Intelligent Masculinity

Sick of this Shit Pub

A series dedicated to reclaiming what true masculinity is - not an old, fragile masculinity of domination; rather, a new, intelligent masculinity built on accountability. sickofthis.substack.com

  1. Intelligent Masculinity | With Ken Harbaugh

    15 HR AGO

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Ken Harbaugh

    “At its core, toxic masculinity — the opposite of intelligent masculinity or positive masculinity — is about cowardice. And you can push insecurity and overcompensating and all of that into it, but I think if you frame it in terms of cowardice, it not only skewers the performative cosplay of the Pete Hegseths and the Markwayne Mullin, it allows viewers and fans and others to begin to see it when it crops up. And I’m thinking just in one instance of that picture of Markwayne Mullin — like the epitome of performative masculinity — standing up in a Senate hearing, challenging the head of the Teamsters to a fight, talking about being downrange on a mission so classified that he can’t talk to senators about it. And yet there’s that photo of him on January 6th, cowering behind the real men defending him and his colleagues. He is not at the tip of the spear. He is literally cowering. And that to me is a great picture of that fundamental truth about toxic masculinity, which is that it’s about cowardice.” ~ The Ken Harbaugh Show ~ Masculinity In Review In this 22nd interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Ken Harbaugh — former Navy pilot, veteran service organization leader, and host of the Ken Harbaugh Show on the Midas Touch Network — to pull apart what happens when performative masculinity stops being embarrassing and starts being dangerous. The two met in Minneapolis at the Abolish ICE Live event honoring Alex Pretti and Renee Nicole Good – and that shared context shapes the entire conversation. Ken frames the current political moment — from Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon to Markwayne Mullin’s Senate hearings to become the next Director of Homeland Security — as a case study in the specific rot that results when deeply flawed, insecure men gain institutional power and disguise bluster as leadership. This discussion traces the roots of that rot through Christian nationalism, warrior cosplay, and a cultural definition of success so narrow it destroys the people chasing it. Everyone can come away with a working vocabulary for identifying performative masculinity in real time and a model for what the alternative actually looks like. Performative masculinity is, at its core, cowardice. Ken argues that the clearest through-line in every example of toxic masculine behavior — from Josh Hawley sprinting down a Senate hallway on January 6th to Markwayne Mullin hiding behind real officers while claiming combat credentials he never earned — is cowardice wearing borrowed armor. The bluster is not incidental to cowardice – it is produced by it. Ken makes the point that this framing is more useful than words like insecure or fragile precisely because cowardice is legible. It names what is happening. It lets people recognize the pattern the moment they see it rather than needing to diagnose the psychology underneath. Warrior cosplay and Christian nationalism are fused — and the fusion is dangerous. Pete Hegseth is the clearest example Ken raises: a man with a makeup room adjacent to his Pentagon office, whose idea of leadership is chest-thumping on camera while calling for an end to rules of engagement. Ken describes this version of Christianity — fire, brimstone, no quarter for the enemy — as idolatrous, and fundamentally inconsistent with the faith Hegseth claims. The danger is not just theological incoherence; it is that a man running the Department of Defense is treating the military as a vehicle for a crusade. Veterans, Ken says, have a specific responsibility to name this. They know the guy at the bar who talks like this. They know exactly what it is. Real heroism does not wear itself on its sleeve. The counterweight Ken brings is his grandfather — a B-17 pilot in the Pacific who flew home with a 20-millimeter cannon round through his thigh, was awarded a Silver Star, and never once bragged about it. That silent dignity was the point – not a form of emotional suppression. The clips and articles were around the house. You had to pry the stories out of him. Ken draws the contrast explicitly: the heroism that is real does not need an audience. The contrast with Markwayne Mullin — a man who has never served but describes classified missions to Senate colleagues — is sharp enough to be its own definition. Bravery is not a military credential — it is a human one. One of the most direct corrections Ken makes is severing the automatic equation between service and bravery, or between bravery and masculinity. He names nurses as among the bravest people he knows — and given that Alex Pretti, an VA ICU nurse who spent his career in veterans’ final moments, was the reason both men were in Minneapolis, the point carries weight. Teachers are in the same category. The standard Ken holds up is not uniform or service branch; it is whether you show up for the most vulnerable people in the room. That is the measure. Success has been defined so narrowly that it is destroying the people who achieve it. Ken ran for Congress in a district Trump won by over 30 points. He did not win the race. With time, he came to see the campaign differently — as something that built real infrastructure, launched significant careers, and proved resistance was possible in places people had written off. The reframe is not consolation; it is structural. He extends it directly to Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Peter Thiel: men who, by capitalism’s narrowest metric, are successful, and who Harbaugh describes as complete failures in life — no friends, children who despise them, legacies built primarily on harm. The counterproposal is simple and direct: the ultimate measure of a successful life is having people who love you around you when it ends. In the end, we see Ken Harbaugh for more than what we saw before – he is a Navy pilot, a two-time veteran service organization leader, a former congressional candidate, and the host of a show built specifically to counter the kind of political moment this episode dissects. What he brings to Intelligent Masculinity is a veteran’s precision — the ability to identify, from lived experience, exactly what a man is compensating for when he performs strength rather than exercising it. This conversation ties together threads the series has been building since its first episode: accountability cannot be outsourced, bravery is not a credential, and success defined by accumulation alone produces lonely, destructive people. For Ken, masculinity looks like his grandfather in the deer blind — not many words, no performance, just steady presence and the expectation that you carry what you shoot. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you LeftieProf, Mike Harkreader, Ann Kramer, Maureen Drews, Nanalin, and many others for tuning into my live video with The Ken Harbaugh Show! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    48 min
  2. Intelligent Masculinity | With Wajahat Ali

    3 DAYS AGO

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Wajahat Ali

    “I would add another aspect of intelligent masculinity — spending time knowing yourself. There's a great saying in Islam, and it's in most traditional traditions: know yourself and you'll know your creator. And this includes knowing the bad parts of yourself, the weak parts of yourself, the messy parts of yourself. That requires radical honesty with yourself. Where am I good? What am I bad at? What do I take pride in? Where can I get better? Maybe it's not the women's fault. Maybe it's not the immigrants' fault. Maybe there's something inside me — something broken, or maybe I'm projecting something, maybe there's an insecurity. That's an intelligent aspect of masculinity — which is why it's so frightening that Marc Andreessen, one of the broligarchs, is literally saying he's not into self-reflection.” ~ THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali ~ Masculinity In Review In this 21st interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro brought THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali — writer, commentator, and host of The Left Hook — into the conversation. This conversation aired during Ramadan, with Waj fasting and still showing up fully present — which both acknowledged as a framing for the conversation. They covered what a prophetic model of masculinity actually looks like in practice, how men learn to externalize blame instead of looking inward, and what changes when men stop running from self-reflection and start treating it as a discipline. This is one of the most spiritually grounded conversations — at time mirroring the discussion with Qasim Rashid, Esq. — and one of the most honest about the gap between the masculinity men inherit and the one they actually choose. Waj opened by naming what’s visible across the current political and media landscape: men who perform strength because they lack it. He called them cosplay crusaders — broken men LARPing dominance. Pete Hegseth banned photographers over an unflattering photo. Marc Andreessen publicly announced he does not self-reflect. Kash Patel proposed having UFC fighters train federal “officers”. These aren’t displays of power; they’re displays of damage. Waj’s argument is that the through-line for most of these men is the same — unprocessed father wounds that never got named — and that understanding the source is the first step toward building something different. The alternative Waj offered came directly from his faith. As a practicing Muslim, he drew on the prophetic model of masculinity — the example of the Prophet Muhammad, who never struck his children, never raised his voice at his wife, and treated restraint and gentleness as expressions of strength rather than departures from it. There’s a narration of the Prophet cutting away the section of his shawl rather than disturb a sleeping cat. That image — a man powerful enough to let small things be — cuts directly against the domination model that currently passes for strength in American culture. Waj’s point is not religious in the narrow sense — it’s practical. Warmth, presence, and self-governance are what actually earn trust and love from the people closest to you. His father supplied the lived model. Waj described a man who immigrated from Pakistan, raised a family with his mother for 48 years, and never once asked where she was going, penny-pinched her independence, or treated her freedom as a threat to his identity. His father was secure — genuinely, quietly secure — and that security transmitted. Waj connected it directly to his own marriage: his wife Sarah has told him that his confidence, his refusal to perform jealousy, is part of why she chose him. Masculine insecurity compounds downward through relationships. Masculine security does the opposite. When Nick walked Waj through the series’ working definition — intelligent masculinity as the refusal to outsource accountability and the discipline to live with the consequences of your values and actions — Waj affirmed it and pushed it forward. He added a layer: radical honesty about who you actually are. The good parts, the weak parts, the messy parts. There’s a saying across Islamic and broader traditional traditions — know yourself and you’ll know your creator — and Waj named that self-knowledge as the root of everything else the series has been building toward. You cannot own what you will not look at. Accountability without self-knowledge is performance. Waj was candid about his own relationship with introspection: he has OCD inherited from his father, he ruminates more than is healthy, and he spent years confusing self-punishment with self-improvement. He named the distinction plainly — auditing yourself to grow is productive masculine practice; beating yourself down until you can’t get up is not. Over the last decade he’s shifted toward what he called “humble swagger”: taking honest stock of where he’s fallen short while also giving himself credit for what he’s actually built. Nick echoed it with the series’ own framing — self-reflection is not a license for self-destruction — now you know, so you can grow. That balance between clear-eyed assessment and genuine self-regard is what productive reflection actually looks like, and it’s a model worth passing down. In the end we see that THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali is a writer, public commentator, and practicing Muslim who has spent years speaking plainly about the failures of toxic masculinity while modeling something different. This conversation brought spiritual depth, biographical honesty, and real humor to the Intelligent Masculinity series — and his addition of self-knowledge as the foundation beneath accountability pushes the series’ central thesis meaningfully forward. Waj doesn’t just describe a better masculinity; he’s built one inside a working marriage and a public career, and he’s willing to show the construction. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Evan Fields, Margaret Williams, MS, ACC, Nick G, A Dude On The Couch, Barniclebetty, Maureen Drews, and many others for tuning into my live video with THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    56 min
  3. Intelligent Masculinity | With Pete Dominick

    13 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Pete Dominick

    "She got really upset with me. She was like, you're talking down to me in front of my boyfriend. And she was absolutely right. And I just gave her a full-throated apology — to her face, then again later in a text message. I made sure not to defend myself in any way. None of that. Apologize fully without defending yourself. Do it in such a way that it is definitely sincere and you will build every relationship. I think people view that as strength because it's being decent. And that is so much stronger in my mind than someone who doesn't do that or someone that doesn't have that as a guiding principle and practice in their life. To be conciliatory, to apologize, and to mean it is a hard thing to do. But if you do it, you're a better person, certainly a stronger man." ~ STAND UP! With Pete Dominick ~ Masculinity In Review For the 20th interview in the Intelligent Masculinity series, Nick Paro sits down with comedian, talk show host, and girl dad STAND UP! With Pete Dominick — and lands on one of the most direct definitions of a principled life the series has encountered. Pete comes to the conversation having navigated a career shift from road comedian to activist-journalist, a separation after a long marriage, the death of a family dog, and a father's transition into an empty nest — all while running a daily podcast and showing up as a present parent. What anchors the whole conversation is something Pete returns to again and again: the refusal to abandon his principles, even when that costs him professionally, relationally, or financially. This discussion gives all of us a clear, practical framework — developed through Stoicism, Buddhism, therapy, and a well-placed older brother — for what it looks like to live with integrity rather than just talk about it. Your principles have to be named before they can be lived. This is where Pete traces his moral formation back to his older brother, who introduced him to punk rock, Noam Chomsky, anti-racism, and anti-sexism during Pete's adolescence — at the exact moment when those lessons would stick. The brother, a nonconformist who got bullied for it, modeled something Pete absorbed: that your worst fear should not be failure, but becoming unoriginal, or worse, abandoning what you actually believe. Pete's clearest fear throughout this conversation is not losing money or relationships — it's losing his principles. He draws a direct line from naming that fear to the choices he's made, including walking away from a 15-year run at Sirius XM after refusing to stay silent when the company rehired Steve Bannon. An unqualified apology is a structural practice, not a personality trait. Pete didn’t grow up as someone who lacked words — he had too many, and the problem was knowing exactly how to win an argument while the relationship lost. Marriage counseling gave him three anchors he still works with: don’t take things personally, don’t make assumptions, and don’t get defensive. He describes a recent moment with his 21-year-old daughter on a ski trip where he criticized her skiing in front of her boyfriend. She called it out directly. He issued a full apology — in person and again in a follow-up text — without attaching a single qualifier or explanation. He doesn’t frame this as noble. He frames it as structurally necessary: apologize fully, without defending yourself, and the relationship gets stronger. This echoes what Walter Rhein said on the series before him (listen here) — the most important thing a man can do is an unqualified apology. Modeling a healthy breakup is an act of fatherhood. When Pete’s wife told him she wanted to separate, his first instinct was anger, rejection, and the desire to keep fighting. His older brother stepped in with a frame that redirected everything: your daughters are watching, and they will be broken up with someday, and what they see you do now is what they’ll know how to do then. Pete stayed in the house until his younger daughter got her license, drove her to school every day because he wanted those car moments, and then moved 10 minutes away. Three years later, he and his ex-wife still talk, share dinners, and co-parent with clarity. He’s not holding that up as universal advice. He’s pointing to the specific practice: ego is the enemy of a healthy separation, and setting your ego aside to protect your kids is not a sacrifice — it’s the job. Straight men, especially white ones, have to show up for people who aren’t. Pete puts it plainly: straight white men have been the architects of most systemic harm, which means they carry both responsibility and unique leverage to confront it. He distinguishes personal suffering — which he says is real and not to be dismissed, pointing to his brother-in-law who died by suicide — from systemic suffering, which operates at a different scale and requires different work. He describes jumping in on group texts to confront a friend talking nonsense, confronting Jesse Watters on-camera by asking him to name the soldiers he claimed to honor, and advocating for a family in his community with a trans child rather than making the parents carry the full public weight of it. His frame: the standard you walk past is the standard you accept. A daily practice that is the self-evaluation period for everything else. Pete's self-reflection tools are really concrete: 20 minutes each of meditation, journaling, exercise, and reading. The meditation does one specific thing — it trains you to notice when you're inside a thought spiral, name it, and set it down. He's not claiming enlightenment. He's describing a maintenance practice for a person who covers the news every day, has navigated real loss, and carries the anxiety that comes with self-employment and a principled life. The reading is Stoic and Buddhist: Marcus Aurelius, Pema Chodron, Ryan Holiday. The point isn't originality — the four cardinal Stoic virtues are 2,000 years old. The point is finally using what's already been handed to us. And as our friend NeuroDivergent Hodgepodge added in the Live chat — “it’s better to be genuine than be ‘original’”. As we bring it all together — we saw STAND UP! With Pete Dominick as a comedian who stopped going on the road to be home with his daughters; a talk show host who got pushed out of corporate media spaces for refusing to make peace with the people running it; and a man who has moved through separation, loss, and the edge of an empty nest while staying committed to a personal code he can actually name. What this interview adds to the Intelligent Masculinity series is a specific and earned articulations of principled living — as the practical daily stance that costs something and pays dividends that can't be measured in money or status. For Pete, intelligent masculinity looks like showing up as water over rocks: not ignoring the obstacles, not pretending they aren't there, but refusing to get stuck. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Soso's World, Eric Lullove, LeftieProf, Courtney 🇨🇦, Laura Tompkins, and many others for tuning into my live video with STAND UP! With Pete Dominick, Banner & Backbone Media, and Sick of this Shit Publications! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 22m
  4. Intelligent Masculinity | With Steven Acheson

    11 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Steven Acheson

    “It really goes back to watching men perform badly throughout my life — men who have been my father figures more or less, who in various ways succeeded, but in various ways failed to step up to the moments and been absent when they shouldn’t have been. And I just never wanted my stepson or my biological son to ever feel like they were alone and didn’t have somebody there to support them and to be there for them along the way. So I made a conscious promise to myself that I was going to be a better dad than the men I’ve had as father figures in my life.” ~ Steven Acheson ~ Masculinity In Review On this 19th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro has an incredibly raw and honest conversation with Steven Acheson — someone who grew up on a fifth-generation Wisconsin dairy farm, enlisted in the Army almost by accident at 19 after a civil engineering apprenticeship fell through, and deployed to Sadr City in 2005 as part of a brigade commander's personal security detail — running over 400 missions through the worst IED corridors in the country, attending more than 60 funerals in 11 months, and sustaining a back injury that ended his forward observer career. He came home, answered his post-deployment health assessment honestly when his NCOs told him to say no to everything, and became the only soldier in his platoon to actively seek mental health treatment — a pattern of choosing clarity over comfort that defines how he operates today. Now 40, living in rural Wisconsin at 100% VA disability rating, he is a stay-at-home dad to a first-grader named Aldo and a freshman in college, a partner to high school science teacher Steph, and an organizer for High Ground Veterans Advocacy alongside his long-time battle-buddy Kristofer Goldsmith. This conversation moves through combat trauma, the power of true friendships, the decision to be present for his kids instead of career-chasing, and what it means to break a family pattern of absent and harmful men — and Steven brings the receipts: a list his oldest sister built for him capturing how she sees him practicing intelligent masculinity in real life. Steven is the person who found Kristofer Goldsmith after a suicide attempt (listen here). The two met on day one of basic training, maintained a running friendly competition through AIT, were assigned to the same duty station, deployed together, and lived together post-deployment when Kris was at his lowest. Steven's presence in that moment was intentional — it was the product of a relationship built and maintained deliberately over years. This powerful moment reinforces an early discussion with Sharad Swaney in a prior Intelligent Masculinity conversation (listen here): men need at least one person they can cry in front of without explanation, and that person has to be built before the crisis arrives. As the conversation moves forward, Steven recounted an important moment in a story familiar to too many veterans — answering his post-deployment health questionnaire truthfully at a time when everyone around him was coached to deny everything. He flagged PTSD symptoms that were already showing up physically — chewed-off knuckles, sleep disruption — and went on to seek mental health treatment on his own initiative. The consequence of that honesty was what it always should be — the intentional first steps on a slow path toward processing what happened. The takeaway here is concrete: when a system hands you a form and pressures you to lie on it, answering accurately is not weakness — it is the prerequisite for getting anything useful out of that system. Moving into the discussion on accountability, Steven names his partner Steph as his single greatest influence, and he is specific about why: she identified language he was using — patterns that came from growing up in a military and rural conservative environment — and named them clearly, without softening the message. He received that feedback, worked on it, and still slips. The model he describes is not one of wholesale transformation but of ongoing, imperfect recalibration. The instruction for men in the audience is not to wait until your language is perfect, but to stop treating correction as an attack and start treating it as information. While discussing generational trauma, Steven spoke on what he told his younger half-brother directly: it's up to us to end this. He didn't leave it abstract. He said the words. His family history includes men who were absent, harmful, or both — and rather than carry that silently forward, he made an explicit promise to himself that his stepson and his biological son would never feel alone or unsupported the way he sometimes did. That promise is now visible in his daily choices: declining career opportunities, staying home, coaching sports he didn't particularly enjoy, and consistently showing up. Naming the pattern is not sufficient on its own, but it is where the decision starts. The conversation built as Steven recalled the years spent after leaving the military doing informal counter-recruiting presentations at high schools — writing the full war debt on the board and asking students who they thought was going to pay for it. He describes this as work he eventually stepped back from for his own mental health, but Nick presses the point: progressive and pro-democracy veterans need to be louder right now, because the political right has claimed veteran identity through sheer volume. Using the veteran tag deliberately — not as the whole of your identity, but strategically — is a way of filling a void that gets filled with something else if you leave it empty. Towards the end, Steven discusses the years spent in the background of Kristofer Goldsmith’s advocacy work — advising and believing in him when others didn't — without needing to be the face of it. The framing Nick introduces, and which Steven affirms, is that not being the main character in someone else's story is a valid and sometimes more important role. The ego-driven version of masculinity requires constant centrality; whereas, the growth-driven version recognizes that your moment to step forward will come, and that building someone else's capacity in the meantime is not a demotion — it’s the plot. Steven arrives at a particular point in the series arc — after Sharad Swaney’s civic organizing, Kristofer Goldsmith’s institutional advocacy, Jack’s reclamation of identity, and Qasim Rashid, Esq.’s intersection of faith and public service — and brings something these conversations have been approaching but hadn't yet centered on: what it looks like to carry acute trauma and a clear commitment to not pass it forward, at the same time, over decades. His story doesn't begin with a platform or a cause. It begins on a dairy farm, runs through Sadr City, and lands in a living room where he is the one who shows up — for his kids, for his partner, for Kris at his lowest, for civilians who never heard a veteran speak plainly about what war actually costs. What connects him to every guest before him is the through-line which has been building since the first interview with Shane Yirak: intelligent masculinity is not a fixed identity, it's a practice — and the form it takes changes from person to person while the commitment underneath it doesn't. Steven Acheson’s is the version that looks like presence, honesty, and a promise kept. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Ms.Yuse, Robin Elizabeth Simpson Scott, Kelly Duncan, Connie, Pangia Macri, and many others for tuning into my live video with Steven Acheson and Sick of this Shit Publications! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 29m
  5. Intelligent Masculinity with Joe Plenzler

    8 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity with Joe Plenzler

    “In order to be good, you have to do good, and [this] definition of evil is more like Edmund Burke. It’s the ability to do good and [then] not doing it. So evil doesn’t have to be a specific act. It just has to be the ability to make a better decision and choosing not to.” ~ Joe Plenzler ~ Masculinity In Review In this 18th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Joe Plenzler — Marine Corp combat veteran, communications leader, and fierce advocate for those who served — shares his experiences about service, loyalty, institutional failures, moral injury, media narratives, and the burden veterans carry long after the uniform comes off. This is a discussion about accountability. Joe makes something clear early in our discussion: the Marine Corps gives young men something many of them have never had before — structure, expectation, standards, and camaraderie. It gives meaning, direction, and a meaningful purpose larger than just the self. But the camaraderie that binds warriors in combat doesn’t automatically translate to life at home — a country which loves the symbolism of service, yet constantly struggles with the responsibility of reintegration. Joe pushes against the lazy cultural script that says: “They signed up for it.” Yes — they signed up to serve, to protect — yet, none signed up to be discarded. Joe speaks plainly about the Iraq generation — young men sent into chaotic, politically murky conflict environments with incomplete strategy and shifting narratives. The cost was more than just physical — it was psychological, it was moral, and it was existential. War accelerates maturity in some areas and freezes development in others. You return with hyper-competence in chaos…and no real roadmap for an ordinary life. That gap creates dislocation, alienation, anger, and silence—and that silence often compounds the damage. Joe argues that masculine culture often amplifies that silence — especially among combat veterans. Strength becomes suppression, loyalty becomes isolation, and stoicism becomes a trap to hide everything behind a mask — but suppression isn’t discipline, it’s a deferred collapse. One of the most powerful threads in this conversation is Joe’s articulation of moral injury. PTSD is a clinical framework whereas moral injury is spiritual. It’s what happens when your internal moral code collides with the realities of war, bureaucracy, or political decision-making. You can do everything right tactically — and still wrestle with what you were part of. That wrestling is conscience — and that’s true strength. Joe pushes back against reducing veterans to trauma stereotypes because the story isn’t one of fragility — this is the story is unresolved weight which has become corrosive — personally and nationally. As someone deeply embedded in communications and public messaging, Joe understands narrative warfare. He calls out two distortions: * The romanticization of service. * The weaponization of veterans in political messaging. Both strip all of the nuance out of the conversation. Veterans are either saints or victims — rarely are they full human beings navigating complex transitions. Joe argues for something harder: accountability in leadership, truth in storytelling, and responsibility in how we deploy young men. Intelligent masculinity requires honest language — not propaganda. Joe’s post-service career reflects something important: discipline and mission don’t evaporate — they redirect into service after service. He channels Marine Corp precision into advocacy, communications, and institutional critique — and that’s a model worth studying. He shows us that masculinity isn’t defined by the battlefield — it’s defined by what you build after it. Joe Plenzler represents a version of masculinity that is loyal without the blindness, strong because of reflection, patriotic while critical, and disciplined but adaptive. Joe shows that those blends matter. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Noble Blend, LeftieProf, Jami, Education is a lamp, Liv C, and many others for tuning into my live video with Joe Plenzler, Banner & Backbone Media, and Sick of this Shit Publications! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 16m
  6. Intelligent Masculinity with Nick Paro

    3 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity with Nick Paro

    “Ego wants to win arguments. Discipline wants to build something that lasts. The problem with ego-driven masculinity is that it’s loud but fragile. Discipline is quiet, but it compounds. It shows up every day. It doesn’t need applause. And it doesn’t collapse when someone disagrees with you.” ~ Nick Paro ~ Masculinity In Review I have had the distinct pleasure of working with them for the majority of my time here on Substack. From our first conversation, I knew that this was someone whom I admired, who cared, and who wanted to make the world a better place. Nick is someone who has sacrificed, suffered, and grown. He is someone who pursues a life in which his growth can propel others’ growth. I went into this interview with the goal of better understanding my friend, and I left knowing a man who has fought and clawed his way back from the darkest of places to become a beacon of hope for thousands, and a shoulder to lean on for his friends. Nick focuses on becoming a better human, and his series on intelligent masculinity is the purest distillation of a great challenge he took on. Not because he was asked, but because he saw a need. Men are the problem, ego has become the core of Western masculine identity. Creating a society of dangerous, entitled, and hateful men who are taught that they are entitled to whatever they want. It is men who have to confront this ugly reality and set the record straight. Nick is leading the charge on this, and because of him, this discussion is spreading beyond a small community and providing an opportunity for men to reflect and change. It is my distinct pleasure to present this interview with Nick Paro, my good friend, an inspiration, and a warrior. On and off the battlefield, whichever one he finds himself on. Thank you, Nick. Shane Yirak — Not Your Son. Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Evan Fields, NeuroDivergent Hodgepodge, Natasha K., Sue Ploeger’s script to novel, LeftieProf, and many others for tuning into my live video with Shane Yirak and Nick Paro, presented on Sick of this Shit Publications and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    2h 22m
  7. Intelligent Masculinity with Will Fullwood

    25 FEB

    Intelligent Masculinity with Will Fullwood

    “A lot of people think masculinity is about these big moments — but it’s really about the small ones. It’s whether you keep your word. Whether you stay consistent. Whether you choose discipline when no one would notice if you didn’t. That’s what builds trust. That’s what builds character.” ~ Will Fullwood ~ Masculinity In Review In this 16th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Will Fullwood to explore masculinity through the lens of integrity, discipline, and quiet accountability. Will reflects on growing up without perfect role models, learning responsibility through adversity, and defining humaning not as masculinity through dominance — but as consistency. At the core of the conversation is a powerful through-line: Being a man isn’t about control. It’s about showing up — especially when it’s uncomfortable. This discussion deepens the series’ central thesis: intelligent masculinity is practiced in everyday decisions, not declared in slogans. Will speaks candidly about growing up without flawless examples of masculinity. Instead of inheriting a blueprint built on gendered lines, he had to construct his own understanding of what being a man meant. That process required him to observe what not to replicate, identify the traits worth keeping, and then choosing discipline over impulse. This mirrors a recurring theme in the series that masculinity is not always inherited intact—sometimes it is assembled piece by piece, and that assembly requires self-awareness. One of the most important threads in the interview is emotional responsibility. Will pushes back against the idea that masculinity requires emotional suppression. Instead, he emphasizes emotional management—not exploding, not deflecting, and not blaming others for internal discomfort . These distinctions are important when describing the guardrails which offer guideposts for intelligent masculinity to learn from—the understanding that suppression leads to resentment, expression without discipline leads to chaos, practiced management leads to lasting growth, and active participation is required or you don’t really have values, just slogans. What stands out in this conversation is Will’s emphasis on the small, daily decisions. Decisions which aren’t heroic acts or grand speeches; rather, they are actively following through, admitting when you’re wrong, being present in the moment, and making the harder choices, quietly. In Will’s case—as with the case of so many of the other men—masculinity is cumulative, never static and always working to grow—because cumulative behavior is what truly defines your character. Will also acknowledges that a person’s growth is rarely linear. There are always missteps, ego flares, and failures—what separates mature masculinity from fragile masculinity is the response. Do you double down—or do you adjust? Intelligent masculinity is always correctable—willing to say “now you know, so you can grow.” In the end, this discussion with Will reinforces and sharpens key pillars of our overall series. He highlights that integrity is consistency over time; accountability is internal before it can become external; masculinity is measured in actions and behavior, not volume; that meaningful growth most often requires some level of discomfort, and emotional management is true strength. If our earlier guests emphasized service, faith, trauma interruption, or platform responsibility—Will Fullwood emphasizes the everyday—and sometimes the everyday is the hardest arena to enter and stay in. ~Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Cheech Previti, Brandon Ellrich, Cris Northern, PJ Schuster, Daniel D Woodard, and many others for tuning into my live video with Will Fullwood, presented on Sick of this Shit Publications and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 54m
  8. Intelligent Masculinity with Jack

    24 FEB

    Intelligent Masculinity with Jack

    “Growing up with an abusive father gave me a very clear example of what masculinity can become when it’s rooted in control and fear. I watched how anger was used as power. And I made a conscious decision that if I was going to live as a man, I was not going to live like that. I wasn’t going to repeat it. I had to build something different — something steadier, something safer.”~ Jack ~ Masculinity In Review In this 15th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Jack for a deeply personal conversation about trauma, transition, and the uneven terrain of support. Raised by an abusive father and a mother struggling with her own unresolved trauma, Jack found refuge in a grandmother who offered space and stability. As a trans man who has lived both female-presenting and male-presenting lives, Jack offers rare insight into masculinity from both sides of the social divide. His journey reframes intelligent masculinity not as inheritance or dominance — but as something consciously built through reflection, healing, and self-discipline. Jack’s story is one of unsteady mentorship and no clear male modeling—his story is one shaped by contrast: an abusive father whose masculinity was rooted in control and volatility; a mother living within her own trauma, often emotionally unavailable; and a grandmother who created space — quiet, nonjudgmental, stabilizing space. These disparities matter because intelligent masculinity is often easier to define when you have healthy examples. Whereas Jack did not—he had to build it himself. Jack’s relationship with his father forms the psychological backdrop of the conversation. He opened up about the distorted lessons of masculinity he learned at the hands of abuse: that power equals fear, authority equals unpredictability, and strength equals domination. When those are your earliest exposures to “manhood,” masculinity becomes something to either fear or reject. For Jack, that early model did not become destiny—it became a warning on what not to do or be. The absence of safe masculinity forced him to reflect on what real strength looks like, without the cruelty. It also left scars—and a lingering self-doubt. On the other side of that abuse, Jack sees what his mother was going through and uses that as context. When a parent is fighting their own internal battles, emotional availability becomes scarce and support becomes inconsistent at best—that combination creates a unique form of isolation. In that environment, Jack’s concepts of masculinity had to emerge through observation and trial. His growth into accepting his adult masculinity required separating compassion for his mother’s trauma from accepting the consequences it had on him. That separation is emotional maturity—and is at the heart of Jack’s journey. In contrast to volatility and instability, Jack’s grandmother offered him the space he desperately needed—no yelling, manipulation, or conditional love—just room to exist as himself. That space became foundational, because masculinity is a thing that can be constructed—and to construct something, it needs the space to feel safe enough to emerge. In providing this space, his grandmother did not define him—she allowed him to discover himself without fear. And that kind of support can be life-saving. Perhaps the most unique dimension of this discussion is Jack’s lived experience as both female-presenting and male-presenting. He has lived and understands many of the things men do not: what it feels like to be dismissed, what it feels like to be talked over, what it feels like to move through the world without physical safety assumptions, and what changes when those assumptions shift. He describes the jarring experience of being treated with increased deference once male-presenting—conversations changing tone and authority is assumed rather than questioned. That contrast exposed an uncomfortable truth that masculinity carries unearned social power. And the difference between intelligent and not, is whether you use it recklessly or responsibly. In the end, there is something profoundly important underlying all of Jack’s emotional discipline. To Jack, restraint is a concrete need—it is the power to be corrective. Where his father used anger, unpredictability, and fear as power—Jack practices regulation as responsibility, he models consistency, and shapes masculinity to mean safety. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Sign the Petitions: * Demand Congress Subpoena Key Figures on the Epstein Case * Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions * Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Support Ukraine: * Donate towards generators Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement: * safedc.info Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you NeuroDivergent Hodgepodge, Soso's World, Ms.Yuse, Cheryl Beck-Ruff, Heather Olivier, and many others for tuning into my live video with Jack, presented on Sick of this Shit Publications and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    2h 2m
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A series dedicated to reclaiming what true masculinity is - not an old, fragile masculinity of domination; rather, a new, intelligent masculinity built on accountability. sickofthis.substack.com

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