Love Thy Neighbor Show

Tom Vann, Dan Dennis, and Colette Fehr
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Love Thy Neighbor is a straight-talk relationship show from Tom Vann, Dan Dennis, and licensed therapist Colette J. Fehr - born the day Colette knocked on their door and they realized they were literal next-door neighbors. Together, they bring 50 years of broadcasting (Dan 30, Tom 20) and 15 years of clinical counseling (Colette), plus real-life reps: Tom's 20-year marriage, Dan's 15-year marriage, and Colette's second, thriving chapter. Expect humor, empathy, and practical advice from both sides of the wall. New episodes every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.

  1. LTN 39 - Friends with Anyone

    2d ago

    LTN 39 - Friends with Anyone

    Love Thy Neighbor relationship show introduction Jokes about lending friends money and buying a boat USA soccer win, FIFA officiating, and Bosnia confusion Friendships, family, and business relationships Handling money requests from friends and family Financial help can create guilt, pressure, and resentment Difference between true hardship and entitlement Listener requested money for a house down payment Wealthy people face constant expectations to help Mr. Wonderful's "give once, never again" advice Debate over whether that advice fits average people People-pleasing and avoiding uncomfortable conversations Family support after divorce Consider need, ability, and relationship before lending Only lend money without resentment or expectations Clearly define repayment terms for loans Repeated bailouts can become enabling Business favors and personal favors Benjamin Franklin effect explained Benjamin Franklin improved a rivalry by borrowing a book Cognitive dissonance behind the Benjamin Franklin effect Small favors can strengthen relationships Mr. Fascinating vs. Mr. Wonderful jokes Criticism of Mr. Wonderful's personality Relationship habits vs. manipulation Intentional compliments strengthen relationships Compliments should never have hidden motives Genuine praise helps people feel valued Regular compliments build confidence and positivity Positive reinforcement strengthens social circles Dr. John Gottman's positive interaction research Insincere or exaggerated praise backfires Authentic compliments should be specific Small compliments can brighten a stranger's day Say positive thoughts out loud Sales rapport vs. genuine connection Goodwill and persuasion can overlap Some people love deeply but struggle to express it Intentional habits improve relationships Different love and communication styles Acts of service can express love Expressive vs. stoic partners Deliberate routines help less expressive people Genie lamp debate $5 million challenge to befriend a stranger Common interests are not required for friendship Could you become friends with Kanye West? Healthy boundaries in unusual friendships Liver King, steroids, and Joe Rogan feud Severe mental illness or violence can limit relationships Therapy builds connection across differences Strong relationships do not require agreement Learn someone's story before judging them Diverse relationships promote personal growth Motivation matters more than similarity Eye contact strengthens emotional connection 36 questions associated with falling in love Prolonged eye contact and attraction studies Biology influences human connection Many people avoid vulnerable eye contact Co-regulation calms the nervous system Connection techniques can be used ethically or manipulatively Long-term couples develop nearly wordless communication Great partners function as dependable teammates Loneliness among older men Men often seek relationships quickly after divorce Grandfather's WWII and orphanage stories Childhood trauma shaped emotional expression Listening can be deeply therapeutic Respect vulnerable conversations without recording them Being heard without judgment helps healing Older generations often suppressed emotion Stoic people may crave connection Relationship skills can be learned Modern loneliness epidemic People can feel lonely even in crowds Ask thoughtful open-ended questions Invite meaningful stories instead of facts Ask what someone loves about their work Genuine curiosity strengthens relationships Human connection is a psychological need Strong relationships protect mental health Chronic loneliness is linked to serious health risks People need meaningful connections beyond small talk Humans are wired for belonging Much behavior is subconscious Therapy reveals unconscious patterns Habits reduce mental effort Decision fatigue affects behavior Wearing a daily uniform reduces decisions Lasting change requires repetition and reminders Practice daily compliments and kindness Small acts improve both people's moods Socializing often feels better once it starts Ask for a small favor to build rapport Borrowing a book as a Benjamin Franklin effect example Preview of an episode about saying no Healthy boundaries and saying no "No" can be a complete sentence Promotion of Colette's book, The Cost of Quiet Mention of Colette's Insights from the Couch podcast Closing joke about fewer genie discussions ### Website: https://tomanddan.com/ BDM: https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch: https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/ Watch Live: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TomandDanLive Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/tomanddanlive Follow Us: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AMediocreTime Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tomanddanlive/ X: https://x.com/TomandDanLive RSS Feeds: ACT: https://feeds.libsyn.com/61976/rss AMT: https://feeds.libsyn.com/18904/rss BDM: https://feeds.libsyn.com/37121/rss

    50 min
  2. LTN 38 - Prenups & More

    Jun 25

    LTN 38 - Prenups & More

    Divorce rates are falling while marriage rates also decline. Younger adults marry and divorce less often. Gray divorce is rising among older couples. High living costs keep some unhappy couples together. More couples choose lifelong partnerships without legal marriage. Some couples hold weddings without filing marriage paperwork. Legal marriage offers emotional value but financial risk. Silent marriages often continue for children or money. Empty nesters often reassess unhappy marriages. Midlife creates urgency to improve relationships. Life after 50 compared to the "back nine" in golf. Fix your marriage before chasing a fantasy relationship. Personal accountability matters more than finding a new partner. Some marriages cannot be repaired despite real effort. Emotional abuse and neglect can make divorce necessary. Relationship maintenance is easier than crisis repair. Avoiding hard conversations weakens marriages. Personal growth carries into future relationships. Starting over often feels easier than it is. Second and third marriages have higher divorce rates. Divorce can normalize future breakups. Children often model their parents' relationships. Many long marriages become happier after difficult years. Men often remarry faster after divorce. Married men often live longer and healthier lives. Funny discussion about anal fissures and embarrassing doctor visits. Women initiate most divorces. Celebrity divorces often become business negotiations. Divorce is one of the fastest ways to lose wealth. Loneliness and feeling unheard drive many divorces. Jelly Roll and Bunnie XO relationship discussion. Bunnie XO's IVF struggles. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce prenup rumors. Wealth changes how couples approach marriage. Prenups protect finances without reducing commitment. Movie discussion about marriage, betrayal, and divorce. Story of a husband leaving his wife during COVID. Infidelity can leave spouses emotionally and financially vulnerable. Couples should openly discuss financial protection. First and second marriages handle finances differently. Shared assets feel different when couples grow together. Humor about losing a home after divorce. Accepting loss helps emotional healing. Later-life marriages often protect premarital assets. Inheritances are a common reason for prenups. Patrick Mahomes and Brittany Mahomes built wealth together. Athlete endorsements create massive wealth. Celebrity prenup speculation and personality jokes. Kermit the Frog bedroom voice humor. Most divorces begin with emotional pain, not money. Financial fear often prevents divorce. Stay-at-home spouses may fear financial independence. Personal story of leaving a marriage without seeking support. Career growth can restore confidence after divorce. Financial hardship changes views on prenups. Women should understand household finances. Some marriages still have one partner controlling money. Some men struggle when wives out-earn them. Healthy couples celebrate each other's success. More wives are primary breadwinners. Women are becoming more educated and earning more. Equality benefits both partners. Raise boys to respect strong, successful women. Men often struggle with emotional communication. Emojis can soften text conversations. Genuine affection matters more than emojis. Physical affection and verbal affirmation build stronger relationships. Small daily efforts strengthen marriages. Humor about inappropriate emoji combinations. Promotion for The Cost of Quiet. Promotion for Insights from the Couch. Promotion for Colette's FOX 35 Orlando appearances. Appreciation for the show's chemistry and conversations. ### Social Media https://tomanddan.com https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive https://facebook.com/amediocretime https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive Where to Find the Show Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s Exclusive Content https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/

    46 min
  3. LTN 37 - Men's Mental Help Month

    Jun 20

    LTN 37 - Men's Mental Help Month

    Father's Day gift preferences vs traditional gifts Men and women valuing appreciation differently Joke about sexual favors as Father's Day gifts Father's Day overlapping with Men's Mental Health Month Growing up where men never discussed mental health Stigma around men prioritizing mental and physical health Mental health historically viewed as weakness in men Fitness culture acceptance vs mental health resistance Importance of raising awareness for men's mental health Depression and anxiety affecting many men Less than half of men seeking mental health treatment Men accounting for roughly 80% of suicides Highest suicide rates among men over 75 Suicide as a leading cause of death in young men Encouragement to talk with friends, family, or therapists Using humor to avoid difficult mental health conversations Misunderstanding suicidal ideation without lived experience Avoiding judgment of people with depression Fear that vulnerability makes men appear weak Men suppressing pain and handling problems alone Depression often appearing as anger and irritability Chronic anger as a sign of underlying depression Recognizing mental health warning signs in men Checking in on struggling friends and family Older generations taught to suppress emotions Similar depression and anger patterns across generations Accepting personal mental health tendencies Different emotional baselines and brain chemistry Therapy improving emotional awareness Mental health maintenance like physical health maintenance Social media and news contributing to anxiety Dopamine-driven habits that worsen mental health Depression making daily tasks feel overwhelming Men often benefiting after reluctantly trying therapy Need for cultural change around emotional openness Men bonding through activities more than conversations Women more likely to discuss struggles with friends Encouraging men to share vulnerabilities with other men Stoicism vs unhealthy emotional suppression Trauma, personality, and brain wiring debates Concerns about amateur psychoanalysis on social media People being experts on their own experiences Traditional Florida masculinity discouraging vulnerability Feeling different from family due to anxiety Mental health conditions affecting everyone differently Treating mental health instead of comparing experiences Early intervention preventing severe outcomes Greatest Generation culture of emotional stoicism Some people naturally having healthier emotional baselines Therapy helping those with depression and anxiety Friends providing emotional support like preventive care Mental health treatment compared to managing cholesterol Medication stigma and resistance Medication helping during a difficult divorce Loneliness contributing to older male suicide rates Retirement causing loss of purpose and identity Importance of relationships and meaning later in life Summer vacations creating unexpected stress Family vacation frustrations reflected in movie tropes Small changes making vacations more enjoyable Dominator partner planning every vacation detail One partner handling all logistics and itineraries Planner resentment when responsibilities pile up Whether non-planners should contribute more Discussing vacation roles before traveling Feeling ignored when suggestions are repeatedly dismissed Rejected partners eventually disengaging Vacations with kids feeling like work Returning from vacations more exhausted than rested Resentment from carrying unspoken responsibilities Rejecting help while feeling overwhelmed Asking directly for help instead of expecting mind reading Communication solving many vacation conflicts Pressure to be a super parent who does everything Teamwork becoming more important in marriages Expressing feelings of being unsupported Emotional withdrawal after repeated criticism Road trips with kids glued to devices Technology easing travel but increasing screen dependence Couples struggling to find new conversation topics Long-term relationships running out of fresh discussions Conversations becoming limited to kids and work Escaping into earbuds and distractions during drives Discussing future goals and dreams together Planning adventures creating excitement and connection Debating future vacations during current vacations Anticipation as one of the best parts of travel Healthy couples discussing hopes and aspirations Bringing new ideas and experiences into relationships Avoiding conversational ruts in long-term partnerships Maintaining individual interests and personal space Solo time for reading, audiobooks, and recharging Independence strengthening family relationships Challenging each other with fresh perspectives Early risers vs late sleepers on vacation Different vacation styles causing tension Maximizing activities vs relaxing slowly Feeling vacation time is being wasted Quiet resentment from unmet expectations Discussing schedules before the next day Accepting different energy levels and personalities Compromise between planners and relaxed travelers Requesting specific early-start days Clearly expressing wants and needs Direct communication about boundaries and expectations Taking personal time without guilt Relationship conflicts caused by unspoken expectations Partners not being able to read minds Asking directly for desired experiences Accepting personality differences in relationships Attraction to partners with opposite traits Opposites creating balance and frustration Communication and acceptance as relationship keys Promotion of therapy, books, podcasts, and relationship resources ### Social Media https://tomanddan.com https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive https://facebook.com/amediocretime https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive Where to Find the Show Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s Exclusive Content https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/

    47 min
  4. LTN 36 - Couples Therapy 101

    Jun 11

    LTN 36 - Couples Therapy 101

    Therapy recommendation changed a listener's life eight years later Therapy vs using alcohol to cope with stress and emotions Returning to therapy after emotional strain affected a marriage Benefits of talking with someone outside the relationship Mental health stigma and growing up without therapy discussions Therapy compared to hiring a trainer for mental fitness Realization therapy helps more than just people in crisis Relationships and mental health are closely connected Why "we never fight" is not a relationship success metric Martin Short's marriage discussed as a relationship role model Using exceptional couples as inspiration for growth How to find a good therapist or couples therapist Examples of bad therapy, boundary issues, and unethical behavior Couples therapy during a marriage on the brink of divorce Importance of therapist training and specialization Why good couples therapists avoid taking sides Therapist fit, trust, and comfort for both partners More couples seeking therapy before major problems arise Therapy for communication, intimacy, and conflict skills Parenting, illness, and family stress impacting relationships Trauma, abandonment, addiction, and neglect affecting partnerships Why therapy should feel safe, supportive, and practical Couples therapy becoming more preventive than crisis-driven High cost of therapy and barriers to access Why couples therapy requires extensive training University clinics offering free or low-cost counseling Sliding-scale, pro bono, and community therapy resources Psychology Today directory for finding therapists Telehealth making therapy more accessible Expensive therapists are not always the best therapists Insurance limitations and mental health coverage problems UCF counseling clinics as a local low-cost option Does therapist age and life experience matter? Personal experience vs evidence-based treatment models Listener success story using the UCF clinic Why one therapy session rarely solves major issues Benefits of combining individual and couples therapy Healthy couples using short-term therapy tune-ups Long-term therapy for infidelity and deep disconnection Therapy compared to learning skills from a personal trainer Books, courses, and self-help options for couples Gottman Institute resources and relationship education When self-help works and when professional help is needed Using insurance directories to find covered therapists Looking for LMFT credentials in couples counseling Employee Assistance Programs offering free sessions Struggling to find available therapists during high demand 988 crisis line and mental health resources Interviewing therapists before committing Asking how much of a therapist's practice is couples work Why couples therapy is a specialized field Evidence-based models like Gottman, EFT, RLT, and Imago Humor as a powerful relationship-building tool Shared laughter strengthening marriages and families Stress and productivity reducing connection and creativity Making time for playfulness and fun during busy seasons Parenting, school schedules, and daily obligations causing strain John Gottman's relationship research and lab studies The Four Horsemen: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling Predicting relationship outcomes from interaction patterns Negative sentiment override explained Relationship bank account analogy for emotional goodwill Assuming the worst when resentment builds Using laughter and connection to prevent relationship decline Addressing problems early before resentment grows Relationship maintenance compared to cleaning a house Regular repair conversations building resilience Shared laughter as a sign of safety and connection Being intentional and present with loved ones Family games and quality time as meaningful experiences Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith relationship discussion Chris Rock's response to the Oscars slap Entitlement, fame, and emotional regulation Physical aggression as unhealthy conflict resolution Coercive control, dominance, and abusive relationship dynamics Road rage and other examples of poor emotional regulation Listener questions, relationship resources, and future topics Comparing show personalities to Howard Stern show roles ### Social Media https://tomanddan.com https://x.com/tomanddanlive https://facebook.com/amediocretime https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive Where to Find the Show Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s Exclusive Content https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/

    47 min
  5. LTN 35 - Pushing Yourself to Participate

    Jun 4

    LTN 35 - Pushing Yourself to Participate

    Colette recovers from a successful book launch and discusses reader impact Jokes about writing books for money lead into relationship trends Gen Alpha AI romantic partner trend sparks concerns about future relationships Growing trend of couples maintaining independent lives within committed relationships Separate hobbies, friends, activities, and solo trips can strengthen partnerships Healthy interdependence balances autonomy and connection Security and personal space help maintain attraction and growth Relationship balance should not be treated as a fixed formula Colette describes a highly independent marriage built on trust Dan introduces being "Magoo'd" by his wife handling forgotten responsibilities Story about his wife preloading directions for a missed doctor appointment Discussion of the mental load often carried by women in relationships Planning, organizing, and household management can create resentment Shared responsibility requires allowing partners to make mistakes Micromanagement and perfectionism can undermine teamwork Relationship imbalances form when one partner routinely takes over tasks Dan intentionally resumes responsibilities like driving to restore balance Backseat driving anxiety affects who assumes control of certain duties Communication remains one of the most universal relationship tools Couples should build systems that fit their unique dynamic Maintaining interests outside the relationship supports mental health Work, parenting, and responsibilities often crowd out hobbies and friendships Adults still need creativity, fun, and play Learning guitar used as an example of pursuing long-delayed interests Personal hobbies framed as necessities rather than luxuries Self-care improves relationships, work performance, and well-being Discussion of people faking emergencies to avoid social obligations "Not feeling well" cited as the most common cancellation excuse Overscheduled lives leave many people emotionally exhausted Social battery depletion presented as a valid reason for downtime Reliable people often feel guilty canceling plans Importance of considering how much effort others made before canceling Chronic last-minute cancellations viewed as inconsiderate Honest communication is healthier than invented excuses Sometimes pushing through reluctance leads to positive experiences Distinguishing genuine exhaustion from simple resistance Fear of disappointing others drives many social excuses Themes from The Cost of Quiet encourage direct communication FOMO complicates decisions about staying home or attending events Smartphones and social media increase pressure to stay engaged Concern about a loneliness epidemic despite constant connectivity People can feel lonely even when surrounded by loved ones Examine whether social pressure comes from personal values or outside expectations Most people could benefit from more real-world social interaction Story about attending an Orlando Arsenal supporters event despite anxiety Partially familiar groups can feel more stressful than strangers Structured social settings often feel easier than open-ended gatherings Exposure to social discomfort can reduce anxiety over time Social anxiety is a major reason people avoid events Close friends require less social energy than acquaintances Anxiety around forgetting names and social details Public personalities face frequent awkward recognition encounters Tricks for remembering names in social situations Socializing becomes harder after emotionally demanding workdays Even extroverts must invest effort into social interaction Active listening requires significant mental energy Social anxiety and social effort are major barriers to connection Avoiding social situations can reinforce anxiety Humans are biologically wired for community and connection Modern life removes many natural opportunities for social engagement Socializing compared to exercise as something beneficial despite resistance Strong relationships linked to better health and longevity Digital communication cannot fully replace in-person interaction Younger generations may struggle with phone calls due to reduced practice Less social friction can weaken interpersonal confidence Concept of "mental nutrition" compares texting to junk food Face-to-face communication provides deeper emotional connection Couples therapy often uses eye contact and vulnerability exercises Difficult conversations frequently produce meaningful breakthroughs No universal rule exists for self-care versus pushing through discomfort Some people need more social engagement while others need more rest Self-awareness is key to identifying personal needs Excessive isolation and phone-centered living increase disconnection Families sitting together on phones can feel disconnected and depressing Phone use often becomes the default way to decompress Exercise improves mood, energy, and family interactions Board games create laughter, connection, and shared memories Real-world connection offers benefits technology cannot fully replicate Human connection compared to healthy food and exercise Families should intentionally create opportunities for engagement Promotion of The Cost of Quiet and its communication themes Mention of an upcoming Fox 35 Orlando appearance Humorous story about accidentally displaying a book upside down online Joke that the mistake looked like an intentional marketing strategy Closing reflections on communication, connection, and personal well-being ### Social Media https://tomanddan.com https://x.com/tomanddanlive https://facebook.com/amediocretime https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive Where to Find the Show Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s Exclusive Content https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/

    48 min
  6. LTN 34 - Growing Old Together

    May 27

    LTN 34 - Growing Old Together

    Love Thy Neighbor relationship show and anonymous listener emails Man reflects on life after raising kids and building a business with his wife Anxiety about retirement, aging, identity, and no longer being needed Fear of losing purpose after stepping away from career success Hustle culture masking insecurity and avoiding self-reflection Reinventing yourself after parenting and career transitions Empty nest couples relearning how to connect without kids around Parenting dominating marriages and creating emotional distance Importance of honest conversations during major life changes Why couples avoid vulnerability and emotional honesty Couples therapy helping partners say difficult things out loud Small honest talks vs giant emotional blowups Shared hobbies, travel, and rituals helping couples reconnect Emotional connection requires deeper conversations beyond date nights Couples discussing goals for the next chapter of life Debate about college degrees and whether college is overrated Running joke about a fake underground podcast called Hate Thy Neighbor Axe throwing mocked as a fake fun bar activity Jokes about dangerous axe throwing dates and relationship injuries Email about a husband treating strangers better than his wife Public disrespect toward spouses as a major relationship red flag Difference between normal marital annoyance and real contempt Marital contempt discussed as a predictor of divorce Discussion about intervening in toxic relationships Warning that criticizing relationships can damage friendships Gentle ways to express concern about a friend's relationship Jokes about chaotic rebound relationships after divorce Stories about reckless dating, drugs, and apartment life post-divorce Debate about abusive relationships vs unhealthy but consensual dynamics Therapists privately doubting whether some couples will survive Couples loving each other despite incompatible values and boundaries Friendship boundaries, exes, and opposite-sex friendships in relationships Andrea's attractive male friends and insecurity jokes Self-deprecating humor and comparing looks to Captain Caveman Beard compliments unexpectedly boosting confidence Difficulty accepting compliments due to low self-worth Therapy work focused on reducing self-hatred and negative self-talk Why many people reject compliments instead of accepting them Simply saying thank you as a self-esteem exercise Marathon training and repetition used as examples of personal growth Prison jokes and absurd comedy tangents about human adaptation Tracy texting about the Summer House reunion White Claw jokes and early morning drinking humor Difference between confidence and true self-esteem Self-esteem described as belief in your worth as a person Mirror affirmations and difficulty saying "I love you" to yourself Men and older generations resisting emotional self-help exercises Relationship with yourself described as the most important relationship Self-love framed as an inside job instead of outside validation Universal human insecurity discussed by therapists Negative self-talk as a survival mechanism from childhood Success happening despite self-hatred, not because of it Positive internal dialogue outperforming shame-based motivation Sports psychology supporting encouragement over self-destruction Interrupting negative self-talk and replacing it with compassion Slowpoke Rodriguez jokes and outdated cartoon stereotypes High achievers believing self-hatred drives success Brain wiring focusing heavily on mistakes and danger Harsh self-talk fueling anxiety, depression, and suffering Russell Wilson and Tom Brady examples of mental resilience Elite athletes focusing on adjustments instead of self-hatred Special forces mindset of radical self-forgiveness Reframing past mistakes with compassion toward your younger self Speaking to yourself like you would your child or best friend Story about a child struggling emotionally after a dance competition Encouragement after failure without pretending poor performance was great Nobody performs perfectly all the time, including professionals Long careers improving gradually through repetition and experience Positive affirmations retraining the brain through repetition Apps, tapes, and meditations built around affirmations and self-talk Therapy helping people become kinder to themselves Promotion of Colette Jane Fair's book The Cost of Quiet ### Social Media TomandDan.com X @tomanddanlive Facebook Instagram Where to Find the Show A Mediocre Time - Apple Podcasts A Mediocre Time - Google Podcasts Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1 A Corporate Time - Apple Podcasts A Corporate Time - Google Podcasts Exclusive Content BDM Registration Merch Tom and Dan Merch Store

    47 min
  7. LTN 33 - Tit for Tat & Supporting Conflict

    May 21

    LTN 33 - Tit for Tat & Supporting Conflict

    Debate over whether "high maintenance" means difficult or just outspoken Opposite personality traits attracting in relationships Emotional partners pairing with non-emotional partners Confident traits becoming annoying over time Restaurant table requests viewed differently by different personalities Difference between advocating for preferences and being demanding Nostalgia for the original smaller The Ravenous Pig location Aggressive table stalking at crowded restaurants and bars Fight with an older woman over a first-come-first-served table Husband hiding from confrontation during restaurant conflict Chest tapping joke about being "in the assault family" Restaurant manager siding with first-come-first-served rules Dinner atmosphere ruined after public confrontation Debate over preserving peace versus winning arguments Feeling unsupported by a partner during public conflicts Wanting a partner to visibly "have your back" Fear of public confrontations escalating dangerously Movie theater fights over confronting loud teenagers Stressful backseat driving dynamics in relationships Argument over passing a peloton of cyclists Debate over cyclists riding single file in traffic Pressure from spouses to drive more aggressively Failed attempt to pass cyclists before a stop sign Couples evolving into permanent driver/passenger roles "Passenger princess" relationships where one partner never drives Older men judging husbands driven by their wives Constant driving criticism making partners avoid driving Knowing you are a bad backseat driver but struggling to stop Household tension over chores and organization Doing chores poorly to avoid future chores Wanting help while criticizing how help is done Partners wanting control while demanding initiative Discussion of women handling most household labor Resentment over carrying the mental load at home Importance of letting partners contribute differently Anxiety driving controlling passenger behavior Constant criticism making partners shut down "Criticize and defend" relationship dynamics Partners feeling they "can't even breathe right" Need for feedback without micromanaging "Tit-for-tat" exhaustion competitions in relationships Competing over who works harder or feels more tired Insecurity over having a fun or unconventional job Realization both partners can be exhausted at once Small arguments revealing deeper emotional triggers Validation working better than comparison or competition "I'm sorry that's happening to you" as a powerful response One-upping struggles making partners feel invalidated Dismissive responses blaming doomscrolling or drinking People defaulting to problem-solving instead of empathy Emotional connection described as the core of relationships People often wanting to vent instead of getting advice Joke about a prerecorded validation soundboard Validation still helping even when it feels scripted Asking whether someone wants advice or just listening Relief from learning you do not always need to fix problems Pretending to listen while mentally drifting to fantasy football Feeling supported mattering more than perfect attention Introduction of "the story in your head" relationship concept People creating internal narratives about others' behavior Therapy discussion about the "negative partner story" Same interaction interpreted completely differently by partners Steak order example showing confidence versus high maintenance Fear of rejection fueling negative relationship assumptions Unfinished chores interpreted as proof of being unimportant Criticism often masking deeper hurt feelings Asking for context instead of assuming bad intentions Defensive partners feeling like constant failures Perception that some partners "want to be mad" Discussion of emotional addiction to anger Observation about radio personalities struggling with sadness Repeated unresolved conflicts hardening negative assumptions Couples eventually viewing each other as manipulative Gambling used as an example of false narratives Reminder that people rarely know others' full motives Using "the story I told myself" instead of accusations Softer communication reducing defensiveness Accusing motives as fact shutting down conversations Childhood relationship patterns projected onto partners Withdrawal and defensiveness mistaken for manipulation Difference between manipulators and misunderstood partners Calling someone manipulative ending productive dialogue Describing emotions instead of accusing intent Allowing room for clarification instead of blame "Master manipulators" compared to magicians with superpowers Importance of boundaries with manipulative people Staying curious instead of certain during conflict Speaking from personal experience during arguments Mention of the book "The Cost of Quiet" Promotion of the podcast "Insights from the Couch" Celebration of reaching 100 podcast episodes Observation that most podcasts fail after a few episodes Comparison between failed podcasts and unsold books ### Social Media https://tomanddan.com https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive https://facebook.com/amediocretime https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive Where to Find the Show Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s Exclusive Content https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/

    46 min
  8. LTN 32 - Phubbing

    May 14

    LTN 32 - Phubbing

    Confusion over whether the show is called Love Thy Neighbor, LTN, or the relationship show Colette joking about being Double D and acting off the rails Marijuana drink jokes and therapy client humor Listener email asking why Colette works with Tom and Dan Hate listening and consuming content people claim to dislike Rush Limbaugh jokes and pain pill references Colette receiving backlash over a Substack article Dr. Laura and condescending radio personalities Colette struggling emotionally with criticism despite approaching people with empathy Discussion about emotional sensitivity and reactive behavior Colette discussing Zepbound and losing 30 pounds GLP-1 backlash and moral superiority from strangers online Family estrangement and therapists encouraging no contact Gray areas between toxic family dynamics and healthy boundaries People feeling personally triggered by nuanced discussions online Substack compared to Reddit and less hostile social media spaces Reddit described as emotionally toxic and rage driven Story about spiraling after reading criticism online Colette admitting she is too sensitive to read comments about herself Anonymous commenters attacking Colette as a therapist Tom introducing his Homeless Man Theory for internet criticism Comparing online trolls to unstable strangers yelling on the street Debate about therapy influencers oversimplifying psychology Therapy Jeff backlash and controversy over domestic violence comments Discussion about outrage culture increasing engagement online Marketing advice pushing hot takes for clicks and visibility Debate over ethical responsibility for licensed therapists online Younger generations separating online identity from real life identity Tom and Dan describing themselves as entertainers first Colette struggling because her professional and personal identities overlap Desire to step away from social media and live more analog Discussion about excessive phone use damaging relationships Story about nine hours of daily screen time causing arguments Comparison between phone usage and watching a movie every day Relief after accidentally leaving a phone behind on a boat Anxiety fading quickly once disconnected from notifications Smartphones changing work culture and personal availability forever Nostalgia for pre-smartphone office life and shared computers Attention becoming the main commodity in entertainment and podcasting Introduction of the term phubbing in relationships Phones damaging emotional connection and bids for attention Smartphones compared to dopamine delivery systems Couples scrolling in bed instead of connecting with each other Matt Heafy discussing sleep discipline and avoiding screens before bed Realization that downtime without phones feels uncomfortable now Suggestions for replacing scrolling with conversation or quiet time Fear that society is powerless against smartphone addiction Concerns about giving smartphones to middle school kids Comparing smartphone addiction to giving kids heroin Suggestions for delayed phone access and parental controls Frustration with gym phone zombies and public speakerphone users Debate over whether older people are more addicted to phones Questioning whether people truly need constant availability Story about a failed podcast upload during a 98 Degrees concert Anxiety from waking up to listener complaints about missing uploads Discussion about gray areas in family estrangement decisions Importance of communication before cutting family members off Parents sharing embarrassing stories and damaging trust unintentionally Parenting described as a top-down relationship requiring repair Concern that some therapists push family cutoffs too quickly Story about a radio host inventing conspiracy theories about management Discussion about the story people create in their own minds Technology removing emotional nuance from communication Texting described as terrible for emotional conversations Wife confronting phone addiction during family time Tit for tat relationship arguments and defensive reactions Going to bed angry and emotionally shutting down Discussion about shame and defensiveness when criticized Advice to get curious about emotional triggers instead of retaliating Plans for future talks about communication patterns and conflict Plug for The Cost of Quiet Plug for Insights From the Couch podcast Plug for Secrets From a Therapist weekly Substack advice newsletter ### Social Media https://tomanddan.com https://x.com/tomanddanlive https://facebook.com/amediocretime https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive Where to Find the Show Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990 Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s Exclusive Content https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/

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About

Love Thy Neighbor is a straight-talk relationship show from Tom Vann, Dan Dennis, and licensed therapist Colette J. Fehr - born the day Colette knocked on their door and they realized they were literal next-door neighbors. Together, they bring 50 years of broadcasting (Dan 30, Tom 20) and 15 years of clinical counseling (Colette), plus real-life reps: Tom's 20-year marriage, Dan's 15-year marriage, and Colette's second, thriving chapter. Expect humor, empathy, and practical advice from both sides of the wall. New episodes every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.

Information

  • Creator
    Tom Vann, Dan Dennis, and Colette Fehr
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    40
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2025
  • Show Website
    Love Thy Neighbor Show

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