Strings Attached - Surviving the Narcissist

Noah Brookes
  • 3.0 (1)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated weekly

Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist is a trauma-informed podcast for people recovering from narcissistic abuse — from partners, parents, family, friends, or workplace dynamics. Hosted by two survivors speaking from lived experience, the podcast gently unpacks gaslighting, trauma bonding, love-bombing, emotional manipulation, and covert control without judgement or pressure to “move on.” If you’ve felt confused, emotionally drained, too sensitive, or ashamed for staying or doubting yourself — you’re not alone. Each episode offers clarity, validation, and grounded support.

  1. 3 days ago

    Why Do I Keep Hoping They'll Change?

    Why do you keep hoping they'll change, even when the relationship is making you unhappy? Why is it so difficult to let go of someone who keeps hurting you? And could the hope you're holding on to be one of the reasons your trauma bond feels impossible to break? If you've experienced narcissistic abuse, emotional manipulation or a toxic relationship, you may recognise the feeling of waiting for someone to become the person you believe they could be. You see their potential. You remember the good times. You convince yourself that one more conversation, one more chance or one big life change might finally make everything better. But what happens when you're holding on to the relationship you're hoping for, rather than the relationship you're actually living in? In this episode of Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist, Rose and Noah explore the powerful connection between hope, trauma bonding and emotional attachment in narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships. Through honest conversations and personal experiences, they discuss why we continue hoping someone will change, how promises of a better future can keep us emotionally invested, and why recognising the difference between genuine change and the possibility of change can be an important part of healing. We explore: Why trauma bonding can make it difficult to leave an unhealthy relationship. How hope can keep you emotionally attached despite repeated disappointment. Why you might keep giving someone another chance. How imagining a better future can distract from the reality of the present. Why the time, love and effort you've invested can make letting go feel even harder. How to begin finding clarity, rebuilding self-trust and moving towards emotional freedom. People can change. But how long do you keep putting your own happiness on hold while waiting to find out? If you're questioning a relationship, struggling to break a trauma bond or navigating recovery after narcissistic abuse, this conversation offers understanding, perspective and a gentle reminder that your wellbeing matters too. 🎧 Listen now to explore why hope can be so difficult to release — and how recognising this pattern can become an important step towards healing. Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist is a podcast exploring narcissistic abuse, trauma bonding, emotional manipulation, toxic relationship patterns and the journey towards recovery, self-worth and healthier relationships. Find more support and resources at www.narcissistrecovery.com. Chapters  00:00 Introduction to Hope and Waiting 01:53 The Illusion of Change and Moving Circumstances 05:02 Living in a Waiting Room of Unhappiness 08:13 Attachment to Future Possibilities 10:09 The Emotional Cost of Hope and Grief 12:59 Love for Potential vs Love for Reality 14:53 The Pattern of Promises and Disappointments 17:49 The Danger of Changing Scenery 21:04 Understanding Wounds and Compassion 23:58 The Grief for Unfulfilled Plans 27:01 Deciding Not to Wait 30:08 Redirecting Hope to Yourself

  2. 22 Sept

    I Went No Contact With My Narcissistic Mum — This Is What Happened Next

    What really happens after you go no contact with a narcissistic parent? People often talk about no contact as though it’s the moment everything becomes easier. You block the number, stop replying, close the door — and finally feel free. But for Rose, going no contact with her narcissistic mum wasn’t the end of the story. In many ways, it was the beginning of a completely different stage of recovery. In this deeply personal episode of Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist, Rose shares what happened after she ended contact with her mother following nearly forty years of feeling responsible for her emotions, needs and wellbeing. Rose and Noah explore the reality of no contact after narcissistic abuse — including the guilt, grief, self-doubt and emotional pull that can remain even when communication has stopped. They talk about: • Why going no contact can feel worse before it feels better• Guilt and grief after cutting contact with a narcissistic parent• Parentification and growing up feeling responsible for a parent• Why physical distance doesn’t immediately break a trauma bond• The emotional conditioning that can remain after narcissistic abuse• What can happen when you begin setting boundaries• Low contact, structured contact and other alternatives to no contact• Rebuilding self-trust, identity and emotional safety• What Rose has learned after around three years of no contact Most importantly, this isn’t an episode telling you that you have to cut somebody out of your life. No contact isn’t right, safe or possible for everyone. Family relationships, children, finances, caring responsibilities and individual circumstances can make things far more complicated. Instead, this is an honest conversation about what healing after narcissistic abuse can actually look like when the relationship becomes quiet — but everything inside you hasn’t caught up yet. If you’ve gone no contact with a narcissistic mother, father, partner or family member and wondered why you still feel guilty, emotionally attached or overwhelmed, this episode may help you understand why. Because sometimes the silence isn’t the end of recovery. It’s where recovery finally has room to begin. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Rose's Journey of No Contact 02:00 Understanding the Emotional Complexity of No Contact 04:01 The Process of Unlearning Conditioned Responses 07:10 Recognizing Toxic Patterns and Setting Boundaries 10:01 The Fear of Rejection and Identity Loss 13:11 Dealing with External Pressures and Family Dynamics 16:11 The Grief of Losing a Parent and Rebuilding Self 20:06 Practical Strategies for Maintaining No Contact 24:55 Healing, Self-Care, and Grounding Techniques 29:47 The Power of Support and Professional Help 35:05 The Ongoing Journey of Self-Discovery and Love

  3. 8 Sept

    When Money becomes a weapon for Financial control

    What happens when money stops being support — and starts becoming control? In this episode of Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist, Rose and Noah explore financial abuse and financial control in narcissistic relationships — including the less obvious ways money, gifts and “generosity” can be used to create obligation, dependence, guilt and power. Because financial abuse doesn’t always look like someone refusing to give you access to money. Sometimes it looks like paying for dinner. Buying you gifts. Helping with a large expense. Taking care of the finances. Or repeatedly reminding you of everything they’ve ever done for you. Sometimes, the gift comes with an invisible invoice. Drawing on their own lived experiences, Rose and Noah discuss how financial control can appear in romantic relationships and families, how money can become tied to success, status and self-worth, and why even apparently generous behaviour can leave you feeling indebted rather than supported. They also explore financial control after separation, including the uncertainty that can surround child maintenance, and the important distinction between genuine financial difficulty and money being used as part of a wider pattern of coercive or controlling behaviour. In this episode, we explore: • Financial abuse and financial control in narcissistic relationships• When gifts and generosity come with strings attached• Using money to create guilt, obligation or dependence• Financial control within families and parent-child relationships• Money, masculinity, achievement and self-worth• Financial control after separation and around child maintenance• The emotional impact of keeping score• How to recognise the difference between healthy financial boundaries and controlling behaviour• Beginning to untangle your worth from somebody else’s money, approval or expectations If you’ve ever heard “after everything I’ve done for you”, felt guilty for accepting help, or discovered that something you thought was freely given was later used against you, this conversation may feel very familiar. You’re not alone. Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist is a survivor-led podcast exploring narcissistic abuse, emotional manipulation, trauma bonds, toxic relationship patterns, boundaries and recovery — through honest conversations from both male and female survivor perspectives. For more support, resources and information on narcissistic abuse recovery, visit narcissistrecovery.com. Follow Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist on Spotify and join us each week as we understand the patterns, rebuild self-trust and move towards recovery and empowerment. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Money, Power, and Control 02:10 Personal Experiences of Financial Control 03:48 Statistics on Child Maintenance and Financial Vulnerability 05:04 Patterns of Coercive and Controlling Behavior 07:03 Money as a Measure of Success and Identity 08:54 Generosity and Its Hidden Costs 11:02 Gifts with Invisible Invoices 12:58 Healthy vs. Controlling Financial Relationships 15:54 Rebuilding Financial Confidence and Boundaries 19:53 The Impact of Narcissistic and Controlling Parents 23:50 Recognizing Patterns of Financial Abuse 28:02 Post-Separation Financial Control 31:48 Reclaiming Financial Independence 37:03 Healthy Money Relationships and Mutuality 40:02 Supporting Survivors in Rebuilding Confidence 43:01 The Power of Naming and Recognizing Patterns 45:02 The Role of Money in Love and Relationships 50:11 Practical Steps to Rebuild Financial Confidence 50:50 Safety First: Protecting Yourself from Financial Abuse 54:05 Final Reflections and Support Resources

  4. 11 Aug

    Why you know they were bad for you, but still cant explain why

    You know the relationship was bad for you. You remember the anxiety, confusion and feeling that you slowly lost yourself. But when someone asks, “What actually happened?” — your mind goes blank. Why can narcissistic abuse be so difficult to remember or explain? In this episode of Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist, Rose and Noah explore how chronic stress and emotional abuse can affect memory — and why understanding what happened can sometimes come much later. We discuss fragmented memories, hypervigilance, trauma bonds and why survivors may remember how something felt without being able to explain exactly what happened. We also explore why memories can surface after no contact, or why familiar childhood experiences can suddenly look very different through the lens of recovery. Rose shares how going no contact with her mother changed the way she understood her childhood, while Noah reflects on spending years anticipating moods, avoiding arguments and managing another person’s emotions. We explore: • narcissistic abuse and memory• chronic stress and fragmented memories• hypervigilance• trauma bonds• narcissistic parents and childhood experiences• memories resurfacing after no contact• why you know something was wrong but struggle to explain it You don’t need a perfect memory of everything that happened to begin making sense of your experience. Sometimes understanding comes with distance. 🎧 Follow Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist for honest conversations about narcissistic abuse, trauma bonds, no contact and recovery after emotional abuse. 🌱 More support and resources: narcissistrecovery.com and for a detailed article on trauma bonding and understanding exactly what is going on read here: Trauma Bonds: Why It's So Hard to Leave an Abusive Relationship – And How to Break FreeChapters 00:00 Introduction to trauma bonding and brain protection 02:11 The brain's primary focus: survival over happiness 03:54 Memory and the brain's filing system under stress 06:00 How emotional abuse affects memory storage 07:52 The role of the hippocampus and chronic stress 10:04 Understanding why survivors forget details but remember feelings 11:57 The pattern of abuse and the brain's perception 13:55 Why memories surface years later 16:05 Neuroplasticity and the possibility of healing 18:02 The cycle of trauma bonds and dopamine 20:03 The role of unpredictability in abusive relationships 21:59 Understanding dopamine as motivation, not love 23:59 Why survivors chase the possibility of change 26:11 How survival dominates decision-making under stress 28:04 The importance of safety and calm in healing 30:02 Why understanding your brain reduces shame 32:14 The process of reconnecting the dots in recovery 34:05 The gradual nature of healing and rewiring 35:53 Resources for further understanding trauma bonding

  5. 28 Jul

    Why It Takes So Long to Realise You're Being Emotionally Abused | Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

    Have you ever asked yourself: "How did I not see it?" "Why did it take me so long to realise I was being abused?" If you have, you're far from alone. In this episode of Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist, Rose and Noah explore one of the most painful questions survivors of narcissistic abuse ask themselves: Why didn't I realise sooner? Together, they unpack why emotional abuse, coercive control and narcissistic manipulation are so difficult to recognise while you're living through them. Rather than arriving all at once, abuse often develops gradually—through tiny compromises, subtle manipulation and repeated violations of your boundaries—until what once felt shocking begins to feel normal. In this episode, we discuss: • Why emotional abuse rarely looks the way people expect• How trauma bonding and survival mode change your perception of reality• Why your brain prioritises staying safe over recognising unhealthy patterns• The neuroscience behind chronic stress and emotional abuse• Why healthy relationships can feel unfamiliar after narcissistic abuse• The guilt and self-blame survivors often carry after leaving• Why memories often return during healing—and what that means• How the smallest moments can become the beginning of clarity and recovery If you've ever questioned your own reality, minimised what happened to you, or wondered whether it was "really abuse", this conversation is for you. You are not weak. You are not foolish. You adapted to survive. We hope this episode helps you replace self-blame with understanding—and reminds you that healing begins with clarity. If this episode resonated with you, please follow the podcast, leave a rating and share it with someone who may need to hear it. For more trauma-informed resources, recovery tools and community support, visit narcissistrecovery.com. Follow us for more survivor education and weekly episodes: 🎙️ Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist Because healing starts when everything finally begins to make sense. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and episode overview 00:11 Why it takes years to recognize emotional abuse 01:07 The subtlety of emotional manipulation 02:05 The quiet moments of realization 03:18 Personal stories of recognizing narcissistic traits 06:13 How others notice toxic behaviors before us 09:59 The gradual change in perception and normalcy 11:41 Neuroscience behind survival mode 13:08 The brain's focus on survival over analysis 14:20 The analogy of the jigsaw puzzle of abuse 15:21 Memory suppression and uncovering the truth 25:04 The importance of external validation and perspective 33:49 Recognizing that abuse is not a spectrum 39:11 Shifting from questioning if it was abuse to what it did to us 44:42 The importance of self-compassion and understanding 52:23 Trusting your own perception and healing journey

  6. 21 Jul

    Why the Trauma Bond gets worse after no contact

    Have you gone no contact with a narcissist only to find yourself missing them more than ever? Do you feel overwhelmed by guilt, grief, intrusive thoughts, or the urge to reach out—even though you know the relationship was unhealthy? You're not alone, and it doesn't mean you've made the wrong decision. In this episode of Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist, Rose and Noah explore why the trauma bond often feels stronger after no contact, why healing can initially feel worse before it gets better, and what is really happening inside your brain and nervous system. Together, we discuss: • Why leaving a narcissistic relationship doesn't instantly break the trauma bond• The psychology of trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement• Why your nervous system struggles to adjust after emotional abuse• The grief, guilt and confusion that often follow no contact• Why you may miss someone who hurt you• How shame keeps survivors trapped in self-blame• Why healing can feel like withdrawal from an addiction• Practical reassurance for anyone questioning whether they've made a mistake Whether you're recovering from a covert narcissist, overt narcissist, narcissistic parent, or another emotionally abusive relationship, this episode will help you understand why your experience is normal and why healing takes time. If you've ever thought: "Why do I miss them so much?""Did I make a mistake by going no contact?""Why can't I stop thinking about them?" This conversation is for you. Remember: You haven't gone backwards. Your nervous system is learning what safety feels like. If this episode helped you, please follow Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist, leave a rating, and share it with someone who may need to hear these words today. For more trauma-informed education, recovery resources, and practical tools, visit narcissistrecovery.com and join our growing community. Want to understand trauma bonding in more depth? We also have a comprehensive article explaining why trauma bonds form, why they can make leaving an abusive relationship feel impossible, and practical steps you can take to begin breaking free. Read our guide: Trauma Bonding: Why It's So Hard to Leave an Abusive Relationship (and How to Break Free).Chapters 00:00 Introduction and episode overview 00:11 Why leaving doesn't instantly bring relief 01:12 The start of real healing after leaving 02:24 The brain's focus on survival during abuse 03:29 High alert and emotional overload 05:20 Unsettling silence after no contact 07:14 Understanding trauma bonds and cycles of fear and relief 08:45 The power of unpredictable rewards in relationships 10:04 The impact of chronic stress on decision-making 11:27 Memory recovery and nervous system healing 12:35 Experiencing withdrawal after no contact 14:14 Familiarity versus safety in emotional bonds 16:39 Grieving the loss of the relationship and societal expectations 20:04 Reinterpreting past memories and hope 22:20 The importance of small moments of safety 24:37 The urge to contact and how to manage it 27:08 The shame of admitting abuse and self-blame 30:09 Normalizing emotional adaptations and healing 36:49 The complexity of loving someone who hurt you 39:06 Euphoric recall and the search for relief 41:45 Recognizing progress and subtle signs of healing 44:22 The emotional process of grief and recovery 48:45 Tools for grounding and self-awareness 50:41 The importance of patience and self-compassion in healing

  7. 14 Jul

    Why Do You Miss Someone Who Hurt You? The Truth About Trauma Bonds & Letting Go

    Why do you still miss someone who manipulated, controlled, or emotionally hurt you? If you've ever found yourself longing for someone you know wasn't good for you, you're not weak—and you're certainly not alone. In this deeply personal episode of Strings Attached, Noah and Rose explore one of the most confusing parts of narcissistic abuse recovery: trauma bonds. Together they share their own experiences of grieving not only the people they left behind, but also the future they believed they were going to have. You'll discover why leaving isn't simply a logical decision, why empathy can become self-abandonment, and why your nervous system can keep pulling you towards someone your mind knows wasn't safe. Whether you're recovering from a narcissistic partner, a parent, or another emotionally abusive relationship, this conversation offers understanding, validation, and hope that healing is possible. In this episode we discuss: • Why you can miss someone who caused you pain• The difference between love, hope, and trauma bonding• Why survivors often defend abusive behaviour• How childhood conditioning keeps trauma bonds alive• Why leaving can feel emotionally impossible• The hidden grief of losing the future you imagined• How compassion and boundaries can exist together• A simple exercise to help separate facts from explanations If this episode resonated with you, please follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who may need to hear that they're not alone. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Trauma Bonds and Emotional Pain 00:01 Why Do We Miss People Who Hurt Us? 01:32 The Difference Between Love and Trauma Bonding 02:23 Grieving the Potential, Not Just the Person 03:14 The Role of Childhood and Parent Relationships 04:01 Normalizing Dysfunction in Toxic Relationships 06:16 Memory and the Recollection of Arguments 07:09 Understanding the Impact of Defending Abusive Behavior 08:20 The Challenge of Recognizing Abuse in Enmeshed Relationships 09:54 The Importance of Self-Identity and Boundaries 11:22 The Power of the Trauma Bond 12:09 Love vs. Conditional Relationships 15:11 The Role of Guilt, Responsibility, and Love 17:56 Managing Old Patterns and Triggers 20:03 Why Leaving Is Not Simple: The Trauma Bond 22:18 The Complexity of Leaving Narcissistic Parents 24:41 The Inner Child and Healing Inner Wounds 30:47 Recognizing the Pattern of Control and Manipulation 36:15 Separating Facts from Explanations in Abuse 37:20 The Limits of Empathy and the Cost to Self 42:17 The Process of Healing and Moving Forward 44:51 Grieving the Potential, Not Just the Person 48:40 Practical Exercise for Clarity and Self-Compassion 49:47 Final Thoughts: Healing and Support For more trauma-informed resources, recovery tools, and support, visit narcissistrecovery.com. #NarcissisticAbuse #TraumaBond #HealingFromAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticParent #CovertNarcissist #RecoveryJourney #MentalHealth #StringsAttachedPodcast #NarcissistRecovery

  8. 7 Jul

    Trauma Bonding: Why You Can't Leave a Narcissist (Even When You Know You Should)

    If you've ever found yourself asking... Why do I still miss someone who hurt me?Why can't I move on from my narcissistic ex?Why do I still feel responsible for them? This episode is for you. In one of our most personal conversations yet, we explore the reality of trauma bonding—the powerful psychological and physiological attachment that can keep survivors emotionally tied to abusive relationships long after they've ended. Noah shares his own experience of believing for years that he and his narcissistic ex would somehow find their way back to each other, despite knowing the relationship was damaging. Rose explains how trauma bonding can exist in families too, describing the emotional bond she experienced with her covert narcissistic mother and why walking away felt impossible. In this episode we discuss: What trauma bonding actually is (and what it isn't)Why leaving an abusive relationship often feels harder than stayingHow intermittent reinforcement creates emotional addictionWhy survivors mistake loyalty, responsibility and hope for loveThe role of cognitive dissonance in keeping you trappedWhy you struggle to recognise emotional abuse while you're living itHow narcissists use kindness, promises and future-faking to maintain controlWhat the nervous system is doing during a trauma bondWhy no contact is often the beginning—not the end—of recoveryHow healing gradually weakens the trauma bond over timeWhether your trauma bond was with a romantic partner, parent, family member or someone else, we hope this conversation helps you understand that you're not weak, you're not "crazy", and you're certainly not alone. Recovery begins with understanding what happened. Resources 🌐 Visit us: https://www.narcissistrecovery.com💬 Join our survivor community.🎧 Follow Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist for weekly episodes on narcissistic abuse, trauma recovery, trauma bonds, emotional healing, boundaries, self-worth and reclaiming your life. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Trauma Bonding 05:55 The Complexity of Relationships with Narcissists 11:35 The Role of Responsibility in Trauma Bonds 19:07 Recognizing Abuse and Its Patterns 26:04 Navigating Intimacy and Control in Relationships 29:38 Understanding Abuse and Trauma Bonds 30:38 The Journey to Breaking Free 34:07 The Pain of Discard and Grief 43:40 Healing from Trauma Bonds

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Strings Attached: Surviving the Narcissist is a trauma-informed podcast for people recovering from narcissistic abuse — from partners, parents, family, friends, or workplace dynamics. Hosted by two survivors speaking from lived experience, the podcast gently unpacks gaslighting, trauma bonding, love-bombing, emotional manipulation, and covert control without judgement or pressure to “move on.” If you’ve felt confused, emotionally drained, too sensitive, or ashamed for staying or doubting yourself — you’re not alone. Each episode offers clarity, validation, and grounded support.

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