You Are Not Crazy

Jessica Knight

You’re exhausted from over-functioning. Always managing the chaos. Always trying to keep the peace. You feel alone. Misunderstood. Like no one sees the full story—except you. You question yourself constantly. You wonder if you’re the problem. You’re not. This podcast helps you understand emotional abuse, coercive control, narcissistic relationships, and trauma bonds—so you can stop doubting yourself and start trusting what you already know. I’m Jessica Knight, emotional abuse coach and survivor. I help people make sense of confusing, destabilizing relationship dynamics—including gaslighting, manipulation, intermittent reinforcement, and post-separation abuse. Here, you’ll learn to recognize the patterns of narcissistic abuse, understand the psychology of trauma bonding, and rebuild your sense of clarity, stability, and self-trust. This podcast is especially for you if you are: • Leaving or recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship • Navigating divorce or post-separation coercive control • Trying to co-parent with a high-conflict or manipulative partner • Questioning your reality after gaslighting • Rebuilding yourself after psychological abuse You are not crazy. Your nervous system adapted to survive something real. This is your space to understand what happened, reclaim your truth, and heal—on your terms. 🖤 Learn more and find resources at www.emotionalabusecoach.com

  1. 16 HR AGO

    What I Did When I Couldn't Trust My Own Mind

    Before I knew what a trauma bond was, I was hiding my phone under my mattress. I deleted his number, wrote it on a piece of paper, folded it into a journal, and made myself work to find it.  At the time I thought I was being ridiculous. Looking back, I was surviving. In this episode, I talk about what it actually looks like to break a trauma bond when you can't go cold turkey — the messy, imperfect, sometimes embarrassing strategies that create just enough friction between the craving and the action.  I also talk about what to do with the evidence, why archiving is different from deleting, and how to write yourself a letter that protects you when your rational mind goes offline. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

    11 min
  2. 22 APR

    BPD Splitting in Relationships: What It Feels Like and How to Heal

    If you've ever felt adored one moment and suddenly on the wrong side of a wall you didn't see coming, this episode is for you. I open with my own experience of being in a relationship where warmth could vanish in an instant — where I replayed conversations trying to find the moment I slipped, and where I slowly became someone whose entire focus was managing another person's emotional state. In this episode, I break down splitting — what it is clinically, what it feels like to be on the receiving end of it, and how it moves from a psychological defense mechanism into a tool of control. I walk through the patterns I lived: idealization to devaluation, emotional shifts with no warning, the refusal to repair, and the way my own distress was turned against me. This isn't just about understanding a term. It's about recognizing the cycle that made you question your perception of reality, shrink yourself down, and chase approval you were never actually going to get — and beginning to understand that none of it was yours to fix. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

    23 min
  3. 1 APR

    When Mental Illness Becomes an Excuse for Abuse

    This month’s Patreon episode dives into a theme that kept surfacing in your questions: When does mental illness explain behavior… and when does it become an excuse? Before answering your submissions, I break down what we actually mean when we talk about pathological abuse — repeated patterns rooted in personality structure, not just “a bad fight” or poor communication. We explore coercive control, gaslighting, intermittent reinforcement, blame shifting, and the power imbalance that defines these dynamics. I also clarify the differences (and overlap) between borderline traits, narcissistic traits, and antisocial traits — and why the traits matter more than the label. Some of the questions I answer: • Was any of it real, or was I being used the entire time? • How do I tell the difference between borderline traits and sociopathy? • Why did they escalate when I got stronger? • When does mental illness stop being an explanation and start being an excuse? This is the Instagram video I reference: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DP8CTXVDQ11/?hl=en This is the podcast I mentioned: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1916632/episodes/10257007 This episode was originally recorded for my Patreon community, where I answer listener-submitted questions in a more direct, unfiltered way. I’m sharing it publicly because the themes felt too important to keep behind a paywall. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

    27 min
  4. 25 MAR

    How I Help Clients Untangle High-Conflict Divorce

    In this episode, I share what it’s really like to support clients through the chaos of high-conflict divorce — when legal processes, endless emails, and contradictory communication make it nearly impossible to think clearly. I talk about how I help clients slow things down, organize what’s actually happening, and find stability in the middle of emotional and legal overwhelm. I also share how confusion becomes one of the main weapons of post-separation abuse, and what I do to help survivors reclaim clarity, confidence, and emotional grounding. If you’ve ever felt like you’re drowning in filings, lawyer emails, or mixed messages from your ex and the professionals involved, this episode will help you see the bigger picture, feel more anchored, and take the next step forward. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

    15 min
  5. 18 MAR

    “No One Sees It” — The Pattern of Covert Abuse (And Why the System Misses It)

    “No one sees it. They just think he’s nice.” If you are in a high-conflict divorce or co-parenting dynamic, you probably feel this in your bones. One of the hardest parts of covert abuse is that the “nice” isn’t safe. The "helpfulness" isn’t genuine. It’s strategic.  When you are the only one seeing it and reacting to it, you start questioning yourself. In this episode, I talk about what it’s like to live inside a pattern that other people can’t see. Courts, lawyers, evaluators — they are trained to look for a single shocking incident. They are looking for overt violence, clear evidence and one big moment.  They are not trained to see is cumulative harm, psychological pressure and the tone of a text that looks polite but isn’t.  Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

    14 min
  6. 11 MAR

    Wanting Them to Change Isn’t Abuse - Interview with Paul Colaianni

    One of the most painful and confusing questions survivors ask is this: “If I want them to change… how is that different from them wanting me to change?” On the surface, it sounds the same. Two people. Both asking for change. But it is not the same. In this episode, I’m joined again by Paul Colaianni of The Overwhelmed Brain and Love and Abuse to unpack the critical difference between wanting harm to stop… and wanting control. We talk about: The difference between self-protection and selfish controlWhy survivors question whether they’re “abusive too”The shift that happens 3–6 months into many abusive relationshipsHow instinct gets conditioned out of youWhy abusers externalize and survivors internalizeWhat real change actually looks like (and how to spot when it’s just words)Why consequences are often the only thing that triggers accountabilityIf you’ve ever found yourself thinking: “Am I asking for too much?”“Are we both the problem?”“Why do they say I need to change too?”“If I want them to be healthier, isn’t that controlling?”This conversation will bring clarity. Wanting someone to stop hurting you is not abuse. Wanting someone to shrink so you can control them is. I highly recommend Paul's work. You can find him here: loveandabuse.com Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

    43 min

About

You’re exhausted from over-functioning. Always managing the chaos. Always trying to keep the peace. You feel alone. Misunderstood. Like no one sees the full story—except you. You question yourself constantly. You wonder if you’re the problem. You’re not. This podcast helps you understand emotional abuse, coercive control, narcissistic relationships, and trauma bonds—so you can stop doubting yourself and start trusting what you already know. I’m Jessica Knight, emotional abuse coach and survivor. I help people make sense of confusing, destabilizing relationship dynamics—including gaslighting, manipulation, intermittent reinforcement, and post-separation abuse. Here, you’ll learn to recognize the patterns of narcissistic abuse, understand the psychology of trauma bonding, and rebuild your sense of clarity, stability, and self-trust. This podcast is especially for you if you are: • Leaving or recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship • Navigating divorce or post-separation coercive control • Trying to co-parent with a high-conflict or manipulative partner • Questioning your reality after gaslighting • Rebuilding yourself after psychological abuse You are not crazy. Your nervous system adapted to survive something real. This is your space to understand what happened, reclaim your truth, and heal—on your terms. 🖤 Learn more and find resources at www.emotionalabusecoach.com

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