The Way You Show Up

Kimberly Beam Holmes, PhD
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated weekly

Most people are living a version of themselves that they never choose.You've been showing up for your spouse, your kids, and your career—but you've been doing it on autopilot. You're living within a ceiling built by your past and sustained by your habits.I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.New episodes every Tuesday.Don't just exist. Show up.

  1. 4 days ago

    I don't even know who I am anymore...

    Resources Mentioned In This Episode: Follow Lucas LeFevre on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucasplefevre/ Sign up for the Solo Spouse Masterclass: https://bit.ly/3SD36yn Submit your questions here! https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 "I don't even know who I am anymore." I heard it over and over in a coaching lab a few weeks ago, and it broke my heart. Different people. Different stories. Same sentence. You didn't lose yourself overnight. You gave yourself away one yes at a time. To a marriage. To a family. To a career. To everyone who told you who you were supposed to be. And then one morning you woke up and couldn't find yourself anywhere in it. I've been there. A few years ago I took a four month sabbatical. Deleted the email apps. Deleted Slack. Stopped working entirely. And the first thing I felt wasn't peace. It was terror. Because my biggest fear was that everything would be fine without me. Then my pastor asked a question that wrecked me: Who were you before the world told you different? In this episode I share what happened when I actually sat with that question. The 10 minute journaling practice that broke it open. The thought that broke through. The book that changed everything. And the vision God gave me that I never would have found if I hadn't stopped. If you feel lost right now, this one's for you. Also in this episode: Solving Marriage Mysteries. Three of your questions answered. Is 16 months too long to save a marriage. What to do when your spouse says he's done but still says he loves you. And what a husband should do when he finally wakes up and she's already checked out. Study Scripture With Me. John 3:25-30. John the Baptist knew exactly who he was and exactly who he wasn't, and his joy was complete either way. Unpopular Opinions. Why life isn't about being happy. Why physical attraction has almost nothing to do with how you look. And why almost no one is a narcissist and everyone is a narcissist. Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened. Be persistent. God is a Father who gives good gifts. Comment below and tell me what you want to see more of on this show. I read every single one. Share this with someone who needs it. Until next week, stay strong. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

  2. 20 Aug

    Why You're Not Healing EMOTIONALLY

    Referenced in this episode: Episode on Feedback: https://youtu.be/NnAZXA32dqc Click Here to Submit Your Questions: https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 You have emotional wounds you can't trace. You don't know where they came from. You just know something hurts every time life bends the wrong way. I scraped my knee in a hotel gym in Taiwan and had no idea how I did it. But for days after, every squat, every step, I felt it. That's exactly how emotional wounds work. Here's what most people miss. Your body forms a scab for a reason. It protects the wound so the skin underneath can heal. Rip it off, and you don't heal faster. You scar. Most of us are ripping ours off constantly. Every time we feel angry. Every time we get defensive. Every time we let one person's comment define who we are. In this episode, I walk through the four stages of healing an emotional wound. Protection. Repair. Clearing. Drop off. Protection is your feelings signaling that something needs care. Repair is the hard work most people skip. Clearing is getting the voices out of your head that never should have been let in. Drop off is what happens when you finally heal instead of scar. I also share the moment someone told me I didn't have what it takes to do this work, and what my dad said that changed how I heard it. Then we get into Solving Marriage Mysteries, where I answer three of your questions, including whether there's still hope when your spouse is convinced you're toxic and why Marriage Helper isn't counseling. Plus Study Scripture With Me in Genesis 12, where Abram brings Lot along even though God told him to leave his father's house. God doesn't give Abram the promise until Lot is gone. What are you still carrying that God never asked you to bring? And my kids take the hot seat. Let's see if I taught them anything. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

  3. 13 Aug

    I Asked My Husband What Most Men Get Wrong In Marriage

    Submit Your Questions for the Q&A Segment: https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 Most husbands have no idea what they're doing wrong. Not because they don't care. Because they're convinced emotions are supposed to follow logic. She shouldn't feel disrespected when I correct her grammar. She should thank me for telling her the idea was bad. That's not cruelty. That's a man trying to run a relationship like a system. Today I put my husband Rob on the hot seat and asked him the questions I usually get asked. What actually makes a marriage happy. What men do without realizing it's destroying things. Where husbands go when they stop talking to their wives. Whether he agrees with everything I teach. He doesn't. And he says so. He also talks about the hardest season we ever went through, the year we spent apart, and the man he became when he got back. I share the moment I stopped trying to manage his emotions and started working on my own. That shift changed everything, and not in the way I expected. Then we study Psalm 13 together. It's the psalm for the seasons when God feels silent. When you're begging for an answer and getting nothing back. I talk about Mother Teresa's journals, the practice of stacking stones, and why looking backward is sometimes the only way forward. And I'm back on the hot seat, answering your rapid fire questions. This week Jason had me hold a plank the entire time. I made it 4 minutes and 23 seconds and he ran out of questions before I ran out of arms. Keep sending the questions. Just go easy on me. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

  4. 6 Aug

    When Someone You Love Goes Distant

    Referenced in this Episode 👀 Marriage Helper Couples Workshop: https://bit.ly/3PPVE1C Stop Trying To Fix Your Marriage Fast: https://youtu.be/GxRUPCSELq8 Submit Your Questions for the Q&A Segment: https://bit.ly/3Tv4287 Save My Marriage Course Waitlist: https://bit.ly/3RBHr9n Most people try to reconnect by talking about the relationship. That's exactly why it doesn't work. You sit them down. You bring up the distance. You ask them how they're feeling. And they shut down harder than before. I did that with my husband for years. Coffee. Serious face. "Can we talk about us?" It never once went the way I hoped. What finally worked was something much smaller. In this episode, I walk through the three steps I used to reconnect with my husband ten years ago. It's also the same three steps I just used with my 11 year old daughter. Step one. Make intentional time. Not them. You. If you're the one who sees the gap, you're the one who takes the first step to close it. That means putting down the thing that pulls you away. The phone. The work. The hobby. Whatever it is for you. Step two. Get interested in what they're interested in. Not what you wish they cared about. Not what you want to do together. What lights them up. People who don't feel safe talking about their fears will still talk for an hour about the thing they love. Step three. Start with something fun so it can go somewhere deep. Laughter comes before honesty. Safety comes before vulnerability. You cannot skip to the hard conversation and expect them to meet you there. For me and my daughter, it was nachos and the World Cup. For me and my husband, it was Renaissance festivals and a shooting range. It works in every relationship. Marriage. Kids. Anyone you've drifted from. If the connection is weak, you move closer to the source. Also in this episode: I answer three of your questions, including what to do when your spouse distrusts therapy, how to reconcile when you no longer share the same view of marriage, and what to do when you're doing all the work alone and running out of steam. Then we read Psalm 73 together in Study Scripture With Me, and I take on the Hot Seat while holding a wall sit longer than I should have. Walk. Don't run. There is still hope. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

  5. 30 Jul

    This Mental State Hurts You AND Your Marriage

    Learn more about the Marriage Helper Couples Workshop: https://marriagehelper.com/couples-workshop/ You are such an idiot. That is what I said to myself. Out loud. For days. Over a pair of AirPods. I left the case on my bumper, drove off, and lost them. Second time I've lost a case. The first time I mailed it away in an Amazon return box. And I spent the next week beating myself up about it. Here's the problem with that. The things you think don't stay in your head. They move to your heart. They come out of your mouth. And when you think badly about yourself, you start thinking badly about everyone around you. What you think about is what you keep thinking about. So make it good. In this episode, I talk about how to break the negative self-talk spiral and actually move forward instead of ruminating. Then we get into your questions. How do you show a reluctant spouse you're a safe place when the only contact you have is sporadic texts about money? Short answer, you can't manufacture the opportunity. But you can be a good steward of the ones you get. Are kids really resilient after divorce? They are. But they shouldn't have to be. I get honest about why so many people repeat that line, and what the research actually says about kids growing up in high conflict co-parenting. And what do you do when your spouse says he's leaving so the kids won't have to watch a bad marriage? Fix the marriage. That is the model your kids need. Two people going through something hard and figuring out how to repair it. In Study Scripture With Me, I'm in 1 Samuel 28. Saul goes to a medium at Endor because God stopped answering him. David asks for the ephod and waits. Two men asking God the same kind of question. One wanting permission, one wanting direction. If God agrees with everything you want to do, it might be worth asking who you're actually listening to. Then we close with the hot seat. Ten words or less. Including one piece of advice I've given for years that I've had to correct. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

  6. 23 Jul

    What To Do When You Feel Like A Failure

    I failed my driver's test before I ever pulled out of the parking lot. Sixteen years old. Red Miata convertible. The one thing I wanted more than anything. Gone in under a minute. I sat through the rest of that test convinced I could win her over. I couldn't. And all I could think about was that everyone at school was going to know. All my friends were going to know. I was the girl who failed. I've been driving for twenty years now. I almost never think about it. Here's what I want you to hear. You will fail at things. People will judge you for it. I'm not going to sit here and promise you that everyone is kind and nobody is watching, because that isn't true. Sometimes they are watching. Sometimes they are judging. But you only get two options. Sit in it and let it define you. Or decide what you do next. Maybe right now the failure everyone can see is your marriage. Your spouse left. You're the one sitting alone at church. Your kids are struggling and people notice. It feels like your whole life is on display and you're the cautionary tale. You still get to decide what comes next. Also in this episode, I'm answering your questions. How do you carry the emotional pain of a spouse who has been unfaithful and is telling people lies about you. Why your husband may be hiding the truth from you, and the uncomfortable question you have to ask yourself before trust can ever get rebuilt. Fair warning, this is the kind of answer that gets me hate mail. What to do when your spouse moves back home but sleeps in the guest room and clearly isn't there for the marriage. Then Coach Meredith joins me to talk about what she's seeing inside the Coaching Lab, why people make progress faster in groups, and how much it changes things when someone finally notices you're growing. In Study Scripture With Me, we're in Psalm 23. I walked that terrain in Israel and it completely changed how I read this psalm. Sheep don't lie down because you make them. Sheep lie down because they feel safe. That one detail reframes the entire thing. And in the Hot Seat, I answered rapid fire questions while doing burpees. We still don't agree on how many I actually did. You will fail. Things will not go as planned. People will judge you. Get back up, drive forward, and prove them wrong. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

  7. 16 Jul

    Stop Trying To Fix Your Marriage Fast

    Everyone wants to sprint through the hard part of marriage. I understand why. When there's been infidelity. When trust has been broken. When you feel more like roommates than husband and wife. You want it over as fast as you possibly can. But I'll tell you something that surprises a lot of people. The faster a reconciliation happens, the bigger the red flag it is to me. Marriage was never meant to be a sprint. It's a marathon. In this episode, I share what running has taught me about the hardest seasons of a relationship. You don't run the hills. You walk them. Because when you try to summit a hill as fast as you can, you reach the top exhausted, overexerted, and ready to quit. But when you walk it, slow and intentional, you get to the top with enough left in you to keep going. That's what I want for your marriage. Not just surviving until death do you part. Actually enjoying each other the whole way there. Then we get into your questions. How do you know when you've stood long enough after a divorce, and what's the difference between standing around and actually moving forward. What to do when your spouse files and you're the one who removed the obstacle. And how to hold onto your marriage when your spouse walks away from the faith that once held you both together. We also open the word together in Psalm 139. A study on the God who searches you, knows every part of you, and still calls you fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

  8. 9 Jul

    3 Hidden Triggers Behind Every Argument You Have

    You think the fight was about the medicine. It wasn't. It was never about the medicine, the dishes, the text you forgot to send, or who said what first. Every argument you've ever had walked in carrying three invisible passengers.  Your past.  Your personality.  Your point of view. And your spouse brought their own three into the room, too. In this video, I break down what's actually happening inside both people the moment a conversation starts to heat up. Why something as small as "please pick up my prescription" can turn into a full-blown rupture in under thirty seconds. I'll walk you through the exact fight my husband and I had over a grocery run. What I felt. What he felt. And the three things I did in the hour after to flip it. Calm down.  Get curious instead of furious.  Lean in. Because here's the truth. You can't put the egg back in the shell once it cracks. But you can decide what happens next. You can clean it up and pretend it never happened.  Or you can flip it and make something out of it. That's the difference between a rupture that quietly ends a marriage and a repair that makes it stronger. And it's rarely the big betrayals that break people. It's the small cracks in the day-to-day that nobody ever goes back to fix. I'll show you how to spot your three, understand theirs, and turn the next heated moment into a repair instead of a wound. I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended. The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine." We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health. If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here. New episodes every Thursday. Don't just exist. Show up. 🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com 🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

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About

Most people are living a version of themselves that they never choose.You've been showing up for your spouse, your kids, and your career—but you've been doing it on autopilot. You're living within a ceiling built by your past and sustained by your habits.I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.New episodes every Tuesday.Don't just exist. Show up.

Information

  • Creator
    Kimberly Beam Holmes, PhD
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2026
  • Episodes
    285
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 PIES University, LLC.
  • Show Website
    The Way You Show Up

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