Welcome back to another episode of the unSeminary podcast. We’re talking with Toni Nieuwhof, author, speaker, family law mediator, podcaster, and co-host of the Smart Family Podcast. Toni has spent much of her professional life helping people navigate difficult circumstances, and her own journey through pain, healing, and faith has shaped her latest project, Honest to God: Daring to Trust When You Don’t Understand. How does your church help people when God feels distant, silent, or even confusing? Are there people in your congregation quietly wrestling with suffering while everyone around them assumes they’re doing fine? Tune in as Toni shares why churches need to create safer spaces for honest questions, how community can shape the way people walk through suffering, and how her new book can help leaders support people in seasons of pain. Suffering often reveals what we’ve buried. // Toni describes her own long healing journey from growing up in a home marked by alcoholism, anger, and emotional disconnection. For years, she would have described her childhood as normal, but over time God began exposing defense mechanisms and unresolved pain. Healing took decades, reminding leaders that people may be carrying wounds they don’t yet understand—or may not even realize are shaping them. Lean toward God when life doesn’t make sense. // Honest to God was inspired in part by Moses’ response after Israel’s rebellion with the golden calf. Rather than pulling away from God in frustration, Moses leaned in and asked God to teach him His ways, remain present, and show His glory. Toni sees that posture as a powerful model for anyone facing suffering, confusion, or disappointment. Make room for multiple stories of suffering. // Toni invited a diverse group of contributors—such as Mark Batterson, Ann Voskamp, Jennie Lusko, John Ortberg, and others—to share vulnerable stories about what they discovered about God during difficult seasons. The book is organized around three themes: the ways of God, intimacy with God, and the glory of God. Each chapter explores what someone learned, experienced, or saw more clearly as they walked through suffering. Don’t assume you can see someone’s crisis. // People can become highly skilled at masking spiritual and emotional pain. Toni notes that someone may still attend church, serve, smile, and participate while privately wondering whether God is good, whether He has forgotten them, or whether He is even listening. Because those questions can feel too frightening or even sacrilegious to voice, people often distract themselves rather than confront them. Community can determine whether people lean in or drift away. // Toni believes one of the most important factors in how people navigate suffering is the quality of Christian community around them. Isolation can happen even inside a church or small group. Healthy communities create enough trust for people to remove their masks, ask hard questions, and tell the truth without immediately being corrected or pressured to put a positive spiritual spin on heartbreaking circumstances. Give your church language for grief and doubt. // Toni believes churches are often strong at celebrating transformation but less equipped to walk with people through prolonged suffering. To help leaders open those conversations, the project includes a four-week sermon series and group study guide. These resources are designed to help churches talk honestly about adversity, disappointment, trust, and God’s faithfulness without minimizing what people are experiencing. Let the project help beyond your church. // Toni and every contributor donated their time to the project, and 100% of the proceeds support young adult education through Compassion International and Convoy of Hope. Purchasing through the project’s website helps maximize the amount directed toward those causes while also providing churches access to bulk ordering and additional healing resources. To learn more about Toni Nieuwhof, purchase Honest to God: Daring to Trust When You Don’t Understand, or explore resources for churches and small groups, visit honesttoGodbook.com. Thank You for Tuning In! There are a lot of podcasts you could be tuning into today, but you chose unSeminary, and I’m grateful for that. If you enjoyed today’s show, please share it by using the social media buttons you see at the left hand side of this page. Also, kindly consider taking the 60-seconds it takes to leave an honest review and rating for the podcast on iTunes, they’re extremely helpful when it comes to the ranking of the show and you can bet that I read every single one of them personally! Thank You to This Episode’s Sponsor: TouchPoint As your church reaches more people, one of the biggest challenges is making sure no one slips through the cracks along the way.TouchPoint Church Management Software is an all-in-one ecosystem built for churches that want to elevate discipleship by providing clear data, strong engagement tools, and dependable workflows that scale as you grow. TouchPoint is trusted by some of the fastest-growing and largest churches in the country because it helps teams stay aligned, understand who they’re reaching, and make confident ministry decisions week after week. If you’ve been wondering whether your current system can carry your next season of growth, it may be time to explore what TouchPoint can do for you. You can evaluate TouchPoint during a free, no-pressure one-hour demo at TouchPointSoftware.com/demo. Episode Transcript Rich Birch — Hey friends, welcome to the unSeminary podcast. Listen, come here, come in close, you listen in because today’s conversation is fantastic and you are going to love where we are going.Rich Birch — Today I’ve got like a real world friend, somebody that I know outside of the internet and I want you to know them better. But not only that, they’ve got this incredible project that is going to help you and your church. And I ultimately think actually people you know who attend your church and maybe even beyond your church, this is going to be a fantastic conversation.Rich Birch — Honored to have my friend, Toni Nieuwhof with us. She is an author, a speaker, a family law mediator, and has spent decades of her professional life practicing law where she’s combining her professional careers also as a pharmacist, and a lawyer in leadership roles for hospitals. She’s incredibly talented, and and she’s also a podcaster, and she’s an author. She does a lot of different things. Toni, welcome to the podcast. So glad you’re here.Toni Nieuwhof — Oh, Rich, I am thrilled to be here. And yeah, it’s so great to have ah a good conversation with a friend anytime, but especially with you. So thanks for having me on.Rich Birch — That’s so kind of you. It’s always a little bit funny when I have people that I know in the real world on the podcast because, you know, there’s like this conversation we’re having and it’s mediated through this technology, which is kind of funny, but hopefully it’ll it’ll it’ll be a positive I know it’ll be a positive conversation for people that are listening in. Rich Birch — But I kind of gave a little bit of your professional background. You have this incredible, when I talk about you, I’m coming clean. When I talk about you behind your back, Toni, I say, you know, I have this friend, Toni, who’s done everything. She’s pharmacist, lawyer, you know, all that stuff I rattle off, law mediator, podcaster, author. It’s like you’re constantly reinventing yourself in the best way possible. So to what’s the through line in that and how what led you to to here to where you are today? Kind of author, you know, podcaster. Talk to me about that.Toni Nieuwhof — Oh, sometimes, Rich, I’d have to say that, you know, I feel a bit schizophrenic when we talk about all the different hats. I’ve had such a winding path of a of a career. As far as a through line, I feel like God’s been very gracious to me. I’ve felt like I went through those various changes in my professional life, wondering where this is all going. But in every context, feeling like, okay, I have an assignment right now and I can serve these people this way. Toni Nieuwhof — And so I think the through line is that I’ve really I feel like God has led me through a um a personal healing journey of my own, um where I’ve actually been privileged to serve people along the way with the tools that he’s put in my hands. But at this stage in my professional life, I know a thing or two about what it is to um to suffer trauma and what it is to heal and find God in the midst of it. And that process has just left me with so much gratitude and also very motivated to just be a part of conversations um that focus on how God truly does show up ah in the journey of suffering.Rich Birch — Yeah, I love that. And we’re, you know, friends, you’re getting a hint of where we’re headed today. And I’m, this thing is gonna be a good conversation for us to to wrestle through and think about that. What stood out to me there is you talked about, you know, your own personal healing journey, you know, that this has been, you know, as you look back in your in in your life, I wonder if you could talk a little bit about that. Talk to me about, in your own life, how the kind of intersection of suffering, trauma, doubt, faith—How does how of all those kind of weave together for you in your own life?Toni Nieuwhof — Yeah, well, I would um just to give a little bit of context for people briefly.Rich Birch — Sure. Yes. Perfect.Toni Nieuwhof — I grew up in a middle class home that from the outside would have looked pretty normal, but from the inside um felt very chaotic. So my my dad was a binge drinker and alcoholic. He also was func