentment. This episode looks honestly at parenthood, marriage, motherhood, identity, emotional load, the default parent, sex after children, relationship burnout, invisible labour, ambition, resentment and the quiet ways a couple can start to lose each other after becoming parents. Gabriella explores why a baby does not automatically bring a couple closer, why parenthood can reveal what was already fragile, and why the daily work of raising children can change the emotional structure of a relationship long before anyone says, “I’m not happy anymore.” Drawing on relatable cultural examples as well as public conversations around motherhood, ambition and identity this episode asks why parenthood can be both deeply meaningful and incredibly destabilising. This is not an episode about blaming parents. It is about telling the truth about what children can change: the body, the relationship, the sex life, the mental load, the division of labour, the ambition, the nervous system, the childhood wounds, and the version of yourself you thought you would be. Episode notes In this episode, Gabriella explores: How a baby changes the relationship before anyone says it out loud. Why parenthood can bring deep meaning while also increasing stress, resentment and emotional load. The shift from romance to logistics after children. Invisible labour, the mental load and the role of the default parent. Why “just tell me what to do” can still leave one person carrying the household. How motherhood can change identity, ambition, body image and emotional capacity. Why sex and intimacy often change after children. The grief of missing your old life while still loving your children deeply. How parenthood can awaken childhood wounds and family patterns. Why couples can become adversarial after children, even when both people are exhausted and trying. How to protect the couple from becoming only the parents. “Everyone tells you a baby will change your life. Very few people tell you it may change your marriage.” Alternative pull quotes “Love becomes logistics when the relationship starts running on calendars, lunchboxes, daycare apps and exhaustion.” “The baby does not always break the relationship. Sometimes the baby reveals what was already fragile.” “Being needed all day is not the same as being seen.” “Parenthood can bring the deepest meaning of your life, but meaning is not the same as ease.” “The question is not how do we get back to who we were before kids, but who are we becoming now, and are we becoming those people together?”

    31 min
  6. 19 May

    Episode 4: When Work Becomes the Third Person in the Relationship

    Ambition, absence, emotional disconnection and the modern marriage trying to survive work. Not every relationship breaks because of another person.   In Episode 4 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores what happens when work becomes more than work, when it starts sitting at the dinner table, sleeping in the bed, coming on the holiday, interrupting the conversation and quietly taking the emotional space that once belonged to the relationship.   This episode looks at modern relationship burnout, emotional absence, overwork, workaholism, career pressure, ambition, resentment, intimacy, emotional availability and the loneliness that can exist when someone is physically present but emotionally still at work.   Gabriella explores why work is not always the villain. Work can be purpose, survival, identity, provision, independence and love in action. But when work receives the best version of someone and the relationship only receives what is left over, something starts to change.   Drawing on relatable cultural examples from The Devil Wears Prada, Marriage Story, The Intern and La La Land, this episode asks why ambition can be so seductive, why home can become the place of criticism and exhaustion, and why so many couples are living around work rather than with each other.   You will hear about phone distraction, laptops in bed, emails at dinner, the “just one more thing” cycle, the busy season that becomes the whole relationship, and the quiet grief of feeling like love is always scheduled for later.   This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like they are competing with a partner’s career, business, inbox, ambition or constant availability to everyone else.   Because sometimes the relationship does not need a grand romantic gesture.   Sometimes it needs to stop receiving the leftovers.   For the before. For the break. For the becoming.   In this episode, Gabriella explores:   How work can become the third person in a relationship.   Why ambition can be meaningful, seductive and emotionally consuming.   The difference between being physically present and emotionally available.   How phones, emails, laptops and constant work interruptions affect intimacy.   Why the “busy season” can quietly become the whole relationship.   The loneliness of feeling like your partner’s work gets the best of them and you get what is left.   Why work can feel safer than home when home has become a place of criticism, pressure or disappointment.   How resentment builds when love is repeatedly postponed.   Why the relationship needs to be allowed to feel urgent too.   Whether couples can protect ambition without sacrificing connection.

    32 min
  7. 12 May

    Episode 3: Before the Affair - Emotional Affairs, DMs, Work Wives and Betrayal

    In Episode 3 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores emotional affairs, work wife and work husband dynamics, DMs, phone secrecy, deleted messages and the quiet relationship shift that can happen before a physical affair. This episode looks at why emotional betrayal can feel so devastating, how secrecy and denial break trust, and why “nothing happened” can still hurt when emotional energy has already moved elsewhere.   Not every affair begins in a hotel room.   Sometimes it begins with the private message, the deleted thread, the work wife, the work husband, the phone turned face down, the late-night reply, the sudden new pattern, or the person who seems to get the best version of your partner while you are left with the tired, distant one at home.    This episode asks why emotional affairs can feel almost worse than physical affairs, because the harm is not only about attraction or another person. It is about the lying, the minimising, the secrecy, the denial, the “we’re just friends,” the “nothing happened,” and the way someone can be made to doubt what they can clearly feel.   Gabriella also explores the modern relationship grey areas that so many couples are facing now: work wife and work husband dynamics, private messages, changed phone behaviour, going out more, emotional distance at home, increased defensiveness, and the quiet sense that emotional energy has moved somewhere else.   This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered whether they are being insecure or intuitive, whether a “friendship” has crossed a line, whether DMs count as betrayal, or whether emotional intimacy outside the relationship can damage trust even before a physical affair begins.   For the before. For the break. For the becoming.

    28 min
  8. 5 May

    Episode 2: Is Space Saving Your Relationship, or Softly Ending It?

    Is space saving your relationship, or is it softly ending it? In Episode 2 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores one of the most modern relationship questions facing couples today: what does it mean when people are still together, still committed, still sharing a life, but quietly creating more space inside the relationship? This episode looks at the couples who live apart for part of the week, sleep in separate bedrooms, take separate holidays, have weekly nights out alone or with friends, keep a city apartment, retreat to a country house, or create private routines that sit outside the shared life. Is this healthy independence, relationship repair and modern love evolving, or can it become emotional avoidance, silent divorce, quiet quitting marriage and the soft launch of separation? Gabriella explores the positives and negatives of space in relationships, including how time apart can restore desire, reduce resentment, protect identity, support emotional regulation, improve sleep, and help couples return to each other with more warmth and generosity. She also looks at when space becomes harmful, including when it is unequal, unspoken, secretive, avoidant, or when one person’s freedom depends on the other person carrying the emotional load, mental load, parenting load and domestic labour. Drawing on examples from modern relationships, pop culture and the idea of couples keeping separate apartments, holidays, rooms and routines, this episode asks whether space is giving love oxygen or simply making distance easier to tolerate. You will hear about the return test, the fairness test, rituals of return, separate holidays, separate bedrooms, city apartments, emotional disconnection, relationship burnout, marriage resentment, invisible labour, modern marriage, intimacy, autonomy, desire, closeness, independence and what it really means to still choose each other. This episode is for anyone in a relationship wondering whether they need more space, more honesty, more repair, more intimacy, or whether the space they have created is telling them something they have not yet wanted to hear. For the before. For the break. For the becoming. This podcast is for general information and education only and is not legal advice.

    30 min
  9. 29 Apr

    Episode 1: Before it Breaks

    Episode 1: Before It Breaks   Most relationships do not break the day someone leaves.   They break much earlier, in what people now call the quiet quitting marriage, the silent divorce, the slow emotional disconnection that happens while the house still runs, the children are still cared for, the calendar is still full, and everyone on the outside still thinks the family is fine.   In the first full episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores the private fracture that often happens long before separation, divorce, co-parenting or family breakdown becomes visible to the outside world. This is the space where love starts turning into logistics, where the emotional load and mental load become invisible labour, where “I’m fine” becomes a locked door, and where one person can be lying beside someone every night while feeling completely alone.   This episode is for anyone who has ever looked around at the life they built, the house, the children, the school bags by the door, the dinner half-made on the bench, the washing still waiting to be folded, and quietly wondered, “How did we get here?”   Drawing on more than a decade as a family lawyer, as well as her work as the author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, mother and co-parent, Gabriella speaks about the reality behind marriage resentment, relationship burnout, emotional disconnection, the invisible work of motherhood, and the repeated missed bids for connection that can leave someone feeling unseen inside their own family.   This is not just a divorce podcast episode about what happens when people separate. It is a raw conversation about what happens before that: before anyone packs a bag, before anyone calls a lawyer, before the relationship breakdown becomes public, and before the person who has been carrying everything finally says, “I cannot keep pretending this is fine.”   Gabriella also offers hope for couples who recognise themselves in this place, exploring what it can look like to name the truth earlier, seek couples counselling or relationship support, rebuild emotional intimacy, redistribute the mental load, repair after conflict, and understand whether this is a difficult season, a deeper relationship pattern, or the beginning of the end.   This episode is for the person in a silent marriage, the mother carrying the invisible load, the partner feeling lonely in a relationship, the couple wondering if they can repair, and anyone trying to understand the quiet moments that shape what happens before, during and after a family changes.   For the before. For the break. For the becoming.   This podcast is for general information and education only and is not legal advice.

    1hr 1min
  10. 25 Apr

    Intro: A Note Before We Begin

    Episode 0: A Note Before We Begin Before the first full season begins, Gabriella Pomare opens the door to Before It Breaks, a raw and honest podcast about marriage, motherhood, divorce, separation, co-parenting, emotional load, mental load and what really happens before a family changes shape. In this introductory episode, Gabriella shares why she created the podcast, what listeners can expect, and why so many relationships begin breaking long before anyone says the word separation. This is the space before the legal letters, before the parenting arrangements, before the property settlement, before the co-parenting texts, and before the outside world finally sees that something has shifted. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered, “How did we get here?” It is for the person in a quiet quitting marriage, the mother carrying the invisible load, the parent trying to separate without making the children carry the conflict, the co-parent still healing while answering difficult messages, and the person quietly grieving a relationship that still looks intact from the outside. Hosted by Gabriella Pomare, family lawyer, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, speaker, mother and co-parent, Before It Breaks explores the emotional reality behind silent divorce, marriage resentment, relationship burnout, emotional disconnection, motherhood mental load, family breakdown, child-centred separation and rebuilding after divorce. This is not a podcast about perfect families or perfect divorce. It is about the conversations families usually have too late, the quiet patterns that break relationships, the children who feel more than adults realise, and the conscious choices that can help people rebuild with more honesty, dignity, structure and care. For the before. For the break. For the becoming. This podcast is for general information and education only and is not legal advice.

    20 min
5
out of 5
12 Ratings

About

Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a raw and honest relationship, divorce and co-parenting podcast about what really happens before separation, divorce and family breakdown become visible to the outside world.   Hosted by Gabriella Pomare, a family lawyer, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, speaker, mother and co-parent, this podcast explores the private relationship patterns people often recognise too late: the quiet quitting marriage, the silent divorce, emotional disconnection, marriage resentment, relationship burnout, the mental load of motherhood, invisible labour, communication breakdown, conflict, repair, separation, divorce, parenting after separation and child-centred co-parenting.   Most relationships do not break the day someone leaves. They break earlier, in the silence, the repeated missed bids for connection, the resentment underneath “I’m fine,” the invisible load no one names, the text messages that make your stomach drop, the loneliness of sleeping beside someone and feeling completely alone, and the quiet moments where someone slowly stops reaching.   Each episode speaks to the real emotional experience of modern family life, from lonely marriages, motherhood, mental load and relationship repair to separation anxiety, divorce grief, co-parenting conflict, blended families, boundaries, emotional intelligence, family law realities, and rebuilding a life and family that no longer look the way you thought they would.   This podcast is for anyone searching for honest conversations about marriage problems, emotional load, divorce, separation, co-parenting, family law, parenting after separation, high-conflict co-parenting, relationship repair, mental load, motherhood, blended families and modern relationships.   For the person lying awake next to someone and feeling completely alone.   For the mother carrying the whole family in her head.   For the partner wondering whether this is a difficult season or the beginning of the end.   For the parent trying to separate without making their children carry the conflict.   For the co-parent trying to stay calm in a text thread that still hurts.   And for anyone who has ever looked at the life they built and quietly wondered, “How did we get here?”   For the before. For the break. For the becoming.   This podcast is for general information and education only and is not legal advice.

You Might Also Like