Conversations with Dr. Jennifer Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

It’s tempting for us to use our children’s successes or failures to measure OUR success as parents.

But tangling ourselves up with our children this way is not only a recipe for disappointment and frustration (on both sides), it also stands in the way of REALLY loving and accepting our children for who they are.

The sooner we recognize how little control we actually have over our children, the sooner we can let go of the fantasy that they prove or disprove our sufficiency (and the sooner we can get to work ACTUALLY loving them). To love our children is to see and value them for the unique individuals they are and offer our best to them.

As humbling and refining of a practice parenting is, it is even more so for those who face the unique challenges and gifts of raising a child with special needs.

In this NEW episode of Navigating the Spectrum, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Michelle Portlock to discuss her personal experience with parenting a neurodivergent child. The discussion covers the importance of compassion (for yourself, your spouse, your child, and your circumstances), and thoughts about how parents can work together to reduce anxiety / stress, improve communication, and foster a nurturing, supportive relationship with each other and their child(ren).


**You can learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's How to Talk To Your Kids About Sex Course HERE**

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Finlayson-Fife uses questions from her Facebook Group members to drive an important discussion about emotional infidelity. During the conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife explains why emotional affairs are so compelling, the impact they have on relationships, and how those who have experienced emotional infidelity can navigate forward wisely.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

 * Intimacy Avoidance

* Self-Deception
* Intimacy vs Closeness
* Important considerations post-disclosure
* Trust vs Trustworthiness

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's newest mini-course Understanding Intimate Deception.

Meaningful connection with others is what gives us an important network of support and sustenance throughout our lives; however, creating and maintaining this type of connection isn't always easy.

And these days it is easier than ever to avoid the work of connection by distracting ourselves with screens.

Access to the entire world in the palms of our hands has tremendous benefits, of course, but all too often we use technology as a way to escape our lives and relationships. As nice as it sounds to not face difficult realities head-on, when we avoid, we limit our growth and ability to connect with others.

It’s very challenging to find the middle ground—to use technology to enrich and expand our lives, but to not be indulgent with it. And, as difficult as it is to manage this balance for ourselves, it is even more challenging to help our teens achieve a balanced, informed, and beneficial relationship with screens.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses with Crystal (@theparenting coach) how parents can help their children navigate the complicated online world. She discusses the key to empowering teens to make wise decisions lies in facilitating our children’s self-authoring – of thinking about the lives they want to create and assessing whether their actions are in line with the person they hope to become.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* The impact of pornography, social media, and screen use on the developing brain, relationships, and self-esteem
* The importance of normalizing sexual development (especially the draw of sexual imagery)

*  Tools for creating and maintaining healthy screen habits (for teens and parents!)

* How parental coddling limits development

* Tips for approaching difficult conversations without fear and shame.

* Discussing healthy sexuality with teens  in a shame-free and productive way

For a deeper dive on this topic on self-authoring and healthy sexuality, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex Course! This powerful course helps parents know how to foster their child’s ability to self-author throughout every age and stage of development!

Making mistakes is a fundamental part of human development. 

Many of us were taught that if we followed the rules we could avoid the pain and frustration of making mistakes. And while it is true that leaning on the wisdom of others and making wise decisions can prevent suffering, none of us are exempt from the mistake-making process.

Because making mistakes isn’t an aberration from the plan, it is a process that is foundational to it. Mistakes, by design, are how we learn. 

As with all growth, mistake-making is an uncomfortable process. When our choices result in pain and suffering for ourselves or others, we can use the experience to learn and increase our wisdom or we can stay stuck in unproductive regret or simmering resentment. 

In this powerful discussion, Dr. Finlayson-Fife teases out the difference between regret, resentment, and remorse and offers clarity on what these unpleasant emotions can teach us about ourselves and the way we are showing up in our lives and relationships.

You can watch the recording of conversation HERE.

You can learn more about Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife's couples' coaching podcast, HERE. 

**Learn more about Dr. Jennifer's How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex Course HERE**


When we need the validation of our spouse, we severely limit our ability to be collaborative partners and parents.

Growth and collaboration require a willingness to set our egos aside enough to consider differing perspectives and uncomfortable truths about ourselves. When our ego runs the show, we care more about proving we are right than working together to find a shared solution. 

In this NEW conversation with Crystal of The Parenting Coach Podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses how we can create healthier, more collaborative partnerships even when our partner is not invested in creating positive change.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* Resentment and what it can teach us
* The power of gratitude

* Navigating disagreements with wisdom and maturity 

*The problem with validation seeking
* Improving relationships unilaterally
* How to talk to children about sexuality / pornography

You can learn more about Crystal HERE. 

TJ and Ashley’s story is a familiar one for many. 


Their marriage started out happily enough. They were young college students and enjoyed each other a lot during their first few years together. But things changed when TJ started graduate school during an economic downturn. TJ felt a tremendous amount of anxiety about his financial future, given the dim prospects for most students at the time. Competition was fierce and in TJ’s determination to ensure his family’s economic stability, he dedicated himself to his studies, leaving little time or emotional bandwidth for anything else, including Ashley.




This period of limited connection was difficult for Ashley, and it persisted long after graduate school and into TJ’s high-demand career. While disappointed at first, eventually Ashley shifted her focus away from the marriage and created a comfortable, happy, and fulfilling life as a friend and mother. 





To the outsider, TJ and Ashley’s relationship may look idyllic–TJ excelling professionally, Ashley busily involved with friends and her community, both invested and caring parents– but their marriage is much more brittle than meets the eye. Resentment and hostility have been simmering under the surface for more than a decade with TJ feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged for the sacrifices he has made to provide for his family and Ashley feeling neglected and unnoticed (except when TJ is wanting sexual attention).




In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps the couple think through the long term trajectory of their marriage and how they are undermining their current and future happiness by functioning in such a non-collaborative way. She helps Ashley see the rejection that permeates her interactions with TJ and teaches that the path forward is to stop walling and avoiding and to start looking honestly at herself, her real desires for the relationship, and her role in the lack of intimacy in the marriage.

Be sure to subscribe to Room for Two TODAY to listen to the full episode!