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-5 j

Accepting the Limits of a High Conflict Relationship

High conflict relationships can leave you grieving something most people don't recognize as a real loss — not just the person, but the relationship you always hoped you could have. When someone in your life consistently cannot offer the empathy, accountability, or closeness you need, the question stops being "how do I fix this?" and starts being "how do I accept what this actually is?" Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, walk through the five stages of grief as they apply to high conflict relationships, why high conflict people get stuck in anger while those around them keep cycling, and how to make the practical decision between limited contact and no contact. They cover what to do with guilt and shame when pulling back, why sharing your feelings with a high conflict person usually backfires, and the self-affirmation strategies that interrupt the shame spiral. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:48) - Accepting It Won't Become What You'd Hoped (02:13) - Why Do People Stay? (07:59) - Five Stages of Grieving Process (09:52) - Criteria for Choosing No-Contact Path (13:36) - Watch Your Expectations (18:45) - Getting Through It (24:43) - Wrap Up

-5 j

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28 min
28 mai

How to Leave a High Conflict Relationship Without Escalating

Fear of retaliation keeps many people trapped in high conflict relationships long after they know they need to leave. Emotional explosions, smear campaigns, threats involving children, financial punishment, legal warfare — the threat of what might happen when you finally say the words can feel more paralyzing than staying. The Betty Broderick case is an extreme example, but the dynamic it illustrates — unmanaged emotions, all-or-nothing thinking, and escalating revenge — shows up in milder forms in relationships every day. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, walk through what a safer, stepwise exit actually looks like — and why an abrupt in-person announcement is the most dangerous approach. They cover the biggest mistakes people make when leaving, how to document behavior and prepare for false allegations before they happen, and what courts and police actually respond to when you present your situation. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:26) - Betty Broderick Case (11:01) - Why People Are Afraid to Leave Relationships with HCPs (14:04) - Mistakes When Trying to Leave (17:06) - Creating Escalations (20:11) - When It’s Not a Marriage (21:48) - Getting Prepared (28:04) - Giving Warning (28:47) - If on the Fence (30:17) - Wrap Up

28 mai

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33 min
14 mai

When It's Not Your Fault: Blame, Backlash, and Setting Limits

When a high conflict person says it's all your fault, most reasonable people do something predictable — they start wondering what they did wrong. That instinct toward self-reflection is healthy in most relationships. With high conflict people, it becomes a trap. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, unpack why high conflict personalities blame with an intensity that triggers your brain's threat-detection system — and why that intensity is precisely what makes you absorb guilt that isn't yours. They cover how to reality-test yourself when the blame lands hard, what to expect when you finally set a limit, and how to sit with the backlash without retreating into self-doubt. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:43) - It’s NOT Your Fault (02:22) - Why Do HCPs Blame? (07:00) - Absorbing Guilt (13:31) - Example (17:36) - Setting Limits and Potential Backlash (19:28) - Why HCPs Escalate (24:20) - Grow Used to Uncomfortable Feelings (26:29) - Knowing When It’s Not Safe (28:28) - Key Takeaways (29:27) - Wrap Up

14 mai

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31 min
03/04/2025

Negotiation's Missing Peace: Finding Humanity in High Conflict with Michèle Huff

Negotiating with High Conflict Personalities: A Transformative Approach In this enlightening episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute welcome Michèle Huff, author of "The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement." Through her experience as a transactional lawyer and current executive director at UC Berkeley's Office of Business Contracts and Brand Protection, Huff shares insights that align perfectly with managing high conflict situations while maintaining humanity and connection. The conversation explores how Huff's unique approach to negotiation - emphasizing internal transformation and human connection - can be particularly effective when dealing with high conflict personalities. Drawing from Buddhist principles and years of experience in Silicon Valley, Huff explains how understanding oneself becomes crucial when facing challenging behaviors in negotiations. Bill and Megan connect these concepts to their extensive work with high conflict personalities, showing how transformative negotiation techniques can help manage difficult situations. The discussion delves into practical strategies for maintaining composure when faced with high conflict behaviors, including the use of "anchoring" techniques and mindful breathing. Particularly valuable is the exploration of how these methods can work even in high-stakes business environments where traditional aggressive negotiation tactics are common. The episode also addresses cultural differences in negotiation styles, offering insights into managing high conflict situations across cultural boundaries. Questions we answer in this episode: How do you maintain effectiveness when dealing with high conflict personalities?What techniques help keep negotiations productive when emotions run high?How can you recognize early warning signs of high conflict behavior in negotiations?When should you walk away from a negotiation?What role does self-awareness play in managing difficult negotiations?Key Takeaways: Understanding your own triggers helps manage high conflict situationsHuman connection can defuse potentially volatile negotiationsPhysical and emotional well-being directly impacts negotiation successSetting appropriate boundaries is crucial in high conflict situationsTransformative negotiation techniques work in both personal and professional contextsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone who deals with high conflict personalities in negotiations, from business professionals to mediators to individuals managing personal relationships. Huff's approach to transformative negotiation, combined with Bill and Megan's expertise in high conflict personalities, offers practical strategies for achieving better outcomes while maintaining professional boundaries and personal well-being. Links & Other Notes BOOKS The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement (Revised & Updated Edition)Purchase on our website: https://www.unhookedmedia.com/stock/p/transformative-negotiator-fcgdxPurchase on AmazonGUEST MICHELE HUFF WEBSITE https://michelehuff.com/2nd-edition-book/ARTICLES Read Michele’s blogOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Michèle Huff (04:25) - Her Background (10:27) - Book’s Title (12:14) - Soft Skills in Negotiations (16:35) - Transferring Skills (19:54) - Mistakes in Negotiating (24:49) - Negotiating with HCPs (33:27) - Caring and Authenticity (39:37) - Finding Your Anchors and Keeping Deadlines at Bay (44:51) - Resistance (49:25) - Dedication (53:12) - Wrap Up (53:59) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Kara Rubenstein on DNA Surprises

03/04/2025

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55 min
03/07/2025

Trauma vs. Entitlement: Finding Balance in High Conflict Situations

Beyond Trauma-Informed: Finding Balance Between Compassion and Consequences Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the complex relationship between trauma-informed approaches and setting appropriate boundaries when dealing with high conflict situations. This timely discussion examines how professionals and individuals can balance empathy with necessary limits. Understanding Trauma and Entitlement The episode delves into how trauma experiences and entitled behavior can sometimes overlap, yet require different responses. Bill Eddy shares insights from his article "Are We Being Too Nice in High Conflict Situations?" highlighting the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while acknowledging genuine trauma. The discussion explores how some individuals may use past trauma as justification for problematic behavior, while others may demonstrate entitled behavior without trauma history. The hosts emphasize the need for a balanced approach that combines trauma-informed methods with clear limit-setting. Questions We Answer in This Episode How do we distinguish between trauma response and entitled behavior?When should we set limits with someone who has experienced trauma?How can professionals balance empathy with boundary-setting?What role does DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) play in addressing these issues?How can families handle situations involving threats of self-harm?Key Takeaways Trauma history doesn't excuse harmful behavior toward othersSetting limits can be an act of respect and careProfessional help is crucial when dealing with serious threatsThe SLIC method (Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences) offers practical guidanceInterventions work best when conducted as coordinated group effortsThe episode provides valuable insights for professionals and individuals navigating complex relationships where trauma and entitled behavior intersect. Rather than choosing between empathy and boundaries, listeners learn how to implement both approaches effectively. Additional Resources Expert Publications Article: SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 ½ StepsArticle: Are We Being too Nice with High Conflict Behavior?Book: The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in The Healing of Trauma - Paperback by Bessel Van der Kolk M.D.Book alert: email info@unhookedmedia.com to be notified when SLIC Solutions book by Bill Eddy is releasedProfessional Development ConflictInfluencer.comNew Ways Training types and dates: For professionals (HR; Workplace leaders; divorce counselors and coaches; mediators) to learn how to work with high-conflict cases, clients or situationsResources EMDRIA.com: EMDR International Association (trauma treatment training/resources)DialecticalBehaviorTherapy.com: A free course for taking control of your thoughts, emotions, and relationships. 40+ lessons with guides, videos, and worksheets.Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Trauma and Entitlement (00:50) - You're Being Too Nice (06:09) - Setting Limits (07:22) - Possibilities (11:32) - Broader Context or Narrower? (15:51) - Empathy at a Distance (20:09) - Pointing to Where Limits Need to Be Set (21:34) - Example (24:47) - If Threats Continue (30:29) - Wrap Up (31:00) - Reminders

03/07/2025

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34 min
26/06/2025

Female Teacher Sexual Misconduct: Understanding Power Dynamics and Emotional Drivers

Female Teachers Who Sexually Assault Male Students: Understanding a Complex Issue Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the concerning pattern of sexual misconduct between female teachers and male students. This episode examines the psychological, interpersonal, and cultural factors that contribute to these situations, while providing insights for prevention and awareness. Understanding the DynamicsResearch indicates these cases often involve teachers targeting older adolescents (15-16 years old), with interactions occurring both inside and outside school settings. The motivations tend to be emotionally-driven rather than predatory. While federal data doesn't track gender-specific statistics, anecdotal evidence suggests increased visibility of these cases in recent years. The behavioral patterns in these cases often reveal complex emotional attachment issues, where professional boundaries become increasingly blurred. Teachers who demonstrate this conduct typically exploit their position of authority while developing inappropriate emotional connections with students. This process frequently involves grooming behaviors, where the adult gradually manipulates the relationship dynamic through special attention, emotional manipulation, and progressive boundary violations. Questions We Answer in This Episode: What psychological factors contribute to this behavior?How does grooming manifest in educational settings?What are the impacts on teenage male victims?What warning signs should parents and schools watch for?How can educational institutions prevent these situations?Key Takeaways: Clear boundaries and oversight are essential in educational settingsSchools need comprehensive policies and annual trainingParents should maintain open communication about boundariesEarly intervention and awareness can prevent escalationProfessional support should be available for at-risk teachersThis episode provides valuable insights for educators, parents, and administrators while examining the complex factors that contribute to these concerning situations. Understanding these dynamics helps create safer educational environments and better protection for students. Additional Resources Watch the Full New York Post video “Psychologist Explains Why Female Teachers Have Sex With Students” Organizations RAINN (Help for men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused)Article: Sexual Assault of Men and BoysNational Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (U.S.)1in6.org (Support for men who have experienced sexual abuse or assault)501(c)(3) Zero Abuse ProjectExpert Publications Lessons to Learn: Female Educators Who Sexually Abuse Their Students (Psychiatric Times)How Female Sexual Abusers Groom Their Victims (Psychology Today - Dr. Elizabeth L. Jeglic Ph.D.)Sexual assault has lasting effects on teenagers’ mental health and education (National Institute for Health and Care Research)Professional & Personal Development ConflictInfluencer.comConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:33) - Female Teachers who Sexually Assault Young Male Students (01:00) - Background Research (03:17) - What They're Trying to Recreate (04:22) - Looking at the Individual Aspect (08:06) - Trying to Fill a Hole (10:16) - Looking at the Cultural Aspect (11:32) - More Research (14:26) - Impact on Student (16:42) - Attraction to the Extremes (19:29) - Teens with Signs of High Conflict Traits (21:10) - What to Be Aware of (24:02) - Raising Education Levels (26:29) - What Parents and Schools Can Do (32:01) - Reminders

26/06/2025

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34 min
11/09/2025

High Conflict in Court: Managing Charm, Control, and Challenging Testimony

Mastering High-Stakes Legal Testimony: Confronting High Conflict Behavior in the Courtroom Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter analyze a compelling murder trial where a defendant who demonstrated high conflict behavior attempted to control courtroom dynamics through charm, intelligence, and confrontation. Drawing from this case study, they explore how legal professionals can maintain composure and authority when facing witnesses who exhibit traits common to high conflict personalities, including extreme confidence, bullying tactics, and sophisticated manipulation techniques. The episode then addresses two listener questions: a therapist's observation about clients who show limited empathy in human relationships yet demonstrate intense care for animals, and a co-parent seeking strategies for responding quickly to seemingly rehearsed demands from challenging individuals. The hosts provide practical insights for handling both scenarios while maintaining healthy boundaries. Questions Answered in This Episode: How can attorneys maintain control with high conflict witnesses?Why do some individuals show more empathy toward animals than people?What strategies help maintain composure during hostile interactions?How can someone respond effectively to rehearsed demands?Key Takeaways: Thorough preparation is essential when dealing with challenging witnessesMaintaining calm and redirecting focus are crucial strategiesApproximately 3-4% of adults demonstrate antisocial personality traitsCharm and confidence often mask high conflict behaviorsSetting clear boundaries requires both preparation and consistent implementationThis episode offers valuable insights for legal professionals, mental health practitioners, and anyone navigating interactions with high conflict individuals. The discussion highlights the importance of understanding behavioral patterns while maintaining professional composure in challenging situations. Additional Resources Expert Publications The Archaeology of Mind: Neuroevolutionary Origins of Human EmotionsVisit our bookstorePersonal Growth Conflict Influencer® Class (6 weeks on Zoom)Professional Development Inquire about training for your organizationDomestic Violence Video: Conversations About Domestic Violence with 16 ExpertsConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:43) - Back from Hiatus (01:26) - High Conflict in Trials (10:08) - Prepare Some Phrases (13:34) - Personality Types (19:11) - Listener Question: Empathy and Pets (31:15) - Listener Question: Asserting Ourselves Quickly (35:17) - Wrap Up

11/09/2025

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37 min
16/09/2025

Pay Transparency Starts Here: What to Do Before October 29

We like to think numbers are neutral. Post a range, satisfy a rule, move on. But in practice, a salary range is a story: a public promise about who you are as an employer and how decisions get made when nobody’s in the room. With the October 29 go-live for Massachusetts pay transparency, that story becomes visible. In this conversation, Kyle Pardo and Dan Baker map the terrain employers actually face on deadline day—what must change in your postings and internal moves, what “good-faith” looks like in the real world, and why “set-and-forget” quickly unravels once hiring pressure shows up. Then we zoom out. Because transparency is both a superficial checkbox, and also a organizational mirror. Handle it well and you compress time in your hiring funnel, reduce second-guessing inside teams, and earn the trust that makes retention boring—in the best possible way. Handle it poorly and you invite the kind of quiet churn that never announces itself until it’s expensive. This is a practical briefing—mechanics, messaging, and a short countdown plan—but it’s also an invitation to use a mandate to make your culture sharper, fairer, and easier to believe. Links and Notes Pay Transparency from the AG websitePrevious podcast episode on Pay Transparency 101 AIM HR Solutions Training CatalogAIM members can reach the HR Helpline at 800-470-6277 or helpline@aimnet.org for inquiries Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. (EST). Email requests will be responded to within 24 hours.

16/09/2025

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30 min
27/03/2025

Be Assertive, Not Aggressive: Winning in Family Court with Judge Bruce Cohen (ret.)

Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness in Family Court: A Judge's Perspective In this enlightening episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome back retired Judge Bruce Cohen to discuss the critical differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness in family court proceedings. With decades of combined experience in family law, social work, and conflict resolution, the trio explores how presentation style can significantly impact case outcomes, especially in custody disputes. Understanding the Impact of Communication Style Judge Cohen shares invaluable insights about how judges perceive different communication approaches in the courtroom. He emphasizes that while both assertive and aggressive styles express thoughts, feelings, and needs, assertiveness does so respectfully while aggressiveness relies on blame and confrontation. Bill and Megan explore this distinction through real-world examples and practical applications. The Role of Personality Disorders in Court The discussion delves into Bill's book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The hosts and Judge Cohen examine how to address concerning behavior patterns without falling into the trap of amateur diagnosis or labeling. They stress the importance of focusing on specific behaviors and their impact rather than clinical terms. Effective Court Communication Bill shares his expertise on writing for court, offering practical tips for presenting information effectively. Judge Cohen provides valuable feedback from the bench's perspective, confirming the importance of clear, organized, and relevant presentation of facts. The conversation highlights how proper documentation and presentation can significantly influence court outcomes. Questions we answer in this episode: What's the difference between assertive and aggressive communication in court?How do judges perceive different communication styles?When should personality disorder concerns be raised in court?How should evidence be presented most effectively?What communication mistakes commonly harm court cases?Key Takeaways: Focus on specific behaviors rather than diagnostic labelsPresent your strongest evidence first rather than chronologicallyStart documents by clearly stating what you wantRespond to false allegations with measured, factual responsesUse headers and organized presentation in court documentsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone involved in family court proceedings, whether as a party, attorney, or helping professional. The combination of judicial perspective, clinical expertise, and practical experience offers listeners a comprehensive understanding of effective court communication strategies. Links & Other Notes CLASSESConflict Influencer (live group class)Writing for Court: 10 Tips for Persuading Decision-Makers (self-directed 1-hour course)BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESTaking the Assertive Approach in Family CourtManaging a Blamer with an Assertive Approach6 Ways You Should Be Assertive in Family CourtSIGN UP FOR NEWSLETTEROUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness (12:41) - Easy to Read? (14:55) - The Splitting Book (19:09) - Court Experience (22:06) - Patterns of Behavior (24:37) - How to Present (26:52) - Self-Represented Cases (28:40) - Writing for Court (42:34) - Get Away from the Terms (44:26) - Wrap-up (44:54) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: When Your Friend or Family Is an HCP

27/03/2025

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46 min
20/01/2022

Q & A Lab

You’ve got questions. We’ve got answers. In this episode we host our very first Q & A Lab where we answer your questions about high conflict people. We focus on three questions: Narcissists who get it backwards What do you do when they turn it around and accuse you of being the narcissistic HCP?Bosses who complain and blame e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y) What do you do to get your HCP boss to stop?Parents who blame and make extreme accusations, such as kidnapping What do you do in the aftermath?Listen in as we answer your questions by identifying whether it’s a high conflict behavior or not, providing insight into the behaviors, and making suggestions for handling them. We’ll be doing a monthly Q & A Lab. Submit your questions anytime! Links & Other Notes BOOKS It’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict People (Paperback or e-Book)Calming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a Conflict (Paperback or e-Book)Don’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce (Paperback or e-Book)AUDIO Managing High Conflict Situations in the Workplace: For EmployeesARTICLES Managing Your Narcissistic Boss7 Tips for Managing Your Narcissistic BossSubmit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:58) - Q&A Lab (02:33) - Question One (07:44) - Question Two (20:22) - Question Three (27:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: High Conflict Emotions

20/01/2022

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30 min

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