The Unburdened Leader

Rebecca Ching, LMFT
  • 4.5 (4)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
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Meet leaders who recognized their own pain, worked through it, and stepped up into greater leadership. Each week, we dive into how leaders like you deal with struggle and growth so that you can lead without burnout or loneliness. If you're eager to make an impact in your community or business, Rebecca Ching, LMFT, will give you practical strategies for redefining challenges and vulnerability while becoming a better leader. Find the courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion to step up for yourself and your others--even when things feel really, really hard.

  1. APR 10

    EP 152: Trauma Happens When We're Left Alone: Chris Burris on Psychological Safety and IFS in Groups

    You have probably heard of the concept of psychological safety and what it takes to foster it on your team and in spaces you lead. Maybe you’ve read books or taken trainings.  Here’s the tricky thing: psychological safety is an emergent quality of the group environment, shaped by leadership behaviors and team norms. You, as the leader, are a key variable.  So when you walk into a high-stakes meeting, and your self-protective parts are running the show? It impacts everyone around you and whether they can experience psychological safety. The only way that we can cultivate psychological safety outside of us, is to cultivate self-leadership within. When we can move from a place of authenticity and courage, rather than discomfort or fear, the people around us feel seen, heard, and connected. They have trust. They feel safe. Today my guest and I are talking about what it actually takes to lead groups and teams well, and the hard, necessary work of leading yourself first.  Chris Burris, M.Ed., LCMHCS, LMFT, is a Senior Lead Trainer for the Internal Family Systems Institute. He has spent decades bringing the IFS model into groups and teams,  not just the therapy room. He has trained close to 200 facilitators across 18 group facilitator trainings worldwide. He is the author of Creating Healing Circles: Using the Internal Family Systems Model in Facilitating Groups.  Listen to the full episode to hear: How empathy, tempered with understanding our purpose and boundaries, helps us lead betterWhy recognizing and acknowledging others’ emotions is not the same as taking responsibility for themWhat changes when leaders make an effort to understand the deeper origins of behaviorsHow IFS provides a model for addressing conflict in groups The importance of learning to recognize when you’re activated and suggestions for approaching repair with others when neededHow team leaders can shape dynamics that are clear, purposeful, and supportive, even through disagreements and differencesLearn more about Chris Burris: WebsiteLearn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources: The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth, Amy C EdmondsonCarl RogersIntraconnected: Mwe (Me + We) as the Integration of Self, Identity, and Belonging, Daniel J. Siegel MDBillie Eilish - ocean eyesAvatar

    1h 2m

  2. MAR 27

    EP 151: Why Networking Feels Gross and How to Build Relationships That Actually Last with Monique Kelley

    When you think of networking, do you feel discomfort or even dread? Most of us learned that “networking” is fundamentally transactional, asking for and doling out favors in order to further our aims. Maybe you or someone you know is the type to be constantly trying to connect people to prove their own worth, or counting themselves out because they feel like they have nothing to offer. That’s the kind of networking that makes us go, “Ugh, I’d rather stay home.” But networking can be about building real, powerful connections. And we need relationships, networks, and communities more than ever.  And you don’t have to be a dedicated extrovert. You can cultivate a way of building connections and community that works for your nervous system and your lifestyle. The goal is discernment–knowing when to give, when to receive, and trusting that you have something worth bringing. As my guest today shares, if we want to redefine networking, it starts with checking our biases and our burdens about what and who networking is and who it’s for.  Monique Kelley is a trusted, purpose-driven professor at Boston University, a consultant and published author who serves in a fractional capacity for Fortune 50 and global biopharmaceutical companies seeking a strategic corporate, product or executive communications head who advances business objectives and alleviates their headaches. Professor Kelley wrote the book (literally) on effective networking, Redefining Networking: How to Lead with Your Unique Value. She is also a Boston Founding Member of women C-suite and executive community CHIEF. Monique has built a strong network that she taps into for her consulting, referrals for her former coworkers and opportunities for her students and industry peers. At BU, she teaches the first and only Career Readiness course within the College of Communication. She teaches students and professionals alike her approach to effective networking and has facilitated “lead with your value” workshops for corporations and professional organizations, including Johnson & Johnson's Global Commercial Strategy Organization and Ticket to Biotech. Listen to the full episode to hear: How to reach out without making it transactionalWhy networking should start with people you already know, not strangersSimple steps for connecting and communicating your unique valueWhy you have to take the time to build equity and trust before making an askWhy reciprocity and long-term relationships are the real goals of networkingHow thinking about what you can contribute in return can take the pressure off asking for help Learn more about Monique Kelley: Redefining NetworkingConnect on LinkedInRedefining Networking; How to Lead with Your Unique Value Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: My journey to find friends helped me find community instead | Shannon WattsDorie ClarkAdam GrantThe Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn from Bad Bosses, Mita MallickEP 139: Bad Bosses Aren’t Born, They’re Made: Breaking Toxic Leadership Cycles with Mita MallickThe RootsJohn Candy: I Like Me

    1h 7m

  3. MAR 13

    EP 150: The Leadership Practice of Joy: Shabnam Mogharabi on Story and Service

    Story is our brain’s first language. And our minds fill in a story’s blanks long before the facts catch up. Before we consciously interpret an event, our nervous system has already scanned for threat and sent that information to our brains, which in turn builds a narrative about what it means. We’re constantly interpreting events, and not always accurately.  Research has shown that negative information carries more psychological weight than positive information. That bias isn’t a flaw–it’s survival wiring.  But what protects us biologically can distort us relationally. Unexamined stories shape our leadership. They shape how we interpret feedback. They shape how we respond to conflict. They shape culture. They shape trust. Which is why reclaiming “storyteller” as a skill set matters. Good storytelling connects to our capacity for joy, along with our ability to connect to what is truly authentic for us, which plays a role in the stories we tell ourselves and others.  Today’s guest digs into how to become a better storyteller—with yourself and with others—why joy is a skill that helps regulate our state and expand capacity, and how connecting to our authenticity is essential to telling good stories.  Shabnam Mogharabi is an entertainment executive, producer, and New York Times bestselling author with 20 years of experience in mission-driven media. She is currently the founder of The Joy Brigade, a boutique production company, and also serves as Executive Director at Soul Boom, which creates media to ignite a spiritual revolution. Prior to that, Shabnam was an EVP at film company Participant and also co-founded the uplifting content studio SoulPancake with actor Rainn Wilson, which she ran as CEO for nearly a decade, amassing one billion video views. She has a certificate in positive psychology and believes joy is transformational. Listen to the full episode to hear: Why joy is not about bypassing, but actually helps us navigate and weather our hardest daysThe difference between experiencing the emotion of happiness and cultivating the tools and practices of joyThree tools Shabnam returns to over and over in her own life to reset her perspectiveWhy we have to play the long game with joy practices through consistency and timeKey elements that make for an impactful story, and why you don’t need to be an artist or writer to hone your storytelling skillsHow Shabnam built and sustains the trust at the foundation of her 17-year creative partnership with Rainn Wilson Learn more about Shabnam Mogharabi: WebsiteThe Joy BrigadeSoul BoomConnect on LinkedIn Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Soul Boom Workbook: Spiritual Tools for Modern LivingThe Vanishing Half, Brit BennettMan's Search for Meaning, Viktor E. FranklThe GooniesIndiana Jones and the Last CrusadeWhen Harry Met SallySpaceballs

    1h 5m

  4. FEB 27

    EP 149: Interrupting the Fawning Trauma Response: Leadership, Safety, and Self-Trust with Dr. Ingrid Clayton

    Most of us know about the “fight, flight, freeze” responses to trauma. But there is another concept that has been steadily gaining awareness over the last several years, in large part due to pop psychology on social media: Fawning. You might have heard it described as akin to extreme people-pleasing, over-accommodating, over-functioning, and fundamentally a problem in the person doing the fawning. But as my guest today illuminates for us, it’s not a personal failing, or even always a conscious choice.  It is human nature to prioritize safety and connection, and fawning is a means of keeping ourselves safe. But when fawning runs the show, self-leadership diminishes and quietly drifts toward conflict-avoiding, blurred boundaries, and self-abandonment. Waking up to your fawning response takes courage. You will meet resistance from some as you shift the dynamics of your relationships. But it also unlocks deeper intimacy, more honest connection, and the joy that comes from trusting yourself and letting others meet the real you. This conversation invites you to consider where and with whom you fawn, and how you might want to respond in the future. Fawning has a real purpose when safety is on the line, but the more we are aware of it, the more we can be intentional about how we show up in our relationships. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s degree in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. In her private practice in Los Angeles she supports individuals in healing trauma, reclaiming agency, and reconnecting to their authentic selves. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, and her work has been featured in Oprah Daily, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Forbes, 10% Happier with Dan Harris, Girls Gotta Eat, and NPR’s On Point with Meghna Chakrabarti. Ingrid’s latest book, Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, explores the often-overlooked fawn response to trauma. Listen to the full episode to hear: Why fawning shows up as an unconscious response to ongoing relational traumaHow understanding fawning helped Ingrid understand and heal from her own complex traumaHow our culture demands and reinforces fawning for women and marginalized peopleThe often very real bind of choosing safety over self and the feedback loop it createsAccessible practices to build a sense of internal safety and self-trustHow chronic fawning and self-abandonment contribute to burnout Learn more about Ingrid Clayton, PhD: WebsiteInstagram: @ingridclaytonphdFacebook: @ingridclaytonphdYouTube: @ingridclaytonphdUnfawning on SubstackFawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves–and How to Find Our Way BackBelieving Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: What Is the Fawning Trauma Response? | Psychology TodayPeter LevineThe Greatest Showman Cast - This Is MeThe Traitors

    1h 11m

  5. FEB 13

    EP 148: Naming as Leadership Practice: Soraya Chemaly on Language and Power

    There is a well-known cognitive phenomenon that we are all susceptible to, and even more so when we’re stressed. And we’re all at least a little stressed and overwhelmed right now. The illusory truth effect catches us when we repeatedly hear statements and begin to assume they are true through repetition and familiarity. Things feel true, even if they couldn’t be further from it. Research has shown that sheer repetition can even override facts when we know better. Naming–systems, feelings, what we’re witnessing, what’s missing, what’s wrong–is a powerful antidote to the illusory truth effect. Naming forces us to slow down. It interrupts the repetition. We can’t meaningfully talk about integrity, values, courage, or innovation if we refuse to look directly at what is. My guest today reminds us that we can’t disrupt what we can’t name. And we can’t heal what stays vague. Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. As a cultural critic, she writes and speaks frequently about gender norms, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, politics, and technology. The former Executive Director of The Representation Project and Director and co-founder of the Women’s Media Center Speech Project, she has long been committed to expanding women’s civic and political participation. Her most recent book, All We Want is Everything: How We Dismantle Male Supremacy, has been called “a potent rallying cry for a beleaguered feminist movement.”  In it, she challenges dearly held beliefs about gender and equality today, drawing clear lines between the dynamics of intimate inequality and global anti-feminist, anti-democratic backlash and machofascism. Content warning: Discussion of details of the video footage leading up to Renee Good’s murder, less-detailed discussion of sexual and gender-based violence and harassment Listen to the full episode to hear: Why we need to name systems clearly and specifically in order to challenge themHow male supremacy encompasses concepts of sexism, misogyny, and patriarchy and frames them as part of a larger hierarchical systemHow we’re witnessing DARVO play out at scale in our government and media, as well as in personal interactionsHow deepfakes use the pervasive threat of sexual violence against women to dehumanize and enforce subjugationHow women play roles in passing on and enforcing male supremacyHow “the boy crisis” reinforces norms of masculinity at the expense of girls and womenWhy big tent politics that asks everyone but cis, straight men to give up fundamental rights cannot be a yardstick of success Learn more about Soraya Chemaly: WebsiteInstagram: @sorayachemalyAll We Want is Everything: How We Dismantle Male SupremacySubscribe to UnmannedLearn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Dechêne, A., Stahl, C., Hansen, J., & Wänke, M.. The Truth About the Truth: A Meta-Analytic Review of the Truth Effect. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 14(2), 238-257Pennycook, G., Cannon, T. D., & Rand, D. G. (2018). Prior exposure increases perceived accuracy of fake news. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 147(12), 1865–1880Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel KahnemanFazio, L. K., Brashier, N. M., Payne, B. K., & Marsh, E. J. (2015). Knowledge does not protect against illusory truth. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 144(5), 993–1002.EP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women’s Anger with Soraya ChemalyEP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyJennifer Joy Freyd, PhD.What is DARVO ? | Jennifer Joy Freyd, PhD.11. Boy Crisis Asides and the Invisible People and Power Living in Them | UnmannedAfterlives, Abdulrazak GurnahRadiohead - CreepI'd Love to Change the World - Ten Years AfterDon't Let's Go to the Dogs TonightBlondieThe Beginning Comes After the End: Notes on a World of Change, Rebecca Solnit

    1h 6m

  6. JAN 30

    EP 147: Despair Is Not a Strategy: Emerge America CEO A'shanti Gholar on Servant Leadership and the Long Game

    If it feels like you’ve lived a year inside of a month right now, you’re not alone. The cycle of our times is relentless and demands more of our attention and emotional capacity than we were ever meant to carry. This disorientation makes us more prone to disengagement, burnout, cynicism, and the lure of certainty. We also risk what social psychologists call moral narrowing, where our moral attention and empathy constrict to a smaller set of people or issues—often those we identify with directly—while excluding or devaluing others outside that circle. We can become more rigid, less able to tolerate complexity, and more likely to simplify moral dilemmas into “us versus them.”  Even the most caring people are susceptible to moral narrowing when they’re constantly overwhelmed. But we can build skills that help us move through grief, tolerate uncertainty, and stay engaged without losing ourselves. We need to train for these times, not just intellectually, but relationally and somatically. We need to be able to stay in the room long enough to build lasting connections and coalitions. My guest today models what it looks like to think and lead with the long game in mind while also tending to present-day relationships and her own well-being. She reminds us that despair is not a strategy and that steady, relational, local action is how we keep the future from being decided by the loudest and most reckless forces in the room. A’shanti F. Gholar is the President & CEO of Emerge, the nation’s largest network of women elected officials and candidates. A’shanti co-founded Emerge Nevada in 2006, was named Emerge’s national policy director in 2016, and became the first Black woman to lead Emerge in February 2020. Under A’shanti’s leadership, Emerge has experienced unprecedented growth and success. With affiliates in over two dozen states, more than 1,200 alums in office, and over 6,500 Democratic women trained to run for office and win, Emerge has become a force to be reckoned with in the political landscape.  She is also the founder of The Brown Girls Guide to Politics and its award-winning podcast, which The Guardian recognized as a “practical guide to progressive activism.”  Listen to the full episode to hear: How A’shanti learned early on the power of getting involved at the local levelHow Emerge helps women recognize the value of their skills and lived experiences in holding political positionsHow centering the “why” helps Emerge candidates get elected, fight through the hard days, and get re-elected at high ratesWhy servant leadership is at the core of how Emerge trains candidates to leadHow every day micro engagements in your community add up to make a difference and keep hope alive for the long haulWhy representation, visibility, and mentorship are vital to changing the narrative of who can run for and hold office Learn more about A’shanti Gholar: EmergeThe Brown Girls Guide to Politics PodcastInstagram: @ashantigholar Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age, Shannon WattsNot My Type: One Woman vs. a President, E. Jean Carroll Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love SongStranger Things

    1h 6m

  7. 2025-12-26

    EP 146: Regulated Leadership: Nervous System Skills Every Leader Needs with Deb Dana

    Our nervous systems form the foundation of how we move through the world. It is the filter for our thoughts, behaviors, and interpretations. And when our nervous systems are dysregulated, it impacts how we show up for ourselves, our loved ones, and those we lead. Emotional regulation isn’t as simple as a human equivalent of turning your computer off and on again. But it is an essential practice to learn to notice dysregulation, and develop skills and practices to bring us back when we’ve spiraled or disconnected. As we head into another year of challenges and uncertainty, personally and societally, I’m coming back to my conversation on Polyvagal Theory with Deb Dana from earlier this year, which also happens to be the most downloaded episode of 2025. When the stakes are high, it only makes sense that so many of us are looking for ways to cope. Polyvagal practice offers a compassionate map to ourselves, and helps us build the adaptability, curiosity, compassion, and connection that are most needed in leadership right now. Deb Dana, LCSW, is a clinician, consultant, author, and international lecturer on polyvagal theory-informed work with trauma survivors and is the leading translator of this scientific work to the public and mental health professionals. She's a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute and creator of the signature Rhythm of Regulation® clinical training series. Deb's work shows us how understanding polyvagal theory applies across the board to relationships, mental health, and trauma. She delves into the intricacies of how we can all use and understand the organizing principles of polyvagal theory to change the ways we navigate our daily lives. Listen to the full episode to hear: How regulation practices help us build the capacity to return to ourselves when we’ve been challengedHow subconscious survival responses hijack our ability to problem solve and narrow our optionsHow tiny moments of noticing can add up to big changes in your capacity to find regulationWhy we need skills for coming back to regulation in order to engage with discomfort and struggle in our lives and in the worldHow leaders can create connected, collaborative environments for themselves and those they lead Learn more about Deb Dana: Rhythm of Regulation Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Stephen PorgesThe Nightingale, Kristin HannahBlue: The History of a Color, Michel PastoureauCéline Dion, Andrea Bocelli - The PrayerHalloween Baking ChampionshipHoliday Baking ChampionshipThe Great British Baking Show

    1h 9m

  8. 2025-12-12

    EP 145: Leading Through Outrage: Why Moral Imagination Matters with Dr. Kurt Gray

    How do we stay awake and aware without constantly being outraged? Or, perhaps even worse, normalizing what should be utterly unacceptable? Staying human is hard in this environment. So many leaders are trying to hold onto their boundaries and values against pressure to act contrary to them, to stay compassionate and curious when so many forces benefit from and encourage our outrage. Anger, rage, and outrage are powerful and can be useful emotions. But when we live from a perpetual state of outrage, we lose access to the self-leadership and adaptive skills that help us lead well, and eventually it takes us out. Today’s guest is here to help us understand what outrage really is, why it’s so potent right now, how it becomes weaponized, and how we can use it without losing ourselves. Kurt Gray is a social psychologist who studies our moral minds and how best to bridge political divides. Gray received his PhD from Harvard University, and now directs the Deepest Beliefs Lab at The Ohio State University. He also leads the Center for the Science of Moral Understanding, which explores new ways to reduce polarization, and is a Field Builder in the New Pluralists, which seeks to build a more pluralistic America. Gray’s work on morality, politics, religion, creativity, and AI has been widely discussed in the media, including the New York Times, the Economist, Scientific American, Wired, and Hidden Brain. He is the co-author of the book The Mind Club: Who Thinks, What Feels and Why it Matters, and the author of Outraged: Why We Fight about Morality and Politics.  Listen to the full episode to hear: How Kurt’s childhood experiences with his stepmother’s conservative, evangelical family have informed his thinking about how we can connect despite differencesHow our human wiring for threat detection causes “harm creep,” even while many of us are safer than everHow our outrage is connected to our perceptions of our risk and vulnerabilityHow our moral imagination helps us maintain our empathy and humanity without losing sight of our values and boundariesWhy we need to learn to recognize destruction narratives and how they’re being used to sow divisionWhy leading with facts and statistics fails in moral and political arguments and how we can more effectively begin to bridge the gapsWhy we need to leave room for uncertainty and humility in our convictions Learn more about Kurt Gray, PhD: WebsiteConnect on LinkedInMoral Understanding NewsletterOutraged: Why We Fight About Morality and Politics and How to Find Common GroundThe Mind Club: Who Thinks, What Feels, and Why it Matters Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience, Brené BrownRage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, Soraya ChemalyEP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women’s Anger with Soraya ChemalyBrené Brown on the State of Leadership in America Today | On with Kara SwisherEP 52: Charlie Gilkey: Leading With What Matters MostDaryl DavisSaja Boys - "Your Idol"Stranger Things Bad ThoughtsOrdinary People Change the World Series, Brad Meltzer and Christopher Eliopoulos

    1h 24m
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About

Meet leaders who recognized their own pain, worked through it, and stepped up into greater leadership. Each week, we dive into how leaders like you deal with struggle and growth so that you can lead without burnout or loneliness. If you're eager to make an impact in your community or business, Rebecca Ching, LMFT, will give you practical strategies for redefining challenges and vulnerability while becoming a better leader. Find the courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion to step up for yourself and your others--even when things feel really, really hard.

Information

  • Creator
    Rebecca Ching, LMFT
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2026
  • Episodes
    153
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2023 The Unburdened Leader
  • Show Website
    The Unburdened Leader

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