Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Anthony Silard about his book Love and Suffering and how loneliness and disconnection affect relationships. Silard describes a “love progression model” of acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and love, each requiring overcoming suffering, resentment, judgment, and “incarceration,” respectively. He distinguishes aloneness from loneliness and solitude, shares data on rising loneliness, and discusses how resentment can lead to paralysis, power-over dynamics, and loneliness, including among leaders. He argues forgiveness can be a judgment-based power play and suggests moving beyond it toward gratitude, while separating forgiveness (personal development) from trust (relationship development). He shares exercises for examining one’s role in conflict, a personal story of forgiving an abusive stepfather, and an example of how judgment can narrow partner choice. Sillito directs listeners to his website for free books.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:45 Meet Anthony Silard01:34 Why He Wrote the Book02:56 Love Progression Model03:49 Loneliness in Relationships05:41 Loneliness vs Solitude07:08 Loneliness Is Going Global09:54 Men Friendship and Despair11:38 Forgiveness Power Play13:59 Beyond Forgiveness to Gratitude18:38 Midroll and Resources19:07 Owning Your Part19:34 Three Column Forgiveness Exercise20:54 Resentment And Paralysis21:57 Forgive By Giving For23:10 Forgive And Remember23:47 Forgiveness Versus Trust25:31 Finding Meaning In Suffering26:23 Compassion Without Absorbing27:00 Turning Pain Into Purpose28:31 Resentment In Relationships32:02 Loneliness To Love34:29 Incarceration And Projection34:53 Maria’s Infidelity Lesson40:14 Book Links And FarewellHis latest book (April 2025): Love and Suffering: Break the Emotional Chains that Prevent You from Experiencing Love (all proceeds donated to nonprofit education programs in Africa and Latin America)The Myth of Happiness: How Your Definition of Happiness Creates Your Unhappiness and The Myth of Friendship: How Your Misunderstandings about Friendship Keep You Lonely . They can enter their email to download them here: www.theartoflivingfree.org/freehappinessandfriendshipbooksWant to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Anthony Silard, Ph.D is a professor of leadership and the Director of the Center for Sustainable Leadership at Luiss Business School in Rome. Anthony has provided leadership development coaching and training to thousands of CEOs and senior executives of Fortune 100 companies, small businesses, and the world’s largest nonprofits, including GE, Disney, Nokia, Bank of America, IBM, CARE, Save the Children, and the American Red Cross. Anthony has also coached political leaders, including G-20 cabinet ministers. He has taught leadership at various universities around the world, including IESE Business School, Claremont McKenna College, the Monterrey Institute of Technology, INCAE Business School, California State University San Bernardino and the International University of Catalonia and has lectured on leadership at Harvard, Stanford, Georgetown, the University of California at Berkeley, George Washington University, Cal Poly Pomona, and ESADE Business School. Anthony has received numerous awards for his work, including Harvard’s Robert F. Kennedy Public Service Award, was named Visionary of the Year by the PBS series The Visionaries, and was featured at the Presidential Summit for America’s Future and America’s Promise. Anthony holds a PhD in leader- ship from IESE Business School, which he received with First-Class/Excellent Distinction, a Master’s in Public Policy focused on leadership from Harvard University, and a BA from the University of California at Berkeley. He also served in the Peace Corps in Kenya for two years. Anthony is CEO of the Global Leadership Institute and President of the Center for Social Leadership. He lives with his wife and two children in Rome. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe
