Helping your tween thrive academically isn’t just about grades—it’s about fostering motivation, independence, and a love for learning. In this episode, Dr. Cam sits down with JoAnn Schauf, founder of Your Tween and You, to discuss how parents can set their tweens up for success in school without constant battles over homework and grades. JoAnn, often called the Parent Whisperer, shares expert insights from her book Loving the Alien: How to Parent Your Tween. She provides practical strategies to help tweens develop strong study habits, take ownership of their learning, and build confidence in their abilities. What You'll Learn in This Episode How to encourage motivation without nagging The best ways to help your tween set and reach academic goals Why focusing on strengths leads to better learning outcomes How to balance support and independence in schoolwork The role of technology in learning—and how to set boundaries 5 Key Takeaways for Parents of Tweens Collaboration boosts motivation – Involve tweens in goal-setting to help them feel invested in their education. Study habits matter more than grades – Focus on effort, organization, and progress rather than just report cards. Let them take ownership – Encourage problem-solving instead of fixing everything for them. Support, don’t micromanage – Guide your tween in developing independence rather than controlling their work. Praise the process, not just the outcome – Recognize hard work, consistency, and small wins to build confidence. Enjoying the Show? If this episode helped you, please share it with other parents! Also, don’t forget to leave a rating and review—your support helps more families find practical parenting strategies. 🔔 Hit Follow so you never miss an episode packed with solutions! Resources Mentioned in This Episode 20% discount for new coaching clients through September 15, 2024 at YourTweenandYou.com Episode Chapters 00:00 – Introduction and Background 03:01 – Encouraging Motivation Without Nagging 08:05 – Setting Realistic Academic Goals 13:56 – Balancing Support and Independence 19:01 – The Role of Technology in Learning 24:54 – Focusing on Strengths Over Grades 31:48 – Helping Tweens Build Study Habits 36:50 – Conclusion and Book Recommendation CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: JoAnn Schauf Website: YourTweenandYou.com Instagram: @YourTweenandYou YouTube: Your Tween and You Facebook: @YourTweenandYou LinkedIn: JoAnn Schauf Connect with Your Host: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam (00:00.762) Hello, parents of tweens and teens! As the new school year approaches, prepping our tweens for success is more important than ever. Today, we're diving into some of the biggest challenges parents face: balancing expectations, navigating social dynamics, and setting up accountability for academic success. Our special guest, JoAnn Schauf, is here to share expert insights. Often called the "Parent Whisperer," JoAnn is the author of Loving the Alien: How to Parent Your Tween and founder of Your Tween and You, a resource dedicated to supporting, empowering, and inspiring parents. She’s here to give us valuable tips and actionable advice to help our tweens have their best school year yet. JoAnn, welcome to the show! JoAnn Schauf (00:48.354) Thank you so much! It’s so fun to be here. Dr. Cam (00:50.444) It is! I love starting with the backstory. What inspired you to help parents and their tweens? JoAnn Schauf (00:58.872) This has been building for a while. I was a school counselor when cell phones first became a big thing, and parents were tearing their hair out. It was already tough—tweens were hibernating in their rooms, and parents felt lost because they weren’t as involved in middle school as they were in elementary school. At one point, I had more parents in my office than students because they didn’t know what to do with technology. Then I realized—it wasn’t just technology. There were so many things parents needed help with. So, I thought, They need a book. They need tools and strategies to understand what’s going on with their tweens. That’s how it all started. Dr. Cam (01:49.976) Such a big need! By the time this episode airs, school will be even closer, and parents are already starting to panic. What are some of the biggest challenges they come to you about? JoAnn Schauf (02:15.054) Technology is a huge one. It used to be recommended to keep the family computer in a shared space so parents could monitor usage. Now, we’ve gone from that to handing kids a smartphone with unlimited access, and no one knew the rules. Parents didn’t grow up with this either, so there wasn’t any historical guidance. We had to write a playbook to help them figure it out. Dr. Cam (02:54.042) Yeah, what specific challenges are causing the biggest struggles? JoAnn Schauf (03:01.422) Everything from stranger danger to video game addiction to kids staying up all night texting. Sleep is critical, and if they’re on their phones all night, it affects everything. Parents need to take control, but we also need to think about our own screen habits. If we’re on our phones constantly, we’re not setting a great example. It’s easy to fall into the “do as I say, not as I do” trap. Dr. Cam (03:48.629) All the time. Exactly. JoAnn Schauf (03:51.118) One little device has completely changed how we function as a society. Dr. Cam (04:02.274) It really has. And parents often see it as a negative just because it’s different from how we grew up. A lot of school-related conflict comes down to two things: pressure to succeed and battles over phone use. Parents expect straight A’s in every subject, regardless of a child’s strengths or interests, and they want them off their phones completely during homework. But many kids actually use their phones to help with schoolwork—whether it’s researching online or FaceTiming a friend for support. When we take the phone away, we might be removing their learning tools instead of solving the real problem. How do we find a balance where kids can focus without constant battles over technology? JoAnn Schauf (05:22.318) The key is to avoid turning it into a battle. The moment it becomes a power struggle, no one wins. I encourage parents to collaborate instead of just laying down the law. Saying, “You can only use it from this time to this time, and it stays in the kitchen the rest of the day,” creates a feeling of distrust. The stricter you are, the more they’ll resist. A better approach is to invite them into a conversation: “School’s starting soon. You’ve had a lot of freedom with technology over the summer. Let’s figure out a plan together so we’re not constantly fighting about it.” Dr. Cam (06:01.442) Yes! That’s not just teens—that’s human nature. JoAnn Schauf (06:17.592) Exactly. This approach gives them a sense of ownership. Instead of laying down rules, ask, “How can we set this up so we both feel good about it?” That way, it’s a collaborative solution, not a dictatorship. Dr. Cam (06:31.866) I love that. But let’s be real—many parents interpret “having a conversation” as “I’ll tell you the rules, and you’ll listen.” Why doesn’t that work? JoAnn Schauf (06:50.926) Because tweens don’t want to be bossed around. They’re figuring out their identity, what they believe in, and how they fit into the world. Two things they crave most are independence and autonomy. If you just lay down rules, they’ll resist—even if they agree with you. It’s part of growing up. Dr. Cam (07:31.696) And if they do obey, they’re either miserable or sneaky about it. JoAnn Schauf (07:36.526) Right. That’s why parents need to gradually let go of control so kids learn to self-regulate. By the time they’re on their own at 18 or 21, they need to know how to manage their time, their responsibilities, and yes—their screen use. Dr. Cam (08:12.016) Many parents worry that if they don’t enforce strict limits, their kids will be on their phones 24/7 and their grades will plummet. What’s your response? JoAnn Schauf (08:30.668) Collaboration is key. Say, “I don’t want to be the bad guy. I don’t want your phone to be the source of constant fights. How can we make this work for both of us?” If they feel involved in setting the rules, they’re much more likely to follow them. Dr. Cam (09:03.354) Absolutely. Tweens and teens know their phones are distracting. Sometimes, they turn to them because they’re bored—not because they don’t care about school. Removing the phone doesn’t make homework more engaging. And not all screen time is equal. JoAnn Schauf (09:44.206) Exactly! That’s why it’s important to define what’s allowed and what’s not. Tell them, “These are the apps I’m okay with. Since I’m paying for the phone, I need to see what you’re doing on it.” They won’t love that, but it’s about safety, not control. Parents aren’t spying—they’re making sure their kids are safe and using technology in a healthy way. Dr. Cam (10:39.854): Yeah, so I think this is one of those fine lines you have to walk carefully because I agree with you. However, how we do it makes all the difference. If it's "This is my phone, I get to take it whenever I want," that’s hard because you gave it to them, and they’re having personal conversations with their friends. A lot of the kids I talk to have nothing to hide, but they feel responsible for keeping what their friends say confidential. I’ve had this experience with my daughter, where I said, "I want to look at this," and she got really upset. I asked, "What are you hiding?" It turned out she wasn’t hiding anything. I trust her, but she was worried about her friends. So
