Kate Anthony spent sixteen years believing she might never be chosen again. After leaving the emotionally abusive, narcissistic husband she married at 28, she threw herself back into dating, retreated, got knocked flat by a relationship she says nearly broke her, and slowly rebuilt through therapy, twelve-step work, and getting sober in 2018. Somewhere in that messy, nonlinear stretch she stopped bending herself into a pretzel to be chosen and started choosing herself instead, fully willing to stay single for the rest of her life. Then she met Ethan. In this episode, I sit down with Kate (divorce coach, author of The D Word, and host of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast) to unpack how she went from an anxious, codependent woman who once had panic attacks in relationships, to finding out she's actually secure given the right conditions. We get into: Why "you might not meet your person" is a freeing truth, not a cruel oneThe two conditions that made Kate's secure attachment come aliveHow to actually identify your own values (including Kate's brilliant "mud bath value")How self-knowledge builds self-esteem, which builds self-trustSpotting a genuinely intentional partner (and why values on full display matter)The difference between attracting toxic people and letting them stayReclaiming the word victim without losing your agencyWhy "stay together for the kids" can backfire on the kidsThe role sobriety played in her healing, plus my own 500+ days alcohol-freeIf you're an anxious attacher wondering whether your person is out there, this conversation hands you something far more valuable than reassurance: a way to come home to yourself first. Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment Read dozens of free blogs on how to heal the anxious attachment style on my website, crackliffe.comGrab a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, at crackliffe.com/needyLearn more about the Needy No More coaching program and set up a free consultation at crackliffe.com/coachingFollow @crackliffe on Instagram and TikTok for tons more content on all things healing anxious attachment Connect with Kate Website: kateanthony.com Podcast: The Divorce Survival Guide Instagram: @kateanthony_divorcecoach Book: The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage Mentioned in this episode Burn the Haystack by Jennie YoungThis Naked Mind by Annie Grace Keywords anxious attachment, healing anxious attachment, anxious to secure attachment, secure attachment, attachment styles, codependency, self-abandonment, people pleasing, choosing yourself, self-trust, self-knowledge, dating with intention, values alignment, dating after divorce, finding love again, fear of being alone, discernment in dating, Kate Anthony, Divorce Survival Guide, divorce coach, emotional abuse, narcissistic relationship, narcissistic abuse recovery, coercive control, leaving an abusive marriage, stay together for the kids, victim and survivor, Burned Haystack dating method, Jennie Young, modern dating, dating apps, sobriety, sober curious, This Naked Mind, Annie Grace
