I came for interesting discussion about poly vagal theory; I left because of the casual dismissal of white supremacy and racism. Sigh.
What I have really appreciated in this podcast is that Mercedes and Justin often take a moment at the beginning of episodes to tell you they’ve chosen examples that are safe, and they’ve made efforts not to be triggering. So it’s disappointing to see a lack of nuance, of curiosity here, you know?
I kept an open mind, kept listening—after all, he’s still learning, he’s trying! But the episode that made me give up was “How to listen when you don’t agree.” Isn’t that a bit funny, though? Irony. I wanted tips! Instead, in the first part of the episode, he fails to demonstrate, through example, how he himself would listen when he doesn’t agree with someone—for example when faced with the accusation that he said something fatphobic, misogynist or, even, racist.
He has demonstrated that he has the capacity for these skills in other episodes, so I would love to see him apply that same curiosity and get into that uncomfortable space: like, I’m having a reaction at having an “ism” thrown at me, but can I see how the other person came to that place? Can I see the parts that are valid? (Maybe the comments support part of the status quo, maybe that status quo is founded on racist ideas) I might not like the label, but can I see how what I said contributed to an unsafe space for people in fat bodies, or black bodies, or female bodies? Especially—especially—if those people are telling me it affected them?
There’s a gap when it comes to race, where he seems to be unaware of the ways his word choices minimize the omnipresence of white supremacy and leans into white individualism/exceptionalism (I.e., “both sides,” there are real racists out there who deserve that shame, an “actual” racist, etc.)
My disappointment is in seeing him dismiss outright the idea that he might ever do/say something fatphobic, racist, misogynist as inherently untrue and coming from the other person being activated and villainizing. We are all imperfect beings. Most of us will eff up from time to time, say things that unintentionally harm.
I would consider coming back to the podcast once I see him engage in a more nuanced reaction to these kinds of issues.
