Understanding Disordered Eating: For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should

Rachelle Heinemann

Your relationship with food is telling you something. This show helps you figure out what. Understanding Disordered Eating is hosted by Rachelle Heinemann, licensed therapist and eating disorder specialist in New Jersey and New York. Each episode explores why we do what we do around food — not to judge it, but to understand it. Because when you understand what your relationship with food is actually doing, everything starts to make sense. For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should. And for the clinicians who sit with them every week. New episodes every Tuesday.

  1. 1日前

    Why Dieting Leads to Bingeing: The Restriction Cycle Explained

    In this episode of Understanding Disordered Eating, I'm digging into one of the most misunderstood parts of binge eating: why dieting and restriction so often lead directly to the exact thing you're trying to avoid. And no, it's not because you "lack willpower." That story has been recycled enough already. We're talking about the restriction cycle; the physical and psychological deprivation that quietly builds all day long until your body eventually says, "Absolutely not," and takes over. If you've ever felt confused about why evenings feel so chaotic around food, or why you can't seem to "just stay consistent," this episode might explain more than you expect. Quotes " I don't actually believe that you are 'bad' for eating something that is a little bit more indulgent. The labels just really increase our guilt and our regret for eating certain kinds of foods that we really have no business feeling regret." "When we engage in some sort of restriction, whether that's active dieting or just sort of like cutting things out, it creates deprivation." "This is not about willpower because ultimately the binge or the chaotic eating or the bingey eating or the just eating emotionally… is the correction. It is not the crime." "You're blaming yourself for the end of a story that started way, way earlier." "The question isn't 'Why can't I stop binging?' It's 'What is my body responding to?' And that shift is the whole thing." Frequently Asked Questions Why does dieting lead to binge eating? Dieting often creates physical and psychological deprivation. When your body feels restricted, whether from not eating enough, cutting out certain foods, or following strict food rules, it becomes more focused on food. Over time, that deprivation can trigger binge eating as the body tries to compensate.   Is binge eating caused by a lack of willpower? No. Binge eating is not simply a willpower issue. In many cases, it's a biological and psychological response to restriction, deprivation, stress, or food rules. The episode explains how binge eating can actually be the body's correction to feeling deprived.   What is the restriction cycle? The restriction cycle happens when dieting or food rules lead to deprivation, which increases food obsession and cravings. Eventually, that buildup can result in binge eating or chaotic eating, followed by guilt and more restriction, repeating the cycle.   Can you be restricting food without realizing it? Yes. Restriction does not always look like skipping meals or extreme dieting. It can include labeling foods as "good" or "bad," avoiding certain foods, waiting too long between meals, eating "clean," or creating rigid food rules.   Why do I binge eat at night? Many people experience binge eating at night because restriction, stress, hunger, and mental exhaustion build throughout the day. By evening, the body and brain are more vulnerable to overeating, especially after long periods of physical or psychological deprivation.   What causes food obsession or "food noise"? Food obsession often increases when the body feels deprived. When you are restricting food or mentally fixating on eating "perfectly," the brain becomes hyper-focused on food as a survival response.   How do I stop the binge-restrict cycle? Breaking the binge-restrict cycle starts with identifying the restriction underneath the binge eating. That may include eating more consistently, reducing food rules, challenging guilt around food, and understanding what your body is actually responding to instead of blaming yourself. Resources Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

    9 分鐘
  2. 5月19日

    3 Reasons You Don't Trust Your Hunger

    There's a very specific kind of panic that happens when someone says, "Just listen to your hunger." Because in theory? It sounds so simple. Eat when you're hungry. Stop when you're full. Trust your body. Very calming Pinterest quote energy. And then real life happens. In this episode, I'm breaking down why that happens. We're talking about how years of restriction, dieting, food rules, and trying to override your body can completely distort your hunger cues. We're getting into the fear of "if I start eating, I won't stop," why so many people feel like their hunger is excessive or wrong, and why the advice to "just trust your body" can backfire when your body has spent years not being listened to. Quotes "The fear of, 'If I let myself eat, it's never gonna stop, and I'm just gonna keep being hungry because there is no on or off switch, it's just on,' is rooted a lot of time in past experience. So it sort of reinforces the concept that you should be afraid of your hunger." - Rachelle Heinemann "It's really hard to trust a signal when you think that following it will have consequences that you cannot accept." - Rachelle Heinemann "We have to develop accurate hunger cues, and then the trust that you will actually feed it." - Rachelle Heinemann "Hunger is not a failure and it's not dangerous. It's something that is just a signal." - Rachelle Heinemann Frequently Asked Questions Why do my hunger cues feel so extreme? A lot of times, hunger cues feel extreme because your body has spent years not trusting that food is consistently coming. If you restrict, delay eating, skip meals, or constantly override hunger, your body eventually stops giving subtle cues and starts screaming. So instead of "slightly hungry," you go from nothing to starving. Why do I feel hungry again right after eating? Sometimes, because the meal genuinely wasn't enough. Sometimes, because your body is trying to recover from restriction. And sometimes, because hunger doesn't work on the perfect schedule, people think it should. Hunger is not a stopwatch. Your body does not care that lunch was 45 minutes ago if it still needs energy.   Why does intuitive eating feel chaotic for me? Because if your body has a history of restriction, "just listen to your hunger" can feel like opening the floodgates. Your body is trying to protect you from famine, not create balance right away. That's why structure and consistency usually have to come before hunger cues feel calm and reliable.   Can restriction cause binge eating? Yes. When you repeatedly ignore hunger or don't eat enough, your body eventually responds with urgency around food. That's why binge eating often feels chaotic and out of control after periods of restriction. It's not a lack of willpower. It's your body trying to keep you alive.   Why am I always thinking about food? Usually, because your body and brain don't feel safe around food yet. Restriction increases food thoughts. Hunger increases food thoughts. Constant rules around eating increase food thoughts. Most people are shocked by how much quieter their brain gets once they start eating consistently.   How do I trust my hunger cues again? Usually not by immediately relying on them. Ironically, trust gets rebuilt through consistency first. Eating regularly, eating enough, and creating structure teach your body that food is not disappearing. Over time, hunger becomes more subtle, clearer, and less urgent.   Will I gain weight if I start listening to my hunger? Possibly. Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. The bigger issue is that if you are actively terrified of weight gain while trying to heal your relationship with food, those two things usually fight each other the entire time. Recovery often requires putting intentional weight loss on pause long enough to let your body stabilize.   Why does hunger feel emotionally overwhelming? Because for a lot of people, hunger is tied to desire, need, permission, and taking up space. It's not just about food. Listening to hunger often means acknowledging wants and needs in general, and that can feel deeply uncomfortable if you've spent years minimizing yourself.   Can hunger cues stop working after years of dieting? Yes. Hunger cues can become really distorted after chronic dieting, restriction, or disordered eating. Some people barely feel hunger until they're ravenous. Others feel hungry all the time. That doesn't mean your body is broken. It usually means your body has adapted to inconsistency.   Why can't I stop eating once I start? A lot of people think this means they're addicted to food or lack discipline. Usually, it means they're underfed. When your body thinks food is scarce, it's not interested in moderation. It's interested in survival.   Should I eat even if I'm not hungry in recovery? A lot of times, yes. Especially early on. If your hunger cues are unreliable, waiting until you feel hungry enough can keep you stuck in the restriction and binge cycle. Structure helps rebuild stability before hunger cues become more trustworthy.   What does normal hunger actually feel like? Usually a lot less dramatic than people expect. Over time, hunger becomes softer, earlier, and more informational. It stops feeling like an emergency and starts feeling like a cue. Resources Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here  Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit! Basics of Intuitive Eating Episode   The 6 Week Body Image Group is a small, Zoom-based group for women where we actually talk about this — the thoughts, the patterns, the why. Each week, dietitian Sydney Greene and I,  (therapist Rachelle Heinemann) hold an open, honest conversation about what it feels like to live in a body and how to build a genuinely different relationship with it. Not a diet. Not a fix. Just real work, with the right people, in a room that gets it. Details: Wednesdays, 7 PM EST | $100/session | Superbills available | Starts early June Email sydney@sydneygreenehealth.com to save your spot.   LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

    23 分鐘
  3. 5月12日

    3 Capacities That Matter More Than Motivation in Eating Disorder Recovery

    Guys. We just hit Episode 200!!  Whether you've been here since the beginning or you just found this podcast five minutes ago, I'm really glad you're here. This space has grown in ways I never expected, and it only works because you keep showing up and actually doing this work alongside me. In this episode, we're shifting the focus away from motivation and onto three capacities that actually determine whether you can follow through. These are the things that help you take action when you're tired, overwhelmed, not in the mood, or honestly just done with all of it. This is the work that makes recovery possible in real life, not just in theory. If you've ever felt stuck in that cycle of wanting to change but not being able to act on it consistently, this is where things start to make a lot more sense. Quotes  "Ultimately, if motivation were enough, most of you would already be recovered." - Rachelle Heinemann "Motivation depends on your mood. It depends on your level of energy, and very often eating disorders reduce motivation for recovery because they solve something." - Rachelle Heinemann "Recovery requires skills that you can use without that feeling." - Rachelle Heinemann "Most eating disorder behaviors are attempts to regulate discomfort quickly. It is not necessarily instant gratification, but in some ways it is." - Rachelle Heinemann "There is no full recovery without relational recovery as well." - Rachelle Heinemann Resources Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

    16 分鐘
  4. 5月5日

    Assertiveness Skills for People Who Freeze

    In last week's episode, we talked all about people pleasing. The kind where you say yes before you've even processed what was asked, and then immediately start doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how you're going to follow through on something you didn't even want to agree to. We're getting into how to stop the automatic yes without swinging to the other extreme, how to say no without turning it into a full explanation of your entire life, and how to actually say what's on your mind in a way that's clear and still respectful. Quotes "Assertiveness is being clear, direct, and respectful. The respectful part is what differentiates assertiveness from aggressiveness." - Rachelle Heinemann "We have to become assertive while we're being anxious, and then ultimately we will feel less anxious later." - Rachelle Heinemann "Overexplaining isn't kindness, it's anxiety management." - Rachelle Heinemann " You don't overexplain, and you definitely don't hint. You don't build a case. You're not being a lawyer here. You just say what happened, what it was like for you, and what you need next time." - Rachelle Heinemann "You do not become less of a people pleaser by understanding it alone, but by also tolerating the discomfort that comes along with the new behavior of asserting yourself." - Rachelle Heinemann Resources Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

    25 分鐘
  5. 4月28日

    People Pleasing and Eating Disorders

    In this episode, we're pulling back the curtain on what's actually happening underneath the surface. The suppressed needs. The tension. The resentment that builds while everything looks completely fine on the outside. And why your eating disorder might be stepping in to regulate what you're not expressing. Tweetable Quotes " So many people struggling with eating disorders also struggle with chronic people pleasing. That is not a coincidence. That is functional." - Rachelle Heinemann "People pleasing ends up being a way of regulating a way to feel safe." - Rachelle Heinemann "We're always looking out for what somebody else needs from me, and there isn't very much space for what I need in this situation." - Rachelle Heinemann "When we don't express our needs, and we don't get what we need, they don't disappear. They get redirected. It never, ever disappears, even though we think we're really good at it." - Rachelle Heinemann "There are all these suppressed needs, preferences, desires, etc. Then the tension builds and there's obviously a need for release because again, it doesn't go anywhere. And then the eating disorder behaviors step in as a means to regulate." - Rachelle Heinemann "When your life is organized around keeping everybody else comfortable, your eating disorder is going to find and have a place to live." - Rachelle Heinemann Resources Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

    14 分鐘
  6. 4月21日

    If You're Thinking of Relapsing, Hear This First

    In this episode, we're slowing that moment down and looking at what is actually happening beneath it. Because those urges are not random, and they are not a sign that you are failing. They are signals. We're getting into why your brain reaches for old behaviors, what you are really needing in those moments, and how to create just enough space to respond differently without relying on willpower alone. Tweetable Quotes "Relapses or lapses don't start with the purging or the compulsive exercise or cutting the food out. It starts with the thought, obviously the urge: 'I'm gonna just do it, just because why not?'" - Rachelle Heinemann "These things are not random. Everything makes sense. Whether or not you understand it, it's always there for a reason." - Rachelle Heinemann "When our minds are almost seducing us to go back to some behaviors, or they just seem so enticing, it's because we wanna reduce discomfort." - Rachelle Heinemann "Whenever there's an urge, whenever there's a thought, whenever we need something, it's not just that we're looking to the eating disorder behaviors, it's that we're actually needing something a little, a little deeper." - Rachelle Heinemann "If you can delay the urge by being very deliberate about how you do that, then you just created a superpower for yourself." - Rachelle Heinemann Resources Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

    16 分鐘
  7. 4月16日

    Why Validation Feels so Addictive

    There's a very specific kind of high that comes from validation. Someone compliments you, someone reassures you, someone notices you… And for a second, everything just settles. You feel calmer. More certain. A little more solid in yourself. And then it fades. So naturally, your brain goes, "Okay, cool, let's do that again." You check your phone. You reread the message. You replay the compliment. You look for the next hit. And suddenly you're stuck in this quiet loop of needing more just to feel okay again. It's subtle, but it runs deep. Tweetable Quotes "This is an unfortunate truth, but we are wired to need validation. That is not a weakness; it's a basic relational human need." - Rachelle Heinemann "We need relationships in order to develop what I call the emotional backbone, like a sense of self." - Rachelle Heinemann "If we don't have this emotional backbone, then we cannot fill it with external validation, even if there's a ton of praise in the world." - Rachelle Heinemann "We have to learn to trust our internal experience and tolerate moments of self-doubt without outsourcing worth" - Rachelle Heinemann "I don't need proof to exist. I don't need validation to take up space. I'm allowed to take up space on my own. I am good enough." - Rachelle Heinemann  "Feeling hungry for validation is not a flaw. It's a sign that at some point in your life, your inner world wasn't consistently mirrored, seen, understood, acknowledged, etc." - Rachelle Heinemann Resources Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode! Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

    16 分鐘
  8. 3月24日

    3 Internal Conflicts Every Eating Disorder Manages

    If you've ever found yourself stuck between needing people and wanting to prove you don't, between wanting things and immediately judging yourself for it, or between wanting to be seen and wanting to disappear entirely… this episode might feel a little too familiar. In this episode of Understanding Disordered Eating, I'm stepping away from behaviors, diagnoses, and symptom checklists, and talking about what's actually happening underneath the eating disorder. Not pathology. Not "what's wrong with you." But the very human, very uncomfortable internal conflicts that most of us are trying to manage just to get through our lives. Tweetable Quotes "Underneath behaviors, there are psychological… I'm going to say problems, but then it's not exactly problems that the person is trying to solve." - Rachelle Heinemann "When we have this kind of conflict where one is louder than the other, the eating disorder tries to come in as almost a negotiator or a moderator of the conflict. Conflict is way too intolerable to experience in our bodies. And that's how food or body control might become almost proof of independence." - Rachelle Heinemann "Desire ultimately feels to some people like a loss of control or a moral failure." - Rachelle Heinemann " Visibility is so fraught. It's not just, I wanna be seen or I don't wanna be seen. It's this real negotiation happening internally and there's so much attached to it." - Rachelle Heinemann "The symptoms aren't random, they're very structured responses to conflicts." - Rachelle Heinemann Resources Grab my Journal Prompts Here!  Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com   *Note: The podcast will be off for a couple weeks. We will be back April 14th with an all new episode!*

    16 分鐘

關於

Your relationship with food is telling you something. This show helps you figure out what. Understanding Disordered Eating is hosted by Rachelle Heinemann, licensed therapist and eating disorder specialist in New Jersey and New York. Each episode explores why we do what we do around food — not to judge it, but to understand it. Because when you understand what your relationship with food is actually doing, everything starts to make sense. For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should. And for the clinicians who sit with them every week. New episodes every Tuesday.

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