Intelligent Masculinity

Sick of this Shit Pub

A series dedicated to reclaiming what true masculinity is - not an old, fragile masculinity of domination; rather, a new, intelligent masculinity built on accountability. sickofthis.substack.com

  1. Intelligent Masculinity | With Rachel Maron

    5 DAYS AGO

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Rachel Maron

    “Your responsibility as a human being should be to care for people in your community, care for people and whatever your community is, whether it’s your preschool, whether it’s your family, these are all little community spaces for you.” ~ Rachel Maron ~ Masculinity In Review In this 27th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro brings Rachel Maron on as the series’ first female guest, and she arrives with hard-earned credentials: seven adult children, six of them boys. The episode stakes are immediate and concrete—Rachel spent 26 years raising large families across two marriages, negotiated household dynamics with real male partners, and emerged with boys who check in with each other in group chats, call home for mediation when relationships get rocky, and openly admit when they’ve read feminist theory that changed their thinking. The episode is a masterclass in how parental modeling shapes the next generation’s relationship to emotions, labor, gender performance, and power. Rachel’s core conviction runs through every story she tells: kids learn behavior through modeling, not through lessons. When her ex-husband was perfectly willing to ride as a passenger on his Harley to a biker bar—and defended it to other riders by saying “she rides better than I do”—he was teaching their sons (and other men) something about male security that no lecture could match. When he took laundry as his domain without turning it into a performance of emasculation, he modeled that adult competence doesn’t require gender posturing. When he called his friends to tell them he loved them in the pre-woke 1990s, he created permission for her sons to have emotional intimacy with their peers. None of this required him to identify as feminist. It required him to be present, direct, and unbothered by the performative demands of masculinity. Rachel is unsparing about what breaks boys, and the mechanism is disarmingly simple: when adults tell a child “don’t throw like a girl” or “don’t cry like a girl,” they are teaching the child that “female” and “feminine” are categories of lesser-than. She watches this play out in real time on TikTok—dads visibly resentful when their sons lose jiu-jitsu matches to girls with actual training and skill—and names what’s happening: the beginning of red-pill ideology. Start with contempt for girls, spiral into contempt for women, end in hatred. The antidote is coaches, fathers, and male role models who celebrate a girl’s dominance because it’s achieved through practice and skill, not because she’s performing vulnerability. It’s a father who paints his nails sparkly with his son because there’s nothing shameful about wanting sparkle in your life. The conversation pivots, crucially, to what women actually find attractive—and Rachel is withering about what the manosphere thinks the answer is. A bigger car, a bigger gym body, an unsolicited photo. None of it. What moves her toward another human being is being seen—someone who knows her coffee order, who cares enough to order her water without ice while she’s in the bathroom, who shares her library and reads her books because her thoughts matter. She was married to a man who could not tell you how she took her coffee. She now partners with someone who reads her library. The difference is a meaningful form of intimacy and it’s observable. Rachel says it clearly: “women want to feel like you see them. That’s it.” It’s an observation about human longing that so many are trained to miss. She recommends two books—both by Bell Hooks—as essential reads for any man serious about not being exhausting: Feminism is for Everybody (thin, loving, accessible) and The Will to Change (about how patriarchy damages men by denying them emotional experience from infancy). Her own son read Feminism is for Everybody at 29 and called her hurt that she’d never shown him “that kind of feminism”—the broad, inclusive, loving kind. Her response was sharp: he’d only ever seen embattled feminism because that’s the only kind women get to have. Women fight for everything, so feminist spaces become rigid and rigorous. It’s not that the loving version doesn’t exist. It’s that it can’t flourish in conditions of scarcity and constant opposition. That reframe—holding tenderness and fierceness in the same hand—lands harder than any both-sides appeal. As we close our discussion, we see Rachel Maron. She’s a mom of six boys and a daughter who are now adults who call each other, support each other, gather to cook for one another, and reach out when they’re stuck. She did not achieve this through permissiveness or helicopter parenting. She ran a tight household with clear rules: if you say “I hate you,” you stand in the kitchen hugging your brother until you can look him in the eye and say “I love you, I just hate what you’re doing.” She built non-hierarchical spaces that were still structured. She modeled ambition and boundary-setting alongside her ex-husband’s emotional presence and reliability. She refused to perform gender or demand her children perform it. And she refused to accept the terms of either toxic masculinity or the version of feminism that requires women to be embattled all the time. Her sons turned into the kind of men who read feminist theory and call their mother asking why she didn’t insist earlier. That’s good parenting and great humaning. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you NeuroDivergent Hodgepodge, sandy bassett, Lisa, Jack (he/him), Acejonesz, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me and Rachel @ This Woman Votes for our next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1hr 14min
  2. Intelligent Masculinity | With Angry Male Vet

    8 APR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Angry Male Vet

    “The most productive investment anyone can make is to look within and figure out what you haven’t come to grips with. Are there things from your past that you’re still dealing with but don’t want to face? Having the courage to turn inward and face yourself — that allows you to navigate life in a better way.” ~ Angry Male Vet ~ Masculinity In Review For this 26th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with AngryMaleVet — a retired combat veteran, Air Force intelligence officer, and outspoken political commentator — for a conversation that moves between war, leadership, accountability, and the kind of strength that doesn’t ask for applause. The two met at the Abolish ICE live event in Minneapolis, a tribute to Alex Pretti and Renee Nicole Goode, and the connection carried forward into this episode. What emerges is a grounded, direct examination of what it means to lead with professionalism and empathy — on the Pakistani border, in the halls of military command, and inside your own head. Angry Male Vet spent nine months on the Pakistani border working with villages and tribes on infrastructure and security — a mission that demanded more than tactical competence. He describes the work as requiring two things above all else: professionalism and empathy. He recounts sitting with a tribal chieftain through an interpreter, discussing road and school construction, while the chieftain explained plainly that the Taliban or the Haqqani Network would return as soon as American forces left. That kind of clarity — understanding the impossible position of a community caught between armed factions — is what shaped his leadership. Professionalism means you follow your oath and execute your mission. Empathy means you don’t lose sight of the human beings on the other side of it. The conversation shifts to the present moment, and Angry Male Vet does not soften the picture. With U.S. forces striking Iran, conscientious objector filings spiking service-wide, and commanders raising reservations up the chain, the military is under pressure from multiple directions. His message to active service members is straightforward: remember your oath, follow lawful orders, refuse unlawful ones, and take notes — because accountability will come. He points to specific moments of pushback already happening: the AH-64 Apache investigation that Hegseth shut down within two hours, the U.S. SOUTHCOM commander who resigned over the Venezuela strikes, and the behind-the-scenes resistance that likely prevented any move on Greenland. The institution is not monolithic. There are people inside it paying attention. The conscientious objector filings, he argues, are not a sign of weakness — they are one of the clearest expressions of masculine strength in this moment. It takes more courage to stop, name your objection, and put it on record than to go along with the current. He draws a direct line between this kind of moral independence and the masculinity the show is built around: not bravado, not performance, but the willingness to stand for something at personal cost. The U.S. strike on a school in Manab that killed 175 elementary schoolgirls — brushed aside by Hegseth and Trump — is exactly the kind of action he says military members have a legal and ethical obligation to refuse if the target sets expand further. That refusal is not insubordination. Per the UCMJ and the oath every service member takes, it is the requirement. When Nick asks who shaped his model of masculinity, Angry Male Vet names his father and Barry Sanders. His father worked on IBM mainframes and drove long-haul trucks, split logs and raised a family — and never once leveraged his intelligence or capability for intimidation. He treated people with courtesy, practiced empathy, and believed the real battle was the one inside yourself. Barry Sanders gets named for a different reason: he would make a run that left the entire stadium stunned and then hand the ball to the referee and walk back to the sideline. No dance, no speech. He did his job and got ready to do it again. Both examples point to the same thing — strength that doesn’t require an audience. Angry Male Vet brings 23 years of service, deployments across three theaters, and a practitioner’s understanding of what it actually costs to lead well under pressure. This conversation threads military ethics, political accountability, and the internal discipline required to be the kind of man — and the kind of soldier — who does the right thing when no one is watching. Nick closes by naming what the series is building toward: more voices, more perspectives, and a clearer picture of what intelligent masculinity looks like when it’s lived rather than performed. In Angry Male Vet, that picture is sharp — a man who measures strength by the courage to face yourself first, and the world second. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Amy Gabrielle, Mack Devlin, LeftieProf, Susan Gaustad, sandy bassett, and many others for tuning into my live video with AngryMaleVet! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    39 min
  3. Intelligent Masculinity | With Forrest Page

    3 APR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Forrest Page

    “It was a very unique spot. You could tell that they’ve been through something, some kind of trauma. There’s almost a look to trauma that I deal with a lot in my day job that you can usually see. But at the same time it was conflict-free. An event with thousands upon thousands of people in a small parking lot, shoved together in front of this space, and I just don’t recall conflict. I don’t recall yelling, anger, anyone having any sort of exchange that wasn’t positive.” ~ Forrest Page ~ Masculinity In Review Forrest Page walked into the George Floyd Memorial in Minneapolis carrying a camera and left carrying something he wasn’t expecting: clarity about what community actually looks like when it’s built to last. For 18 years, he’s been a teacher in Michigan - and is currently a physical education teacher at a Juvenial Detention Center. For decades, he’s been a father, a photographer, and a quiet radical. In this discussion, Nick and Forrest dig into what that means — through the work of raising kids, showing up to events, and building institutions that don’t replicate the failures of the men who came before. The spine of this conversation is privilege and responsibility. Forrest grew up in a home where his father chose teaching over money, where his mother held the household together while carrying an impossible load, where being “good” wasn’t optional. He internalized early that being a man meant sacrifice for others and willingness to grow when challenged. Those lessons shape everything: his work with Valor Media, his approach to parenting four children through a time of political violence, his quiet presence at events where the community is still processing collective trauma. Forrest doesn’t perform activism. He lives it — and he’s teaching his kids - both at home and as a teacher - to do the same without pretense or moral grandstanding. The Abolish ICE event forced Forrest to reckon with something deeper: the power of a community that has learned to hold space for trauma while refusing to reproduce violence. The thousands of people gathered in that parking lot had come through George Floyd’s murder, the uprisings, the backlash, and the ongoing occupation of their city by federal agents. Instead of fracturing, they held. Instead of cycling violence, they created something rare — a space where anger and joy existed at the same time, where people who had been traumatized by the state could still laugh, still sing, still recognize each other as human. That’s what Forrest photographed. That’s what changed him. But this conversation isn’t sentimental. Forrest is frank about what he can and can’t control as a white parent, about the limits of being nice, about the weight of carrying four kids through a moment when democracy itself is contested. He talks about traveling with his family knowing that ICE agents are at airports, knowing he has options that immigrant families don’t have, and committing anyway to being present — to using his privilege as a tool rather than a shield. That’s the work of intelligent masculinity: not the fantasy of standing apart from power, but the harder practice of standing in it and redirecting it toward what the community actually needs. Forrest’s father modeled this for him — a man who stepped off the ladder in his late twenties, took a pay cut, worked nights at a pizza place while going to school during the day, and chose to spend decades teaching kids in public schools. His mother modeled something equally important: the work of caring for a household, making good people happen, doing the invisible labor that allows other people’s dreams to matter. Forrest inherited a practice, not a checklist. And he’s spending his life teaching it — in a classroom, at an event, to his kids, to whoever is paying attention. The question at the heart of intelligent masculinity is simple but relentless: What are you willing to sacrifice for something larger than yourself? Forrest’s answer isn’t heroic. It’s domestic. It’s the disciplined work of choosing people over status, growth over ego, and community over the comfort of being right. Forrest Page — teacher, father, photographer, and activist — shows up to this conversation without performance and without pretense, and expands the series’ argument that the most durable form of masculinity is the kind built quietly, across decades, in service of people who are counting on you. ~ Nick Paro Support Our Guests Other Work Take a moment to follow and scubscribe to Forrest’s other platforms: * Valor Media Network * Forrest Page Photography Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you LC - Silence is Complicity, Skutt Hope, Laurel Fairchild, Education is a lamp, Beffy, and many others for tuning into my live video with Forrest J Page! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1hr 5min
  4. Intelligent Masculinity | With Joe Walsh

    27 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Joe Walsh

    “What's masculine is to be tough enough to sit down and not debate and not fight — but to have an honest, uncomfortable conversation. That's what, in my mind, a real man should learn how to do." ~ Joe Walsh ~ Masculinity In Review In this 24th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sat down with pro-democracy advocate, former Republican Congressman Joe Walsh, for a conversation that refused to stay comfortable — and was better for it. Joe, who once occupied a seat inside the Tea Party machine and voted for Trump in 2016, has spent the better part of eight years publicly dismantling the version of masculinity that got him there: loud, reactive, and allergic to accountability. This episode tracks that dismantling — not as a political story, but as a human one. Joe walks through how the inability to lie, a stoic Irish Catholic father who softened before he died, and the discipline of listening to understand rather than to respond all reshaped the man he is today. Nick and Joe don't agree on everything — they say so plainly and often — and that tension is exactly the point. What we take away from this conversation is a concrete, unpolished model of what it looks like to actually do the work of becoming a better man. Joe’s change didn’t begin with an ideology shift — it began with the refusal to lie. When the right-wing media apparatus told him his job was to tell listeners what they wanted to hear, he couldn’t do it. He describes colleagues sitting him down and spelling it out: say what the audience wants, or lose the platform. Joe chose truth over the gravy train. That choice cost him professionally, but it’s also what made the path forward possible. The lesson for men is direct: integrity under pressure isn’t a personality trait — it’s a decision, made repeatedly, often when the cost is high. Accountability showed up not as a concept but as a practice. Joe has publicly apologized, by his own count, thousands of times in eight years. He describes the early years as standing naked in front of a camera — fully exposed, fully accountable — and finding that process genuinely healing. He draws the sharpest contrast to Trump’s response after accidentally killing school children in a military strike: no ownership, no apology, no acknowledgment. Joe’s framing is simple and surgical — a real man apologizes when he fucks up. He doesn’t caveat it. He doesn’t negotiate around it. He owns it and moves. The conversation between Joe and Nick about listening splits the act in two. Joe names the old version: listening to respond, to pounce, to demolish a point before it finishes. He describes sitting on TV panels in full attack mode, barely hearing the person across from him. The shift to listening to understand changed how he processed everything — from Black Lives Matter to transgender identity to his own father’s late-life evolution. He didn’t agree with everything he heard. He learned from it anyway. Nick and Joe demonstrate this live throughout the episode: on the SAVE Act, on Israel, on voter access, they hold their positions and keep the conversation open. That’s the practice, not just the theory. Joe’s most pointed critique isn’t aimed at the right — it’s aimed at Democratic men. He argues directly that the manosphere filled a vacuum the left created by refusing to engage on culture. Too many Democratic men, in his view, won’t roll up their sleeves and be guys — won’t fight, won’t speak plainly, won’t hold the floor on culture war terrain. He came to the Democratic Party not because of policy alignment but to help defeat what he calls an existential threat. He believes Democrats already hold positions most Americans support. He just needs them to say so out loud and stop flinching. That’s not a partisan observation — it’s a masculinity one. In the end, we see Joe Walsh — a former Republican Congressman, Tea Party architect, and Trump voter who has spent the last eight years doing the opposite of what the culture rewarded him for: apologizing publicly, listening deliberately, and building bridges to people he once dismissed. This episode isn't a redemption story — Joe resisted that framing — it's a working document of what masculine accountability looks like when it's actually practiced instead of performed. He brings the insider knowledge of someone who helped build the machine and the credibility of someone who walked away from it at personal cost. In a series built around the refusal to outsource accountability, Joe models what it means to own your consequences — not once, but as a sustained, daily choice — and expands Intelligent Masculinity's argument that the work of being a better man never stops. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you NeuroDivergent Hodgepodge, Sean Talbeaux, Ms.Yuse, Donna Dupont, Sharon Rousseau, and many others for tuning into my live video with Joe Walsh! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1hr 2min
  5. Intelligent Masculinity | With Matt Gordon

    26 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Matt Gordon

    “If an infantry fucking Marine can understand this shit, anybody can understand this shit. You just gotta be willing to open your fucking mind and accept the goddamn truth.” ~ Matt Gordon ~ Masculinity In Review In this 23rd interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Matt Gordon — Marine Corps veteran, nine-year infantry guy, and the man behind the USMC Angry Veteran platform — for a conversation that covers war profiteering, rape culture, white male accountability, and what therapy actually looks like when you go in honest. Matt came off a live event in Minneapolis, where the two met at an Abolish ICE gathering honoring Alex Pretty and Renee Nicole Good, and the energy from that meeting carries straight through this episode. What unfolds is less of a formal interview and more of two white men refusing to let other white men off the hook — for the wars they sell, the violence they excuse, and the accountability they dodge. Listeners come away with a clear framework: the problem isn’t masculinity itself, it’s what men do with power when no one’s watching and nothing’s forcing them to grow. The playbook hasn’t changed — and veterans know it. Matt names the pattern without flinching. The U.S. runs one play — build a justification, bomb a country, follow the money — and he walked through what that looks like from inside the institution that executes it. His read on the current conflict in the Middle East: the same lie structure as Iraq, the same billionaire beneficiaries, and a Secretary of Defense who belongs on a movie set rather than running a military. His critique of Pete Hegseth isn’t partisan commentary — it’s a veteran drawing a direct line between grandstanding leadership and Americans getting killed for ego and profit. When Matt says the Department of Defense has become the Department of Wannabes, he’s not being funny. He’s giving a structural diagnosis. Rape culture doesn’t fix itself — fathers have to fix it. The conversation moves into one of its most direct stretches when Matt breaks down judicial outcomes for white men who sexually assault women and the message those outcomes send to everyone watching. The cases aren’t abstractions — they’re documented, named, and placed next to the consequences a Black man would face for the same crime. Matt’s argument is clean: the problem is not that women need better strategies for avoiding assault. The problem is that men are not being taught, held, or expected to not assault. His standard in his own house — anything but yes means no — isn’t a policy position, it’s a parenting commitment. And he says plainly that fathers who aren’t making that commitment are setting their children up to become predators. He said what he said. White men have to be the ones who say something — out loud, in the room. Matt and Nick spend time on a tactic that doesn’t require a platform or a policy position: make it uncomfortable. When someone says something sexist, racist, or homophobic in your presence, you don’t have to argue. You just stop laughing. You let the silence sit. Matt describes this as one of his favorite things to do — staring down a man who said something shitty until the discomfort forces a reckoning — and he’s not joking about its effectiveness. The deeper point is that 70 percent of white men voted for Trump in 2024, and that number isn’t a coincidence. It reflects a group that has never been expected to do otherwise. Matt’s argument is that white men are the ones who created the void that Tate and Rogan and Fuentes filled, and white men are the only group with the specific social leverage to reclaim it. Therapy isn’t a destination — it’s an ongoing practice, and it takes honesty. Matt has been in therapy for eight years with the same therapist. He’s 42 and still unpacking things. His point isn’t that therapy solves you — it’s that therapy is the practice of not letting new damage pile up unexamined. He went through five or six therapists before finding one he could actually talk to, and he’s direct that not connecting with a therapist isn’t failure — it’s information. The instruction is simple: keep going until you find someone who has no skin in the game of your life and can help you see yourself clearly. And when you get there, be honest. Not for anyone else. For you. The version of yourself that comes out the other side isn’t a different person — it’s the same person who decided to stop running. By the end we see Matt Gordon — a nine-year Marine Corps veteran and the creator behind USMC Angry Veteran — a platform built on taking ideas forged in difficult spaces and translating them into language that anyone willing to listen can use. This episode is an hour of two white men refusing to perform the kind of masculinity that keeps other people small, and instead doing the harder thing: naming exactly where men, white men specifically, have dropped the ball and what picking it back up actually requires. Matt describes himself as an angry, empathetic asshole shaped by Mattis’s discipline, Mr. Rogers’ patience, and the strong women he deliberately surrounds himself with — and that combination produces something rare on this series: a veteran who came out of one of the hardest institutions in the country and decided accountability, not armor, was the more powerful thing to carry forward. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Christina Gurchinoff, Lynn, GW B, LC - Silence is Complicity, RuleofLawRules, and many others for tuning into my live video with Matt Gordon! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1hr 8min
  6. Intelligent Masculinity | With Ken Harbaugh

    22 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Ken Harbaugh

    “At its core, toxic masculinity — the opposite of intelligent masculinity or positive masculinity — is about cowardice. And you can push insecurity and overcompensating and all of that into it, but I think if you frame it in terms of cowardice, it not only skewers the performative cosplay of the Pete Hegseths and the Markwayne Mullin, it allows viewers and fans and others to begin to see it when it crops up. And I’m thinking just in one instance of that picture of Markwayne Mullin — like the epitome of performative masculinity — standing up in a Senate hearing, challenging the head of the Teamsters to a fight, talking about being downrange on a mission so classified that he can’t talk to senators about it. And yet there’s that photo of him on January 6th, cowering behind the real men defending him and his colleagues. He is not at the tip of the spear. He is literally cowering. And that to me is a great picture of that fundamental truth about toxic masculinity, which is that it’s about cowardice.” ~ The Ken Harbaugh Show ~ Masculinity In Review In this 22nd interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Ken Harbaugh — former Navy pilot, veteran service organization leader, and host of the Ken Harbaugh Show on the Midas Touch Network — to pull apart what happens when performative masculinity stops being embarrassing and starts being dangerous. The two met in Minneapolis at the Abolish ICE Live event honoring Alex Pretti and Renee Nicole Good – and that shared context shapes the entire conversation. Ken frames the current political moment — from Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon to Markwayne Mullin’s Senate hearings to become the next Director of Homeland Security — as a case study in the specific rot that results when deeply flawed, insecure men gain institutional power and disguise bluster as leadership. This discussion traces the roots of that rot through Christian nationalism, warrior cosplay, and a cultural definition of success so narrow it destroys the people chasing it. Everyone can come away with a working vocabulary for identifying performative masculinity in real time and a model for what the alternative actually looks like. Performative masculinity is, at its core, cowardice. Ken argues that the clearest through-line in every example of toxic masculine behavior — from Josh Hawley sprinting down a Senate hallway on January 6th to Markwayne Mullin hiding behind real officers while claiming combat credentials he never earned — is cowardice wearing borrowed armor. The bluster is not incidental to cowardice – it is produced by it. Ken makes the point that this framing is more useful than words like insecure or fragile precisely because cowardice is legible. It names what is happening. It lets people recognize the pattern the moment they see it rather than needing to diagnose the psychology underneath. Warrior cosplay and Christian nationalism are fused — and the fusion is dangerous. Pete Hegseth is the clearest example Ken raises: a man with a makeup room adjacent to his Pentagon office, whose idea of leadership is chest-thumping on camera while calling for an end to rules of engagement. Ken describes this version of Christianity — fire, brimstone, no quarter for the enemy — as idolatrous, and fundamentally inconsistent with the faith Hegseth claims. The danger is not just theological incoherence; it is that a man running the Department of Defense is treating the military as a vehicle for a crusade. Veterans, Ken says, have a specific responsibility to name this. They know the guy at the bar who talks like this. They know exactly what it is. Real heroism does not wear itself on its sleeve. The counterweight Ken brings is his grandfather — a B-17 pilot in the Pacific who flew home with a 20-millimeter cannon round through his thigh, was awarded a Silver Star, and never once bragged about it. That silent dignity was the point – not a form of emotional suppression. The clips and articles were around the house. You had to pry the stories out of him. Ken draws the contrast explicitly: the heroism that is real does not need an audience. The contrast with Markwayne Mullin — a man who has never served but describes classified missions to Senate colleagues — is sharp enough to be its own definition. Bravery is not a military credential — it is a human one. One of the most direct corrections Ken makes is severing the automatic equation between service and bravery, or between bravery and masculinity. He names nurses as among the bravest people he knows — and given that Alex Pretti, an VA ICU nurse who spent his career in veterans’ final moments, was the reason both men were in Minneapolis, the point carries weight. Teachers are in the same category. The standard Ken holds up is not uniform or service branch; it is whether you show up for the most vulnerable people in the room. That is the measure. Success has been defined so narrowly that it is destroying the people who achieve it. Ken ran for Congress in a district Trump won by over 30 points. He did not win the race. With time, he came to see the campaign differently — as something that built real infrastructure, launched significant careers, and proved resistance was possible in places people had written off. The reframe is not consolation; it is structural. He extends it directly to Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Peter Thiel: men who, by capitalism’s narrowest metric, are successful, and who Harbaugh describes as complete failures in life — no friends, children who despise them, legacies built primarily on harm. The counterproposal is simple and direct: the ultimate measure of a successful life is having people who love you around you when it ends. In the end, we see Ken Harbaugh for more than what we saw before – he is a Navy pilot, a two-time veteran service organization leader, a former congressional candidate, and the host of a show built specifically to counter the kind of political moment this episode dissects. What he brings to Intelligent Masculinity is a veteran’s precision — the ability to identify, from lived experience, exactly what a man is compensating for when he performs strength rather than exercising it. This conversation ties together threads the series has been building since its first episode: accountability cannot be outsourced, bravery is not a credential, and success defined by accumulation alone produces lonely, destructive people. For Ken, masculinity looks like his grandfather in the deer blind — not many words, no performance, just steady presence and the expectation that you carry what you shoot. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you LeftieProf, Mike Harkreader, Ann Kramer, Maureen Drews, Nanalin, and many others for tuning into my live video with The Ken Harbaugh Show! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    48 min
  7. Intelligent Masculinity | With Wajahat Ali

    19 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Wajahat Ali

    “I would add another aspect of intelligent masculinity — spending time knowing yourself. There's a great saying in Islam, and it's in most traditional traditions: know yourself and you'll know your creator. And this includes knowing the bad parts of yourself, the weak parts of yourself, the messy parts of yourself. That requires radical honesty with yourself. Where am I good? What am I bad at? What do I take pride in? Where can I get better? Maybe it's not the women's fault. Maybe it's not the immigrants' fault. Maybe there's something inside me — something broken, or maybe I'm projecting something, maybe there's an insecurity. That's an intelligent aspect of masculinity — which is why it's so frightening that Marc Andreessen, one of the broligarchs, is literally saying he's not into self-reflection.” ~ THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali ~ Masculinity In Review In this 21st interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro brought THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali — writer, commentator, and host of The Left Hook — into the conversation. This conversation aired during Ramadan, with Waj fasting and still showing up fully present — which both acknowledged as a framing for the conversation. They covered what a prophetic model of masculinity actually looks like in practice, how men learn to externalize blame instead of looking inward, and what changes when men stop running from self-reflection and start treating it as a discipline. This is one of the most spiritually grounded conversations — at time mirroring the discussion with Qasim Rashid, Esq. — and one of the most honest about the gap between the masculinity men inherit and the one they actually choose. Waj opened by naming what’s visible across the current political and media landscape: men who perform strength because they lack it. He called them cosplay crusaders — broken men LARPing dominance. Pete Hegseth banned photographers over an unflattering photo. Marc Andreessen publicly announced he does not self-reflect. Kash Patel proposed having UFC fighters train federal “officers”. These aren’t displays of power; they’re displays of damage. Waj’s argument is that the through-line for most of these men is the same — unprocessed father wounds that never got named — and that understanding the source is the first step toward building something different. The alternative Waj offered came directly from his faith. As a practicing Muslim, he drew on the prophetic model of masculinity — the example of the Prophet Muhammad, who never struck his children, never raised his voice at his wife, and treated restraint and gentleness as expressions of strength rather than departures from it. There’s a narration of the Prophet cutting away the section of his shawl rather than disturb a sleeping cat. That image — a man powerful enough to let small things be — cuts directly against the domination model that currently passes for strength in American culture. Waj’s point is not religious in the narrow sense — it’s practical. Warmth, presence, and self-governance are what actually earn trust and love from the people closest to you. His father supplied the lived model. Waj described a man who immigrated from Pakistan, raised a family with his mother for 48 years, and never once asked where she was going, penny-pinched her independence, or treated her freedom as a threat to his identity. His father was secure — genuinely, quietly secure — and that security transmitted. Waj connected it directly to his own marriage: his wife Sarah has told him that his confidence, his refusal to perform jealousy, is part of why she chose him. Masculine insecurity compounds downward through relationships. Masculine security does the opposite. When Nick walked Waj through the series’ working definition — intelligent masculinity as the refusal to outsource accountability and the discipline to live with the consequences of your values and actions — Waj affirmed it and pushed it forward. He added a layer: radical honesty about who you actually are. The good parts, the weak parts, the messy parts. There’s a saying across Islamic and broader traditional traditions — know yourself and you’ll know your creator — and Waj named that self-knowledge as the root of everything else the series has been building toward. You cannot own what you will not look at. Accountability without self-knowledge is performance. Waj was candid about his own relationship with introspection: he has OCD inherited from his father, he ruminates more than is healthy, and he spent years confusing self-punishment with self-improvement. He named the distinction plainly — auditing yourself to grow is productive masculine practice; beating yourself down until you can’t get up is not. Over the last decade he’s shifted toward what he called “humble swagger”: taking honest stock of where he’s fallen short while also giving himself credit for what he’s actually built. Nick echoed it with the series’ own framing — self-reflection is not a license for self-destruction — now you know, so you can grow. That balance between clear-eyed assessment and genuine self-regard is what productive reflection actually looks like, and it’s a model worth passing down. In the end we see that THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali is a writer, public commentator, and practicing Muslim who has spent years speaking plainly about the failures of toxic masculinity while modeling something different. This conversation brought spiritual depth, biographical honesty, and real humor to the Intelligent Masculinity series — and his addition of self-knowledge as the foundation beneath accountability pushes the series’ central thesis meaningfully forward. Waj doesn’t just describe a better masculinity; he’s built one inside a working marriage and a public career, and he’s willing to show the construction. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Evan Fields, Margaret Williams, MS, ACC, Nick G, A Dude On The Couch, Barniclebetty, Maureen Drews, and many others for tuning into my live video with THE LEFT HOOK with Wajahat Ali! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    56 min
  8. Intelligent Masculinity | With Pete Dominick

    13 MAR

    Intelligent Masculinity | With Pete Dominick

    "She got really upset with me. She was like, you're talking down to me in front of my boyfriend. And she was absolutely right. And I just gave her a full-throated apology — to her face, then again later in a text message. I made sure not to defend myself in any way. None of that. Apologize fully without defending yourself. Do it in such a way that it is definitely sincere and you will build every relationship. I think people view that as strength because it's being decent. And that is so much stronger in my mind than someone who doesn't do that or someone that doesn't have that as a guiding principle and practice in their life. To be conciliatory, to apologize, and to mean it is a hard thing to do. But if you do it, you're a better person, certainly a stronger man." ~ STAND UP! With Pete Dominick ~ Masculinity In Review For the 20th interview in the Intelligent Masculinity series, Nick Paro sits down with comedian, talk show host, and girl dad STAND UP! With Pete Dominick — and lands on one of the most direct definitions of a principled life the series has encountered. Pete comes to the conversation having navigated a career shift from road comedian to activist-journalist, a separation after a long marriage, the death of a family dog, and a father's transition into an empty nest — all while running a daily podcast and showing up as a present parent. What anchors the whole conversation is something Pete returns to again and again: the refusal to abandon his principles, even when that costs him professionally, relationally, or financially. This discussion gives all of us a clear, practical framework — developed through Stoicism, Buddhism, therapy, and a well-placed older brother — for what it looks like to live with integrity rather than just talk about it. Your principles have to be named before they can be lived. This is where Pete traces his moral formation back to his older brother, who introduced him to punk rock, Noam Chomsky, anti-racism, and anti-sexism during Pete's adolescence — at the exact moment when those lessons would stick. The brother, a nonconformist who got bullied for it, modeled something Pete absorbed: that your worst fear should not be failure, but becoming unoriginal, or worse, abandoning what you actually believe. Pete's clearest fear throughout this conversation is not losing money or relationships — it's losing his principles. He draws a direct line from naming that fear to the choices he's made, including walking away from a 15-year run at Sirius XM after refusing to stay silent when the company rehired Steve Bannon. An unqualified apology is a structural practice, not a personality trait. Pete didn’t grow up as someone who lacked words — he had too many, and the problem was knowing exactly how to win an argument while the relationship lost. Marriage counseling gave him three anchors he still works with: don’t take things personally, don’t make assumptions, and don’t get defensive. He describes a recent moment with his 21-year-old daughter on a ski trip where he criticized her skiing in front of her boyfriend. She called it out directly. He issued a full apology — in person and again in a follow-up text — without attaching a single qualifier or explanation. He doesn’t frame this as noble. He frames it as structurally necessary: apologize fully, without defending yourself, and the relationship gets stronger. This echoes what Walter Rhein said on the series before him (listen here) — the most important thing a man can do is an unqualified apology. Modeling a healthy breakup is an act of fatherhood. When Pete’s wife told him she wanted to separate, his first instinct was anger, rejection, and the desire to keep fighting. His older brother stepped in with a frame that redirected everything: your daughters are watching, and they will be broken up with someday, and what they see you do now is what they’ll know how to do then. Pete stayed in the house until his younger daughter got her license, drove her to school every day because he wanted those car moments, and then moved 10 minutes away. Three years later, he and his ex-wife still talk, share dinners, and co-parent with clarity. He’s not holding that up as universal advice. He’s pointing to the specific practice: ego is the enemy of a healthy separation, and setting your ego aside to protect your kids is not a sacrifice — it’s the job. Straight men, especially white ones, have to show up for people who aren’t. Pete puts it plainly: straight white men have been the architects of most systemic harm, which means they carry both responsibility and unique leverage to confront it. He distinguishes personal suffering — which he says is real and not to be dismissed, pointing to his brother-in-law who died by suicide — from systemic suffering, which operates at a different scale and requires different work. He describes jumping in on group texts to confront a friend talking nonsense, confronting Jesse Watters on-camera by asking him to name the soldiers he claimed to honor, and advocating for a family in his community with a trans child rather than making the parents carry the full public weight of it. His frame: the standard you walk past is the standard you accept. A daily practice that is the self-evaluation period for everything else. Pete's self-reflection tools are really concrete: 20 minutes each of meditation, journaling, exercise, and reading. The meditation does one specific thing — it trains you to notice when you're inside a thought spiral, name it, and set it down. He's not claiming enlightenment. He's describing a maintenance practice for a person who covers the news every day, has navigated real loss, and carries the anxiety that comes with self-employment and a principled life. The reading is Stoic and Buddhist: Marcus Aurelius, Pema Chodron, Ryan Holiday. The point isn't originality — the four cardinal Stoic virtues are 2,000 years old. The point is finally using what's already been handed to us. And as our friend NeuroDivergent Hodgepodge added in the Live chat — “it’s better to be genuine than be ‘original’”. As we bring it all together — we saw STAND UP! With Pete Dominick as a comedian who stopped going on the road to be home with his daughters; a talk show host who got pushed out of corporate media spaces for refusing to make peace with the people running it; and a man who has moved through separation, loss, and the edge of an empty nest while staying committed to a personal code he can actually name. What this interview adds to the Intelligent Masculinity series is a specific and earned articulations of principled living — as the practical daily stance that costs something and pays dividends that can't be measured in money or status. For Pete, intelligent masculinity looks like showing up as water over rocks: not ignoring the obstacles, not pretending they aren't there, but refusing to get stuck. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Soso's World, Eric Lullove, LeftieProf, Courtney 🇨🇦, Laura Tompkins, and many others for tuning into my live video with STAND UP! With Pete Dominick, Banner & Backbone Media, and Sick of this Shit Publications! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1hr 22min
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A series dedicated to reclaiming what true masculinity is - not an old, fragile masculinity of domination; rather, a new, intelligent masculinity built on accountability. sickofthis.substack.com

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