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04.07.2024

World of Bullies #5: Strategies for Dealing with Bully Neighbors

Dealing with Bully Neighbors: Strategies for Resolving Conflicts In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the world of bully neighbors and explore effective strategies for managing these challenging situations. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California, Bill and Megan share their expertise on navigating high conflict personalities and offer practical advice for listeners dealing with difficult neighbors. Identifying Bullying Behavior in NeighborsBill and Megan discuss common scenarios that can trigger bullying behavior among neighbors, such as disputes over property lines, noise complaints, and pet-related issues. They emphasize the importance of recognizing patterns of bullying and not automatically assuming that a neighbor's actions are intentionally malicious. Resolving Neighbor ConflictsBill and Megan outline a step-by-step approach to resolving conflicts with bully neighbors, starting with a calm, direct conversation to address the issue. If the conversation is unsuccessful or unsafe, they suggest considering mediation through a community mediation center, consulting with a lawyer to understand legal options, and involving law enforcement if the situation escalates or if there are threats to safety. As a last resort, they recommend considering moving to a new location if the conflict remains unresolved and is severely impacting your well-being. Throughout the episode, Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of maintaining a strategic, non-judgmental approach when dealing with bully neighbors. They highlight the role of empathy and the need for clear consequences to curb bullying behavior. Questions we answer in this episode: How can I protect myself and my family from a bully neighbor?Is moving away a viable option when dealing with an unresolved neighbor conflict?Key Takeaways: Set clear limits and consequences for bullying behaviorConsider moving as a last resort for your well-beingThis episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone struggling with a bully neighbor. By understanding the dynamics of high conflict personalities and following the expert advice provided by Bill and Megan, listeners can feel empowered to take steps towards resolving their neighbor conflicts and maintaining a peaceful living environment. *Note: The episode contains a sensitive story involving animal cruelty that may be disturbing to some listeners. While relevant to the topic, it's important to provide a content warning before discussing this particular example. Links & Other Notes BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics in Families (September - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESOver the Fence: High Conflict Neighbor DisputesDealing with High Conflict People (7 Tips)Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - World of Bullies #5: Bullies as Neighbors (01:18) - Bullies as Neighbors (07:49) - Community Mediation Centers (10:15) - Real World Examples (16:40) - Listener Question (23:23) - Bullies Don’t Connect the Dots (25:19) - Escalation (28:56) - Wrap Up (29:48) - Reminders

04.07.2024

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31 Min.
13.03.2025

The Paradox of ADHD Impulsivity: Both Gift and Liability in Our Most Intimate Relationships with Melissa Orlov

What if the very quality that makes those early, intoxicating moments of romance so vibrant—the spontaneous weekend getaway, the surprise bouquet of flowers—later becomes the source of relationship friction? The human brain, particularly one wired with ADHD, contains multitudes of contradictions, and nowhere is this more evident than in how impulsivity shapes our intimate partnerships. This week on the show, relationship expert Melissa Orlov peels back the layers of impulsive behavior in ADHD relationships with Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer. Pete's personal confession—renting a convertible for a romantic coastal drive during courtship, then later purchasing an entire car during what should have been a routine oil change—illuminates the Jekyll-and-Hyde nature of impulsivity that Melissa has observed in thousands of couples. "It came from somewhere," Melissa notes of impulsive words and actions that wound our partners. But where? The answer lies in a neurological tightrope walk between present-moment reward and long-term relationship consequences. The ADHD partner experiences the euphoria of now, while their significant other bears witness to the aftermath, creating an asymmetrical emotional experience that compounds over time. What of verbal impulsivity—those cutting remarks that can never be unsaid? Melissa offers a revelation that ADHD partners are "blessed with the ability to move on quickly," while non-ADHD partners ruminate, creating relationship dissonance long after the moment has passed. Let us take our cues from Melissa's "verbal cues," pattern interrupters in relationship conflict. The deliberate absurdity of an agreed-upon word like "hamburger" or "aardvark" serves as a circuit breaker during emotional escalation—a linguistic tool that transcends the heat of argument to preserve relationship integrity. It's a Safe Word, but for your ADHD. This is an invitation to understand how neurological differences fundamentally shape our perception of time, commitment, and connection—and how awareness of these differences might just be the greatest relationship skill we can develop. Links & Notes ADHD MarriageIntent to Action Membership ProgramThe ADHD Effect on MarriageThe Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHDSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast (00:39) - Support the Show! Become a Patron! (01:40) - Introducing Melissa Orlov (06:58) - Auto-Impulsivity (09:32) - Impulsivity is Not a Monolith (12:38) - How We Fight (15:22) - Trust & Boundaries (19:10) - Fidelity (20:43) - Breaking out of Impulsive Patterns in Relationships (25:16) - Collaborating with the Non-Impulsive Partner (31:19) - Transparency (34:24) - Emotional Dysregulation & Verbal Cues (41:30) - Learn more about Melissa's work ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

13.03.2025

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44 Min.
vor 5 Tagen

From Reacting to Responding: High Conflict at Work, Part 3 of 4

High conflict behavior doesn't just disrupt your team—it follows leaders home, costs organizations hundreds of thousands of dollars, and gets worse when managers react without a plan. The question Part 3 of this four-part workplace series answers is the one every leader eventually faces: once you know conflict is in the room, what do you actually do? Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, are joined again by Michael Lomax, JD, lawyer, mediator, and HCI speaker and trainer. Together they walk through the BIFF response for hostile emails and verbal exchanges, EAR statements for de-escalating in the moment, the CARS method—Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits—for structuring any high conflict conversation, and New Ways for Work® coaching as a measurable alternative to suspension. Whether you're managing a difficult employee, caught between HR and your team, or working under a difficult boss, these are the tools that shift the dynamic without making things worse. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:02) - Why Smart People Get Drawn Into These Conflicts (08:00) - BIFF Method (12:46) - Other Ways It’s Applied (17:20) - CARS Method (25:50) - What If It's the Boss? (29:11) - Solutions and Methods of Application (39:37) - Wrap Up

vor 5 Tagen

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41 Min.
07.08.2025

Rebroadcast • Breaking the Fear of ADHD Budgeting with YNAB Founder Jesse Mecham

It’s summer rebroadcast season! Ok, let's get this out of the way: We're big fans of You Need a Budget. Like, huge fans. Massive, life-changing kind of product fans. So you can imagine that we're a bit beside ourselves this week. See, for someone who has had struggles with money in the past, discovering a tool that has the capacity to rewire your brain around budgeting and spending is a pretty big deal™. That's YNAB, a budgeting tool like no other. Even better, while the team had not intention to make a budgeting tool that can work for folks with ADHD brains, for a lot of us, they did just that. Jesse Mecham is the Founder of YNAB and personal finance expert. He hosts the You Need A Budget Podcast, the Beginning Balance Podcast and is the Wall Street Journal best-selling author of the book of the same name, You Need A Budget. The Smart Money Mama herself, Chelsea Brennan, introduced us to YNAB in 2020 and the tool quickly landed at the top of our list of favorite, life-changing services, so Jesse is here not only as a budgeting guy we think you might like to meet, but because we are legit fans. YNAB isn't a sponsor of this show, but we encourage you to visit right away and sign up for their 34-day free trial and see how it works for you. (00:36) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast (02:15) - Support the Show: Become a Patron at Patreon.com/TheADHDPodcast (05:16) - Introducing Jesse Mecham (12:32) - The Tenses of Money (15:31) - The Four Rules (16:29) - 1. Giving Every Dollar a Job (19:33) - 2. Embrace your True Expenses (24:39) - 3. Role with the Punches (25:51) - 4. Aging Your Money (29:01) - The Elusive Emergency Fund (32:21) - What if you hate "Budgeting" (33:51) - Your Credit Card and You (38:17) - What if you're overwhelmed? (42:05) - YNAB as a Couple (45:20) - Kids ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

07.08.2025

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54 Min.
13.11.2025

Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Method for Effective Boundaries

Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Approach to Conflict Resolution Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps, co-authored by Bill Eddy and Ekaterina Ricci. This episode explores how their practical SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) helps parents establish and maintain effective boundaries with children of all ages. Understanding the SLIC Method The SLIC approach combines three key elements: setting clear limits, imposing appropriate consequences, and using strategic empathy statements. This 2 1/2 step method provides a structured framework for parents facing boundary-testing behaviors, whether dealing with toddlers learning self-control or teenagers pushing social limits. Bill's extensive background in child development, education, and family therapy informs practical applications across various parenting scenarios. Questions Answered in This Episode What are the five key questions to ask when imposing consequences?How should consequences vary by age and development stage?When and how should parents collaborate with teachers on limits?What makes limit-setting effective in divorced family situations?How can parents overcome fear of setting firm boundaries?Key Takeaways Proportional consequences maintain effectiveness and teach responsibilityEarly limit-setting creates foundation for teenage boundary acceptanceParent-teacher-community alignment strengthens limit enforcementBoth positive and negative consequences play essential rolesThe SLIC method works across various family structures and situationsThis episode equips parents, teachers, and caregivers with practical tools from the SLIC method to establish consistent, effective boundaries while maintaining strong relationships with children. Listeners learn how to implement this structured approach across different ages and challenging situations. Additional Resources Expert Publications New Book available for pre-order: SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsProfessional Development Invite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Setting Limits (01:22) - Bill’s New Book (04:35) - Young Children (10:29) - Do Consequences Work For Everyone? (14:42) - Five Questions (16:46) - Teacher and Student (20:36) - Overcoming Fear of Setting Limits (22:53) - Older Kids (31:58) - Wrap Up

13.11.2025

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34 Min.
17.07.2025

Rebroadcast • Unapologetically ADHD: The Planning Workbox

Join Pete and Nikki this week as they dive into the world of planning tools, focusing on the concepts of "inboxing" and "workboxing” from their new book, Unapologetically ADHD. They explore the challenges of managing the constant influx of information and tasks that come with ADHD, emphasizing the importance of a systematic approach. Nikki and Pete discuss the common struggle of finding the "perfect" tool, acknowledging the allure of shiny new apps and planners. They encourage listeners to shift their focus from finding a magical solution to developing a personalized system that works for them. This involves viewing tools as part of a cohesive whole rather than isolated entities. The conversation takes a turn as they explore the role of impulsivity in planning. They introduce the concept of strategically introducing "friction" to combat impulsive decision-making, particularly when it comes to adopting new tools or systems. This involves setting up personal commitments and boundaries to prevent ADHD tax-inducing purchases. Tune in to discover practical strategies for managing inboxes, optimizing work time, and navigating the world of planning with ADHD. Pete and Nikki offer valuable insights and actionable advice to help listeners find a system that brings calm and control to busy lives. Links & Notes Available Now: Unapologetically ADHD by Nikki Kinzer and Pete WrightDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:39) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (02:16) - The Workbox (06:42) - Inboxing (11:03) - Members: This is the part where Pete hurt his ankle. (12:30) - Key Principles of Inboxing (14:31) - Workboxing (25:02) - Managing Impulsivity (30:14) - Breaking Down Myths ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

17.07.2025

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36 Min.
10.07.2025

Rebroadcast • Unapologetically ADHD: Understanding the ADHD Time Zone

Time and ADHD, they’re just not great bedfellows Just as soon as time’s wind is at your back and you feel like the world is opening up to you, it can turn and make hours feel like days. We’re talking about the messy and inconsistent nature of time as we continue our exploration of our new book, Unapologetically ADHD (which you can order right here!) Pete introduces the idea of time as an antagonist for individuals with ADHD, comparing it to a complex villain with a rich backstory. But it’s still a villain. And you know who does villains well? The Good Place, that’s who. We emphasize the importance of recognizing and accommodating the fluid nature of time for individuals with ADHD, urging you to embrace strategies that align with your unique experiences. We highlight the significance of self-compassion and understanding in navigating the challenges of "ADHD time," encouraging you to find humor and acceptance in your relationship with time. Links & Notes The Good Place (TV show)Jeremy Bearimy (Know Your Meme)Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:51) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (02:34) - Get Unaplogetically ADHD! https://takecontroladhd.com/adhdbook (04:22) - The ADHD Time Zone ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

10.07.2025

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33 Min.
31.07.2025

Rebroadcast • Get One More Project DONE — Fight the Dog Days of Summer and ADHD!

It’s summer rebroadcast season! We all have that one project—the thing we swore we’d get done before the end of summer. Whether it’s clearing out a garage, taming your inbox, or finally tackling that closet of doom, this episode is your nudge to pick a project and actually finish it. Nikki and Pete walk through how to choose the right project (hint: it should matter to you), how to break it into manageable steps, and how to stay intentional through the planning and execution process. They cover tools, strategies, scheduling, and the power of visualizing your “after” moment. Plus, they unpack the ADHD hurdles that can get in the way—and how to overcome them. Want to share your One Project? Post it in the Discord and we’ll check in with you! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

31.07.2025

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31 Min.
12.08.2025

Inbox Zero-ish: A Shame-Free Email Update with Melissa and Pete

In this bonus drop for all listeners, Pete and Melissa peel back the curtain on their personal email habits—and how ADHD continues to complicate even the simplest message. This is the fifth installment in the ongoing email challenge (the first four were re-released to Patreon earlier this year), and it’s a rich mix of confession, coaching, and curiosity. We recap where the challenge began in 2018 and what we’ve learned since then: How triage habits evolve (and fail) over timeThe mental and emotional load of email procrastinationThe shame spiral of watching your unread count climb into oblivionThen we shift into what’s new: Melissa’s accidental inbox apocalypsePete’s haunted January shame projectTools that actually reduce friction: Gmail + Gemini, Superhuman, Spark, and a candid look at MailbirdAI’s promise in cutting through clutter without replacing your brainThe challenge of confusing your workbox with your inboxMelissa is launching a personal email rehab project and will be posting updates in Patreon for Deluxe members and above. Pete’s committing to finally clearing out that January shame stack. And together, they’re setting the stage for a December follow-up episode—because this work isn’t one-and-done, it’s ongoing. 🧠 Key Takeaways: Triage isn’t the problem—action is.Email should be emotion-free (but often isn’t).AI isn’t the enemy—it might just be the assistant we’ve always needed.If you feel bad about your email habits, you’re not alone—and that doesn’t mean you’re broken.📌 Links Mentioned: SuperhumanSpark EmailMailbirdGmail + Gemini (00:00) - The Email 2025 Update! (04:10) - The Season Recap (06:22) - Where are you now? (14:47) - What did we not tackle? (27:34) - The Inbox and The Workbox ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

12.08.2025

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59 Min.
12. Feb.

Motivation Comes From Emotion, Not Discipline with James Ochoa

This episode turns into a stealth self-care intervention when James Ochoa joins Pete and Nikki and immediately drags “motivation” out of the tidy, planner-friendly realm and into the messy, bodily reality of fear, avoidance, and chronic stress. They start with the familiar ADHD paradox—knowing exactly what to do and still not being able to do it—and James reframes that stuckness as normal rather than shameful, then introduces “resourcing” as the practical antidote: not a single trick, but layered supports (internal and external) that make motion possible even when meaning, willpower, and good intentions aren’t showing up. From there, the conversation gets uncomfortably specific in the best way, as Pete uses a long-avoided dermatologist appointment to walk through what “functional pressure” and relationship-based accountability can look like in real time. They explore why the hardest part is often the moment before the call, why eight-out-of-ten certainty is a workable target, and how to build a personal “wind-making” kit—scripts, sensory cues, body movement, tiny rituals, and other anchors that help you cross the threshold from uncertainty to action. The live chat brings in real-world complications (sleep issues, pain, dental trauma, AuDHD scripting and emotion tagging), and James offers concrete, compassionate ways to get support without muscling through alone—because the point isn’t to never fall off the wagon, it’s to get better at restarting. Links & Notes James OchoaFocused Forward by James OchoaSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (03:25) - Introducing James Ochoa (04:08) - Finding Meaning (20:14) - Making Your Own Wind (35:28) - Chronic Stress and Adult ADHD (40:27) - Writing, Writing, Writing ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

12. Feb.

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46 Min.

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